Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece... but I wanna be a character in it, so in my fantasies, I am!

Summary: Luffy wants a pet. This is the typical scenario on the Thousand Sunny Go that happens when he talks about it.
Warnings: Light ZoLu (because they look so much better together than ZoSan) and some implied FraRo and SanNami

KittyLuffy: Hello, great readers, new and old.
Robin: Welcome to the Luffy Wants a Pet Edited Version.
KittyLuffy: Heh, heh. I was going through my old things and reread this. It was filled with mistakes and more mistakes, so I changed a few words here and there to make it better.
Robin: She makes sure not to post things just after writing them anymore. *nods*
KittyLuffy: Well, before we start, let me state something about this chapter: It IS a bit boring, you're right. It IS filled with tons of the word "would", you're right. I STILL want you to read it, you're right.
Robin: Each chapter is significantly different because Usopp and I later helped KittyLuffy, so you should not lump them together with this one.
KittyLuffy: *sweat-drops* Thanks a lot, Robin-san. Now, please enjoy reading Luffy Wants a Pet Edited Version.
Robin: Meet you at the end.

Luffy Wants a Pet Edited Version

Luffy decided one day that he wanted a pet, much to Nami's distress. He would bring up the topic on only the most boring sailing days, when there was absolutely nothing else to do. The straw hat captain promised to feed it, play with it, and love it as much as he did all of his nakama, but the ginger-haired woman would waggle a finger at her captain and destroy all his dreams.

"If we got a dog," she would state, "it will probably eat as much as you, but off the ground. And I don't want to be licked to death by such an annoying barking beast."

"Aw," Luffy would whine, "but it could be so much fun to play catch on the ship." Usopp, who was always nearby for some reason when the conversation over a pet started up, cringed at the idea. Fetch meant someone threw something and the animal went to retrieve it. With Luffy's rubber arms, any stick would land miles away and the poor dog would drown before it ever got close to finding the thing.

"If we got a cat," Nami would add, "it wouldn't do anything much. Most likely it would scratch you and you'd throw it overboard. I also don't want yowling at night."

"Aw," Luffy would counter, "but it would be so soft and fluffy and catch any mice we have around the ship." Usopp, who was usually getting ready to begin fishing off the side of the ship, would cringe at the thought of finding dead mice in the middle of the Sunny Go's grassy deck. Also, if it were to get stuck, say, in one of the high perches of the big boat, how would they ever get it back down without giving it a heart attack?

"And don't we already have Chopper and Sanji?" Nami would sigh, "Those two are more than enough." Sanji would spin out of nowhere and have a heart as his eye.

"I will follow your every command, Nami-swan; an obedient pet until my last breath!"

"Thank you, Sanji-kun."

"Mellorine!"

Robin would laugh as Chopper defended himself as, not a pet, but a man.

"I'm just like any of you," he would squeak, "I'm a pirate; a brave man of the sea!"

"Oh really, Emergency Food Supply?" Sanji would grin evilly, "I just see a juicy steak waiting its turn to be fried up." Nami would hit the blonde as Chopper ran to Usopp, shrieking that he didn't want to be eaten. Brook would then come out of the men's bedroom with a book under his arm and warm tea in his cup, wondering what all the fuss was about.

"Yohohoho, what is the commotion?" the skeleton would laugh, sitting down on the seat platform connected to the foremast.

"Well, Luffy is thinking about getting a pet again," Nami would inform the new member of the conversation.

"I remember when I had Laboon," Brooke would reminisce, taking a sip of his tea. The little whale had grown up; he had been informed so. "My eyes will probably pop out of my sockets when I see how big he has gotten, but I have no eyes. SKULL JOKE!" Nami and Sanji would hit him, through the Afro, and leave a lump or three on the skeleton's boney head.

"Hey," Chopper would ask, "where did Luffy go anyway?" The crew would scan around, save for Robin, who giggled knowingly. Before she could say a word, Franky would always beat her to it.

"Mugiwara went up into the crows nest. He looked as though he were going to sulk." Nami would sigh and put a hand to her forehead as Franky took a seat next to Brooke. "What happened anyway?"

"Well," Sanji would answer, getting out a cigarette and lighting it, "Luffy has the urge to get a pet again."

"Don't we already have you and Chopper?" the blue-haired cyborg would smirk, earning him a kick to the jaw from an angry blonde.

"Nami said the same thing earlier," Usopp would mumble, "and you didn't kick her." Promptly, the sharpshooter would be in the water, fishing gear and all.

"Well, swordsman-san will probably straighten everything out as usual," Robin would say, making Sanji's eye become heart-shaped again.

"I'll be your dutiful lap dog, Robin-chwan," he would sing, grabbing her hand gently, about to kiss it.

"Back off, Bro," Franky would growl with a light blush on his cheeks while slapping the chef's hand away. Robin would then smile and gaze skywards, or, in this case, towards the crows nest. Everyone else would stare in other directions and get back to their business from before the topic of a pet was brought up. Except for Usopp, who would be hauled back onto the ship, and Chopper, who would need a calming talking to by Sanji about how Long Nose would live.

Up in the crow's nest, Zoro would be training as usual, glancing once or twice every hour to check if an island or enemies had popped up out of nowhere. Since it was consistently a boring day when Luffy talked about wanting a pet, nothing ever seemed to appear. Luffy's footsteps tromping up the ladder were loud and childish, easy signs that the captain of the ship was moody about something. Zoro would put his weights on the floor and sit down, waiting for the younger boy to arrive and pout until Sanji called them for snack or dinner.

"Darn Nami," Luffy would grumble, poking his head from the floor, "not letting me get a pet. I would feed it and play with it and love it like I would my best nakama."

Zoro would raise and eyebrow and tease, "Even more than me?"

"No, no, no!" the Straw Hat captain would sputter, a soft blush on his face, "I don't think I could ever love anything as much as you. I love you the most." Luffy would take a seat next to his swordsman and they would share a quick kiss.

"So, you're thinking about getting a pet again, huh?" Luffy would nod and stare out the wide windows, watching a bird or two fly by. Zoro would chuckle as Luffy began a cute pout again.

"I swear I would feed it and play with it and love it," the black-haired boy would repeat, fiddling with the straw hat on his head.

"You could do all that," Zoro would wisely answer, "but that doesn't mean it would last more than a week with you."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Would too!"

"You're kidding yourself."

The fight would go on until dinner and Luffy would only steal Zoro's food during the meal. Sanji would yell and Usopp would sigh in relief that he'd be able to eat a whole course. Franky would gulp down his cola and offer to pass Robin something, but Chopper would have already done so. Brooke would tell a few Skull Jokes and get hit in the head yet again by an annoyed Nami who would charge everyone except Robin one hundred thousand beli if they did not calm down. And that would be that.

Of course, Luffy would still want a pet, but he'd try asking another time, on a different boring day.

Robin: It had a calm feel to it, rather than a boring one.
KittyLuffy: I still love this fic. Please, anyone, comment and love it too.
Robin: I'll say that it's much better now, with a few corrections.
KittyLuffy: And I'll add that you can pretty much expect this scenario once a week on the Thousand Sunny.
Robin: Moving on, Usopp helped with the next chapter and it is filled with excitement.
KittyLuffy: It went really well and is action-packed. Please continue reading with us as we edit.
Robin: Comment nicely no matter what as well as favorite, please.