Hello! This is my first entry! I do not own any of the animes (Hetalia Axis Powers; Fullmetal Alchemist; and D. Gray man) or characters (America, England, France, Russia, Belarus, Turkey, Hungary; Ed, Al, Roy, Ling, Jean, Scar, Envy, Lan Fan, May Chan, Winry, Riza, Selim/Pride, King Bradley/Wrath; Kanda, Komulin 4). They all belong to their respected owners. I only made this for fun, and flames will be used to fuel my fiery passion for yaoi. :D
Oh, and if you don't like yaoi, turn away now or forever be scarred! T for a reason! MUHAHAHAHAAAA!
Enjoy!
Ed and Al wake up in a dark, cold room.
Al shakes Ed awake.
Ed: "Al? What?"
*looks around*
Ed: "Crap, where the hell are we?"
Al: "I don't know, but I'm scared brother!"
Roy: "Wait, Ed, Al?"
Ed & Al: "Colonel!"
Ling: "Hello Al! Hi Ed~! Hehehee!"
*Ed's eye twitches*
Kimblee: "Where are we?"
Scar: "Yea."
Jean: "Yea! All I remember is your friend Winry talking to me, then I lost conciousness!"
Ed: "Us too."
America: "Who's there? Are you GHOSTS?"
England: "For bloody sakes they're people, Alfred!"
France: "Yes, mon cher*, nothing to be afraid of, non?"
Russia: "Yea! Nothing! Kolkol."
*Russia wraps his arm around America's shoulder, and America shrieks*
Envy: "Well, whoever did this is dead!"
*A couple of minutes pass in complete silence*
Ed: "God, this is soo boring! I just wanna find the guy who kidnapped us, and punch him right in the face!"
Ling: "You know Ed, there's actually a fun game we can play, called Kancho, and it's really fun. Wanna play~3?"
Ed: "No. Maybe later."
Me: "Kukuku... You should..."
*Ed and Al feel an ominous prescence, and turn their heads*
*Suddenly, bright lights turn on*
Me: "Welcome, Alchemists, Homunculus, and Countries, to the set of my PLAY! !"
Ed: "What?"
Me: "The set for my play, silly!"
*Ed stares at me like Imma crazy MAMA LUIGI! hahahaha, I might be a little... Or a lot.*
Al: "I want to leave!"
Me: "Well, you're gonna do my play and like it. Or I'll feed you to Komulin 4. And then Belarus and I will burn Komulin 4's crap. That's a warning to everyone, by the way"
*Al and others stare in shock*
Kimblee: "Why am I here? And when did I get dressed in a red ciquened thong and nothing else?"
Me: "Heheheheheheheee... I'll tell ya later..." ;) *giggles with nosebleed*
*o.o Kimblee stares, then shrugs*
Roy: "Wait, who the hell put me in a pink dress?"
England&America: "Why are we I dresses?"
Russia: "Why am I wearing frilly clothing?"
France: "It's colonial, and why am I wearing it too?"
Envy: "Why am I wearing a police uniform?"
Scar: "Why am I wearing an 'I 3 Jacob' shirt?"
Ling: "Why am I naked?"
Jean: "Why are you naked?"
Kanda: "How the hell did I get here?"
Me: "Kanda, get you're skinny ass out of my theatre!"
*Kanda walks away, somewhat hurt, but somewhat pleased because I called him skinny*
Me: "Alright! Time to get this show on the road! ^.^"
Kimblee: "I kind of like wearing this..."
*everyone except me stare in shock*
Ling: "Ya know, I like being naked. I should streak more often! Don't you think, Ed? Hahaha!"
*Ed palms his face*
Me: "Anyway, in this play, Roy is the fair maiden, and Ed is the prince!"
Ling: "But shouldn't I be the prince cuz I really am one, and Ed my princess?"
Me: "Don't make me get the whip."
*Ling cowers, shielding his butt*
Me: "Alright! Now that's settled, America, your Roy's best friend, and Russia's fiancé. England is America's older sister, and France is your husband."
France: "Do we get to kiss?"
Me: "If I tell you yes will you let me continue?"
France: "...Oui."
*England face palms*
Me: "Anyway, Scar, you're the towns crazy twilight fangirl, envy is the policeman/woman (idk what you are. O.o), Jean is a townsperson, and Ling/Greed, you are the village idiot."
Kimblee and Al: "What are we?"
Me: "Al, you're Ed's trusty steed! And Kimblee, you're mine later on tonight... If you know what I mean... Heheheheheheheheheheheheeee!"
*Kimblee stares in utter confusion, and Al sits in his emo corner*
oOo
After a couple of weeks (where they were forced to practice) it was opening night.
Me: "Alright, places everyone! Tonight is opening night! Break your legs!"
*everyone groans except Ling and Kimblee, and Russia, cuz Russia never frowns. He always has that adorable, yet somewhat frightening smile... O.o*
Kimblee: "I still don't have a part. You only told me to wear this thong!"
Me: "Kimblee, your job comes later, right after the show... And I know you'll do good... Heheheheee!"
Kimblee: "What am I doing exacty?"
Me: "Umm well, isn't it a little obvious?
Kimblee: "No, not really. Am I a swimmer or something?"
Me: "Um, uh, um er- well, can you come over here?" *whispers in Kimblee ear*
Kimblee: "Hahaha! I can't believe you thought I didn't know what you meant! But, I'll be happy to oblige~." 3
*I smile happily, and giggle* ^•^
Me: "Okay, time to get out there! Everyone, break a leg!"
Everyone: "Okay!"
oOo
King Bradley: "Oh, what a nice theater!"
Riza: "Yes, it is furher."
Selim/Pride: "I heard the short alchemist is in it!"
King Bradley: "I did too! And I heard the Flame Alchemist is in it as well. Is that true, Riza?"
Riza: "Oh, really? I didn't know that."
Selim/Pride: "Yeah! And the director is named... Madame... Madame... Madame-"
Me: "Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to our theatre. My name is Madame Susie, the director for this play. But of course, I also had help from my lovely playwriters, coregraphers, and friends, Winry, Lanfan, Belarus, Hungary, and May Chan!"
*appalause*
Me: "Now, please enjoy the show!"
*I move, curtains roll up, and there is a set with a balcony over looking a garden*
Ed: "My princess, please excuse my gaze, but you are too lovely for mortal eyes"
*Ed immediately starts supressing giggles at Roy*
Roy: "Oh, why, thank you! Hehehe?"
*Roy says this in a girly voice, and the crowd giggles, and Alfred clutches his sides from giggling too hard*
Ed: "I have been watching for the longest time, my angel. Ever since you were young, I watched you from the shadows every hour of every moment"
*Roy's eye twitches, and then Envy walks on the stage*
Envy: "Ma'am, is this man bothering
you?"
Roy: "Well, yes he is. He just admitted to stalking me!"
*Envy gasps, then takes Ed away*
Roy (normal voice): "Wait, what the f-"
*Ling swings from a random vine, yelling and screaming. Did I mention he's still naked?*
Ling: "I will save you *hiccup* princess-man!"
Roy (normal voice): "Ling, no!"
*Ling snatches Roy*
Roy (normal voice): "Ling, you better not be f*cking drunk."
*Ling burps*
Roy (normal voice): "Oh god! Help!"
Ling: "Roy, you look *hiccup* booty~ful hahahaha! *burp* but not a bootyful as Ed!"
Roy (normal voice): "Let go of me fool!"
Ling: "Automobile~~~? Hahahahahaaa!"
Alfred: "AHAHAHAHAAAAA! XD"
Russia: "You know, Alfred, Susie said we were supposed to kiss... And do other things... Kolkolkol..." *wraps arms around Alfred's waist and pulls him into the shadows. Muhahahahaaa…. :3*
Envy: "Wait, what the hell!"
Ed: "That's not in the script! Well, now I really have to save him!"
Envy: "Why?"
Ed: "Well, I don't want them to die!"
*runs on stage*
Roy (normal voice): "SAVE ME YOU STUPID F*CKING SHRIMP!"
Ed: "WHO YOU CALLIN' SMALL!"
*transmutates floor to get to Roy*
Ed: "When I get to you, Colonel Bastard, I'll beat you to a pulp, then cook you and serve you for dinner you son of a b-!"
*Ed gets hit by a naked Ling, but Ling holds him and Roy*
Ling: "Hahahahahaaaaaaaa! *burp*"
Ed: "Ling you idiot!"
Ling: "C'mon baby! Looooooooossseeen up! *long belch, then hiccup*
*Ling kisses Ed on the cheek, and Ed blushes*
Roy (normal voice): "We really need to get DOWN!"
England: "Holy shit! Is that supposed to bloody happen?"
France: "I don't know, mon cher, but I would enjoy it so much Angelterre if we could make love with that dress on... Mon lapin... Ohoho..." *France kisses England's neck, and pulls him away*
Turkey: "The Phantom of the Opera is ther- HOLY SHI-" *gets hit by Ling, Ed and Roy*
Ling: "Ed, me love you long time! Heheheheeee!"
Ed: "Shut up and grab onto something!" *grabs a handlebar above the set where Turkey stood*
Roy: "Thank you!" *Roy and Ed climb onto the walk way, followed by Ling.*
Roy: "Now that that's settled, who got Ling drunk? Alcohol isn't allowed in the theatre, and Ling's breath smells fresh of it."
Ling: "Yea baby! AHHH YEYA!"
Ed: "Yea! So who could have done it?"
oOo
Meanwhile, backstage:
Me: "Dance slave DANCE! SHAKE IT, HAHAHAAA!" *cracks whip on Kimblee's butt backstage*
Kimblee: "O-o-okay..." *cries*
Me: "Hahahaaa!"
Belarus: "Susie."
Me: "Yea Natalia?"
Belarus: "The play failed because Ling got drunk."
Me: "Hey Nat, I have a question for you."
Belarus: "What?"
*I smirk, and pull out a bottle of vodka*
Me: "Who do you think got him drunk?"
END!
A/N:
Lol, I wanted to be the culprit cuz it's fun... I don't know... And I've had a song about vodka (and Ivan) stuck in my head, and plays, and the Phantom of the Opera (lol), so I had to do it. My apologies, this makes absolutely no sense at all whatsoever. I hope you guys have a nice day, and cookies for all the people who read it through! :D *flys away with England on his "my little pony"*