Not This Time
Part 8
Rating: it's QAF and we need a rating? call it R, generally speaking.
Disclaimer: Sadly QAF is not mine, damnit!
Warnings: Sex, swearing, recreational drug use
Synopsis: Five years have passed since Justin left for NYC and he and Brian are doing a very good impersonation of a divorced couple, but times are changing and it's time for them to come together. Can they get over the past for the sake of Gus? R&R please. thanks.
a/n - this is my first QAF fic, so give it a go. thanking you all. Remember to let me know if you are enjoying it, confidence is always low when it;s your first fic. Sorry about the delay,i went back to work after being on the sick and I didn't have as much time.

"Hey sweetie." Debbie turned from the frying pan to give Michael a quick kiss before returning her attention to the bacon. "I hope you're hungry, I think I cooked half a pig."

"What's all this?" Michael looked at the kitchen table, set out for ten people; the aroma of the coffee wafted through the kitchen, mixing with the bacon fat and pancakes. "Did I wake up in the dinner?"

"No, honey," she chuckled, "I'm cooking us all a nice hearty family breakfast."

Michel poured himself a cup of coffee from one of the many pots. "Are there any coffee beans left in Columbia?"

"A lot of people drink a lot of coffee."

"What's wrong with cornflakes for breakfast?"

"This is the first time our family have been together in a long time, you can't toast that on fucking cornflakes." Debbie smiled and slapped his cheek affectionately.

"And by family you mean-"

"Sunshine." she smiled. "Pittsburgh has been dull without his rays."

"He's going back to New York, he's not staying."

"I know that, but maybe he won't leave it so long next time." She checked the clock on the wall. "When are those lazy ass holes going to get up, its ten already."

"They were up late," Michael said, "drinking, smoking, playing battleship."

"Well they better get up soon, or I'll be serving this up for lunch."

"I don't think I can sit down and watch Brian eat after what I walked in and saw him tucking into last night."

"What was that?"

"Justin," Michael said plainly and sat down at the table, "on the floor."

"So that's what's eating your ass." Debbie sat down beside him. "So to speak."

"After everything they've been through how can he just-"

"Suck his cock?" Debbie laughed. "Honey, that's just Brian. He's a law unto himself."

"Yeah, Justin too." Michael drained his coffee.

"And that's why you have to let them work it out without sticking your nose is where it doesn't belong."

"I'm a Novotny. It comes with the DNA."

"Morning." Justin walked into the kitchen and poured himself a coffee. "Is that bacon?"

""You're up?" Michael said. "I'm surprised, considering how mortally tweaked you were last night."

"I recover easily."

"And when are you going back to Pittsburgh?"

"Later, when Emmett's ready to go."

"Maybe you should go sooner." Michael suggested. "The longer you stay, the more hopeful he gets, so maybe you shouldn't stay too long. If you really love him, you'll put him out of his misery and just go."

-

By the time it was Ten thirty everyone was up and sitting around the table, barring Brian. Michael sat opposite Justin trying his best not to give away his feelings and instead plastered a tight, slightly scary smile to his face.

"What are you doing?" Ben whispered. "What's wrong with your face?"

"I'm smiling." he replied. "I'm trying to look happy."

"You look like the Joker."

"Would you prefer that I showed by real feelings?"

"And here's sleeping beauty." Mel announced as Brian walked shakily through the door, one eye closed and his hair sticking up in every direction.

"Jesus, you look like shit." Debbie laughed.

"Thanks Mommy, I'll be sure to send that nugget of love to Hallmark." He kissed Gus' head lightly on his way past and past down next to Justin. "I need coffee. Don't bother pouring it, just pipe it into my veins."

"Heavy night?" Lindsay laughed, pouring him a cup.

"My head feels like a steamroller just rolled over it, then something dug it up and relaid it." Brian rubbed his eyes and rolled his neck until it clicked. "I'm not even sure I'm still alive."

"Well you look beautiful, darling." Lindsay said.

"Thank you dear." Brian gave her cheek a lazy kiss. "What time's you flight back?"

"Three. We were starting to think that you weren't going to be up top wave us off."

"I would have been up sooner if someone had woken me when he got up." He looked over pointedly at Justin.

"Well I would have, but you were flat out."

"How come you drank the same, smoked the same and slept the same and you roll out of bed looking like a fucking hair commercial and I look like a piece of shit?"

Justin smiled. "I have youth on my side."

"So, Sunshine. When do you go back to New York?" Deb asked.

"Tomorrow. I said I would go and see Molly," he said, "then I promised I would go and see my father."

Everyone stopped eating and watched Justin for a moment until Mel broke the silence.

"So how is the loathsome son of a bitch days?"

"Mel!" Linds warned, gesturing to Gus and J.R.

"I'm just calling it as I see it. After what he and his prop14 possy did. How can he be anything other than loathsome? Men like that don't deserve the right to walk this earth."

"Well, you won't have to worry about that for much longer." Justin said plainly, "he'll be dead in six months."

Emmett leaned over and put an arm around his shoulders. "Baby, I'm sorry."

"I'm only going to see him to make Molly happy and say my Goodbyes."

"Why don't you come over for dinner tonight?" Deb offered. "I'll make your favourite."

"Thanks Deb. Actually I was going to ask if there was any chance of a bed for the night."

"You can share with me," Emmett suggested, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, "Hell, it'll be the first bedroom action I've had in weeks."

Brian removed Emmett's arm from Justin's shoulder and replaced it with his own. "There will be no action."

"I can't believe I'm watching this," Michael said, "after what he did?"

"Michael!" Deb warned. "Eat your breakfast."

"Are we just going to sit here and pretend like nothing has changed, that he didn't behave like a complete ass hole?"

"Yeah, well you would know all about behaving like an one of those." Brian snapped. " Now, will you just do what your Mommy says and eat your fucking breakfast."

"Stop sticking up for him, you always stick up for him."

"Well, maybe if you stopped laying into him I wouldn't have to."

Justin stood up. "Thanks for breakfast, I'm going to take a shower and get ready then call a cab."

Brian watched him go, then glared at Michael across the table. After a moment he pushed his plate to the side and stood up. "Thanks for breakfast Deb."

"Is that you're going to eat?" She asked. "That's barely anything. No wonder you're skinny."

"Suddenly I don't feel very hungry."

Justin let the hot spray run over him as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth; it was a relief to be away from that room, away from Michael and his obvious disdain. He ran the soap over his arms and stomach, then jumped as he felt an arm wrap around his chest and pull him back.

"Pass the soap?" Brian whispered.

"Fuck!" Justin took a moment to breathe. "Brian, you almost gave me a fucking heart attack."

"At your age?" Brian laughed. "Unlikely."

"I didn't know who it was."

"Well, who else would it be?" Brian smiled against his cheek. "Michael?"

"If it was I'd have a knife sticking out my back by now." Justin turned around. "What are you doing in here?"

"Showering," he said. "I need help scrubbing my back."

"There must have been another reason."

Brian wrapped his arms around Justin's neck and held him close, then lowered his head and delivered a heart-stopping kiss. He pulled him under the spray and devoured his lips slowly, tasting his mouth and savouring it. Brian pulled away slowly, not before letting it linger and pressed their heads together.

"Don't go."

"I have to go."

"Not right this second you don't. Why don't you let me drive you into town?"

"Emmett can drive me, or I can get a cab. You don't have to go all that way." Justin turned his back on Brian and started to rub his hair into a lather. "It's pointless."

"I have to anyway, I promised Gus we would go and play Laser Tag today." Brian took over washing Justin's hair.

"Laser Tag?" Justin laughed. "That's so weekend-dad, so hetro."

"There's hot guys and dark corners. It's like the back room of Babylon, only with guns and a light-show."

"Trust you to make that comparison."

Brian trapped them into silence for a moment and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him back. "You should come with us."

"I can't," Justin leaned his head back onto Brian's shoulder and looked up at him, "my father."

"Well, I'll drive you anyway."

"Michael isn't going to be happy." Justin stepped back into the spray of the shower and let the water run over his face. "I think he just wants me to go."

"Yeah, well it's not his life," Brian said, "It's ours."

"Does he know that?"

"He may be Prince Michael, but I'm still the King." Brian dropped his head down and kissed Justin's shoulder. "And this is still my fucked-up kingdom."

"This morning Michael said that If I loved you, then I would put you out your misery and just leave."

Brian sighed. "Well, he's got a point in there somewhere."

"What?" Justin turned to face him, then pushed him away a little to look at him. "I thought you wanted me to stay?"

"I do." He pulled him back. "But when I woke up this morning and you weren't there the first thing I thought wasn't logical, it wasn't that you had woken up and gone to get some breakfast, it was that you had left without saying goodbye."

"I wouldn't do that," Justin said, "I'll never do that again."

"And as much as I want you to stay, if you're going to leave and never come back, then just go. I won't even make it difficult."

"I'm not going to," Justin promised, "But I would like to know what you're asking me to stay for, because I'll take whatever I can get."

"I don't know the answer to that. I don't know what the fuck this is, I've never known what the fuck this is."

"It's love," Justin said, "It always was, it always will be. If it wasn't we wouldn't be standing here."

"There's only one problem with that."

"What?"

Brian sighed. "I don't trust you and I don't know if I ever will. So, if you came back hoping that we would be together and play happy families then you're wrong. You're going to have a fucking hard time convincing me that I can trust you like I used to."

"I don't expect you to just forgive me and for us to be together." Justin closed the gap between them and put his hands on Brian's shoulders. "I'll make you trust me."

"And until then?"

"We see each other when we can, no pressure, no plans." Justin ran his hands through Brian's wet hair. "We just try and see if we can work it out."

"And what if we cant?"

"Then I tried." Justin kissed him softly. "I love you. What I did was the worst thing I have ever done in my life. I regret it every single day and It's a mistake that I do not intend to ever repeat."

"You know that if you fuck up that there's no going back?"

"Then I'll have to make sure that I don't fuck up, because I don't want to lose you again."

"You didn't lose me," Brian said, "you gave me away."

"I'm sorry."

"The one guy who actually managed to make me want more than a fuck, fucked me over." Brian laughed bitterly. "Epically."

"Y'know, this would be so much easier if you would just be fucking angry with me!"

"I am angry with you!" Brian turned around and washed his hair. "Christ Justin, I'm angrier than I have ever been about anything and more hurt than I ever knew was possible."

"Then do something!"

"Like what?" Brian turned around again suddenly."What do you want me to do, what the fuck do you want from me?"

"Shout at me!" Justin demanded. "Or hit me or throw something."Justin got out the shower and shook the water off his hair then wrapped a towel around his waist. "Just do something, do anything other than this."

"I did do something." Brian switched off the shower and leaned against the wall, watching Justin through the glass as he leaned against the sink. "I've been doing something for over four years. I smashed up the loft, I threw things, I shouted and screamed and punched the fucking walls."

"And then you just stopped?"

Brian got out the shower and stood behind him,watching him through the mirror. "You do it for so long and then you wake up one day and realise that you can't do that forever or you'll go out of your fucking mind! Now its just a huge black hole, the anger is just part of me now and I don't know if it will ever go away, so I just have to live with it and hope that one day it will go."

Justin said nothing for a moment and closed his eyes, then took a slow breath. "Do you hate me?"

"I wanted to. I tried to." Brian wrapped his arms around him. "But the hate thing between you and me, it never really got off the ground."

"I wont fuck up." Justin turned back and hung his arms around Brian's neck. "I p-"

Brian kissed the words way from his lips. "Nobody ever made a promise that they didn't break. We're not doing that."

"Then what are we doing?"

"Making sure that Michael is wrong this time. I fucking hate it when he's right."

Michael hitched J.R's backpack over his shoulder and walked through the hallway, then stopped when he saw Justin helping himself to a cup of coffee in the kitchen. He slipped it back onto the floor and walked into the kitchen.

"I thought you were leaving?"

"I am," Justin said, "Brian insisted on taking me into town. We're having lunch with Gus."

"So, you're not going to listen to me?"

Justin shook his head. "No. It's because I love him that I'm going to pretend that we never had that conversation and I'm going to put your behaviour down to your love for him too."

"I don't want to see him hurt."

"Me either."

"Well, if you're not going to take my advice just make sure that you do come back."

"I took your advice once before," he said, "and it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life."

"Nobody told you to listen to me."

"But I did." Justin drained his coffee. "Have a good week with J.R."