Master Chief

A Stasis Pod

The Rear End of Dawn

Deep Space

CH2 6NH

02/10/2553

To All You Assholes at UNSC!,

I quit. Yes this is Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 telling you where you can stick that plasma grenade.

I've served with you for, well since I was a kid and now I've had enough. All I want to do is have a day off to get my hair cut so I can take my helmet off in front of the other troops. I can't even get a medal without having to go and take out some grunts.

I've missed all the episodes of Glee. I'll never find out if Rachel and Finn get together now. Its not like I can even find time to go out and get the box set with all this extra Red Vs Blue filming you've got me doing. How is male pregnancy good for team morale. I ask you?

What I wouldn't give for a CSI marathon and some poptarts. What do you have to do in this universe to get a poptart? I'll ask Johnson. He'll know. He managed to get hold of those Pizza flavoured Pringles, although he did have a funny walk for days afterwards. Anyway, the point is this job is not worth it anymore.

I used to like driving the warthogs, but since you wont let me out without at least two other guys, its clear you don't trust me with them anymore. And I cant take a Scorpion out without at least five people? What's with that? Cant a Spartan have a little joyride down to the shops without all the judging?

Plus I didn't want to bring it up, but Cortana is getting a little clingy. When I told her that we should see other people she got really mad and started screaming in my face everytime the software in my helmet loaded up. Its kinda hard to do your job and shoot stuff, hell even see where you're going when you've got a mad psychotic obsessed ex girlfriend shouting. Just the usual stuff, how I never kept my promises, never appreciated her, forgot her birthday, things like that. I really don't think Its healthy for her to be working so closely with me anymore. I think she's losing it.

And the rest of the Forces are useless. I'm sick of being the only one who can actually complete a mission or not die. I can't in all good conscious be a part of a fighting unit that sucks so badly. If some of the other soldiers could shoot straight then maybe, just maybe, I might been able to take trip to Disneyland in the last ten years but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

So here it is. I'm handing in my notice. As soon as you assholes find me and wake me up I'm gonna go off and be a Aerobics instructor.

Yours sincerely

Master chief Petty Officer John 117