Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Calibur or The Legend of Zelda.

A/N: Well, this would be my first attempt at a Humor/Romance. Tell me what you think! Crack Pairing!

October 09, 2010: This has been revised and the paragraphs shortened to make it easier to read. Also edited a few things to fit my liking since this was done when I lacked any real skills in writing. Honestly, I was shaking my head most of the time as I was reading it over. Enjoy!

Shut up and Kiss Me!

Link side-stepped her blade, it missed him by mere inches. 'Goddesses! She's strong!' he thought. He was weakening by the minute. In their brief but intense battle, Link had been hit in the right side of his stomach.

Valentine had taken a deep bite there and he was losing blood fast. His strength was leaving him as fast as his blood. He ducked under another of her swipes and countered by tackling her to the ground. Valentine flew a few feet from Ivy's grasp and she cursed to herself.

Link stood pointing the Master Sword at her neck. His vision was becoming impaired, and he began to slump. Ivy watched him with curious eyes, calculating how much he would be standing.

Finally, after a minute of staring her down and vice-versa, the Master Sword hit the stone of the street with an audible CLANG and Link followed suit by dropping to both knees and his head was bowed, his face twisted in pain, and his eyes squeezed shut clutching his wounded side.

Ivy stood up, walked over to her sword and picked it up, then walked back over to the fallen elf and placed the flat tip of her blade and tilted his head up. His eyes opened and he glared at her. She smirked at that and began to think to herself about him.

'He is strong, and he almost had me, he could prove to be an interesting traveling companion. He's cute to, all the more reason for me to bring him along.' She thought to herself.

She smiled rather seductively at him; he ignored that and fell back. She wrapped her legs around his torso and leaned down. She rested her head in her hands and looked at his wide-eyed expression of shock in amusement.

"What is your name, dear?" She asked.

"…L-Link…" He replied cautiously; rather suspicious of what she is waiting for.

"Link? That's an interesting name. I'm Isabella Valentine, but you can call me 'Ivy'." She said.

Link laughed bitterly. Ivy looked confused.

"What's so amusing?" she asked curiously.

"I'm dying and you're sitting on me and trying to get to know me? What the hell is wrong with you?" Link whispered.

He would have shouted, but was deathly tired. Ivy had to strain to hear him, but chuckled at that.

"Tell me, Link dear, why are you after Soul Edge?" Ivy asked.

"To destroy it. And thanks to you, my world will be left to chaos if I die…" Link explained. Ivy blinked but was unfazed.

"I'll help you, Link. But you have to do me a favor in return." Ivy offered. Link's ears perked up and his eyes met hers.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked weakly. She smirked.

"I need a partner to travel with. Someone to keep me company; I'm choosing you because you're strong and, I'll admit, you HAD me beat. And you intrigue me. So, what do you say, Linky?" Ivy proposed. Link blinked.

"WHAT!" He actually managed to shout. Ivy sighed tiredly.

"Don't you want to destroy that damned blade?" Ivy asked.

"Alright…I'll do it. Just fix me up…" Link then passed out from blood loss.

Ivy smiled and began to move her new found friend to a nearby inn. When Ivy walked in, the girl behind the counter noticed she was dragging an unconscious man behind her and blinked.

"Is he your husband?" the girl asked innocently with an idiotic grin.

Ivy blinked a few times before what the inn keeper's words registered, and she blushed as red as a tomato.

"N-NO! He's just a friend, and he needs help. NOW!" Ivy replied rather hastily. The girl then noticed the blood on Link and gasped, she took off towards the back to get the medical supplies.

*Two Days Later*

Link groaned as he woke up. He tried to sit straight, but gentle hands pushed him back down.

"Oh no you don't. You need to stay down and rest, you won't be moving for at least another hour." Ivy's voice said.

Link opened his eyes then shut them just as quickly.

"Ivy, as much as I appreciate your help, do you mind getting your breasts out of my face!" Link shouted. Ivy blushed and backed off, mumbling "sorry".

"Ugh, how long have I been out?" Link asked.

"Two days, sleeping beauty." Came the witty reply.

"Sleeping beauty? What the hell does that mean?" Link demanded sounding offended.

"Never mind" Ivy said whilst chuckling.

She stood up and walked to the other side of the room. Link's eyes widened when he noticed the other bed and knew he was sharing a room with her.

'Well, as long as she doesn't undress in front of…What the HELL is she doing?' he screamed in his mind.

"Uh…Ivy?" Link called to her. She poked her head around and noticed him looking away blushing madly.

"Yes?" She responded 'Why is he blushi…Oh...That's why. Hehehe'

"Why are you undressing while In front of me?" (A/N: O.o heh, couldn't resist mate! Lol) he asked. She grinned, but he didn't see it.

Ivy broke out laughing at his innocence. Link had his head turned and wouldn't dare look.

"What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a girl before?" she asked giggling.

'This is going to be a looong trip…' Link thought to himself.

*2 months later*

"So, where are you from?" Ivy asked out of boredom.

She had spent the entire time trying to strike up a conversation with the rather…silent elf. But all she got was short answers.

"Hyrule." He answered…well…shortly.

"Where's that?" she tried again.

"Not here." She snorted.

"No kidding. Alright, how old are you?" she asked.

"Seventeen." he responded.

'Stubborn isn't he?' She thought, and then grinned evilly.

"Got a girl-friend?" She asked innocently. Link stopped in his tracks.

"Eh? No I don't, never really had the chance. Why?" he asked and she shrugged

'hehe, good.' She thought.

"Whatever. Can you stop asking me so many personal questions so we can get on with this quest? Please?" he pleaded, she chuckled at his annoyed sounding voice, she really did find this all too good to pass up.

He also looked cute when he was confused and annoyed, but she will never tell him that.

"Alright calm down, I was just curious." She defended herself grinning.

Link grumbled under his breath and kept walking.

'What did I do to deserve this?' He asked himself mentally.

It had gotten well past sundown and Ivy was planning her next prank on Link, while our unsuspecting hero slept like a baby. Even looked as cute as one. Ivy finally got an idea she was sure to get a kick out of and leave Link rather flushed. She turned to him as he slept next to her because it was winter time and it was rather cold that night. So she suggested using body warmth to stay warm during the night, and Link reluctantly agreed. Biiig mistake because he was sure to have a rude awakening come morning.

She reached over and grabbed his rather strange hat and used the tip to tickle his nose. He swung and swapped at his nose during his sleep, until he finally turned around and faced Ivy. She grinned and wrapped her arms around him and he did likewise, totally oblivious as to what was going on outside of 'lala land'. She fell asleep while trying to imagine the look on his face when he wakes up in the morning.

Link groaned, he did not want to get up, he was quite comfortable, he was still groggy from sleep and he was warm.

"hmmm, warm and cooozyyy…Wait what? Why am I warm?" he opened his eyes when he heard a female giggle.

He was snuggled up to a body and when he looked up to see a smirking Ivy with his hands around her and likewise, his eyes widened to the size of plates and he immediately jumped back blushing and rubbing his neck embarrassed. His face was a mixture of shock and surprise. Ivy finally snapped and busted a gut laughing so hard at the look on his face.

"The...Look on your…Face is… Priceless! Hehahahaha!" she gasped out while laughing so hard tears ran down her cheeks.

"Y-y-yo-you h-had s-somethi-ing t-to do w-with th-that, didn't y-you!" Link stuttered.

Ivy managed to calm herself down enough to respond.

"Mayyyybe…" she said innocently, grinning ear-to-ear.

*Later that night*

Link had managed to bring back a deer when he left to hunt. Truth be told, he was scared out of his skin so much after the mornings 'incident' that he made Ivy swear to NEVER tell anyone about it, he had gone hunting to get as far away from her as possible and calm his haywire nerves. He skinned and cooked the deer meat and avoided Ivy's gaze as she watched him laughing to herself. He could see the amusement in her eyes.

As Ivy watched Link, she pondered something that slipped her mind in the past months.

'I wonder if he ever kissed before…hmm.'

"Link?" She called to him, causing him to jump,

"ACK! Y-yeah?" she grinned at his reaction.

"Have you ever kissed someone before?" Link paled.

"uhhhhh…W-why do you ask?" Ivy tried not to smirk, key word 'tried'.

"Just curious." She replied. He seemed to relax.

"Uh, no, never really kissed someone before…" he said while scratching his head.

"Really?" she asked rather surprised.

"Yeah, really." He confirmed, and then grew fearful when he saw an unknown glint in her eyes.

He paled again and his hands started shaking when he seen her inch closer to him.

"Is that so?" She asked, still coming closer.

Link nodded meekly and began to move backwards until he was pinned against a tree. Her face inches away from his and her arms on his shoulders.

"You know, you really have grown on me since we started this journey. You amused me, and for the first time since my hunt began, I wasn't alone. I had you to talk with. Thank you, Link, for coming along with me." She said leaning closer her lips parted slightly, and her eyes closed.

'Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. What the hell do I do?' Link thought wildly.

"Uh, your welc-mhmm" Her lips closed on his before he can finish his response and her tongue explored his mouth.

His eyes widened then slowly shut as he returned the kiss. There was something in it that he didn't recognize at first, but whatever it was, it felt good. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours. But when they broke for air, they blushed, then smiled and kissed again, this time for longer.

When they broke again they stared deeply into each others eyes.

"I love you Link…" Ivy said and held him tighter.

"I love you, too Ivy." Link responded.

*A Year Later*

Link and Ivy were deeply in love with each other by now and had finally come to the end of their quest.

Nightmare had been defeated, Siegfried released, and Soul Edge destroyed, only there was one problem: Link was missing, he had knocked down into the hole in the side of the chapel and Ivy had been the one to finish off Nightmare. She defeated him in a fit of rage to avenge her fallen lover, Link, who she had believed to have died.

She was on her knees holding her face, crying her heart out after the battle while an unconscious Siegfried lay where Nightmare was seconds ago. She was so wrecked she didn't see him approach her from behind.

"Ivy?" a familiar voice asked, sounding bewildered and worried.

She looked up to see no one at first, and then turned around; her face had trails of tears running down her fair cheeks. Her eyes widened when she saw him standing there. She jumped to her feet and tackled him down shouting his name and holding him as if afraid to lose him again for good.

"LINK!" She cried sobbing into his neck. Link was beyond confused. But before he could ask, Ivy continued.

"I thought I lost you! How did you survive? Are you hurt?" she asked frantically. Link smiled at her.

"I'm here, I caught the ledge and no, I'm fine. It's nice to know I'm loved." He said answering her questions and adding sarcasm at the end. She calmed down and smiled lovingly at him.

"Shut up and kiss me already!" she commanded.

"Yes ma'am!" Link replied and then obliged her with their most passionate kiss thus far.

END

A/N: Heh that was fun. Well tell me what you think. Only constructive criticism wanted, no flamers. There you have it, another Link/Ivy romance. I really hope to inspire others to write similar fictions with this pairing. I plan on doing a Link/Taki Romance next; it will take place after Soul Edge is defeated also want to see more of those, the ones that already exist were left undone. But not for long! *insert evil, Maniacal laughter here*. :P I still am working on 'Soul Calibur II: Legend of Link' and I'm thinking of a new title. So, yeah, stay tuned!