Dear Edward,

I decided to give the piano a try in honor of you. I hit down on some random keys to try to hear that familiar ring to them, that beauty you brought out of them, but all I heard was mashed up trash with a slight echo.

I decided to drive fast down a road, going ninety though the sign clearly said fifty, in honor of you. I wanted to feel the same rush I felt when you were the one driving and I was the one holding on to dear life, but the speed made me sick and yet empty inside.

I decided to stop eating lunch at school and just sit there staring out the window in honor of you. I wanted to know how if felt like for you to feel so unreal in all the realness of the world, but it only left me hungry and feeling sorry for myself.

I decided to figure out what people were thinking about me in honor of you. I focused on my friends, thinking it might be easier to draw up conclusions as to what they were really feeling inside, but then I soon realized that they just didn't care.

I decided to drive to our meadow, strip off my clothes, and see if I sparkled in honor of you. But as the sun slowly set and I was still pale, I felt stupid and cried because I didn't know how else to show the emotions I was feeling.

I decided to run for miles without stopping in honor of you. I ran for what seemed like forever, but as I was gasping for breath I realized it had only been ten minutes and already I was exhausted.

I decided to freeze in honor of you. I sat outside in the falling rain, getting soaked and shivering, but by the time Charlie pulled me inside I only felt numb and not much closer to being a vampire.

I decided to taste my blood in honor of you. I cut through my skin, feeling weak as the blood oozed out, and sucked on my wrist until I felt lightheaded and my thoughts were jumbled up and confusing.

I decided to leave in honor of you. I packed my bags, told Charlie goodbye, and left without anything else to say, but the lonely road ahead of me never ended and only miles after did I regret it.

I decided to kill myself in honor of you. I stood out on a cliff, heart racing, mind tingling, but as I jumped and ended everything I couldn't help but think of you and how you would feel knowing I just ended everything.

I decided to be like Edward Cullen in honor of you. I left everything, gained nothing, became isolated from the world, and I did it all because I was too afraid to go after something I loved.

Yours sincerely,

Bella