Oh gawd! This is a complete and total crack-fic. (aka: Crap) This idea hit me right before bed and due to lack of sleep for the past week (thanks work) I felt the insistent need to write it down.

It's Sam/Spike, so if you don't like Slash, Go away. If you do, Take a read and I'll go to bed and stop posting stupid stuff.

Disclaimer: Don't own Flashpoint. Just dryer lint and a car insurance bill. (Which is up for grabs if anybody wants it.)

XxX

"I'm going crazy!"

Luria jumped in her seat as the door to her normally 'quiet' office was ripped open. She blinked up at the blonde in her doorway to the now broken fountain pen in her hand that was dripping purple ink all over her important files. Quickly tuning in her seat to hold her latest snapped writing utensil over the garbage can next to her desk the Doctor sighed. If Sam kept it up at this rate he'd be buying her a years supply of her favourite biro's; this was after all the third pen of hers he had broken this week… and it was only Tuesday.

Soft brown eyes glanced back to the police officer pacing in front of her now closed door. "Did you have another one of your dreams?" Luria asked calmly finally dropping her useless pen into the garbage can so she could face the sniper directly.

Sam felt his shoulders stiffen but reluctantly he nodded; and that one motion of confession seemed to have been all that was keeping him standing, as when he did Sam collapsed into the soft leather chair in front of Luria's desk.

Exhaustion was clearly written on his face, belying weeks of restless sleep, his normally bright blue eyes were dull and weary, carefully glancing over his shoulder whenever he deemed it necessary. Short blonde hair stuck up in every direction as if its owner had constantly run his hands through it to try and keep his brain from settling on a certain subject. Even his clothes, Luria noticed, were rumpled, the light blue dress shirt slightly winkled where the arms had been rolled up to the elbows and his jeans were spotted with neon red, green, blue and white paint.

"Have you ever thought of not ignoring them?" The psychologist questioned moving her papers off to the side so she could rest her arms on her desk.

A sound, that Sam would deny until the day he died was anything remotely close to a squeak, escaped from his throat.

'Okay that's out of the question I suppose,' Luria thought to herself. "Why do you think you're having these dreams?" She offered instead, "Do you suppose it's just a phase or a repressed urge of some latent feelings?"

Sam shot to his feet causing the aviator sunglasses that had been hanging from his pocket to fall onto the floor. "Repressed urge?" he snapped his eyes blazing. "I think even if I was that close to being sexually repressed I wouldn't be dreaming of doing… THAT, w-with …wi-with THEM! OF ALL PEOPLE!" The blonde swallowed thickly as images from his delightfully very vivid dreams ran through his mind. Well not so delightful for him…or so he liked to tell himself.

If it wasn't so unprofessional Amanda would have rolled her eyes, "If you can't even say S-" A low growl cut her off making her change her statement. "If you can't even say their name how do you expect to accept these feelings your experiencing and-"

"Accept!" Sam voice was just shy of shrill as he whipped around to face the annoyingly calm doctor of the SRU.

"Yes Sam, accept, at some point you're going to have to realize that what you're feeling you can't just turn off." Luria leant back in her seat to point directly at the sniper. "You know 'what' you're feeling; you just haven't faced the 'why' yet."

The ex-army brat let his shoulders fall before letting himself collapse back into his chair with a sigh. "I haven't faced the 'why' yet because I know as soon as I do… things are going to go to hell." He muttered honestly. "And not just in the proverbially fucking picnic basket, they'll totally freak out!"

The doctor bit her lip, damn she hated doctor-patient confidentiality…

Suddenly, from somewhere down the hallway, Sam barely caught the sound of hurried footsteps heading towards the office before Luria's door was swung open once more, this time nearly off its poor hinges and Spike flew into the room; a flurry of tan limbs going in every direction as he spoke a mile a minute not even noticing his team mate sitting in the room.

"I swear I'm going to go crazy." Spike snapped barely stopping to breathe as he barrelled onwards, pacing back and forth in the doorway. "I haven't had a full night sleep in over a week… I just can't get those stupid dreams to go away! If I don't get them out of my head soon I'm just going to lose it. I can't even look at him at work anymore! And it doesn't help matters when the Boss keeps pairing us up at calls and-" The Italians words were cut off as his wide brown eyes finally landed on his team mate in front of him. Mouth gaping like a fish, the techie struggled to try and cover up the beginning of his rant. "Oh, uh…um, Hey?"

Sam nodded back in greeting and Luria watched as the two men quickly avoided each others gaze as the tension in the room spiked. Unprofessional or not, she had to roll her eyes.

"I-I'm just gonna go," The blonde sniper muttered quickly shooting to his feet and was halfway to the door when Spike turned mumbling about having to get home right away too.

"STOP RIGHT THERE, BOTH OF YOU!" Luria snapped her own brown eyes narrowing evilly as both men froze. The woman hardly ever raised her voice. Ever. But it was safe to say when she did, the person she was yelling at, paid attention. "Turn around," she ordered. They did.

Slowly the doctor stood up, placing both of her hands flat on the desk so she could lean forward to examine the blonde and brunette. Spike was shifting where he stood like an anxious child under a parents gaze, wanting to be anywhere else but there. Sam on the other hand stood straight backed next to the door frame, his stance rigid and Luria couldn't help but smirk at how military it was. "Now, we're going to fix this 'problem' the two of you seem to be having."

Two horrified looks were shot her way before they were turned on each other in even deeper embarrassment. Holding up a hand to stem the oncoming protests Luria started around her desk. "I don't want to hear any complaints from either of you," she gave them each a pointed look as they obediently followed her out of the room, a blush very apparent on Spike cheeks as he refused to stand even close to the blonde beside him.

'Desperate times call for desperate measures.'

Moments later found the three of them standing in front of a door held open by their resident doctor who was watching them expectantly. Sam exchanged a brief, thankfully blush-free, glance with Spike who then turned to look down the dark basement looking hallway. Luria had taken them through a maze of doors and down a few flights of stairs before finally stopping and waiting patiently by the even darker doorway. Light only made its way into the other room for a few inches, showing a dark marbled floor that matched the hallway before it disappeared into the darkness.

"You really expect us to go in there?" Sam raised an eyebrow crossing his arms.

Luria mimicked the action with her own fine brow. "Yes, this is a special room I use for people in situations like yours." A disbelieving look from both of them caused her to sigh. "I'll be right behind you, now get in there."

Spike let his gaze drop to the floor as he ducked his head and started into the room, unable to stand the look of contempt showing in Sam's eyes and the indignation in his voice. Little did he know the anger was directed at the doctor and not towards him.

After a short staring contest with the woman Sam decided to just bite the bullet and slowly he followed the taller man into the darkness. Just as he had suspected, the door closed immediately behind him. He glanced over at the brunette exhaling sharply. And Spike had the nerve to look shocked.

Now somewhere inside both men they had fully expected Luria to wait around until they talked, then she would let them out, they'd tell Ed what she did and he'd glare at her and all would be right with the world. However neither of them had very good luck with stuff like that apparently as they heard the sound of a lock turning in place and heeled footsteps moving away. Sam cocked an eyebrow moving forward to grab onto the door handle. Giving it a fair tug he wasn't surprised when it didn't budge.

"We're stuck?" The techie squeaked his eyes open wide enough Sam could see the white around his iris's.

With a heavy sigh Sam went back to struggling against the door. About ten minutes later Sam threw his hands up in defeat. "I give up, I can't get it open." He snapped stepping back further into the closet where his team mate was standing stalk still. "It locks from the outside too so we can't even pick it."

'Not that you want to' his brain added with a snort. Earlier Spike had managed to find a light switch which allowed the little room to be flooded with a pale glow. Using the newfound light Sam reached down and flipped over an empty garbage can before sitting down on top of it heavily. "We're stuck."

Spike nodded mindlessly and had to bite his lip to keep from cursing under his breath as Sam sat down on the overturned bucket, his already tight jeans pulling in all the right places as he did so. They were very distracting as he found out when he had a hard time prying his eyes away. It had been bad enough when he was watching the muscles flex on his arms when Sam was pushing against the door for the past little while.

He could feel the blush climbing up his neck and Sam squirmed slightly at the other mans intense gaze, he was silently glad that the room… closest?…was so dimly lit that Spike couldn't see it. 'More like hole in the wall,' he thought to himself. 'Damn Luria, that is the last time I ask her for her help.' Blue eyes flitted over to see Spike still staring at his general bottom half. "See something interesting?" He hadn't meant for his voice to sound that husky... or that desperate.

But apparently, at the surprise of being caught starring, Spike hadn't noticed his tone of voice. Or if he had he didn't let on that the sound had done horrible, horrible things to his already frayed nerves. "Sorry, I-uh, I was- just, um… I was just wondering what-" he stumbled over himself trying to think up a quick excuse as his brain unhelpfully supplied a suggestion 'wondering what you'd look like out of those jeans'. "The Paint!" His exclamation caused both occupants of the hole in the wall to jump.

Wide blue eyes stared at his friend with worry. Spike had a normal tendency to be twitchy, but this… it seemed to boarder on the extreme. "Excuse me?"

Spike let his hands flail about for a second, motioning to the lightly lit, glow in the dark paint that covered Sam's oh so perfectly fitted jeans that dipped just the perfect amount at the back causing Spike to tear his eyes away and instead stare at a large strip of neon pink paint that was splattered on his thigh, "I was just curious as to who attacked you with the paint brush," Oh, a complete sentence. Spike felt insanely proud of himself for having accomplished that, but it seemed somewhere, someone hated him enough because that spot of pink paint he had been following, just happened to disappear between Sam's legs and… OH GOD, please let that whimper he just heard be a figment of his imagination.

Sam frowned in confusion as he looked over the dark hared man beside him. "Are you alright?" he asked ignoring his question and noting the rapid rise and fall of Spikes chest and the pale tint to his face. For a split second a darker part of Sam's brain wished that he was panting heavily for a 'very' different reason but he quickly wiped the thought from his mind as he got to his feet. Getting closer to his agitated co-worker the sniper raised an eyebrow as he realized, "Are you having a panic attack?" His own voice betrayed his concern; normally Spike would be fine crawling through even the tightest of spaces, but now it seemed as if he was three steps short of hyper-ventilating.

The techie of team one shook his head at Sam's question trying not to interrupt the silent mantra he had been chanting to himself in his head. 'I am not stuck in a supple closet with Sam Braddock. I am not stuck in a supple closet with Sam Braddock. I am NOT stuck-'

"Spike?"

Looking up was possibly the worst thing Spike could have done at that moment. Sam had shifted to stand directly in front of him, a hand resting cautiously on his shoulder as sky blue eyes glanced down at him revealing a concern that made Spikes stomach flip. Wait down? Since when was Sam taller then him? Oh god… when had his knees started to buckle?

Spike shot back up to his feet causing the blonde in front of him to jump back out of instinct so Spikes head wouldn't collide with his chin. However Sams simple action of trying to move away caused a domino effect throughout the small closest space. The snipers foot hit the overturned bucket he had been sitting on, which in turn slid backwards knocking into the 'wet floor' sign, which tipped over into the stack of brooms and mops effectively causing them to tumble over and jab into Sams back as he stepped away from Spike.

Feeling a jagged piece of plastic from a broken handle dig into his back, the police officer hissed loudly and shot forward pressing against Spikes body, trying to get away from the sharp handle.

There was silence for a moment as things stopped falling and the Italian was pretty sure his brain just shut off as he took in their position against the wall. In order to keep from crushing him, Sam had flung his hands out on either side of Spikes head practically pinning him to the wall. Sam's torso pressed against his and a knee had slipped between Spikes legs when Sam had fought to balance himself.

Both men froze.

Spikes mind ran a mile a minute trying to remember how to breathe while his subconscious laughed at him pitifully.

'Oh look, it's your dream, only real and right in front of you.' It smirked.

'No, no, no, no this isn't happening.' Spike thought back unable to keep his eyes from falling to the pink lips inches away from his own a blush already making its way up his neck and onto his face.

'Go on, kiss him.'

The ex-army brat growled at that little gleeful voice in the back of his brain. This had to be a dream. Had to be! Because no-where in the seven planes of hell would Spike still be beneath him and not spazing out like he normally would.

'Well welcome to planet Earth, Where miraculous things happen because of your shrink.'

He vaguely wondered when his subconscious started to sound like Matt. Before he realized what he was doing and before he could stop himself Sam let his head drop to the side, his mouth just barely brushing against Spikes.

Spike was pretty sure the 80 percent of his brain that was on the verge of a mental breakdown was being told, rather firmly, by the other 20 percent to just shut up and go with it. Because Damnit, he's kissing you. So Spike did what any reasonable person would do in his position, his position of being held down by a hot blonde team mate; he pressed forward latching onto Sam's mouth fully and surrendered control of the kiss to the sniper.

XxX

Luria hummed to herself as she stepped out of the stairwell, shutting the door behind her as she headed back to her office. She smiled widely at the woman sitting behind the desk in front of her office door who looked back at her in a mix between shock and horror.

Unable to help the small chuckle forming Luria ducked into her office, strolling leisurely back to her desk. With a roll of her eyes she sat down in the chair Sam had previously been occupying. Honestly she needed a raise; she didn't get paid near enough to deal with stupidly stubborn men all day.

Something dark caught her eye from its place on the floor. Bending over she scooped up the pair of sunglasses that had fallen from Sam's pocket from his brief attempt at escape. A slight frown marred her features as she looked at the large gash on the side of the left lenses. These weren't Sam's… She cocked an eyebrow, dusting them off on her skirt before the doctor got back to her feet heading for her own chair behind her desk.

A quick glance out the window had the doctor turning around and heading out towards the courtyard, casually slipping the aviators onto her nose.

xXx

Sam couldn't help the low groan at the feel of those soft lips giving way beneath his own. Apparently lack of sleep and too much coffee made ones self control go right out the window and make people listen to that horrible little voice in the back of their head. But self control was never one of his strong suits anyways.

His breath was ragged when Spike pulled back, greedily gulping air into burning lungs. Darkened brown eyes looked up to meet Sam's normally light blue eyes, only to find them more of a navy shade as they took in the sight of the mused techie in his grasp.

"Tell me this one isn't a dream," Sam muttered letting his forehead rest against his team mates as his eyes slid closed.

Spike swallowed trying to calm his racing heart. "Not this one, At least, I don't think so, if it is then I'm dreaming the same dream…which is highly unlikely, I mean the chances of two people sharing an identical set of mental imagery would be statistically-"

"Spike!" Sams snap had the brunette looking up innocently into re-opened blue eyes. "Shut up."

And for once in his life Spike was happy to oblige as Sam wrung a more pleasurable sound from his throat.

XxX

Luria smirked as she stepped out into the bright sunlight. She couldn't help but smile at the large black Suburban parked alongside the road in front of her building. Coming up along side of it she tapped on the window and took the sunglasses off her face as Greg rolled down the window. "Good morning boys." The woman greeted.

"Hey Doc," The Sergeant in the passengers side seat nodded as beside him Ed leaned forward so he could see her past his friend.

A frown marred his features seconds later though, "Hey, are those my Aviators?" His blue eyes narrowed as they glanced at the eyewear in Luria's hand.

The psychologist grinned and passed them forward as she leaned against the door of the large Chevy. "You should keep a better eye on your things Ed, next thing you know Sams going to steal something else from you."

"You mean other then my sunglasses and our resident Tech?" The team leader laughed slipping the shades onto his face.

Luria raised a brow slightly. "You knew that those two were vying for one another?"

Greg rolled his eyes casting a 'I-told-you-this-was-not-a-good-idea' look in Ed's direction. But the other bald man just kept on grinning.

"Jules and Leah were screwing around a few weeks ago and found out that, apparently you can 'hypnotize' people into having the same dreams about each other, when there are actual feelings there to base said dreams on." Ed pointed in the general direction of the woman's office. "I didn't believe them at first, but the past few days have been… pretty interesting between the two of them."

The Doctor stared at them in shock.

"Hey it wasn't like we did anything totally improper," The team leader added quickly seeing the dark haired woman's look. "They're two full grown adults, who are capable of making their own decisions but are just too stubborn or too oblivious to realize what's happening between them!"

Greg rolled his eyes raising his palms up to try and stop the flow of words coming from his friend. "I think what Ed is trying to say is all they did was give them a nudge in the right direction."

So they were the reason she had so much extra work lately…and so many broken fountain pens to boot. Taking a shaky breath the woman set her hands on the side of the car giving its two occupants a warning glance. "Well, nudge in the right direction or not, your team may want to run for the hills if Sam and Spike ever find out what you did."

"Hey, where are they anyways?" The SRU Sergeant asked looking around the courtyard, having fully expected his two team mates to have come stumbling out by now.

"I locked them in my custodians supply closest."

It was Ed and Greg's turn to stare at the woman in shock.

But she just smiled at them. "Nudge in the right direction, remember?"

XXX

Thanks for reading. My next chapter of Leaving is almost finished, and Back to Basics might even be getting an update shortly if I decide to go with my 'unrealistic' version of Basic training for Sam and his friends.