'On a wing and a prayer..'

Takes place 2 months after the recent death of Carl and after being shot for investigating her college friend Connie's death.

C.J had tried desperately to focus on the job in hand, to complete a couple of legal papers that would sign and seal the latest mergers and acquisitions Houston Inc had made recently. But try all she might, her heart and her head were at loggerheads with each other. It had been two months since she said 'goodbye' to Carl, Matt had been at her side and she had managed to remain calm and composed whilst inside, her emotions played havoc.

Matt had stood-by throughout the difficult days immediately after Carl's death, Too-mean's hospitalisation and the police investigation into Christian Dean's death on the ridge close to Matt's cabin. Matt had done all he could and had almost begged her to take time away and to mourn Carl's death properly as counsellors advised and then return as and when she was ready. Instead CJ had steeled herself , virtually locking herself away in her office using all her strength she could muster and submerged herself in her workload, believing that this method and approach would be help to heal the pain; but now this was unravelling and spiralling out of her control and right in front of her very own eyes.

Placing her pen down on her desk CJ placed her head in her hands and her shoulders began to shake. At this point Chris had knocked gently and had come into her office with a cup of coffee. Placing the mug down and her hand gently on CJ's shoulder she whispered she would let Matt know to come and be with her. CJ heard but didn't acknowledge, grief engulfing her in a tide of emotion she could barely comprehend let alone start to deal with.

Chris walked out of CJ's office gently closing the door behind her and almost collided with Matt, who had arrived in the open reception area and stopped to chat and joke with the other receptionists. Taking one quick glance and Chris, Matt's face changed from one of lighthearted banter to one of deep concern. Chris began to utter

"Matt..I think ... well CJ.."

Matt nodded placing a hand on Chris's shoulder as an acknowledgement of gratitude to her

CJ's apparent withdrawal from her normal outgoing carefree self had started with her room-mate Connie's untimely death. CJ hadn't long been out of hospital herself after recovering from her own bullet shot wound; a month at the very most and still easily fatigued, when they found themselves thrown into helping a young fourteen year old, Butterfly escape from a life of child prostitution. Matt had quietly observed and marvelled at how fantastically CJ had graciously stepped in and taken a lead in overseeing Butterfly's care; taking her shopping for clothes, helping to find a private tutor to help bring Butterfly up to speed with school work, giving her a home for two weeks whilst the right foster family was found. However, Matt's protective streak had, as expected, kicked in and was concerned that C.J wouldn't fully heal if she continued at the pace she was going at and had pleaded with her to take things easier. The impact this case had had on CJ on another level had given Matt a good deal of concern; as her saw her almost single handed, take on the legal profession, to build in special legal and improved protection for women and young girls who found themselves in this situation, almost at a cost to her own health. It was with CJ's legal skills and with Matt's help, they had uncovered several young women and teenagers who had been at the mercy of St Nick and finally bring his evil business to a swift close.

Not long after this Christian Dean arrived on the scene, bringing with him a trail of murderous destruction at great cost to C.J. Carl had been killed leaving CJ isolated and left to mourn alone to a greater or lesser extent.

Matt entered CJ's office, quietly closing the door behind him. Gently taking CJ in his arms he embraced her and stroked her hair whilst letting her cry her heart out. Coming up for breadths every now and again CJ poured out her heart, saying how she was still desperately missing Connie, one of her best college friends. CJ continued, almost crying uncontrollably at times, trying to tell Matt how she was also still imagining that Carl would let himself in with his own key to her home before giving her one of his heartfelt hugs, but then collapsing on her bed almost every night in pain at the realisation he had really gone and wouldn't ever be coming back through the door.

"CJ...CJ why haven't you told me this before now?" Matt asked her gently

"because...because well I just thought..." CJ managed to say between sobs of pain

"just thought what CJ"..."CJ please tell me, don't please don't put that wall up, I'm here to help you, not to judge you"

Matt stood back and placed two fingers under her chin and tilted her head up to look him straight into his eyes. CJ blinked and went on to say

"It's been a while since Connie died and I just guess...I guess I assumed you would all think I should be over it by now and have moved on, but I can't" CJ whispered "...and when I see the bill boards advertising the latest exhibitions at the Museum it just brings it all back as though it all happened yesterday... and now with loosing Carl as well I just can't..." with that CJ broke down again holding onto Matt with all she could.

Matt held onto C.J tightly to reassure her he was holding her, he there for her. The myriad of emotions and thoughts running through Matt's head and great speed was almost overwhelming. Matt gently shook his head understanding what she was saying but wanting to breakdown this opinion she thought they all shared about how she should be 'coping'. "...but that's just it", Matt thought to himself "CJ has all this time just literally been coping, holding on for dear life so to speak, but not actually talking through and dealing with these events". He was beginning to realise that CJ had put up a wall to disguise what she evidently deemed a weakness, a failure on her part if she were in any way to show raw and painful emotions of how she was really feeling. With that Matt pulled her in closer and just held her.

"CJ you have had a tough run these last few months and I think it's finally come to a head...you are absolutely exhausted"

Matt continued to stroke CJ's hair which he knew had always had a soothing effect on her. Wearily CJ looked up and whispered she just wanted to go back to his beach house and sleep. Matt nodded but added

" and then I'm taking you away. Tomorrow we can go wherever you would like to go, the ranch , the cabin if you are ready to go back there or we can go wherever, but it's going to be a proper break CJ, where we can talk everything through and hopefully bring you back to a place of healing ok and we'll take as long as it takes to see you back to your old self".

Matt felt CJ's sobs begin to subside and in their place a slow nodding of her head.

"There's going to be no brushing of feelings aside in order to make things quicker ok? If takes you a month so be it, ...if it takes two then heck so be it" Matt gently but firmly exclaimed half expecting an argument but surprised albeit relieved when CJ continued to just nod back.

Pulling herself way slightly Matt saw with a heavy heart how weary and subdued CJ was and took in a huge deep breadth and thought 'how on earth did I let things get to this point, why did I not see these things earlier'

"Come on lets go and get you back home – we can sought everything else tomorrow, but for now you need sleep and lots of it"

With that Matt gently walk CJ out of her office with his arm around her shoulder.

"Chris I'll call from my house later once I have CJ settled" Matt said quietly, with that they left the office.