Shitty-assed cake

Alright, this is gonna be a switch from the first chapter. Which means, some chapters will start, after Emmy & Max leaves their playroom.

Anyway, the director says action & it shows Cassie & Ord, standing in front of a ugly ass tent. Max & Emmy appears. Max was wearing a bowl on his head.

"We brought, some cookin' stuff!" Max exclaimed, as he held up a egg beater & Emmy held some spoons.

"When do we start?" Emmy asked.

"As soon as the freak get here." Cassie replied. Meaning, Zak & Wheezie, duh.

"What's that?" Max asked, as he pointed off-screen.

It shows a red book, that had a photo of a triple-layer cake.

"It's the first place prize, of the annual Dragon Land Cake Bakin' Contest." Cassie explained, as she grabbed the book. "It's a very special cook book."

She hands Ord the book. The idiot starts drooling.

"And when we bake our big cake. We gonna come in first place!" Ord said excitedly. "And win it for Quetzal, because he loves to cook! And with his very own cookbook, he'll always have lots of yummy food around & he'll maybe give me some!"

"Damn, Ord. Take a breath." Cassie sniffed.

"Yeah." Emmy said. "But what kind of cake, are we gonna make?"

Before, the big, fat, blue dragon can respond. The ground started shaking.

"Uh, Ord?" Max asked. "That's not your stomach, is it?"

"No." Ord answered.

Then it shows a knuckerhole & out came the 'freak'.

"Woo! Ha!Ha!Ha!" Wheezie laughed.

Then the both of them, landed on their stomach.

"Well, at least, you two didn't made no stolen sound effect sound, as you landed." Emmy said to them.

"Yeah." Cassie started. "The WB's lawyers, were up in our case for usin' the sounds, from the last chapter."

"Anyway." Max started. "I know, what cake to make. Upside Down Cake."

The two-headed freak stood up.

"I got it! I got it!" Wheezie hollered, as she reached into their hoard & took out a folded piece of paper.

"The recipe, for our mum's very delicate Dragon Berry Carrot Cake." Zak said.

"That'll win us, first prize for sure." Cassie said.

"Sounds delicious!" Ord said, licking his lips. "When do we get to eat it?"

"First, we have to make it, asshole." Emmy said. Then she stopped. "Should I say that word?"

"Yes." the director barked.

"Okay." Emmy said. "We have to make it first, asshole."

"Oh." Ord said, stupidly.

Max takes off the bowl, he been wearing.

"Let's see, what we'll need." said Cassie.

Zak holds the list.

"Exactly, one box of cake mix. Three eggs. Five carrots. One bottle of milk & two cups of dragonberries." he listed.

"Mmmhmmm! My tummy can't wait!" Ord exclaimed, as he shook his big potbelly in excitement. Then he leans down to Max. "Come Max! I know, just where to get some of that shit!"

Then he takes off.

"I know, what we can get, Emmy." Cassie said, as she went over to Emmy.

Emmy gets on her & they take off.

"I say, I do too." Zak said. "Come on, dear Wheezie."

Then he was about to go one way & Wheezie was about to go to the other. Then Wheezie tries to go the other way & Zak tries to go his way. This keeps on & on, until they eventually ripped apart. Killing each other immediately.

"CUT!" the director shouted. "Bring in the clone Zak & Wheezie, with the same british & american personalites!"

Take 2

The new Zak & Wheezie was doing the earlier stunt, that the old Zak & Wheezie was doing. They twisted their heads & fell on their ass. Making that 'honk' sound effect, while they did it.

"Whoa!" Wheezie laughed. "Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha! Snort!"

It fades away to Max & Ord, leaving his cave. Ord was carrying a basket of eggs.

"Thanks, mom!" he called out to his off-screen mother. "See ya.!"

"Hey Ord." Max started. "Wheezie said, that we only need three eggs."

"I know." Ord replied to his shorter friend. "I brought extras, in case we break any. See?"

He tilt the basket & three eggs fell out. They broke on the ground.

"Good idea." Max laughed.

It fades away to Zak & Wheezie, standing at a tree. One of them was wearing a catcher's mitt.

"Here chick, chick, chicky!" Wheezie hollered. "Pitch it, right here!"

Then it shows a dragon-chicken, willing to give them some eggs. It clucked as it sat down & started laying the eggs. An egg fell into the awaiting catcher's mitt.

"Atta girl!" Wheezie called out, as Zak put the egg into their hoard. "Strike one! Do it again! Right in the middle!"

The dragon-chicken sat back down, clucked, as it laid another egg.

"Strike two!" Wheezie called out, as she caught the second egg & Zak put it away in their hoard. "One more time!"

The dragon-chicken clucked, as it laid the third egg. The third egg, took a different route, than the last two. It bounced on a branch & flew onto Zak's head.

"Ewww! My word!" Zak sniffed, as egg was over him.

"Foul ball!" Wheezie called out to the dragon-chicken.

Zak gives Wheezie an evil look.

"Yee!Ha!Ha! Get it? Foul ball!" Wheezie laughed, at Zak's predictament. "Yee Ha!Ha!Ha! Snort!"

The dragon-chicken laughs too. Either laughing from Wheezie's crappy joke, or Zak with egg on his face. Probably, the latter. Zak was pissed.

"I say, I'll teach you, for laughing at me, you bloody wanker!" Zak sniffed, as he opened his mouth & released his fire breath at the dragon-chicken.

The fire hits it mark, thus cooking the dragon-chicken. A timer sound was heard, as Zak stopped his fire breath, meaning that the chicken was done.

"Now time for me lunch!" Zak muttered, as he put on a bbq glove & went for the chicken.

He grabs the roasted chicken & set it on a conviently placed plate. He then rings a small bell & came a butler.

"May I help you, sir?" the butler asked.

"Yes, you may, Jeeves." Zak started. "I want so bbq sauce, with my chicken."

So, the butler takes out a bottle of barbeque sauce & starts pouring it onto the chicken.

"Say, 'when' sir." the butler said.

"When." Zak said.

The butler stopped pouring & Zak started eating.

"And print!" the director called out.

A little bit later now. Max & Ord was waiting.

"There they are." Max pointed.

In the sky was, Zak, Wheezie, Cassie, & Emmy. They was all coming for a landing.

"I say. Did you get the stuff?" Zak asked, as he looked at Cassie & Emmy.

"Uh huh." Emmy responded.

"Let's see." Max said.

"Zak & I found eggs." Wheezie said. "Got 'em right here!" Then she slaps their hoard, which was a stupid move, because doing that, broke the eggs inside.

"Ewww! Nice goin', you wank!" Zak sniffed, as he frowned at her. "You broke them!"

"That's okay." Ord butted in. "Max & I got some eggs too."

"What did you get Emmy?" Max asked.

Both Emmy & Cassie had nervous looks on their faces.

"Eggs?" they both said nervously in unison.

"I say, who brought the cake mix & milk?" Zak asked.

Max & Ord look at each other & Cassie & Emmy did the same thing.

"Baking a cake is hard." Max said.

"Yeah. It's much easier, just to eat one." Ord added.

"It's not that tough." Wheezie said, as she looked at the recipe.

"We just need to decide, exactly who's gonna get what." Zak said, as everyone went towards the two-headed freak for some reason.

"Oh boy!" Ord exclaimed, as he started drooling. "D-Dragonberries! I'll take those!"

"And I'll make sure, that he doesn't eat them all." Max said.

"Cassie & I, get the carrots." Emmy said, as she pointed to the carrots photo.

"We already have plenty of eggs." Zak said. Everyone gave a nod. "So, Wheezie & I will get the cake mix & milk. That's everything. We all be back in my mum's kitchen."

"Yeah. Let's shake it! And BAKE IT!" Wheezie hollered, as she & Zak bend down & shook their dragon tail for some stupid reason.

Then everyone laughed & ran off to get the fixings for the cake.

It cutsaway to a knuckerhole & then the inside of it. Wheezie's loud-ass voice was heard.

"Check the list, Zaky!" she shouted.

It then shows them.

"Three eggs. Lots of cake mix. Five carrots. A bottle of milk & two cups of dragonberries." Zak read outloud. "That's everything."

"Great! Let's bake the cake!" Ord said, doing his worst Yogi Bear impression.

"What do we do first?" Max asked.

"Well, we need to.." Zak started, before being interrupted by Emmy.

"My mom, always washes her fruit & vegetables first." she said, as she took the carrots & dragonberries to the sink.

She puts them in the sink & turns the water on.

"I love, pourin' the cake mix in the bowl, when my mom bakes. It's so..." Wheezie rambled, as she poured the mix into the bowl, releasing the mix dust everywhere. Some of the dust got into Ord's nose.

"Ah-CHOO!" he sneezed into the bowl.

His sneeze caused one of the mountains, far away in dragon land to collaspe & kill some background dragons, fairies, & other shit.

Anyway, Ord's sneeze caused the mix dust to spread everywhere, making Emmy not see, that the sink was overflowing. Zak was pissed.

"STOP!" he shouted. "This isn't working! Before we start, we need to decide, who's gonna do what."

"And who's gonna do the deciding?" Ord asked.

Everyone stopped & think.

"Hmmm?" they all said in unison.

"What we need, is a key chef." Cassie suggested.

"Yeah." Wheezie said. "And I know, just the dragon for the job."

They put on the apron. Wheezie grabs the chef's hat.

"Chef Zaky!" Wheezie called out, as she slammed the hat onto Zak's head.

"Me?" Zak asked.

"You're the dude. Now make the food." Wheezie said.

"Okay." Zak said.

Then all of a sudden, his voice changes into Gordon Ramsay's.

"Alright, you fuckin' donkies!" he shouted. "Get started on that fuckin' cake! One step, at a time! In the right order!"

"But how will we know what to do?" Ord asked stupidly.

"Always askin' fuckin' questions!" Zak sighed, as he rolled his eyes. "Just follow, the fuckin' pictures, on the recipe, you donkey!"

Then he takes out the recipe book & Wheezie turned the page.

"First, we have to pour the fuckin' cake mix, into a bowl." Zak said, as he & Wheezie go over to the table.

Max wipes a finger on the table.

"But Fat Ass here, sneezed it all over." he said.

"Thank god, that I brought another fuckin' box!" Zak Ramsay said, as he took out another box from hammerspace.

"Hey!" Cassie started. "That was really good planning!"

Zak Ramsay turns to Wheezie.

"Alright, you!"

So, she pours the cake mix into a small bowl.

Dumb Ord licks his lips.

"Mmm!" he said, as he grabbed some carrots & berries. "Let's put the rest of the shit in, right away!"

"Wait, asshole!" Zak shouted. "Something's not right!"

Then he looks at the items, on the table.

"Hmmm?" he muttered.

Then it came to him.

"I got it! The fuckin's bowl, too small! And everything's gonna spill out!"

"Maybe, there's a bigger bowl in the cupboard." Cassie suggested.

"Good fuckin' idea!" Zak said.

Then Cassie went over to the cupboard & grabbed a bigger bowl.

"Here's one." she said, as she took it over to the table.

Then she poured the cake mix into the bowl.

"Thanks." Zak said. "Let's check the second card."

Wheezie turns the page.

"Max. You can pour the fuckin' milk." Zak ordered.

Max grabs the milk & is about to pour it in the bowl.

"But don't spill any!" Zak added. "You donkey!"

Ord lifts Max up.

"Up you go!" he said to Max.

"Thanks." Max said, and started pouring.

"Okay." Zak said, as Wheezie turned the page. "Time for the fuckin' eggs."

"I'm good, at breakin' eggs!" Wheezie said.

"I know." Zak said, as he rolled his eyes. "Emmy, you do it."

Emmy grabs an egg and breaks it into the bowl.

"Wanna see, how I like to do it?" Wheezie asked.

"NO!" shouted Zak in the Tourette's Guy's voice.

Then Wheezie takes out a lid from hammerspace, as Zak gave the recipebook to Emmy, and takes the lid from Wheezie. Wheezie takes out another lid from hammerspace. She flips the two remaining eggs into the air with the lid.

"HOLY SHIT!" Zak Ramsay shouted, still in Tourette's Guy's voice.

The eggs fall back down & the two headed freak cracked the eggs with the lids. And the eggs go into the bowl.

"Now, that was egg-citing! Ha!Ha!Hoo!Hoo!" Wheezie laughed. "Get it? Egg-citing! Ha!Ha!Ha!"

Everyone booed at her lame joke.

"Not funny!" Max said, as he looked at the recipebook. "What's next?"

Emmy turned the page, in the recipebook.

"Next, we grind up the carrots, into tiny little pieces." she said.

"Sounds like fun!" Wheezie said.

"Oh bloody hell!" Zak exclaims. "Our mum, never let's us use anything sharp. She's afraid, that we might cut ourselves."

"Hey, I know a really fun way to cut up vegetables." Ord said, as he grabbed his tail. "With my handy dandy builted-in carrot peeler."

Then he holds the carrot over the bowl & started grating the carrot with his tail.

"Hee!Ha!Ha! It tickles!" Ord laughed.

"Um, yeah?" Zak Ramsay said, as Wheezie turned the page in the cookbook. "Okay, Emmy. You pour in the fuckin' dragonberries."

Emmy looks around.

"Where are they?" she asks.

"I saw them, right over there." Cassie said, as she pointed to a empty bowl, where Ord was.

"Where the fuck, could they be?" Zak Ramsay asked.

BURP!

Everyone turned to Ord.

"Those dragonberries was good!" he burped.

"ORD!" everyone shouted.

"What?" Ord asked, looking like he's about to cry. "I couldn't help myself."

"CUT!" shouted the director. "Dammit, Ord! You just ate the main ingredient for the cake! Now the episode won't be finished in time and that's gonna make PBS pissed & the children sad!"

"And worst of all. We won't get paid!" the crew exclaimed.

"And we won't get paid." the director added.

"You really screwed us this time, asshole!" Cassie sniffed.

"Yeah!" Emmy added.

"I'm sorry." Ord said sadly, as he started turning invisible.

"Don't you dare!" shouted the director. "I demand, that you find some replacement dragonberries. Right away!"

So Ord goes off to do the deed.

In the PBS stock room. Ord was looking for some dragonberries.

"Where are they? Where are they?" the blue dragon cried, as he shuffled through the room.

Then the director was heard.

"ORD! GODDAMMIT! HURRY UP, WITH THOSE INGREDIENTS!" he shouted.

"Okay!" Ord cried.

Then without looking, he grabs a red bottle & rushes out of the PBS stock room.

"It's about bloody time!" Zak sniffed, as Wheezie took the bottle from Ord.

He looks at the bottle.

"Dragonberry Juice? Well, I suppose it's better than nothing."

"Good." said the director. "Now we can continue."

So Zak holds a measuring cup, as Wheezie started pouring the 'Dragonberry Juice' into it, as the others looked on.

Then Zak pour the full measuring cup into the bowl & picks up the cooking book.

"Okay." he said, as he flipped the page. "Time to stir the shit all up!"

"I wanna stir!" Ord called.

"Me too!" Max shouted.

Chaos ensures, until Zak stops it.

"Wait a fuckin' bloody minute! I'm the key chief and I say..."

Then he looks at everyone was looking sad.

"We all stir." he said in his regular british voice.

Everyone cheers & Wheezie did her annoying laugh and snort.

Then Zak held out five wooden spoons. Everyone grabs one & started stirring the contains in the bowl.

For some dumb reason, they started singing.

"Someone's in the kitchen with Wheezie. Someone's in the kitchen I kno-ow-ow-ow. Someone's in the kitchen with Wheezie."

"Ah Ha!Ha!" Wheezie laughed for some dumb reason.

Then several windows were breaking in the background, because everyone was holding that last note on too long.

"DAMMIT! MY CAR!" the director shouted. "You stupid kids and your shitty-ass song! That gay little song of yours is gonna cost you, half of your checks!"

"Fuck!" Max sniffed.

Anyway, the scene is on Emmy now.

"I think, it's done."

Then Wheezie turns the page of the cookbook.

"Time to pour it in the baking pan." Zak said.

Then he and Wheezie grabbed several baking pans.

"Oh no. We don't have one, that's big enough." Wheezie said, as she & Zak put their hands on their hips.

"I guess, we should've planned for that, too." Cassie said, for some reason was still standing by the sink, as she was earlier.

"Maybe, we can pour the batter into all three pans, and make a triple layer cake!" Emmy said.

"Bloody good idea, Emmy!" Zak said. "Pour it in."

Then Emmy grabs the bowl & starts pouring the batter into the pans. The stolen Hanna-Barbera 'slime-pouring' sound plays, as she does this.

"Perfect." Wheezie said. "It's time to bake it!"

"Oh shap!" Zak exclaims. "We can't!"

"Why not?" Max asks stupidly.

"Because, we're not allowed to use the oven without Mum." Zak explained.

"I can fix that." Wheezie said.

Then she opened her mouth & let out some fire, which started cooking the pans.

"CUT!" shouted the director. "That's not right, you idiot! Stick to the script!"

Take 2

"I can fix that." Wheezie said. "MOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!"

Zak covered his ears, as did everyone else. Several more windows on the director's car breaks.

"Oh great!" The Director shouted. "There goes the rest of my windows!"

"WHAT THE HELL, DO YOU WANT!" shouted a voice from off-screen.

"Can you come in here and help Zaky & me bake this cake!" Wheezie shouted.

"OH SURE!" shouted Zak & Wheezie's mom. "THERE'S NOTHING GOOD ON TV, ANYWAY!"

Now the scene fades to the Cake Baking Contest. There's a bunch of background dragons with their cakes.

"And we decided who would do what and planned out everything. Well almost everything. I ate all of the dragonberries & we had to use 'dragonberry juice' instead. Ha!Ha!Ha! But Zak was a great chef and the cake came out perfect. And when we win the first prize, we're gonna give it to you, Quetzal. 'Cause it's a cookbook and we all know how much you love to cook." Ord said excitedly without taking a breath.

Then he takes a breath.

"Whoo! Now that was a mouthful."

"Gracias niños. That was very thoughtful of you." Quetzal said, as he put a hand on Ord's shoulder and took a puff from his joint. "Man! This is so good shit! I'm so fuckin' zumbado!"

"Look! It's time for the judges, to choose the best cake." Emmy pointed out, as they showed a buch of cakes.

Then it shows a orange dragon arm, with a yellow & blue award ribbon.

"This tasty, dragonberry juice & carrot cake gets." the female dragon said.

It then shows the main cast.

"Second place." she said.

The main cast with the exception of Quetzal, who was still high, was sad.

"Oh no." Max cried.

"We didn't come in first." Zak said.

"No cookbook?" Ord asked sadly, as he looked at Quetzal, hoping that he can do something about the judges' decision.

"We wanted to win it for you." Emmy added sadly.

"Aww!" Wheezie finished.

"That is okay, amigos." Quetzal started. "This is something I like better than cooking & smoking blunts all day."

It then shows them on a picnic blanket & the cake.

"And that is; eating 'Dragonberry Juice' & carrot cake is my favorite." Quetzal said, as he started cutting up the cake.

He gives them each a piece of cake.

Ord slurps the frosting off his, as Quetzal takes a big bite out of his.

"Mmm!" Max called out.

"Yummy." Emmy added.

"It's so good!" Ord burped.

"It's bloody great!" Zak exclaims.

"LOOOOOVE IT!" Wheezie shouted her lame catchphrase again. "Ha!Hee!Ha!Ha!Ha! Snort!"

"Mmmm!" Quetzal said. "What kind of 'Dragonberry Juice', did you niños use?"

Ord takes out the red bottle from earlier.

"This!" he exclaims.

The fake label falls to the ground. The actual product was exposed.

"Laxatives?" Ord read. "What a funny name. What does that mean?"

Then all their stomachs started rumbling.

"Oh." Zak said, as he & Whezzie held their stomachs. "I don't feel so good!"

"Me neither." Cassie said.

"What's happening, Emmy?" Max asked.

"How the hell should I know?" Emmy exclaims.

Then all of a sudden, Max started pooping in his pants.

"Uh oh! I just pooped in my pants!"

Then Ord started shitting a lot.

"Holy shit!"

"Literally! Ha!Hee!Ha!Ha!Ha!" Wheezie laughed.

Then Zak & Wheezie started shitting too.

"LOOOOOVE IT!" she said stupidly.

This effect did the opposite on Quetzal's old pot-smoking ass.

"My heart!" he hollered, as he clutched his heart.

Then his whole stomach explodes, thus killing him.

"Oh my god!" Cassie shouted, as she was shitting a little. "Ord killed Quetzal!"

Then she turned to Ord angrily.

"You bastard!"

"Sorry." Ord cried, as he was now shitting on Emmy's shoes.

Then the judges came up to them. They was also shitting & was holding pitchforks & torches.

"Those are the fucks, that are responsible for us shitting a lot!" shouted a dragon judge.

"Let's get 'em!" shouted another dragon judge.

"HOLY SHIT!" the dragons, Emmy & Max exclaimed in Tourette's Guy's voice.

They started running & still pooping in the process.

"That little girl's head will look perfect above my fireplace!" shouted a third dragon judge.

The kids & dragons ran, until they tripped over a tree root in the ground. They fell over ontop of each other.

The judge dragons & a few others ran up to them.

"Now we get 'em! Let's start killing!"

The dragon judges started ripping, burning, cutting, and or eating the smaller dragons & human kids up.

"CUT AND PRINT!" the director laughed, as Wheezie's dead head flew past. "That'll teach those fucks right, for breaking all my windows on my car!"

Author's Note: Well, finally chapter two of Draggin' Tails is finished. It took about 8 months and 16 days, but it's done. Coming up in chapter 3: Zak goes to the doctor. Will things go right or wrong. Review!