Author's Note: I wrote (or at least tried writing) this in Deadpool's POV. I don't own Deadpool. That last sentence was a disclaimer. And that last sentence was the obvious. Also, this is my first fanfic, so I might have made a few mistakes here and there, and I would appreciate some constructive criticism and/or feedback since I probably need to improve this.

Hi kids, my name's Deadpool. That's D-E-A-D-P-O-O-L, not [)-3-4-[)-l0-0-0-l_, because I don't know what the hell that says. I think it's leet. Or was it 1337? Kids these days, using numbers, symbols, and dash lines as letters. When will they learn that some of us can't read what the hell they're typing? Actually, what's the point of leet if you can't understand it? Oh well, anyone who understands this so-called "language" is dead to me. The figurative dead, not the "I killed you" dead.

Anyway, some of you may have gone to your local movie theater and watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine, or as I like to call it, the movie that disgraced my reputation and my good name.

How did they disgrace me, you ask? Simple. They turned me into a human version of Baraka. You know, the ugly looking guy from Mortal Kombat that likes eating people's heads. Why did they do this? Probably to piss me off. Or because FOX is just plain stupid and never heard of "comic book originality" or "a sense of humor". Yeah, it's probably the first one, those bastards.

And another thing. I was barely in the movie! Sure, I kicked some serious ass and, hell, I even sliced a bullet in half, but that was only like 15 minutes! Then I'm gone for most of the movie while Wolverine gets all the attention! I mean, who does he think he is, acting like he's the main character of the movie. Then I come back with my mouth sewed, along with large blades coming out of my arms. They even gave me Cyclops's powers, how &#%$ed up is that? They also gave me teleporting powers, but you could see my skeleton every time I disappear, which was both creepy and stupid at the same time. Seriously, nobody wants to see a skeleton in an action movie. That's why they invented Halloween and Labor Day.

But the worst part is the fact that my battle lasted for 5 &#%$ING MINUTES! I WAS EXTREMELY PISSED! Seriously, my pants were wet during that part. I think it has something to do with me dropping my soda on my lap due to being shocked that I got killed in less than 10 minutes. How the hell can they kill me? I have a damn healing factor, you can't kill me that easily! Head cut off + walking body = healing. It's not rocket science, people! And in case you didn't know, that equation I just made up was made after watching the secret ending that came after the credits. And yes, I managed to stay in the movie theater for that long, mostly because I was trying to decide what weapons to use to get my money back. Wait, I didn't pay at all. Oh well, I might as well kill some people tonight since Taco Bell just closed.

Anyway, what I saw in that movie was Barakapool: The Merc Without A Mouth, instead of Deadpool: The &#%$ing Merc With A &#%$ing Mouth! Okay, that sounded wrong. But I really hate FOX now. HOW DARE THEY BESMIRCH MY SOMEWHAT COOL REPUTATION IN A MOVIE ABOUT SOME GUY WHO CALLS EVERYBODY "BUB" ALL THE TIME? Wait, don't answer that.

The only good thing about that movie is the fact that Ryan Reynolds starred as me. It was like I was looking in a mirror when I saw him, I mean, we look so much alike, don't you think? But everything else was a waste of all the time I spent holding a gun to everyone's faces so I can get a free ticket, free popcorn and soda, and a good seat. Good thing I'm getting my own movie in 2012. Or was it 2011? Maybe 2099, I don't know. But at least in my movie, it'll be about me doing whatever I want, including talking to the audience once again, even though I'm basically doing that right now, but instead of a viewing audience, it's readers who read stories for 5 hours straight while missing their favorite T.V. program. Way to go, people, you made your T.V. sad and now it'll disconnect your cable and throw your toaster out the window for no reason whatsoever. Yeah, not really, but wouldn't that be great if that can happen? I'll answer that for you: *insert answer here*. Okay, that wasn't really an answer, but it took the place of an answer, so it counts.

By the way, and this is very off-topic, never send a fan fiction movie review to a big shot movie company unless you want them to sue your ass for trying to tell them what to do. Then again, I can just shoot them. Actually, I think everyone wants me to shoot FOX for being stupid and ruining the movie's characters and plot, but since I'm just a fictional character who came from a comic book, I can't really do anything except watching you read this story while I'm stabbing my good buddy, Weasel, for trying to eat the last cheesy puff again. When will he learn that I got dibs on the last cheesy puff? Seriously, when will he? Because I can't stab him forever and if I shoot him, I lose my only source of getting intelligence and Chinese food. Then again, I can just get Bob to get the Chinese food, but he sucks when it comes to technology and locating victims and/or chimichanga haters. Of course, I don't like chimichangas that much, I just like saying the word. Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna have a non-violent, non-gay, man-to-man talk with Mr. I'm-the-best-at-what-I-do-because-I-have-claws-that-are-less-cooler-than-a-lightsaber.