Gaara stood, arms crossed over his chest, staring through the window. Blinds covered the majority of it, but they were open enough that he could see through them to the man sitting beside the bed- head bowed, hands loosely clasped together, hair falling down to cover his eyes. The figure on the bed was small and silent, unmoving beneath the white sheet.
His eyes flickered up, tracing the flutter of Lee's heartbeat over the monitor as he'd felt it beneath his palm. He tracked it even as he felt the air stir behind him, and golden eyes reflected back at him through the polished glass.
"He should make a full recovery."
Gaara nodded, not looking away. "You'll continue as his physician."
He felt more than saw the way the woman tensed, then she huffed out a breath that was as tired as it was annoyed. "I'm a surgeon. I can recommend someone who focuses on rehabilitation-"
"No." The single, harsh word cut her off, and Gaara finally looked away from Lee. Calm, cold green eyes met furious gold. "You're the best."
Minutes slipped past, neither willing to look away- then Tsunade finally snorted, amusement leaking in over the tired frustration. "And if I say no my schedule will mysteriously clear itself again, is that it?"
Gaara shrugged, loose and boneless. He barely heard the woman leave- his eyes were only for Lee.
After almost an hour at Lee's side, Gai emerged from the small white room. He paused, his hand still on the doorknob, and glanced at Gaara, who was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Gai smiled, his expression weary but filled with relief. "You can see him now." He nodded toward the motionless form under the sheets. Lee was still unconscious, but the beep of the heart monitor remained steady and strong.
Gaara's expression didn't change at Gai's words, but he nodded slightly and stepped past the man. He didn't hesitate, pulling the chair closer to the bed with a scrape of wooden legs over tile, then sat down in it.
Lee was alive. He'd known it intellectually, but hadn't truly believed it before now- watching his heartbeat was different from seeing the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Gaara's fingertips touched briefly to Lee's jaw, then fell until they rested against his neck.
For a long moment, Lee remained motionless, his soft breathing echoing through the silence. Then his eyelids flickered open, revealing sleepy dark eyes. A tiny furrow appeared between his thick brows. "Gaara?" he murmured. Heavy-lidded eyes blinked. "Is it...is it over?"
Gaara's exhale was slow and unsteady, but he nodded. "She said you'll be fine," Gaara murmured. "It worked."
A drowsy smile spread across Lee's face. "I am glad." His eyes slipped shut. "So tired..." His breathing slowed. He lifted one arm-though it trembled with the effort-and reached out, fumbling, for Gaara's hand.
"Don't do that," Gaara said sharply. "You're not supposed to move."
Tsunade hadn't said anything about it, but it seemed like something that someone who had just had major surgery shouldn't do. Despite that, he didn't pull back- instead he wrapped his fingers around Lee's and squeezed.
Lee squeezed back. A faint smile twitched across his lips, and his eyes opened a crack. He peered up at Gaara through a veil of dark lashes. "You see?" he murmured. "Everything is all right."
"You're an idiot," Gaara responded. There was no heat to the words, though, and he held onto Lee's hand tighter. He felt all too aware of how easily he could've lost this. It'd have been as simple as the coin coming up tails instead of heads. He knew that he was gripping too tight, shaking as he stared at Lee, but none of it seemed to matter. "You're not doing something like that again," he ordered, low and fierce.
"Do not worry." Lee ran his thumb gently over Gaara's whitened knuckles. "I do not think I will need to do it again." His eyes slipped shut, and he yawned. He seemed to be struggling to hold onto consciousness.
Gaara nodded mutely, clinging to Lee's hand. When he yawned again Gaara finally loosened his grip. "I should tell them you woke up," he said.
Despite that, he made no move toward the door.
"Stay," Lee murmured. His hand tightened on Gaara's. "Please?"
"I already told you I would," Gaara said quietly.
Lee relaxed. His expression smoothed out as he drifted off, still clutching Gaara's hand.
It'd taken a bit more than a week for Lee to finally be okayed to return home, though as Gaara had expected, Lee had impatiently insisted that he was fine. Even with the necessary recovery from the surgery, it'd been obvious after only a few days that his pain was lessening, a fact that had Gaara both relieved and strangely tense. His remembered fears about Lee leaving in the aftermath of his surgery had started to surface again in response, edged by the memory of how he'd felt sitting in that waiting room, when losing Lee was something that could happen at any second.
They also hadn't discussed Gaara's continued presence in Konoha, though he knew it was a topic that would have to come up at some point. It was nearing three weeks that he'd been in Konoha. Temari's calls had started to become more frequent, and he'd finally turned his phone off in response. Gaara finished pouring the glass of water, then glanced over his shoulder at Lee- who had been unable to stay sitting long enough for something so simple. "You're supposed to be resting," Gaara reminded him, and handed the glass to him.
Lee accepted the glass. "I am fine," he said, impatience creeping into his voice.
Gaara gave him a Look. Lee sighed and sank into one of the kitchen chairs, wincing at the twinge in his back. His crutch leaned against the table nearby. He desperately wanted to just throw the thing away and never look at it again-it reminded him too much of the time before his surgery-but he knew it would be awhile before he could really, truly walk on his own. Gaara, Gai and Dr. Tsunade had all warned him repeatedly not to overdo it. It seemed like every time he so much as moved a finger, someone scolded him.
Lee sipped the water. "I really do think I am almost recovered," he said brightly. "I have not felt this good since before the accident."
"You aren't. She said five weeks minimum for the brace, then physical therapy after that. If you start doing pushups or something equally stupid, it'll take longer. So don't." He was fairly certain that despite the warning Lee would continue to do foolish things. Lee's desire to push himself was so strong that at times it seemed he needed someone to watch him constantly just to make certain he wouldn't hurt himself.
Lee sighed, his shoulders sagging. He knew Gaara was right, but that didn't make it any easier.
He finished off his glass of water, then set it on the table and looked up at Gaara. "I have been wondering...are your brother and sister all right with you staying here this long?" Gaara never seemed to talk on the phone with his siblings-and he'd been staying at Lee's house for awhile. Of course, Lee wanted him to stay as long as possible, but he didn't want Gaara's family to be worried either.
Gaara tensed subtly, arms crossing over his chest as he stared at Lee. He wondered if there was more behind the words than Lee's usually-honest expression showed. "It doesn't matter if they are," he finally said.
A small furrow appeared between Lee's brows. "But they are your family," he said. "It is important to stay in touch. And they probably miss you." It occurred to him that the remark might be taken the wrong way. He reached out and took Gaara's hand gently in both of his. "I am fine with you staying here longer, and so is Gai..." He was pretty sure about Gai, anyway. "I just want to make sure everything is all right with them."
Gaara looked down at Lee's hands, easily hiding his. Lee reached out to him so easily- so naturally, when he'd spent years before without even the briefest of touches. "We're not like that," he said. "If anything, they're probably relieved."
The furrow between Lee's brows deepened. He looked down at Gaara's hands in his, and his fingers tightened around them. "I do not know everything that went on between you and your siblings. I cannot pretend to understand. But I know I have heard your phone ringing a lot lately. I think they are trying to get in touch with you. If they truly did not care, I do not think they would do that."
Gaara pulled his hands away, stepping back from Lee. "You're right," he said tonelessly. "You don't understand." He looked away. "They're afraid of me."
"Afraid?" Lee blinked. He wanted to reach out to Gaara, but something stopped him; something brittle and guarded in Gaara's expression. He could feel the tension humming through him. "Why would they be afraid of you?"
Gaara's expression calmed into the blank mask he normally wore, and he met Lee's gaze. "I told you that Yashamaru tried to kill me when I was six." He managed to keep his voice calm and still over the words, but vulnerability flickered in his eyes. "The part I didn't tell you is that I did kill him."
Lee's eyes widened. For a moment, he couldn't speak. He just stared at Gaara as the words sunk in.
Then a single, breathless word escaped his lips as a whisper: "How?"
Gaara's lips tightened slightly and his arms crossed protectively over his chest. The memories tried to well up in his mind, but he forced them back. "I shot him." It was simple, calm, and dry, but it was the first time he'd actually voiced it.
Lee took a slow, deep breath. His heart was beating quickly, his mouth dry.
Six years old, he thought. At that vulnerable age, Gaara had endured more horror than most people would in their whole lives.
On impulse, Lee stood, reached out and took his hands again. "You were just a child," he said softly. "You were scared and confused and hurt. And he had just tried to kill you." His hands tightened on Gaara's. Then he pulled Gaara gently into his arms and hugged him tight. Tears stung his eyes as he ran his fingers through that soft red hair. "No one could blame you for what you did."
Gaara pulled in a deep, shaky breath- then all of the tension fled his body and he sank into Lee's arms. He trembled there, hands fisting in Lee's shirt, pulling in gulps of breath. "They did," he whispered. "I killed their mother, then their uncle. They were terrified. More than that- they hated me."
He hid his face against Lee's neck, not wanting to see his face... and the forgiveness there. Not even that- the complete lack of blame in the first place.
Lee gently rocked Gaara back and forth, stroking his hair. He could feel his heart pounding, hear the shuddery little gulps of his breaths. "It is not your fault," Lee whispered into his ear. "None of it is. Your mother's death was not your fault, and neither was Yashamaru's." Gently, he framed Gaara's face between his hands and lifted it so he could look into those green eyes. Then he placed a gentle kiss on Gaara's forehead, his lips resting against the tattoo for a moment. "It is all right," he whispered. He kissed the bruise-dark corner of one eye, tasting the salt of tears.
Gaara trembled, eyes slipping shut so that he didn't have to see Lee looking at him. "You don't understand," he whispered. "I killed him. And it wasn't because he tried to kill me."
He remembered the way Yashamaru had looked at him, how his hand had wavered, the whiskey-slickness on his lips coating words of hatred. "I thought he loved me," he whispered. "Even if no one else did."
Lee's hands trembled slightly. He tried to imagine the pain Gaara must have endured in that moment, but it was too much to comprehend. To trust in only one person, then to have that person turn against him and shatter that trust... "It was not your fault," he repeated firmly. "You were just a child." And-a small, dark part of Lee whispered-Yashamaru deserved death for what he'd done to Gaara. Lee couldn't remember ever having such a thought about another person before. But for a man to try to kill a child who trusted him, and for such a senseless reason...
Warm, callused fingertips stroked Gaara's soft cheeks. "I am so sorry," he whispered.
"Part of me thinks you'll do the same thing," Gaara whispered. His eyes slowly opened, and he looked up at Lee. "I don't know what it means that the thought of you dying scared me more."
"I would never betray you like that. Never." Lee cradled Gaara's face between his hands, looking deep into his eyes. His thumb brushed away a tear. Then he hugged Gaara close, ignoring the flare of pain in his back. If he couldn't make Gaara understand his feelings through words, he would show him through touch. One hand slid up to the nape of Gaara's neck and rubbed the warm, velvet-soft skin there. "I love you," Lee whispered into his ear.
Gaara shuddered. He couldn't look away- couldn't turn from the warmth and gentleness that Lee offered so freely. "I will never understand you," he whispered brokenly.
"I am not sure I will ever understand you either. Not completely. But you do not have to understand someone to love him." He dropped a soft kiss on the top of Gaara's head. His back throbbed dully. He ignored it.
Gaara drew an unsteady breath and nodded, face rubbing against Lee's shirt. He hesitantly slipped his arms around Lee. The hardness of the brace underneath was unfamiliar, but Lee was less so. He listened to the steady rhythm of Lee's heartbeat, shaking as he tried to match his breath to it. "I'm glad that you lived," he whispered.
To Be Continued