TITLE: Realizations, Revelations and Rejer

AUTHOR: SallyAnn (harmony033)

EMAIL:

RATING: PG-13/R….there's some language and adult situations…

DISTRIBUTION: On my site, , LJ, if you want it, just email me!

SPOILERS/CHANGES: Set after OMWF. S6 follows with Buffy sleeping with Spike, but everyone knows.

FEEDBACK: Please leave comments, but no flames!

SUMMARY: Giles figures out his feelings towards Buffy, but still leaves after he realizes she's been in heaven. Buffy figures out her feelings towards Giles, and falls into a depression after he leaves.

PAIRINGS/CHARACTERS: Buffy/Giles, Buffy/Spike, Willow, Xander, Dawn

DISCLAIMER: The Buffyverse characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television, the WB Television Network, and whoever else may have a hold on them. I do not mean to infringe upon any copyrights. I made up the demons. This is for fun only.

DATE: 7/31/10

Giles understood more about Buffy than Buffy herself may have even known. Perhaps he should have let her read his Watcher's diaries for personal insight. It was too late for that now, Giles knew.

Buffy treated sex as a part of love. That's why she had never been cavalier about giving or using it, as Faith had encouraged. That's why her first experience was with someone she loved deeply, Angel. While she had real feelings for Parker, he abused her emotions and used her. And then came Riley. Steady Riley. Until he wasn't. On the whole, he was a good man, someone Buffy tried very hard to love.

Giles had watched Buffy and Riley's relationship. He couldn't help but compare himself to the irritating bloke. Riley simply did not understand Buffy the way her other friends did, or how Giles did. Then, no one understood Buffy as Giles did. She was the sun to his moon, his counterpart, truly, his equal. To him, Buffy was not a child, especially not his child, as had often been implied. If Giles had been raising anyone, it was Dawn, as he recently seemed to be saddled with her responsibility. Even before Buffy's death, Giles had shouldered a great deal of Dawn's welfare, for Buffy's sake, as well as Dawn's. He was Buffy's partner, mentor, and friend. He could not leave Buffy, even when it seemed what he should do. The closest he came to abandoning her was when Buffy seemed so settled and happy. That summer she had the world-she had her family, her steadfast boyfriend, and all her friends together. Giles was of little use then, especially unnecessary during a time when supernatural activity was little to none. He could not bear to become irrelevant and simply fade out of Buffy's life, so he decided to be proactive and leave. That summer Riley had seemed very committed as well, so maybe it would be for the best, as long as Buffy was happy. The sunlight did her good. She was always so happy in the summer.

But Giles could not leave. Not after she came to him, needing him-after all this time. She still needed him! He could refuse her nothing, especially with such a door opening to let him back in her life, but what a cruel doorway it was. Bringing him closer to Buffy, closer to what could have been something so wonderful and beautiful...only to snatch all dreams and hopes completely away. Buffy's death was the hardest thing Giles had ever had to deal with. He was fine during the paperwork-settling accounts, and taking care of funeral arrangements, most of which had to be under the legal radar in order to keep the Buffybot patrolling. This kept him occupied and never allowed time for grief, for the release of emotion he never dared show.

When she was brought back, Giles thought he had been given a second chance at life. He was more overjoyed than he ever had been in his whole life, and he was fully prepared to not only help Buffy recover, but to help her find peace and happiness in her life again...hopefully with him. He practiced exactly what he'd say, exactly how he'd stand, where he would tell her, and what he would give her, when he professed his true love. It was all he could think about...until she sang. She sang so clear; Giles felt it penetrate all those hopes and dreams, killing them on the spot. He should have known. Should have been there for her, for her to feel like she could talk to him. If she didn't want him for this, there was little reason she'd need or want him for any other aspect of her life. While she may have taken pity on him and given him what he so dearly dreamed of, it would be utterly one-sided. The mere thought of her using him for a physical or emotional release that was not mutual chilled him. After Buffy stole outside to be with Spike that night, Giles knew his door of opportunity had slammed shut and was permanently locked. So he bought the ticket.