BELLA'S P.O.V

They say that keeping your memory is a blessing ,in my case it is a curse. In some cases at least.

I can remember every detail of the night I was taken from them. I can remember every detail of the three days I burnt in the fiery pits of hell and I can remember every scream, or howl, of pain that came from my children and the children of La Push in the past 10 years.

MEMORY

"BELLA! what he hell are you doing?" He screamed from the other room as I tended to our sick 5 year old's. They had, had a temperature and been vomiting for the past two days straight and screaming for the same amount of time. While I cared for them both, he watched television and slept all day long and when he was awake he would scream at me 'SHUT THOSE FUCKING BRATS UP BEFORE I DO ' and just turn the television up . He was not the man I fell in love with. This man I hated for the way he blanked his twin son's and the way he treated me.

My poor babies just wanted their Daddy to give them a cuddle like Mommy does and he could not give a shit .

When we met he was the sweetest man I had ever known and I fell head over heals in love with him. I had made him prove to me that he was not just out for a booty call as they say and he would turn up every night at the dinner I worked at and sit with me for hours, if there were no customer's, and talk about every thing. He was such a loving and kind man and treated me like a princess . It was only 2 months after we had made things official before I moved in with him and 7 before I became pregnant .When I had the twins I was immediately in-love with them, they had my hair and eyes, my personality and the only thing of his they had was D.N.A and for that I was thankful. He didn't deserve to have them.

I sat there with my two babies curled up in my lap as they finally slept. Their temperature finally going down enough to let them sleep. After half an hour I gently put them in their own beds and went down stairs. I had had enough of his attitude towards our two little boys. They deserved his undivided attention and all the love he could give but instead all the got was a scowl and nasty comments thrown there way. It started when they were born and he realized I would not have all the time in the world to do what he wanted. Ever since then he has always treated them like burdens' and never really gotten to know them. If he had he hopefully would of seen what I saw every time I looked at them, two beautiful young boys who loved with their whole hearts' and would do anything to make someone happy.

I knew he didn't want them once they were born, he had told me so the first time he had ever raised his hand to me. From that night on it was a regular thing in our home. Every time we were alone he would beat me black and blue until I could not stand any more and after a while I got used to it. Who wouldn't when it was a daily occurrence?

It was not until he struck Brady that I ever fought back. I didn't see the need to before, he was a lot bigger and stronger than me and most of the time if he thought I was going to fight back the beating was a lot worse. Once I had seen my baby on the floor with a broken lip I flipped out and attached him, he won in the end but I gave him a black eye and a broken nose. Not enough if you ask me but he quickly over powered me.

I told him as I lay there in my own blood and urine that the next time he touched one of my babies I would kill him and he never ever did touch them after that, he even went as far as to ignore they even existed, the beating however just got worse for me and if that is what I had to take to keep him from doing anything to my babies I would, no questions asked. I had tried numerous time to leave,just to pack our bags and take my two little warrior's as far away from him as I could but every time he would stop me.

He would always be stood in front of the front door when I was walking down the stairs or he would show up as I was packing our bags. I could never leave the house for a few days after because I would be covered in bruises from head to toe. And didn't want the people from the Quileute tribe knowing what was going on, they already disliked me due to me being a white woman and couldn't understand why my husband had sunk so low and not chosen one of the available woman from his tribe or the neighbouring tribe. I can remembered telling my babies to go to their room as I led on the floor bleeding as he stood over my broken body, they screamed and cried but did as I told them. They did not need to see what he did to me. After all I was only trying to get them somewhere safe and away from him.

I walked into the living room where he was sat and walked over and turned the Television off, immediately getting his attention. I could see the anger in his eyes .

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" He hissed at me through clenched teeth. I was shacking, terrified at what I was about to say and fearing what reaction was going to be .

"We're leaving tomorrow. If you try and stop us I will tell every one what you have done. You will let us leave here tomorrow and will never try to contact us or see us ever again, you have done enough damage in our live's and I will not do it any more. Tomorrow I am taking my babies and leaving here forever." I said as confidently as I could. He sat there for a few moments until a sick smirk covered his face, he leaned back on the sofa.

"Oh Really now? Is that really what you want? To leave me? To take my lovely children away from me?" His smirk still in place and all I could do was nod. How dear he use MY children like that , he didn't want them. I started to walk out of the room but was stopped when his arms circled around my waist, his hot sticky breath fanning out on the side of my face making me want to gag.

"Well I'm sorry to tell you this but the only way you're ever going to leave me is if you are dead. You want it so much then that's what you will have." He whispered in my ear filling me with dread with every word he said .

I could not leave my babies with this man alone .

"No...no I don't want that ...please" I said trying to back track but It was not working. He knew I would try and leave the second he was not here, after all I had tried enough times.

He chuckled a dark chuckle as his hand wrapped around my neck squeezing .I tried to free myself, clawing at his hands so I could get loose but still it didn't work, his grip to strong. I was starting to get light headed from the lack of air getting to my lungs when he threw me across the room and into the mirror that was on the wall, shattering it.

Glass was every where, sticking out of my arms and legs, my back and stomach. I knew there was nothing I could do now. My body was in to much pain and I could not move. I could hear the sounds of my babies calling me as they ran down the stairs and could only cry harder at what they were about to see . I shouted at them to go back up stairs but they chose this time of all not to listen.

I watched as they ran into the living room and as their eyes landed on me ,tears sprang to their beautiful eyes as they took in the state I was in .I tried to tell them to leave again but every time I opened my mouth I would cry out in pain. They started to run towards me but were stopped, a hand grabbing each of them by the hair and throwing them backwards and still all I could do was scream. I screamed for my babies, for him to leave them alone,for him to leave me alone.

I tried my hardest, slowly pulling my-self across the wooden flooring. Trying to get to my two unconscious babies as they led on the floor by the stairs case and all he did was watch, amusement in his eyes and a smirk on his face like this was some form of entertainment for him. I wanted to kill that man there and then.

As I made it half way across the room a hand grabbed my ankle and flipped me over hard on to my back making the glass embed it-self just a little further into my skin. I could feel the scream as it traveled up my throat but refused it let it out.

I knew that I would never see my babies again after tonight and this was the last time they would ever see me as-well. He stood over me and chuckled. I could feel the blood washing over my skin every time I moved ,my body felt like I had just got into the shower. My hair was stiff with blood and I could feel it slowly starting to dry on my face but I didn't care, all I cared about was my children. That they would be safe and loved.

I watched as he slowly started to unbutton his shirt as his eyes traveled up and down my body. How could he even think like this? Then again I knew more than any one else just how sick he was. Soon he was stood over me naked palming his hard length a few times before he bent down and ripped -literally ripped- the clothes from my body.I could feel the shards of glass slice down my skin where they were caught on my clothing.

The cold air hit my body and I felt like I had just been slapped on every part of my body causing me to flinch slightly .

I tried to beg him to stop but he didn't listen, the strength to fight had left me and my head was spinning. All I could see was blood, my blood and lots of it ,every where. I tried to move away from him but my body was starting to go numb from the loss of blood and I could not move. I watched him as he got down on his knees and pried my stiff legs apart a little. Flipping me over on to my stomach again he gripped my hair in his hands and lent over my body and whispered in my ear 'hope you're enjoying this as much as I am ' then chuckled once again .

His other hand I could faintly feel running down my spine and then between my bum cheeks until his fingers roughly entered my sex. I wanted to scream out but could only whimper in pain as he thrust his fingers into me over and over again .

I shut my eyes tightly hoping that I would wake up any moment and it would all be a dream as he withdrew his fingers. Prying my legs apart I could feel him position him self to get better entrance. He rubbed him self on me a few times before thrusting into me, grunting and moaning as he pleasured him self with my numb body. I led there whispering how sorry I was to my children as he thrusting in and out, in and out .I knew what he was doing but could not feel a thing. All I could do was breath and even that was getting harder to do.

Once he had had finished he just led there not bothering to remove himself from me, just led there all his weight on my already fragile body .

I don't know how long it was that I was their bleeding out on to the floor of my living room whispering for god to take care of my children and keep them safe before it felt like my lower body was being lifted off the floor .I could faintly hear him say 'I always wanted to try this' Before their was a shooting hot pain searing into my back passage .I whispered one last time how much I love my children before blackness took over my mind and all was lost to me .

PRESENT TIME

If had had known then what would happen that night I would never of said a thing to him and just lived my life like it was .

I would of never said any of the things I had said to set him off if I knew that I would of been taken from my children. For the last 10 years I have suffered as I watched them grow up and not be able to be their with them, for the last 10 years I have listened to them screaming as their dad beats them and for the last 10 years I have had to listen to them crying at night asking why their mother was taken from them and its slowly killing me inside .

If I knew then what I knew now I would be with my boys.

MEMORY

My entire body was in flames ,was I in hell ?

Did god want me to suffer for being with that man? Did god want me to burn for not being there for my children? Why did it hurt so much ? I was already dead shouldn't the pain go?

It lasted for a life time ,my very soul was burning me from the inside out and hot knives were ripping my skin apart on the outside. After a while the pain seemed to slowly die out ,first from my fingers and toes then on to my legs and so on until it was just my heart that was in flames. If any one was to feel this pain it would feel like your heart is literally ripping in pieces and burning to a crisp but this pain I could handle;I had had worse.

The pain of watching my children as they seen me led on the floor and the pain I felt when their eyes filled with tears .My heart broke then and it was the worse pain any one could ever feel .The pain of seeing you're child scream out your name as their hearts broke and not being able to do anything, that was pain.

Suddenly the pain grew and got hotter until it just disappeared .That's it , it just went . Noise flooded my ears ,all different fragrances could be smelt and my body felt alive .Slowly I opened my eyes and the light burnt my delicate eyes but I could not bring myself to close them again ,I had been in the dark for to long now .

"Hello." A voice said from some where .With out even realizing it I was up and crouched down for some reason and some one was growling ,not aware that it was actually me who was the one growling .

"Who are you? Where am I? " I asked as I took in the people in the room with me .

"My name is Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife Esme and these are our children Rosalie and Emmett, Jasper and Alice and Edward . You are currently in our house in Forks " He said and I stared at him like he was a mad man. Forks? As in Forks right next to La Push? He must be a mad man ,I'm dead. I started to laugh and they were all looking at me like I'm the crazy one .

"You must be mad. I can't be in Forks .My husband he...he...killed me ,I'm dead." I said ,heartbreak in my voice and tears gathering in my eyes .My poor kids ,I would never see them again .

"My son Emmett found you in the woods buried under some bushes and bought you here .There is some thing you need to know... You are a vampire" He said with a serious voice .

"I'm sorry?" I said not quite understanding what he had just told me. Was I still alive? Was this all real? The legends, the stories ,were they all the truth?

"May I ask your name?" The man- or vampire called Carlisle asked me .

"It's Bella " I said as every thing that had been said in the last few moments tried to register in my mind .

"Well Bella ,yes I am telling the truth you are still alive ,well technically . My son Emmett found you and brought you back to me ,it was to late to save you . I checked you when you arrived and ...well ...I was shocked you were still fighting actually .I changed you into one of us as your heart was still beating ,very weakly I might add ." He said to me .

"Wait you examined me? " I questioned . What the hell did that mean?

"Yes, I am a doctor at the local hospital and I had to see what had happened to you and if I could save you in any way but this was the only way. I'm sorry"

"What was wrong with me when you ...um when you checked me? " I questioned wanting to know what the bastard had done to me exactly .

"Well you had lost an incredibly amount of blood .There were cuts all over you're body, we did not know how severe it was until we had cleaned you up ,you were covered head to toe . There was severe bruising on your thighs and breasts along with a few bite marks on you're breasts .And um...there..um there was a lot of vaginal tears and damage to you anal passage . The person who did this to you would of made the damage to you're nether regions when you were unconscious or we would have hear you scream from here ,they used some thing a lot bigger than it is possible for man to ever posses . You also had a broken hip and fore arm and a crack in you're skull " He said looking at me with sadness in his eyes .

To tell the truth I was shocked that he could do that to me and then dump me in the forest .What kind of man was he? And my kids were left with him as well .At that thought I shot up from my crouch .

"My Kids" I whispered and ran for the door. I had to get to them and make sure they knew I was alive and not left them with that evil man that fathered them. Before I could reach the door it was being blocked by Jasper and Edward- at least I think that's them - and I growled at them .Looking for another way out I spotted the window and ran full force ,breaking my way through it I flew through the air before landing on the balls of my feet two stories down .

I looked back up at the window and saw Carlisle ,Emmett ,Rosalie and Esme jump through it .Before they landed I ran ,and ran and ran . I was so close I could smell my beautiful children , they smelled like home . Just as I was about to break through into La-Push a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist , growling I tried to turn around and fight off who ever it was when I was thrown back a few yard until I hit a tree splintering it .

Shacking off the shock of what that big lug Emmett just did I stood up slowly glaring at them all .

"If you think you are going to keep me from my children you're wrong ,I will kill you if you get in my way again. I have been beaten by men most of my life and I will not let another man touch me like that again so I suggest you move, NOW!" I said in a deadly calm voice ,I was still shocked at how I sounded but it was the furthest thing in my mind at the moment knowing my children were probably scared to death thinking I was gone and they were left alone with him.

"Bella were not trying to stop you from seeing them but they are humans , if you go near them at the moment you will want to feed off them .Please don't do that to your self " Carlisle begged of me .I only just realized that what he was saying was true .

I am a vampire ,I feed on blood .If I go near them I will try to kill them .

A sob escaped my lips as I sank to the floor .I was alive but still I could not go near my babies and tell them it was going to be OK .

Strong arms wrapped them self's around me and lifted me up .I clung to who ever it was and screamed .

"Bella there are certain things you must know now you are one of us .I'm going to take you back to the house and then we can talk about it OK sweetie " Carlisle voice said from above me ,I just nodded and clung to him tighter as he walked me back to the house .

That night they took me for my first hunt ,after Jasper had explained that I should be dying of thirst by now and should want to kill every one insight ,I did indeed feel a little tickle in the back of my throat ,nothing like they said it should of been like .

I was also told about the laws of our kind and they all told me their story as I did for them . By the time I had finished mine Rosalie was sobbing quietly into Emmett shoulder ,I knew she had been raped and left for dead and it must of brought up some bad memories for her .

I was told that when they are sure I can be around humans with out killing them then I would get to see my children again. They told me that it was indeed true about the werewolf's and that Sam Uley had in-fact been the first to faze and that is why he ran off for those two months ,he was still the only one and had been the only one for about 8 months so far .

It broke my heart to think of him all alone and not being able to tell any one . They also invited me to stay with them ,to live with them for as long as I wanted and for that I was truly grateful .I would be close to my kids and that was the least I could do at the moment .

PRESENT TIME

It is so strange to think back at how calm I was about the whole vampire thing but hey, every one is different .My time with the Cullens has been good ,I can't complain .Well except for Emmett and Rosalie's night time activities but apart from that I can't complain .

The only thing I did now watch look over my babies .They were safe now ,I could been around them and not have a problem ,even though I never did have a problem around humans .

I have watched over my little boys for years now making sure they were OK and not in harms way .For the first two years I was helpless though ,no one would let me see them saying ' were still not sure you could handle it' but I soon proved my self .

MEMORY

I sat in the woods after my hunt and just looked out into the night sky . I missed doing this with my babies . I missed them so much I couldn't help but to get up and quickly make my way towards my old home .I needed to just have a quick peek see if they were OK .

As I made my way closer to the house the smell of Sam made its way into my nose .I knew he patrolled around La-Push and I could only hope that he did not come by while I was here . I slowly crept in through the back door my senses over powered by the stench of alcohol .I could see him sat in his usual spot on the sofa watching the television with a beer in hand . I stood there for about thirty minutes before I could hear two sets of foot falls coming down the stairs quietly .

My two baby boys slowly walked into the room ,thank god I was covered by the shadows . They had grown so much in two years ,both 7 now ,they were so handsome . Brady looked at the floor while Collin looked scared at their father and if I had blood left it would be boiling right now ,I could see the new and old bruises on their faces and on their legs where they were wearing shorts .

They were too skinny also and looked weak . I was furious .

"Dad, can we please have some thing to eat?" Collin asked trying to hid his fear while Brady couldn't even look from the floor .My heart broke seeing them like that ,this was all my fault .

They were completely ignored by their father who just kept watching the T.V .

"Dad " Collin said a little louder getting his attention . He looked mad as hell . He threw he beer at them and glared .

"WHAT !" He shouted at them making them flinch and take a couple of steps back ,he smiled at that .Getting up form his spot he walked over until he was in-front of them .

"What have I told you ?" He said .

"We just wanted some ."Collin said but was cut off by his fist hitting my baby in the face . I saw red . As he raised his hand again to hit him I shot forward and gripped his wrist above his head .

"If you touch one more hair on my babies I will kill you " I whispered to him and I could feel him freeze .

"B...B...Bella ?" He questioned and turned around to look at me ,gasping when he saw me I knew he knew what I was .

"You will never touch them again .You will look after them and feed them ,if you don't I will kill you .I am always watching you remember that " I spat at him and threw him across the room. I watched satisfied as he landed on the coffee table and it shattered around him .

A sniffle brought my attention back to the fact that my babies were standing right behind me . I turned around as fast as I could to see my two little boy with tears running down their faces looking at me shocked . I didn't know what to do ,two years of not seeing them and I'm stood here like a statue .What if they didn't know me any more? What if they did not want me like this any more ?

"Momma "Brady whispered shocked .I sank to my knees as tears that would never fall gathered in my eyes looking at the damage he had done to them .

"Oh ..my babies " I sobbed out and before I knew it they were both wrapped around me crying and screaming into my shoulders ,if I was still human they would be cutting off my air supply but thankfully I was not so I just held them to me as we all cried . My heart was finally mending ,sat here holding my babies was what I had been waiting for .

"I'm so sorry ,I'm so sorry " I said to them

"I didn't want to leave you but I'm back now babies ,I'm so sorry .I missed you so much " I said as I peppered them both with kisses .I had missed them so much and was never going to be to far away again .

After an hour or so they finally calmed down enough to talk and what they told me broke my heart ,they told me about all the beating's they get and the food that they never get. I had left them like this ,it was all my fault .

"Momma, Please don't leave us again. Please! Please!" My children begged me .I knew I could not stay on the rez with them and they could not leave with me ,even though I had already broke the treaty if I took them now then the wolves would come and there numbers had been growing . Plus I could not bring my-self to harm any of them , they had already gone through so much .

"Babies I will never be to far from you I promise .I will always be here watching over you and no one will ever hurt you again .I can't stay here with you but you're daddy is going to start taking care of you I promise . I can't stay here I'm so sorry but all you must know that I am always watching you , I will always protect you ." I said as they sobbed holding on to me like their life depended on it .

"We know Momma ,we know you can't stay here cos you're a cold one now but can't we come with you " Brady asked as tears ran down his face . My smart little babies knew what I was already and they did not mind . My heart broke knowing that they could not come with me .

"If I take you with me then people will come looking for you and that can't happen baby but like I said I will always be watching over you. If you need me just shout my name and I'll be here within minutes ok? " I said to them again knowing that my time was coming to an end and I would have to leave soon .

"I love you both with all my heart and I always will. I will have to go now but I will be back ,you will see me again OK!" I said hugging them tight to me and then letting them go .They both nodded and kissed me and said good bye. Before I left I told them to go and help them selves to any food that was here and that their father was going to go shopping in the morning and all he could do was nod. When they were out of sight I walked over to him slowly .

"I will be watching you .If you every lay a hand on them again or do not feed them or do not care for them then I will kill you . They are my babies and you are the only one to look after them at the moment so I suggest you do " I said quietly so the children would not hear me ,he nodded and I was gone ,running back to the house .

PRESENT TIME

It still made me smile when I think of his shocked expression at seeing me .

After that he never touched my babies again and I was happy about that but I was still going to kill him when the time came . My kids were growing up so fast they had just fazed last week and were very confused .Sam told them that they were there to kill Vampires ,they knew what I was and were trying to go against what Sam was saying .

Sam had seen it in their minds along with every other in the pack about my visits to my kids and were very shocked that I was a Vampire and what he did to us all .

They were angry as-well that I had been to see Collin and Brady and was able to slip in and out with out any of them noticing . Sam was putting them both on patrol tonight to see how they went ,they would be going with Jacob. I knew they would do fine ,they were good kids and listened and would do as they were told and for that I was proud of them .

They were still having a hard time processing what was happening to them and worried about what would happen when they see me again . It was time I visited them ,if only for a few moments .

I waited until they were on their patrol with Jacob .I went to the meadow I knew they would run through in about 25 minutes and waited .I stayed at the far end just in-case Jacob tried to attack me ,I did not want to hurt him. And every one knew that he was the hot head of the group. Kill first and ask questions later.

Right on time I could hear their huffing and puffing as they got closer and closer until they were just entering the meadow . Jacob stopped them as he smelt me and looked over to where I stood and growled . Collin and Brady's heads whipped around to see me and I listened as they both thought 'Momma.' Jacob stopped growling for a moment and asked my babies if it was me and they both nodded their big furry heads at him .

( Bella is talking in her mind now .I will put their names in-front of who is thinking what )

Collin & Brady - Momma I miss you ! .They thought not knowing she could hear them both

Bella -I know my babies ,I miss you two as-well . Bella thought to them, shocking them all as she started to walk towards them when she knew Paul was not going to attack her .

Bella -You two look amazing ,your doing such a great job . Bella said as she stopped a few feet away from them .

Bella- I am so proud of you both ,and you to Jacob .You have turned into quiet a handsome young man. Bella thought when all she could get was his mind screaming 'IT'S BELLA ' She knew that the others on patrol would alert Sam and they would all be there very soon so she had to make it quick .

Brady - Where have you been Momma ? He asked while they walked over to her and bent down to nuzzled into her . She ran her fingers through the fur on the backs of their heads .

Bella - I told you I am always close .You two did great when you fazed .I can't stay long because the other are coming but all you have to do is call me and I will be there OK .Bella said as she nuzzled into both of them relishing in the fact that she was with her babies for a short time .

Collin - We miss you Momma please don't go yet they will understand . He thought to her .They all knew that every one else in the pack could hear what was being said and the could see it through their eyes .

Bella - Most of them do baby but Paul has got a bad temper and when he sees me he will attack and Sam does not accept me at all I'm sorry hunni ,don't worry my babies soon I will be able to come and see you when ever I want .Bella though and looked over at Jacob. She knew that soon he would take over his rightful place as alpha and would let her see them when ever she wanted to but today was not that day . I slowly pulled back from my boys and walked over to Jacob . Once I was in-front of him I reached my hand out and ran it through his fur for a few moments .

Bella - Jacob Black ,you will be a great leader . You're mother is very proud of you .Look after my babies for me . She thought and leaned down and kissed his big cold nose then looking up to his eyes .She knew that in a few seconds the others would break through the trees and that if she really wanted to she could change how things were going to happen but it was fate, the things that were going to happen tonight would change the pack for the better . What would happen if she did stay couldn't happen yet , they were not ready for that, especially him. I smiled and walked back over to my shocked boys, gave them one last kiss , whispered that I love them and would see them soon and ran just as every one else came running into the meadow. Things were going to change for the pack and they all needed to get used to it. she knew that things were not going to be easy for her for a while yet but knew that in the end she would be fine and loves like she always should of been,and with her babies.

So what do you think?

Review please xxx