Greetings my crazy friends. This one was a bit of a dare from Sunayoko-san... Not to mention there might have been flying pencils involved if memory serves... Ahem. This fanfiction is merely meant to be an exploration of what could happen if Temari brought a guy home.

One shot...

Characters: Gaara, Kankuro, Temari
Rating: K+
Genre: Humor/Family

"If you'll excuse me, Kai." Temari said quietly, leaving her date standing in the hall. The Kazekage's sister retreated into the mansion to locate the cause of the crashing sound. "KANKURO!" She shouted, knowing that it was the middle child whom was usually the cause of such breakages.

-0-

Kai waited patiently in the front hall of the Kazekage's mansion. He glanced around at the sandy colored stone walls. The hall was furnished in a Spartan fashion, having only a long red carpet that continued the length of the hall with black tile showing between the crimson cloth and the sandstone wall.

"Are you Ichimaru Kai?" A dark, familiar voice came from behind the jounin. Kai turned around to face the Kazekage. Gaara's frosty glare made Temari's date shiver. He pulled himself together on the inside, hoping none of his momentary terror had shown.

"Ah, yessir." Kai saluted. Gaara nodded, as if pleased with the information. Kai noticed Gaara was without the gourd he was almost always seen with, even in the desert village. Gaara was, however, still in his Kazekage's robes. He circled Kai, looking him up and down. Kai shivered again under Gaara's stare.

"Well... Ichimaru-san..." Gaara was standing behind Kai as he spoke again in that blood-chilling monotonous growl. "If you're going to go out with Temari, I have to ask you something..."

"Sir?" Kai looked over his shoulder and screamed.

-0-

"Gaara!" Temari frowned at her brother. The Kazekage was lounging on the couch reading a novel. He looked up at his irate sister. She'd discovered that the crash had not been Kankuro's direct fault. He had been trying to get Temari's cat down from the top of a book shelf and it had knocked a picture down when it jumped down.

"Yes, Onee-san?" He asked, playing innocent.

"What did you do to Kai?" Temari pointed at the door, hanging open with masculine screams echoing in the distance. Gaara shrugged and went back to the book. Temari pulled the book out of hand and folded her arms, pressing the book against her chest. "What did you do?"

"I only asked him a question..." Gaara sighed and reached out for his book. Temari raised an eyebrow. Gaara refused to look at her.

"What was the question? 'How fast would you like me to crush your head?'" She snorted. Gaara turned to look at her. He gave an uncharacteristic smile resembling that of the Joker's. He reached out for his book again and his sister grudgingly handed it over.

"I simply asked him if he wanted a balloon."

That was gonna go right over your head if you didn't see IT... But I guess it can still be funny whether you read/saw IT...

Oh, and the book Gaara was reading is NOT Make Out Paradise... It's called "The Name of the Wind".