PokeContestIkari Story: S is for Slaughter

F is for Fundamental Formulas

All three assassins woke up with a refreshed sense of what they do. They went through immense, perilous training to become what they are today, and they weren't going to let it go to waste. They could not continue to practice these mumpsimums that have been developed...it was unreasonable quite frankly, stupid. They had been on more missions together than any other assassin in the business singularly. Shinji and Shuu couldn't even begin to count how many missions they had been on!

...Whereas, Shuu kept a record of every girl he wooed, how he wooed her, and, of course, how he annihilated her.

Natheless, the exchange of perorations last night certainly revitalized them, and they all were eager in their own way to get the day started. So, what's a better way to start off the day then being shocked by innumerate watts of electricity by your best friend in the whole world?

"OOOUUUCCHHHH! PIKACHUUUUUUU!" Satoshi screamed out, twitching from the shock. "YOU'RE BEING A BUTTHEAD!"

"Butthead? You're going into what grade?"

Pikachu stopped its Thunderbolt and looked at the door with an inquisitive countenance. Shuu stood there, shirtless, with a towel wrapped around his shoulders; as if he had just returned from a California beach. Satoshi groaned and looked up as well to see his brother looking more excited than he usually did.

"Shut up. I bet you'll understand when Flygon hits you with Dragonbreath."

"That'll be the day. Come on, hurry up we've gotta get ready. Shinji wants to talk with us before we leave."

Satoshi stood up, Shuu's words having discombobulated him. "Again? Man, I thought we did enough talking last night."

"Well, apparently that's not the case." Shuu then walked closer to Satoshi, and discreetly whispered into his ear: "between you and me, I think Shinji is stressed out about this case."

"No way, Shinji?" Satoshi whispers back, Pikachu looking up at both of them, listening in.

"Hey man, I have to admit I'm a little stressed out too. Who would've thought a girl that didn't find me drop dead sexy would exist?" He shrugged and made his way out of the room, taking the towel and rubbing it against his hair. Sighing, Satoshi rose to his feet, not even bothering to take a shower.

"I'm going to a pool. There is no valid point as to why I'd shower beforehand. What idiot would do that? Not me. Not Satoshi."

He smirked to himself, but then stopped.

"…Is this really what I think about during the day?"

Meanwhile, Shinji sat on the couch, having been up for a couple hours, thinking. He wasn't thinking about anything in particular, rather, he was just thinking. His purpose in life was to kill people; ironic isn't it? He was given life to take away lives…what could he say, it was a cruel world he lived in. As he thought about it, some other occupations were rather odd to be existent.

Like, being a stripper, or a professional athlete, or a stripper, or a food analyst...or a fucking stripper.

"Okay, we're here."

Shinji snaps out of his thoughts and sees Shuu in dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt with Satoshi who was dressed for the pool once more.

"As we addressed last night, we need to start switching into full-on assassin mode. There will be no more of these frilly, beat-around-the-bush methods, all right? It just wastes time. So, I'm issuing that these girls be annihilated in at most three days."

"Three days? You're out of your mind!" Satoshi said.

"How the fuck can we kill someone in three days tops? That's unethical. We need at least a week."

Pursing his lips in disgust, Shinji grabbed Shuu by the arm and pulled him away.

"Okay, just leave me here high and dry." Satoshi commented, looking up at the ceiling, discontent in his eyes.

"If I give you a week, you'll just waste more time." Shinji whispered.

"Fuck no. We're assassins too, Shinji. We know how to get the job done…we just have different methods."

"Well then let's go back to the fucking beginning."

"Oh are we gonna be fucking cavemen?"

"No shithead."

"Sign me up for a fucking club to whack your head off!"

"Man, I feel so unwanted." Satoshi thought. "It's times like these that I wish going into the family business wasn't the sole option."

"We're going back to the basics, all right? Nothing too convoluted or any of that shit. We're just gonna head in, gain their trust, and see what happens."

"Man you got the stripper though they have no perception as to what 'trust' is! You've got it easy! Mine is an absolute monster!"

Shinji grabbed him by the collar. "Then tame her."

"Tame?"

"I'd think that you'd know what I mean by that."

"You'd think that I'd know what you mean too."

"…What?"

"…Yeah I'm just going to go." Satoshi yelled out, pointing his thumb towards the door.

"WAIT!" Shinji called out, putting his hand up. "I need to speak with both of you now."

"Fine." Satoshi said while Shuu rolled his eyes and joined the circle.

"We're heading straight in. Gain their trust, get them alone, and slit their throats. Shoot them in the head. Strangle them. I don't care. But we're getting have our heads mounted on his wall."

"They do that now?" Satoshi asked.

"…Satoshi, we're just going back to the books for this one, okay?" Shuu explained, patting his little brother's shoulder.

Satoshi stopped for a second, but then nodded in accordance. "Right."

"Look guys, I'm not too eager about this mission but we are assassins. Our job is too—"

"Oh my Arceus above me WE KNOW." Shuu interrupted, putting his hands up. "Kill people who are threatening to the business, protect the boss, dignity, blah, blah, blah…"

Satoshi held back his laughter as Shinji grunted.

"Report back at the house at six sharp. We'll have a postmortem discussion, because that's prior to my departure for hell."

"Gotcha." Shuu replied, nodding his head once, Satoshi as well.

"Right, well, dispatch."

Satoshi turns on his heel and walks quickly to the door, Pikachu resting comfortably on his shoulder. Shuu and Shinji couldn't see it, but he had the biggest smile on his face.

He didn't know why he was smiling though.

As of now, he was going to start the plan to annihilate one of the few people who tolerated his shenanigans while being genuinely entertained by them. The way she had looked at him the night before was something he'd never seen before. She had his head spinning, and he absolutely hated it.

When he caught sight of the pool, he felt his chest begin to hurt.

"Man Pikachu, we probably should've gotten something to eat, huh?" He remarked, patting his stomach...even though it was his chest that was hurting.

"Pika!"

With the subject of food in mind (despite it never leaving),Satoshi had decided to go get some. There was no such thing as too much food after all; in his mind at least. Besides, this town offered quite the collection of culinary goodness. He could go for a bowl of ramen or just a good ol' double decker bacon cheeseburger with every condiment in existence on it.

Oh yeah, that's the stuff.

"Well, aren't you going to go?" Shinji asked, gesturing towards the door that Satoshi just left from.

Shuu turned to Shinji and said, "You are the weakest link. Goodbye."

With that, he turned for the door, not missing a smooth step, and headed out to the shopping complex. He had made sure that he dressed down for the occasion; coming on too strong was a big no-no in his big book of flattery. A simple man was the best man; he could offer things that were of little value yet of most importance. He couldn't buy her a first class meal, but he could give her wisdom for the rough road of life that was sure to come.

Well, he could play that role to perfection…

He shrugged. "Close enough."

Soon, he saw Spring's Fashion, and he stopped for a second.

He started to contemplate on what the "basics" really were. For Shinji, it was easy peasy lemon whatthefuck. For Satoshi, well, the first step for him was to view her as a target…not a…whatever he saw her as.

Shuu then decided he was going to play it simple, meaning, he'd go as the sympathizing guy. He'd go in there, give her the most sincere of apologies, and try to make it up to her. He'd utilize that masterful tactic where he'd make his eyes water, appearing verklempt. In a simpler form, he was just going to be the nice guy.

Although we all know that nice guys finish last.

At the exact moment where Satoshi bit into that cheeseburger, Shuu started walking toward the store, and Shinji drank his first beer of the day, it was clear.

The boys were back in town.

"CANNON BALLLLLLLL!"

Kasumi snapped her head up when she heard that familiar voice.

"Oh no, not again…" she instantly thought as the sound of a large splash came into her ears.

As well as the sound of discontent people.

"It's a public pool man, relax!" Satoshi said to all of them as Pikachu rose to the surface.

Kasumi giggled to herself, trying to focus on her work rather than the vibrant young man and his happy Pokemon.

After splashing around a little, Satoshi stopped and started thinking about what Shinji said.

Well, what Shuu explained to him what Shinji said.

"Basics, basics…what does that mean? Where do I start?" He thought to himself.

When Satoshi thought of basic, he thought of simplicity and leisure, idle chat. He wasn't exactly the master at subdued, but he could give it a shot and see what he gets. Rising out of the water, he wrung his hair out and walked over to the lifeguard's chair.

"Hey, uh Kasumi?" He called up to her.

She looked down and when she saw him, a small smile formed on her face.

"Hey Satoshi!" She replied, jumping off the chair with the most grace he's ever seen in his life.

"Uh, uh hey!" He replied, immediately scratching the head of his head.

"What's up?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Well, uh…" He began to stall.

Pikachu chirped to grab Kasumi's attention, hoping for his master to come up with a topic of discussion soon.

"Your Pikachu is just the cutest thing!" She picked it up and began scratching behind its ears.

"Chaaa!" It cooed, snuggling up to the redhead.

"I just wanted to say last night was really awesome." He finally said, not looking at her.

"Yeah I had fun too." She smiled at him.

"…Yeah." He absent-mindedly replied.

"…Not to be rude, but is that it? Because I kinda have to go back to my…y'know, job." She said, motioning toward her chair, smiling a little.

"Oh yeah right! Well uh, yeah that's it! ACTUALLY WAIT NO!"

Kasumi flinched back a little from his sudden loudness. "Are you…okay?" She genuinely asked.

"Huh? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine!"

By now, our friend Satoshi had gained quite a few stares for his behavior. Everyone at the community pool knew that Kasumi was a looker as well as a good person, so seeing a man nervous around her was just status quo.

However, this was just embarrassing; even for them.

"Have you ever had the burgers here?" He asked.

"Well sure…I've lived here all my life." She replied, giving him a confused look.

"You have?"

"Yeah, I told you last night…" She said, her inflection representing confusion.

"…OH THAT'S RIGHT!" He said, grinning.

She smiled back, suddenly feeling awkward.

"Well I'll bet that…you've never…had one with…me?" He said, his voice getting squeakier with every word.

She chuckled. "No, I reckon I haven't."

"Well then maybe you…should…do that."

She raised an eyebrow. "Is that a command or an offer?"

"It's more like a 'please, please go with me for a burger'."

She fully grinned. "I'd love to but…I'm on my shift until three—"

"THAT'S FINE I'LL WAIT!" He loudly interrupted, making Pikachu jump.

Kasumi jumped as well. "Umm…great! Uh…try not to cause so much commotion, okay? If my boss finds out that I know 'that guy who's always pissing people off' I might get fired."

"No problem! I wouldn't want to be responsible for your starving to death!"

He smiled wide at her as Pikachu jumped from her arms and went back to his shoulder.

Her face was absolutely priceless. "Right, well…I'll see you later."

She walked off to the little kid section of the pool and watched over them for awhile; mostly, she just wanted to get away from that crazy kid.

That crazy kid who had absolutely no idea as to what subdued was.

After taking a deep breath, he calmly walked into the store to see her standing behind the register fervidly punching numbers into her calculator and writing down various business-related…stuff.

"Academy Award, here I come." He thought to himself.

"Umm…hi." He began, slowly making his way up to her.

She glanced up at him once, looked back down, then gave him her full attention.

"…Hi." She said, walking away from the register to one of the random sections.

"Can we talk for a second?" He asked, trailing behind her.

"I'm a little busy right now."

"Not that I know anything about business, but there's no one in here except you and I." He pointed out.

She stopped fiddling with one of the dresses and looked at him. "It's early, some people might come in…I need to make sure the store is spotless."

"It is spotless. Please, just one minute."

He loved the idea of begging. It gave her the idea that he was willing to push aside anything just to have her attention. Plus, it was kinda hot when a girl did it.

Kinda.

She heaved a sigh. "Fine. One minute."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I offended you in any type of way last night. I didn't realize the gratitude of the situation you were in."

"Hmm…whoever knew I was such a pro at the nice guy façade."

She looked down at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with him.

"I would really like to make it up to you though." He added, trying to sugar her up a little.

"Would you now?" She asked, looking up at him with incredulous eyes.

"Yes, I would." He affirmed.

"Well that's sweet of you, but I'm fine thanks. I just needed one night out that's all."

"One night of hypothetically ripping my balls off?" Shuu thought to himself, mentally rolling his eyes.

"No, you need to relax. I could tell then, and I can tell now that you are stressed out." He said, following her around the store as she tried to abstain from him.

He walked closer to her and grabbed her shoulders lightly, looking straight into her eyes.

"Please, let me help you any way I can." This was his best, and he really wished someone else was watching.

Her eyes suddenly changed from hostile to vulnerable; even the tone of color changed.

"I never realized women could be this bipolar..."

"…Actually, you know what would really do me well?" She suddenly spoke up, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"What?"

"If it's not too much trouble, well...I need some extra help around here. As you can see, I'm the owner, manager, and employee population right now. Do you have a job?" She asked.

He felt his eyes widen for a split second, but maintained his cool. "Will it help you out?"

She laughed a little. "You have no idea."

He bent over to hold her hand and stroke the top of it with his thumb.

"Then I would be delighted."

"…Really?" She asked, her face lightening up a little.

"Absolutely."

A huge smile broke out on her face, him softly smiling at her in return.

"Oh my gosh, thank you! Well, your salary will be—"

"Oh, no need for a salary." He interrupted her.

She furrowed her brow. "You have to have a salary though…not only is it against the law here, but it's just not right."

He walked closer to her. "I know what situation you're in right now, and you need all the money you can."

For the first time in a long while, she smiled at him.

"You are truly an angel."

Before he could sarcastically reply with, "that's what they tell me," she fully embraced him in a warm hug, showing just how much she appreciated his "hospitality. When she let go, he was a little stunned.

"...Th-That's what they tell me." He said, putting that smirk on to save himself and his dignity.

"When can you start?"

"Whenever you want me to, darling."

"Great, how about now?" She offered, running back up to the cashier.

"Sure; what should I do?"

He walked up to her and drowned out her blabbering. How difficult could it be to run a B-rate clothing store, let alone direct people through it? As she talked, he laughed on the inside. Shinji would be so proud of him…all he did was talk to her, and she offered him full-time access to the target's setting as well as the target herself.

Congratulations, Haruka Spring. You just hired a mass murderer.

The clock at the assassins' temporary home chimed six times, and Shinji was already growing patient. He was eager to hear how he was right about the fundamentals being the best route. What was with all this intricate crap? It's a simple task. He couldn't understand why simple situations were approached with such complicated solutions.

The door opened, and along came Satoshi.

"Well?" Shinji immediately asked.

"…I don't think you want to hear."

"On the contrary."

Shinji knew that his naïve little brother was so happy about this girl yesterday, which meant he wasn't focusing on the mission at all. Now that he was morose and blasé, he was now beginning to make progress.

At last.

"It wasn't good Shinji, from any perspective." Satoshi said.

"What do you mean?"

Before Satoshi could elaborate, Shuu burst through the door, grinning like a fool. Shinji cringed at the sight.

"What're you so happy about?" Satoshi asked.

"No time." Shinji said, walking to the door. "We need to go."

"Where are we going?" Satoshi asked.

Shinji stopped, sighed, and turned around. "We're going to the strip club."

"All RIGHT!" Shuu exclaimed.

Shinji roughly pushed the green-haired man's shoulder, not appreciating the childish comment.

"Why are we going?" Satoshi asked while following Shinji out the door.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this…" Shinji began.

"What?" The two other brothers asked.

"…I need your help."

The boys are back in town? Maybe, maybe not.

Hey y'all! Welcome to another rushed chapter! :)

If you've read my other updated story I Don't Want A Fighter, you will have already known that I have my own laptop now, meaning that I have much easier access to Fanfiction, and it's S.U.M.M.E.R...so more updates! :D

Wait...SHINJI NEEDS HELP?

Oh man. These girls are giving our favorite guys a run for their money!

...Or are they?

~Im-A-Horror-Freak :)