Hey, everyone! Finally, after months of being away, I have returned...for now. I've been busy with life and all, but I'll be trying to update my other stories as the months go on. This is the final chapter in this short story. :(
Depending on time zones, this might be the first fic of the new year!
I hope you enjoy what I wrote, and happy holidays and happy new year!
Drunken Stupor
Chapter Four: How Devious!
Lightning stared out onto the vast white expanse of the rolling hills surrounding Oerba. Her arms were resting upon a strip of metal railing, now rusty and cold with age. She sighed to herself, on the verge of losing herself in her own thoughts.
They had made it! All six of them together on Pulse, and with a good amount of time remaining on their l'Cie brands. If only that could actually count as some consolation. Still, Lightning was astounded. How a whiny teenager, an idiot, an old man, two children, and herself managed to fight against all odds and revolt against the corrupt Cocoon government was no small feat.
But this was only the beginning. The six l'Cie still had so much to do, so much ground to cover, and a limited amount of time to do it. Lightning, the self-appointed leader, had enough burdening her, and what was to come only stressed her out more.
She wouldn't stand for insubordination. No, being trained in the Guardian Corps certainly wouldn't allow that. She could handle Snow, a few insults or punches were enough to get him back in line, and his skills in combat were too good to deny. Sazh was decent. The older man wasn't much of a problem, and took orders nicely. He also kept watch over the others, his wise, knowing gaze understanding that Lightning couldn't handle everything on her own.
Hope, her little protégé, had progressed superbly on the field of battle. Being a teenager however, got the better of him. Lightning found herself amazed that the fourteen year old could still worry about hormones when the chances of dying were so high. There was more then one time that Lightning had caught Hope eyeing her, however an encounter with Fang and her camera two weeks ago had straightened the silver-haired boy out.
Which leaves Fang and Vanille, the two children Lightning had to "babysit". The pair had grown increasingly rowdy over the past few days, resorting to pranks for entertainment. Lightning grazed the trail of tiny dot-like cuts around her ears and head with a gloved hand. The blood had stopped trickling by now, the diminutive cuts taken care of thoroughly since Lightning was still cautious about Oerba's local plant life. Their prank had involved seeing who could place the largest amount of flowers in Lightning's hair before she woke up. The intimate invasion of her personal space was enough to anger her, but Fang's decision to grab the flowers with prickly thorns on them brought Lightning to her boiling point.
Fang's rebuttal of Lightning's accusation just made things worse. The strawberry blonde silently swore to herself that she'd get revenge, and oh would she ever...
Lightning just couldn't wait to wipe Fang's shit eating grin off her face...
It was then that Sazh had coincidentally arrived. The retired pilot gave a simple nod and leaned against the railing, the smooth breeze rustling his afro. The pair stood a decent ways apart; Lightning assumed that Sazh had probably come up here to relax in silence. They stood quietly on a stone walkway on the far edge of the Pulsian village. Without any C'ieth in the area anymore, anyone could stroll up here at their leisure.
The better part of an hour passed, the sun drooping low in the sky, lighting the heavens with a spectacular mix of reds, oranges, and pinks. The pair couldn't help but stare in awe at the beautiful scene until the sunset finally ended, and night began.
"So..." he began, turning to Lightning even though she remained statuesque. Sazh could sense how awkward the situation was, and resorted to rubbing the back of his neck. Lightning took notice of the lack of Sazh's chocobo.
"Do you ever think that there's someone else out here? You know, some trace of civilization? It's been centuries since we, uh, Cocoon I mean, had been in contact with Pulse...and..."
Forming the sentence was difficult at best, Sazh trying to ease the tension that was radiating off Lightning. She could piece it together of course, but Lightning's mind was off in other places. She turned to face Sazh, her arms stretched across her chest and trademark scowl upon her face. The wind blew a few stray hairs of pink across her face, but Lightning didn't seem to mind. As the sky darkened, Sazh couldn't quite see the glint in Lightning's eyes.
"It hasn't crossed my mind." she replied quaintly. "The Steppe is mostly isolated by the deep ravines surrounding it, and there's no signs of any buildings in sight around Oerba. Just more crystal dust..." she let her voice trail on, her eyes shifting to catch a view of a wind turbine. After five hundred years it was in a decent condition. From what Lightning could discern from it, it could function properly with only a few tweaks.
"Yeah, yeah." the older man sighed. Age was beginning to catch up on him. "At first I was concerned with how Fang and Vanille would take it. Oerba is desolate; we had not seen another human, dead or alive, since we reached Pulse..."
Lightning nodded silently. "I know, but we shouldn't be concerned with that, if Fang and Vanille don't seem to be. We've got a mission to complete, and millions of lives are at stake, but it seems the only thing those two want to do is play pranks one us while we make our way through Pulse!"
Sazh could almost feel the anger and annoyance from Lightning, more so than usual. He chuckled knowingly, and slowly made his way over to her. "Those two kids have been nothing but trouble if you ask me. Someday someone is going to teach them a lesson-"
"-And I plan to be the one to do it." Lightning interjected. As Lightning bent her head down, Sazh could almost make out a small smile on her lips. He raised an eyebrow, obviously curious to the soldier's intentions. From the few short weeks he had known the girl, he didn't think she would lower herself to get back at someone like that.
"Well, let's hear it. I have had my own share of pranking in my day, and I have been pranked before."
Lightning looked back at Sazh, the spark in her eye now clearly evident. A hand went into a pocket, rummaging around for a scrap of paper she handed to Sazh. The older man took a glance, did a double take, and smirked. He didn't think Lightning could be this devious.
"I'm in. Just tell me what to do."
As the moon began its long ascension into the night sky, Lightning and Sazh began to discuss the finer points of the soldier's plan. They spent most of the night going over every possible scenario, alternative possibilities, and the tools for the job until the plan was perfected. A small smirk stretched across Lightning's face as she looked at the camera in her hand. It was only a matter of time...
Fang yawned and stretched her arms to the ceiling, utterly bored watching Snow and Hope's game. Usually she'd be off fighting C'ieth, hunting for food, or picking fights with her "esteemed" leader. Lately however, with Oerba clean of the taint of the C'ieth, and enough food supplies to last a few weeks, Fang was left to her own devices. Which usually meant trouble for anyone around her, besides Vanille of course.
Fang grinned like a cat who caught a mouse trapped between its paws. After the little incident with Vanille, a few shots of cactuar juice, and herself, the two Pulsians had taken their relationship to the next level. The pair distanced themselves from drinking anymore of that foul orange liquid, a strange mix of hot sauce, cold medicine, and cotton candy. With that out of the equation, Fang and Vanille had gone off many a night to have their fun, disturbing Lightning's nightly watch when she saw the two with disheveled clothes and unkempt hair...and the obvious odor of sex. And to Fang's delight, Vanille was insatiable.
Lightning personally didn't care much for it, as long as Fang and Vanille's relationship did not jeopardize the mission. However their pranking had gone out of hand. Fang would typically resort to playing tricks on others, often dragging Vanille into it as well. But with Vanille out today, Fang had to find other outlets of amusement.
Which brings her here, the final resting place of all forms of enjoyment and laughter: Snow and Hope's room.
For two idiot guys, well one idiot guy and his teenage sidekick, Fang thought they would be up to something interesting. Instead, the two were playing some stupid game called Swords & Sorcery. Hope was sitting across from Snow, a paper grid map between them. Hope had a wizard hat that had stars and clouds on it, the cone making him nearly as tall as Lightning. Attached to the hat was a white beard Hope had strapped across his chin. Snow on the other hand had a simple eyepatch on, but was gently examining the six soap miniatures creepily modeled after the six l'Cie.
"Damn, Hope." Snow exclaimed, placing the soap miniature modeled after himself down on the grid map. "You got the details really well."
Snow couldn't help but feel a little disturbed towards Hope, and glanced over to Fang who was hanging upside down on the bed looking at the two as if she was in anguish. Hope tried to hide his blush under the beard and shrugged his shoulders.
"I have a lot of time on my hands...I guess" he said awkwardly, receiving an annoyed groan from Fang.
"This. Is. So. Fucking. Boooooooring!" she sighed flicking the back of Snow's head from her laid down position.
"Alright, let's get back to the encounter Hope. So I had just slayed the evil gnoll warlord and rescued the elves' prized pegasus, and now I'm returning to The Dark Drinker to meet...your character right?" Snow questioned, turning back to Hope who was rolling a few dice. He nodded and grabbed a sheet of paper next to a bunch of other soap miniatures and read off it.
"As you enter the Dark Drinker, you see a wide host of characters in Alarell's local tavern. While mostly humans occupy the bar, you can spot one or two dwarves on the far right, sharing a few drinks and keeping to themselves. A group of elves head upstairs to where the bedrooms are located. At the bar counter you see three people on stools drinking loudly and laughing. The barkeep and owner of The Dark Drinker, Morna Nightsong keeps the group well entertained. Finally a woman of striking beauty sits at the corner table far from the others, a cup of water in her hand. She's is talking to a man of unparalleled handsome...ness and strength, and she seems very interested."
Hope stifles a cough, and places the sheet of paper on a stack of others. Snow takes a long look at the various soap sculptures throughout the fictional tavern.
"What do you do?" he asks, looking at Snow inquisitively.
"I cast Magic Missile!" Snow shouts, rolling a 20-sided dice. Hope smacks his face and sighs, doing the same action for the umpteenth time in the past half hour. "No one is attacking you, Snow! Besides, you only rolled a 9."
Snow hangs his head in defeat and moves his miniature over to the table where the woman of striking beauty and the man of unparalleled handsomeness. "Okay then, I'll talk to these two people."
Hope clears his throat and speaks again. "You approach the man at the table. Immediately you feel awed by his awesome presence. He towers over you, covered in rippling muscle. He is clad in thick steel plates forged in the bowels of the Nightmare Realm, a large broadsword is strapped onto his back, and three ancient runes are etched across the surface. Each rune itself emanates raw, untamed power the likes you never could imagine."
"Judging from the man's massive biceps you know that he wields the broadsword with one hand, yet still cleaves through hordes of demons, dragons, and undead, feeding the never ending thirst for blood his weapon has. A large tome is hooked onto a belt at his waist. The tome is thick, ancient, and just staring at it makes your eyes ache and stomach lurch. Looking up you can see his thick neck, wide square chin, and an otherwise manly face. Besides the slight sign of stubble, the man is clean shaven. A small mane of silver hair flows behind him, each spike flawlessly in place."
"The man, nay, this god amongst men seems to stare through you with cold, unflinching eyes. Despite this, simply being near this great man seems to bolster your spirits. You realize, that by his side you can slay anything. With this man's aid, you can achieve power only outmatched by him. Noticing your meager existence, the man nods cooly, his monocle reflecting the fire's light."
"I go by many names, young adventurer. Lord of Noridon, Savior of the Goblin Kingdoms, Slayer of the Dragon Duke's, Victor of Lucifer's Hell's Arena, Consort of the Elven Queen, and Patron Deity of the Sun. You, however, may call me Sir Hope."
The room is silent for many minutes until Fang erupts into a fit of laughter. The raven haired woman rolls on the bed, trapped in her hysterics. She knows she can't stop, and Hope's embarrassed face just makes things worse. Fang notices Snow's hanging jaw look of complete shock. Leaping off the bed, Fang begins to head to the door to get some air.
"So why does your character have a monocle?" Snow asks Hope, watching Fang go. "God, Snow! Everyone knows that every great wizard has a monocle!"
Snow looks at Hope confused. He picks up his soap model and examines it. "So if I were to have two monocles, would I-"
"That would be glasses, Snow." Hope interrupts, snickering under his breath. Snow's face flushes and he hastily grabs the figurine next to Hope's. "Well your character is next to the Lightning model! And you described her way out of character!"
Making her way outside, night's cool breeze washes over Fang. The moon rivals Cocoon tonight, and the two celestial body's illuminate Pulse well. Fang's town of Oerba looks ghostly at night, Fang feeling sadden by the realization that everyone truly did vanish centuries ago. Guilt pangs her, knowing her mistakes caused the downfall of her people, but remembering Vanille reminds Fang that she is able to rectify the past with completing her Focus in the present.
Walking down roads she knows like the back of her hand, Fang immerses herself with memories long gone. Happiness and depression show on her face, but a sudden reminder knocks her out of her trance.
Looking down, Fang notices a white card with a white rose next to it. Picking up the card, Fang notices Vanille's signature, and remembers that white roses are her favorite. The note is simple, asking Fang to follow the trail of flowers to where she'll get her "prize." Fang chuckles, immediately piecing things together. She had to admit, Vanille's new approach to sex and their relationship had Fang a little turned on.
Following the trail of flowers and arrows pointing her in the right direction, Fang stops at a clearing a little ways out of town.
"Vanille?" Fang asks, scanning the crystal dunes around Oerba. She walks around a bit, the search for Vanille providing no further clues. Suddenly, she feels a tap on her shoulder, and Fang whips around.
"Vanill-!" Fang shouts, but is quickly interrupted by a rag closing over her face, a cloaked figure capturing Fang in his arms. The figure is slightly smaller, but holds Fang up with ease.
"Shhhh. Go to sleep. It's only chloroform..." the surroundings grow darker, and Fang slips into unconsciousness.
It was morning when Fang awoke. With her senses returning, Fang opened her eyes, gazing out towards the magnificent valley before her. However what was bothering her was the strip of duct tape around her mouth the ropes restraining her wrists and ankles. Fang was tied up like a pig, trapped on the small cart she was lying on.
She noticed Vanille sitting next to her, just waking up. The redhead was in no better condition, mouth shut, and tied to the cart along with Fang. Suddenly she saw Sazh walking over, looking extremely smug. Fang's eyes widened, she growled and thrashed her head around, but the nothing was going to get her loose.
Now next to them, Sazh removed the duct tape on their mouths rather forcefully, making sure that it pained them.
"Ow!" the two women said in unison, Vanille squeaking a bit louder and nudging herself closer to Fang.
"What the hell, Sazh!" Fang spat at him, her eyes furious. The older man merely chuckled.
"Hey, hey, hey, I'm not the one who came up with the plan, I'm just the assistant. Making sure you two troublemakers learn your lesson, yeah?"
Sazh motioned himself behind the cart and pointed all the way down the steep hill. Fang gulped in slight fear.
"Well, you girls better prepare yourself!" and with a grunt, Sazh pushed the cart hard down the hill.
"Oh shit!" Fang shouted as the cart rocketed down, her voice lost in the wind. Vanille clutched onto Fang as tight as she could, screaming as the cart gained speed. Wind whipped Fang's hair into her eyes, blocking her view. Pulling her hair away, Fang noticed the barrels of ice cold water being dumped on her and Vanille from somewhere.
"Aaah! Cold! Cold!"
The water caused the cart to tilt a little, but it continued its pace down the mountain at breakneck speed. Completely drenched in the freezing water, Fang shivered, letting her fears take over. As the cart came down the hill she noticed Snow driving by on his Shiva Cycle. Grinning, he chucked large open bags of flour over Fang and Vanille. He gave a thumbs up and sped off, Hope sticking his thumb against his nose and wiggling his fingers at them as Snow drove away.
Covered in in a mixture of flour and water, Fang powered her way out the rope restraints. The sticky substance covered her and Vanille head to toe, making the task of releasing Vanille especially difficult.
"Hold on! I got ya!" she shouted before being hit by a cloud of white feathers. She felt like she was being choked, the feathers sticking themselves to the flour-water combination. Ripping feathers away, Fang coughed and breathed in a big gulp of air. Turning her attention back to Vanille she quickly untied the ropes.
Fang spun her head around, realizing at the only way to survive this encounter was to grab Vanille and jump off the cart. She hugged Vanille tightly to her and cradled her in her arms before making her attempt to leap off the out of control cart.
"Jump, Fang! Trees are coming up!" Vanille shouted, tugging on Fang's sari. Fang nodded and jumped out of the cart, spinning as she landed on the ground, making sure Vanille was unharmed.
Ugh...fuck my life.
Fang sighed, clearly exhausted. Making the treacherous climb back to Oerba with Vanille was taxing, but Fang couldn't bear the embarrassment coming to her when she met back up with the others.
The two were covered in feathers, looking like giant chickens. Dirt, flour, and water clung to their skin, their raggedy appearance unkempt after hours of walking.
Finally making it back to camp, Fang walked over to Snow, Hope, and the others talking to each other, sounding generally worried about Fang and Vanille until Fang showed up. Nodding to Fang and giving Sazh a mean scold, Vanille stormed off to wash herself and get the feathers off.
Fang sat down on a chair, grumbling to herself while the others broke it laughter and tears.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Just wait until I found out which one of ya did it, then we'll see who got the last laugh!"
Fang growled at each of them, forcing Snow and Hope into quietness.
"Oh come on, Fang. It wasn't so bad." Lightning said, a smirk of satisfaction on her lips. Fang snapped to attention and rushed over to the soldier, about to grab her by the collar.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." the strawberry blonde chuckled. She waved her camera in front of Fang's face, enraging her further.
"Now," Lightning began, walking around Fang, surveying the damage that was done. The feathers clung to her skin and clothing in a mismatched fashion. Her hair was in messy, dirty clumps. Fang's sari was ripped in a few places and Lightning could see a few cuts and bruises.
"Cluck like a chicken for me, Fang." Lightning ordered, sheer confidence in her words.
"Why you little bitch!" Fang spat back, receiving a waving finger from Lightning.
"Nuh-uh. I won."
"For now, anyways..." Fang mumbled and sighed in defeat.
"As I was saying, Fang." Lightning snapped a photo of Fang's face, completing the collection.
"Cluck for me."