This is a manuscript of the therapy the characters had to go through... they had to let go of all their insecurities before they signed their souls away to the author of this story :3
Dustfinger
Therapist: So they even appear in your nightmares? t
Dustifnger: YES! The Fangirls, they're EVERYWHERE!
Therapist: Uh huh… do you think your mother had anything to do with this?
Dustfinger: My mother? wha… What does my mother have to do with anything!
Mo/Bluejay
Therapist: After reading this work known as Inkdeath, It appears you have multiple personality disorder.
Mo: Wha! This is terrible
Bluejay: Kill him! Kill the therapist now!
Mo: No! I'm not a murderer! I'm a book binder!
Therapist: I would also assume that you're jealous of Dustfinger ?
Mo: Why would I be jealous of Dustfinger?
Therapist: Well I would just assume so, since he has awesome fire powers, billions of fan girls, and a hot wife that can sing…
Mo: Well I have a hot wife to…. And lots of fan girls!
Therapist:… denial problems as well!
Bluejay: Gahh that's it! Kill! KILL
Meggie
Therapist: So now you're having second thoughts?
Meggie: Well yes Doria is amazingly wonderful! But Farid has such beautiful eyes…
Therapist: So… you have to choose! Wimpy bleh bleh- or- fire dancer, beautiful eyes, and adventurous spirit. Pick.
Meggie: Hey Doria isn't a wimpy bleh bleh!
Therapist: Gosh darn it woman make up your mind already!
Basta
Therapist: So… where do we start?
Basta: Well there is this thing that I've-
Therapist: When did you notice you were afraid of ghosts?
Basta: Wait! I was just going to-
Therapist: Did your mother influence your knife obsession anyhow?
Basta: What the #*+ man! I'm trying to tell you-
Therapist: Why do you constantly chew peppermint leaves?
Basta: Well I don't-
Therapist: Is it true that you are in love with Capricorn?
Basta: I'm done here! (sniff) I'm just done…
Brianna
Therapist: So let me get this straight, You pretty much stole Cosimo from Violante, sang to him instead of her, practically worshipped him, then even when he is dead you kiss a coin with his face, sew pictures of him, and visit his corpse… I see many problems there…
Brianna: You don't understand! Cosimo had a face like an angel.
Therapist: Did he have wings?
Brianna: It seemed like he did at times.
Therapist: Mmmhhmmm, what would you say if I said that Demons are usually the ones who look good but don't have any wings… You fell in love with a demon.
Brianna: You don't know he was a demon!
Therapist: Oh but I do… I do…
Capricorn
Therapist: This one's easy! Blame you mother for everything
Capricorn: My mother?
Therapist: Yes… everything is your mothers fault!
Capricorn: What is it with you and mothers?
Therapist: That's what she…
Capricorn: Don't you dare say it!
Elinor
Therapist: I believe you have abandonment issues.
Elinor: Oh really? And what lead you to that?
Therapist: Lady! You missed the blue jay guy and his indecisive daughter when they disappeared and didn't even once frown when you thought of Dustfinger being gone…
Elinor: What makes you think Meggie is indecisive she's a sweet little girl.
Therapist: Yeah, she goes on all through inkspell loving Farid… then suddenly spins 180 degrees to fall for Mr. Frufru
Elinor: Doria? Doria is a nice young-
Therapist: He's a wimp… his name is too close to Dora! You know Do-do-do-dooo-da-dora. Dora dora dora, the explora. Swiper no swiping swip-
Elinor: Wait! You're not helping me! Your ranting about Doria!
Thereapist:… NEXT!
Farid
Therapist: Feel free to scream.
Farid: Why would I scream?
Therapist: One name… Meggie
Farid: Why would I –
Therapist: You loved her!
Farid: Yeah but…
Therapist: It's okay… I believe any heart ache can be cured over time.
Farid: But I'm not…
Therapist: It's okay… no need to talk.
Farid but I-
Therapist: (sniff sniff) Shhhhh (sniff sniff) Everythings alright
Farid: I think you're the one who needs help!
Fengolio
Therapist: Let me get alcoholics anonymous on the line…
Fengolio: Why would we need-?
Thaerapist: Say it!
Fengolio: But I'm not-
Therapist: Say IT!
Fengolio: Uggg fine! My name is Fengolio and I'm about to write the therapist into oblivion! MEGGIE COME HERE! I need you to read some thing
Therapist:You said it wrong…
Mortola
Therapist: I'm sorry but you're too crazy for me…
Mortola: What! How dare you I'll-
Therapist: Leave!
Mortola: But-
Therapist: GO! Jeeze woman! Nobody likes you!
Mortola: You're a terrible therapist!
Orpheus
Therapist: Let's just start with the fact that I hate you.
Orpheus: We understand each other then!
Therapist: Perfectly! NEXT!
Piper
Therapist: Good a villain that has can bear the title well. Tell me is it true your afraid of Spiders
Piper: Umm yes… why
Therapist: No reason no reason... so you're a minstrel?
Piper: Yeah
Therapist: How do you feel about the rumor that the Adderhead's first wife cheated on him with a minstrel?
Piper: Uhh I don't feel anything.
Therapist: Ah… So… Can you sing a song for me?
Piper: NO!
Resa
Therapist: So you still feel like a bird at times?
Resa: Yeah… I hope I don't end up like Mortola
Therapsist: I don't know…. Make sure you wear a parachute at all times!
Resa: I don't think they have parachutes in the ink world..
Therapist: oh sure they do!
Roxane
Therapist: How do you feel about the fan girls?
Roxane: Actually they're helpful at times. When my husband is running from them it gives me some personal time to just relax.
Therapist: Bubble bath?
Roxane: No…. I actually fulfill my pyromaniatic needs. Have you ever seen metal burn?
Therapist: Uhh metal doesn't burn…
Roxane: For you it doesn't…
Violante
Therapist: I actually think your mothe-
Violante: Don't you dare blame my mother! If you blame anybody, blame my father!
Therapist: Okay then… your father is to blame for every single thing to go wrong.
Violante:… works for me!
Adderhead
Therapist: Ehhh…. Well hello there Mr. Adderhead… Please don't kill me.
Adderhead: We'll see.
Therapist: Ehhehe well umm… how about your fear of death… yes let's start with that. I believe that you are actually afraid of the dark.
Adderhead:… how does that even work since I spent practically the whole last book, in the dark?
Therapist: Well think about it, you were only on your knees crying like a baby, at night.
Adderhead: I think you should choose your next words very carefully.
Therapist: Oh hehe… well um… moving on… how about… your last chapter. So apparently the love you found at the Castle in The Lake tormented you quite a bit, tell me about that.
Adderhead: Nah.
Therapist: Nah? NAH? I'M THE FREAKIN THERAPIST! YOU DO WHAT I SAY!
Adderhead: (death glare) Excuse me?
Therapist: That's right! You think you're so great! WHEN ALL YOU ARE IS THE VILLIAN! The loser at the end of the story! A corpse! That's right you die! And five wives? Really? That's just pathetic! And- and what's with waking everybody up a night? Are you an owl or something! And you wanna know what else?
Adderhead: It couldn't worsen your fate any more I'm sure.
Therapist: GOOD BECAUSE… wait what?
Adderhead: Deadmansaywhat.
Therapist:What?
Adderhead:Exactly
(Men at arms come in and drag the therapist off. )
Therapist: Where are you taking me? Some one call the FBI! The CIA! Somebody! Ahhhhhhhh
And that, dear friends, is why you don't give the inkcharacters therapy.