All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer.

Rated M for sex, language, graphic violence, death, cruelty, perversion, and sadness.

Full summary: The Volturi decide not to take Edward and Alice's "no" for an answer, forcing them to leave Forks and Bella behind. Seventy years later, Edward returns to see if Bella took his instructions to be changed in his absence and wait for him. She proves difficult to track down, until he discovers that she left him a series of letters in all the places that became important in her life. He tracks them down one by one, and slowly puts together her memoir of her life without him. Inspired by the novel "Tuck Everlasting" by Natalie Babbit.

Out of the silent trees the five shepherds of the living dead made their stealthy way towards their prey. Edward could see the glint of their ruby eyes beneath their shadowy hoods, the bloodlust running beneath their shallow skins like a whitewater torrent beneath a layer of fragile mist. He could discern the tremor of their thoughts, blending and weaving together in a hopeless disharmony –

the deep baritone growl of the warrior, the bear, his muscle and sinew a wall of solid rock, a heaving mountain of potential violence aching for nothing more than to burst forth, to crush blood and bone;

the silky black tenor of the hunter, the panther, forever curled and crouched to spring, thirsting always for the quest, to stalk, to bear down upon, the crowning of his glory always a surprise attack, his prey's last moment one of sheer terror;

the humming alto of the death of love, the horned snake, her power a silent knife the heart cannot detect, maximizing herself through the act of division, clipping at the threads that connect destinies, a scalpel, a wedge, a canyon, slipping through the fiercest of loves as easily as smoke, snapping like twigs the ties that bind;

the distant murmurs of the shadow, the raven, the child of dark, his terror one of nothingness without peace, his mind a forest of the lost, his hand extended to take everything, withdrawing to leave utter deprivation, a robber of the senses, offering only a silence so loud that the mind cannot hear itself scream;

and the cold soprano of the arsonist, the demon among monsters, the fire of her rage born in the dead pit of Hell, a pyre of agony for her prey, searing the skin of the mind, a cold fire swallowing her charred heart for three and a half centuries, an ancient child, a devil with the face of a golden cherub.

They stood before Edward – Felix, Demetri, Chelsea, Alec, and Jane – with their minds exposed, and the shrieking din of their heartlessness overwhelmed him. He alone could find them in their personal sanctuaries, the cloisters of their minds, where even they could not hear all that was said, but their spoken words were guarded, and he could not reveal what truths lay forgotten in their thoughts, shrouded by their tongues.

The demon child spoke aloud to him and his family, her voice light, her words without weight, but her own mind was heavy with deceit. She questioned them about the newborn horde, how they had come to be overtaken, and why one remained. When her governmental duty was satisfied, she let the venom flow in her mouth. PAIN her mind cried out, and the newborn in the field – Carlisle's rescue and a reprieve for his heart, swollen as it was with the death all around him – shrieked her agony as the sacrificial fire of Jane's human death covered her. Jane burned her and burned her and burned her. So many years later, and she still could not quench the flames that licked at her dead soul.

When Jane had shaken from the newborn all that she knew, she discarded her shell like so much refuse. "Felix," she barked to the warrior, the bear, "take care of that."

The shattering of sinew and bone was a formality – Jane had wrenched from the wretched creature something deeper than blood. This collection of joints and skin was just something to pile on the fire. The pungent smell washed over them, and Edward could taste it in Jane's mind – to her, it smelled sweet. He retched.

He wanted her gone. No words could express the distaste he held towards this demon child. He hated her mind – it seethed like a bloody sea in a storm. She held her unjust death inside her, carrying the weight of her own dead body like a cross, and every face she saw reminded her of what was taken from her. Her brother, who had shared her death, had long since allowed his mourning to pass, so she carried his hate with her, too – the weight of the dead doubly heavy on her tiny shoulders. Her heart bled so freely, so stricken with pain, that it hurt Edward to hear the echoes of its beats pounding back at him from the distant past, growing fainter every day.

Only one part of Jane's heart was not consumed with fiery fury – the place where nestled her love for Aro. Her Master had saved her, allowed her eternal revenge for what she looked back upon as the slaughter of two innocents in the name of superstition. If Alec was her Sun and Moon, then Aro hung them in the sky. Her hate of everyone and everything on Earth was equaled by the passion of her love for him. And it was to him that her mind turned then.

We shall bring our Master the joy he is too kind to bring himself. Alec and I shall deliver to him his most coveted prizes… Edward and Alice Cullen. Never again shall anyone doubt that we are his left and right hands, his true prodigies. Her thoughts blazed with an ancient secret fire. She was beyond reason.

Edward's mind cried out his terror as he felt the cold fingers of Alec's shadow cloak his family in darkness, leaving only Bella, Alice, and himself in the harsh cold light. All Edward's thoughts were for his love – he would shelter her always, even to his detriment. He held Bella behind him and could not move to protect himself as the panther and the bear advanced on his sister and him. Felix's icy hand gripped his neck; Demetri restrained Alice.

Edward's rage exploded from him and was met equally by Jane's. Her fury crippled him, broke him, set him alight. PAIN. The word was so loud that he could hear it clearly over the searing, burning agony that ripped through his body. His knees buckled, but Felix held him up, lifting him from the ground. Edward's arms waved and flailed uselessly against the torment, his face tilted upwards in a silent scream. He was being crucified.

It ended as suddenly as it had begun. Jane's imperious expression swam back into focus. He felt for Bella's hand behind him. It was gone. Instead, her brown eyes, now dark with fright, stared back at him from behind Jane, her throat clasped in one of Chelsea's steely hands. The other fist held tight around Jasper's neck. Edward's brother was restrained by Alec's obscuring fog, Edward's lover by her humanity.

His fury became desperation and he lashed out at Jane again, roaring like a wounded animal. He wanted to hurt her, wanted to watch her die.

PAIN.

He writhed and shrieked in agony once more, his frame convulsing. He could feel himself breaking. He was on a cliff above a world of flaming ice. He was hanging on… but why? Why not just succumb, let his body become a pathway? The pain could move through him, harmlessly. He would be dead, and he would be free.

Alice's voice saved him. "What do you WANT, Jane?" The sheer simplicity of her plea was startling, as if there existed something on Earth that Jane could want so much that she would torture for it, as if there were some measurable reason for her behavior. Both she and Edward knew better. Jane did not torture – she toyed. She caused harm not for gain, but for enjoyment. It was the only thing that made her feel alive.

Edward knew that she sometimes wondered at her desire for it – even for a vampire, she was alarmingly sadistic. Only Edward could see within her to a place she would not look herself. Deeper into her soul than her child's fingers could reach lay the truth: that she inflicted pain to rid herself of it. The eternal burning never left her inside, and every ounce of agony she visited upon others was in an effort to remove it from within her. Only Edward could see that the only way out for Jane was through, that the only place to douse the fire was the black abyss at her very core. To end it she would have to push it deeper, and that was something she would never, ever do. Edward had never had the chance to explain this to her, and even if he had he never would have. The only other person who could have seen this in her was Aro, but his love for her was blind, and purposefully so.

"What do you WANT, Jane?" Alice's cry hung in the air.

"She wants us, Alice," Edward called to her. He looked through Jane's eyes to see her face. "Same as always."

Jane nodded her agreement. "This encounter can end a number of different ways, but we're going to let you choose which one. We're willing to offer you a trade." She gestured to Bella, whose eyes still swam with terror.

Oh, Bella. What mountain wouldn't he move for her? How could they hold her, touch her this way, hang her up as bait, as if she were no more than flesh? It was more than her blood that sang to him – she sang to him like Heaven sings to saints. When he looked at her it was almost as if his heart beat again, as if he needed to breathe. It was the strangest dichotomy: his love for her made him as vulnerable as a lamb, while her love for him made him as strong as a lion.

"Option number one: your little pet here gets euthanized, and we go on our way. She's a danger to our community as she is. An entire army was raised wholly on her account, and it almost exposed us all. We can't leave here with her still in this… state." She laughed a cold, merciless laugh. Edward snarled.

"Option number two: we take Alice and the human back with us to Volterra, and Edward and the rest remain. Alice takes her rightful place in our guard, and Aro gets to allow the human girl her full potential." Edward's whole frame shook with his rage.

"Or option number three," Jane continued, her face lit by a kind of demented glee, "both Alice and Edward accompany us back to Volterra, and the girl gets a free pass. I'll personally see to it that no member of our guard ever comes for her again." She paused to let her words sink in.

"Can I safely assume that we'll rule out option number one?" She smiled cruelly. Both Edward and Alice nodded.

"Good. So, Alice, that means you've decided to come with us. Now, to ensure that you keep up your end of the deal, we'll be taking along a little insurance." Chelsea gripped Jasper's throat tightly, eliciting a rasping, gagging sound.

Alice whimpered. "You said the others would be left alone, Jane!" She was close to tears.

Jane was obviously reveling in her ultimatums and Alice's outburst cramped her style. Her temper broke for a moment. "Don't question my methods, Alice. What must be done must be done." She straightened herself. "So that leaves you, Edward," she observed, turning to him. "Who will be accompanying Alice and Jasper? You… or your pet?"

There wasn't a single moment of deliberation in Edward's heart. The thought of being separated from her was agonizing, especially now that she had agreed to allow his life with her to become so complete. When he looked at her now, he did not see Bella his lover or Bella his girlfriend – he saw Bella his fiancée, the woman who would soon share his name, his bed, and his life in the eyes of God. But the thought of sending her off to Volterra to face certain immortal doom at the hands of a man who only valued her for her ability as a shield – that he absolutely could not bear. He had no choice but to agree to accompany Jane now, unless…

Ever his true sister, Alice's mind reached out to him. We can't let this happen, Edward.

Edward looked up at the sky, careful to move only his eyes, then down at the ground. She understood it as a nod.

We'll agree to go with them, and ask that we be allowed to say goodbye to everyone first, without Alec in their heads. Hopefully she'll have the muscles drop us – if we promise not to run – so that they can restrain them while they're conscious. We'll ask to say goodbye to Emmett first – he'll understand what we're doing. He can take down whichever one is holding him, and you take down the other. I'll head for Alec. If he's distracted the rest of them will wake up. I know you won't like it, but you'll have to tell Bella as quickly as you can to distract Jane – she's the only one whom Jane can't affect. As soon as the others are awake, Jasper can take her down and the rest of them can take care of Chelsea.

Edward nodded with his eyes again. He didn't like putting Bella in danger in any way, but if this plan was to succeed then they'd need her to use her power to buy them a few moments. Hopefully, in her surprise, Jane would forget that she couldn't affect Bella and focus on her, giving Jasper time immobilize her.

"Well?" Jane had grown impatient.

"Let Bella go," Edward conceded. "I will accompany you instead of her."

Jane grinned wickedly, obviously thrilled that she was getting her way. "Excellent!" She gestured to Chelsea, who released Bella and Jasper. Bella rubbed her neck, her eyes fixed on Edward, but didn't move away.

"But first," Alice amended, and Jane's face twisted slightly as she turned to her, "we'd like to say goodbye to our family. We promise to remain still and allow you to use Felix and Demetri to restrain them one at a time if you'd like."

Jane sighed in exasperation – their sentimentality was nothing more than an irritating inconvenience to her. "Fine," she conceded, waving her arm impatiently to Felix and Demetri, who promptly dropped them. "Get on with it."

"Alec," Alice instructed, "we'd like to speak to Emmett."

Alec nodded once, and Edward could track his mind pulling back from Emmett's. His brother's eyes grew clearer as Felix strode over to stand behind him, clamping his massive hands down on Emmett's shoulders. Alice and Edward approached him.

"Emmett?" Alice tried cautiously, and Emmett's eyes rested on her face. He could hear them. "Emmett, the Volturi have offered us a trade for Bella's safety. Edward, Jasper and I must accompany them back to Volterra to… to serve in their guard." Her voice broke momentarily. "We're leaving now. We'd just like to say goodbye."

Emmett's eyes moved to Edward's face. You want me to take out the one behind me? Edward nodded with his eyes. Right. One, two, three…

"Bella!" Edward shouted as he whirled around and dashed wildly past her towards where Demetri was standing. Behind him, he could hear Emmett and Felix struggling and Alice pouncing on Alec. "Bella – Jane!" Those were the only instructions he had time to give before he was leaping headfirst into Demetri.

Demetri was more than a match for Edward in muscle, but Edward had the advantage of hearing his opponent's thoughts, and so had him pinned to the ground within a short space of time. Struggling to keep Demetri down, he trained his thoughts momentarily on each member of his family. Alice had succeeded in distracting Alec long enough for the other Cullens to wake up and spring into action. Rosalie and Esme had taken down Chelsea, Carlisle was now assisting Emmett with Felix, and Jasper and Jane were locked in combat. Edward breathed a sigh of relief as he realized Jasper had ordered Bella to the safety of the trees, her moment of personal sacrifice – which she'd shouldered beautifully – leaving her unharmed. We're going to make it, even if we have to kill them all.

Suddenly, Alice's earsplitting shriek of pain rent the air around them, and Edward froze. In the moment he took to look back at Alice to see her writhing on the ground in pain next to Jasper, whom Jane had obviously overcome, Demetri managed to wrap his arms around Edward's throat. As Edward squeezed his eyes shut, struggling against the crushing pressure, two loud cracks split the air, one after the other, followed by two heartrending wails of despair.

"Demetri, don't kill that one, we need him!" Jane's voice shrieked, and Demetri's grip on Edward relaxed to simple immobilization. Edward opened his eyes, and immediately wished he hadn't.

Felix stood triumphant before the bodies of Emmett and Carlisle – just the bodies. Their heads lay behind him. The twin wails of despair were emanating from Rosalie and Esme, who lay prostrate on the ground wracked by spasms of pain so intense that Edward thought for a moment that Jane was torturing them.

"God damn it, Felix, killing the big one is one thing, but did you have to kill Carlisle? Aro is going to HATE this." Jane seethed. "Just… just get ahold of those two." She gestured at Jasper and Alice, who were lying side by side on the ground, recovering from Jane's torture. Felix dragged them to their feet and held them both by their necks.

Edward felt as if the world were falling out from under him. He continued to stare at the dismembered bodies of his father and brother, searing his eyeballs as if by doing so he could will the vision to change. This could not be happening. He found himself hoping with his whole heart that he was dreaming, even though he had not slept in nearly ninety years. This was a nightmare. This was Hell. Every moment he'd shared with his father and his brother, every beloved memory, every ounce of love he held for them, came crashing down on his body like lead. He fell to his knees. Razors of pain tore at every inch of his body, inside and out. He was dying – he could feel it. His chest was collapsing in on itself. His skin ached. His eyes felt heavy. He was vaguely aware of a steady rain streaming down his face.

Chelsea and Alec went to stand next to Jane.

"Oh, will you be quiet?" Jane shouted in irritation at Rosalie and Esme. "Alec, do something about them."

"Wait!" Esme screamed, reaching her hands up to Jane as if in prayer, her tear-streaked face seeming to overflow with pain. "Kill me, please. Please. Just kill me."

Jane wrinkled her nose. "Why would I do that? You're no threat anymore."

Esme screamed as if her muscles were being stripped from her bones. The hair on the back of Edward's neck stood on end.

"PLEASE!" Her throat sounded as if it were being rent in two. "If you have any mercy in your heart, Jane, please!"

"I don't have time for this," Jane said dismissively, striding over to where Carlisle and Emmett's bodies lay. "We have to dispose of this and get back to Aro before he notices our absence." She began breaking Carlisle's body into pieces and stacking them. "Alec, get the big one."

Alec moved towards Emmett's body, eliciting a protective growl from Rosalie who crouched over it, still sobbing. From the deep abyss in which he lay in his mind, Edward could still feel Alec extend his dark shadow over her, and she rolled over as if dead, leaving Emmett exposed. Alec began to break the body up into pieces and stack them next to Carlisle's.

"How can you leave me this way?" Esme shrieked, more to the sky than to anyone in particular – it was clear the Volturi weren't listening to her anymore. Her body shook so roughly it seemed she might explode from the sheer force of her grief.

Poor thing, look what it's done to her. We can't leave her here, not like this. Edward looked around to determine the origin of the sympathetic thought, and saw Chelsea's eyes on Esme's broken face. Here, darling, I can help you…

Chelsea pushed her mind out towards Esme, driving it towards her like a wedge. Esme's broken mind offered no resistance. Edward could hear every hack of the divider in Chelsea's mind until Esme's sobs had quieted and she lay face down on the ground, breathing deeply.

"Go now, Esme," Chelsea whispered, crouching down beside her. "Just go. Get away from here. You're free."

Esme raised her tear-streaked face to Chelsea's. "It's gone," she breathed in disbelief. "The pain is gone."

Chelsea shook her head. "It's not gone," she corrected. "It was never there. You're no longer broken. You are free from the burden of your love. Now go, Esme. I've done all I can for you."

Esme nodded, standing on her shaky legs. Without another word, she turned and strode into the forest. Edward watched her go, knowing he would never see his mother again. He felt almost as if she had died today, too, but it was different – it was as if Chelsea had given her a new life, a second chance, and Edward was hard-pressed to begrudge her that. He imagined what he'd do if he lost Bella like Esme had just lost Carlisle. Of course, he'd do what he did before, on that fateful day that he'd thought he really had lost her. But if the Volturi would not agree to kill him, would he settle for allowing them to break all bonds he held to her to ease the pain? He shook his head. He didn't think any amount of strength Chelsea could offer could do that for him. Still, it seemed to have worked for Esme, and as long as she was no longer in pain…

"Rosalie?" Chelsea asked softly, kneeling next to her and shaking her shoulder. She looked up at Alec, who nodded and retracted the fog from Rosalie's mind. "Rosalie? Would you like me to take the pain away?"

"No!" Rosalie's voice was so adamant and wrathful that the pain was almost hidden. "No, Chelsea, don't rob me of my joy just so I can't feel the pain. Leave me." She didn't get up.

Chelsea shrugged, and went to help Jane and Alec start a fire.

Edward could see now that there was no way that he, Alice, and Jasper could fight off five skilled members of the Volturi guard. They had lost even when they'd had the advantage in numbers. They would be taken back to Volterra and forced to serve. At this point, he wasn't sure he cared. He'd lost almost everything. Everything, except…

"Demetri?" Edward asked quietly. "Demetri, can I ask you a favor?"

"What is it, Edward?" The voice behind him was silky and dark.

"Demetri, I understand now there's no way we can win. We'll have to accompany you. I have accepted that. However," he paused, "I would like to say goodbye to Bella and my sister before I go."

Demetri chuckled. "You think you're going to get away with that again, Edward?" He shook his head. "No, no, you had your chance to say goodbye."

"Demetri, it's just me this time. No Alice. I couldn't even pull off an escape with the help of my entire family. You think I could do it by myself? I just want to speak to each of them for a moment. You can stand with me if you like."

Demetri was quiet for a moment as he considered. I can't say no to Edward… not with that pretty face of his… Edward fought back a shudder as Demetri's thoughts took a steep turn to a place where his mind was loathe to follow. Demetri had always had a… soft spot for him. Not until now had he ever considered using that to his advantage.

"All right," Demetri conceded. "Where'd your little pet run off to?"

"That way." Edward gestured towards the woods. Demetri released his grasp on Edward and prodded him forward, following closely behind him. As Edward neared the trees, he called out softly. "Bella? Are you there?"

"Edward?" Her voice was shaking so much she could barely get the word out. "Oh, Edward!" She leapt from her hiding place behind a tree and wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing Emmett and Carlisle's names. Demetri watched like a hawk.

"Bella," Edward whispered as quietly as he could, wrapping an arm around her waist and raising the other to stroke her dark hair, "Bella, we've lost. I have no choice but to leave."

"Don't leave," she murmured back. "Let me go instead. Aro can change me and then we can be together."

"No." Edward pulled away from her and stared into her eyes. "I won't let you be changed, not that way. Listen, Bella, I have another plan. I can't explain it to you now, but very soon, I promise, you will get your wish. I have to go to Volterra now, and none of us will be left here, but Jane has promised me you will be safe. From the Volturi, at least." He tried to smile and failed. "And Victoria is dead, so all of your immediate threats are gone."

"Edward," she whispered, her hands clenching at his shirt in fear, "please don't leave me. Not again."

For a moment, she was the lamb and so was he. He wanted to break in her arms. He wanted to hold her forever, to live here in her embrace, like a bubble that just barely warded off the overwhelming pain.

"It's different this time, my love." He tried to sound reassuring, as much for himself as for her. "This time I am promising you I will come back to you. We will both have to be patient, but I promise you, one day, we will be together again."

"You can't tell me any more?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered truthfully, pressing his forehead to hers and closing his eyes. "I'm so sorry. It will all make sense to you soon, I promise. Please, please understand." A moment passed, and then she nodded.

"I do." The fingers of her right hand absently twirled the ring he had given her.

Edward stooped his head to bring his lips to hers. He kissed her as passionately as he knew how, knowing it might be the last time for a very long time. She responded to him equally, crushing her body against his and devouring his mouth, and for the first time Edward abandoned his restraint. He pried her lips open with his and slid his tongue inside, filling her mouth with his own, consuming her in his urgent desire. Bella moaned against him. A flame of desire was fighting its way through Edward's thick cloud of despair.

"All right, that's enough!" Demetri called from behind him, and Edward felt himself being jerked away from Bella. They both gasped unhappily, their longing unsated, but Edward gave in to Demetri as he began to drag him back to the clearing.

"Bella!" Edward shouted at her as her figure grew smaller. "Bella, go home! I will come for you there! I love you and I will come for you! I love you Bella!" Wait for me! he wanted to shout, but something inside him wouldn't allow him to. He wanted to place a glass case over her, to preserve her just like she was. When he came back, he wanted it to be as if no time had passed, as if nothing had happened. But a voice in his mind spoke to him, the same voice that had convinced him to leave her those many months ago, reminding him that this was – in a twisted, perverted way – what he had wanted for Bella all along. He was giving her an escape from his immortal damnation, one he could never have convinced her to accept while he was still with her. He wanted to call out to her Wait for me! but all that his voice could say was, "I love you Bella! I love you!"

"All right, we get it," Demetri scoffed as he hauled Edward around to face the other direction. "Now you get to speak to your sister and then we're on our way." He thrust Edward towards Rosalie where she still lay on the ground.

"Rosalie," Edward whispered urgently, "Rosalie, listen to me."

What is it, Edward? Even her thoughts sounded accusing.

"Rose, they're about to take Alice and Jasper and me away. You have to promise me something before we go."

What do you want?

"I need you – " he lowered his voice as far as it would go, "I need you to go to Denali for me. I need you to go to Denali and get Tanya. I need her to come back here and… change Bella."

Rosalie rolled over and looked at him, her eyebrows raised. What?

"Please, Rose. I might be gone for a very long time and I need Bella to be able to wait for me. Tanya's the only person left whom I trust to be able to perform the change on Bella. Please, Rose. Please can you do this for me?"

Rosalie was silent for a moment. Why should I do this for you? It's because of you that Emmett's dead. It's because of you that this family is shattered. I don't owe you anything.

"Rosalie!" Edward whispered frantically, trying to keep his voice under control. "Whatever complaints you have with me, we can sort those out when I get back. I will find a way to get back, Rose, I promise. But before that happens, please, will you go to Denali and give Tanya my message?"

Rosalie looked at him for a long moment, contemplating, then nodded once.

"Thank you, Rose."

Edward stood up to face Demetri. "We done here?" the bodyguard asked gruffly. Edward nodded. "Good."

"We're done here, too," Jane called from the now smoldering pile of the ashes that were once his father and brother. "Demetri, Felix, you have them under control?" The two vampires nodded.

"Best to put them under, though, just in case. Alec?" Jane turned to her brother.

Edward caught one last glimpse of the towering pillar of greasy smoke, the last vestiges of his whole life literally gone up in flames, before the cold fog obscured his vision and he heard no more.