Out of Reach

Nanoha had never fallen in love.

She wished that the prize was worth the price, or something wise along those lines. She wished that she had enough room in her heart for a passion other than the one that drove her forward in life.

Nanoha wasn't a fool. Oh, she wasn't as dense as her friends teased her to be, as she made herself out to be.

She knew what that soft, anxiously caring look in Fate's red eyes meant.

She knew what that burning, longingly affectionate light in Yuuno's shy gaze meant.

Luckily for her, they had a harder time deciphering Nanoha's own looks back at them. And that was why the betting pool (that both Fate and Yuuno were too naïve to know about) around the three of them kept growing every year.

As far as Nanoha knew, only Hayate would win anything from the pool. Their close, astute friend had put her money on the fact that Nanoha would never tell. (Of course, stupid Hayate didn't realize that her perceptive bet meant that she'd never be able to actually collect her winnings.)

Fate, Yuuno and Nanoha had a working system.

It always made Nanoha smile when she saw Fate and Yuuno laughing together, comforted in the presence of an old friend. She always blushed whenever Yuuno offered the sweetest compliments to her with absolutely no ulterior motives, and her heart would always skip a beat whenever Fate unconsciously touched her, forgetting that they were two bodies and not one person. Not once did any of them get jealous over the exclusivity that the other two might have together. This Nanoha knew for sure—Fate's learned poker face hid loads, but her vulnerable eyes never lied; and no matter how peaceful his expression, Yuuno's voice always betrayed his true emotions. No, none of them ever got jealous.

But truthfully, only one of the three was truly happy with the arrangement.

And it just killed Nanoha inside to know that her peace of mind came at the price of buried, anxious worms that ate away inside Fate and Yuuno's hearts while they smiled.

The more canny people speculated that maybe Nanoha refused to choose between them in order to keep the amiable peace that the three of them managed to have with each other. Since Nanoha refused to answer any questions about her relationship with her two closest friends, that had become the popular theory.

If only.

Things could be easier that way.

Maybe then, Nanoha could respect Yuuno and Fate enough to accept one and reject the other cleanly. Or accept them both. Or reject both of them.

Anything but her cowardly silence. Her selfish silence.

But how could she ever tell them why she had no answer to their secretly yearning questions?

She loved neither of them.

Because Nanoha didn't love that way.

She couldn't.

People called her an Ace, a Hero. The determined fighter who never gave up on her enemies, who always came back with a stronger blast and a will to save everyone. People were awed at her passion.

But Nanoha knew that her passion came at a price.

There just wasn't enough of her left to want any single person that way.

The last thing Nanoha would ever do to her precious friends would be to lead them on, taking their love while never being able to return it in the way they needed. A lie—that's what any romance of Nanoha's would be.

Nanoha did love Fate and Yuuno. She just couldn't hit the threshold of what they deserved. She couldn't love them enough.

So Nanoha never says anything.

If only she could be a normal girl…and know how it feels to fall in love.

But she never will.

And face it, the fandom will never hear for sure anyways!