AN: So, I didn't think I was going to make a return to writing fanfiction, but then, Hullo Korra. The Zutarian plots bunnies bite like bitches, believe me. Anyway, a special little Fuck-you to Bryke and proof that no matter what canon happens to be, Zutara is still hot.

It was late afternoon, the setting sun casting Zuko's private office into a fiery glow that he normally would have admired but was much preoccupied to pay attention to on this particular evening. The faces of the previous Fire Lords lined the room in their respective portraits and Zuko was sure he had walked past each of them more in the last hour than he had in his whole, albeit rather short, reign as Fire Lord. Reaching his desk, Zuko turns once more and begins pacing back up the room toward the door. The walk was roughly twenty steps, yes he had counted, and by the time he reaches the large mahogany doors, he's no closer to solving his problem then he was when he had started his pacing, over an hour ago.

Screw it, Zuko thought, he knew what had to be done. He hits the door with his fist. "Agni be damned, I need some help in here!" he shouts and then turns and paces back up to his desk and sits down in a huff. He has to wait only a moment before the door opens.

"Finally," he snaps, "I have been brainstorming for over an hour, at your suggestion, and I'm no closer figuring out this damn problem than I was when I first mentioned it to you. Help, please."

Katara stares at him from the doorway, seemingly unimpressed with his whining. The bitch. "What are you working on?" she asks.

"A letter. I don't know how to write it."

"Did you try making a list?" She asks, her voice resigned.

"Yes!" Zuko holds up the paper covered in the scribbles that were all crossed out. "It didn't work."

"Did you try writing several different drafts?"

"What, you think I started writing official letters yesterday? Of course I did, Katara."

"Did you try meditating and thinking with a clear head?"

Zuko points wordlessly to the burned stubs of candles. "Katara, if you cannot help me in the next thirty seconds, I am finding myself a new advisor."

Katara raises an eyebrow at him, clearly unaffected by his threats. "Really?" she asks.

Zuko meets her gaze and holds it for a long moment, attempting to outstare her but fails miserably. "No," he whines in a very undignified, unfitting voice for a twenty-eight year old, let alone the Fire Lord. "Just please help me!" He throws his hands up in the air and slides down in his chair. He wonders briefly if the 'Kicked Turtleduck' look will have any effect on Katara today, or if he used up all its potency with his antics yesterday.

He opts instead for 'I Love You Beyond All Human Measure' look.

Katara sighs and uncrosses her arms. "Alright, Fire Lord, but I swear, the things I do for you." Zuko watches as she crosses the room towards him, hips swaying provocatively in her slim skirt. As she reaches him, he slides a hand up her thigh, only to have it smacked away. "Zuko," Katara says firmly, "do you want my help or not?"

"Yes, but I also want-"

"Zuko, you can have sex or you can get your work done. Which do you want?" Clearly there's no competition here, but he's three weeks behind the date he promised himself he would finish this task, so he sighs holds up his hands in surrender.

"You win. Mmmm, paper work. Fire Lord duties, this is what I fought the war for."

Katara shrugs. "You wanted to be Fire Lord." And then she sits on the edge of his desk, ankles crossed modestly. "Alright, what's our job today?'

"Yes, right. Important work." Zuko pushes himself up from his chair and resumes his pacing. "Aang has asked me to write him quarterly reports on how the new reforms are taking place in the Fire Nation. Mainly, how the populace is accepting the new regime and how life in the palace is going. It may or may not include personal life, that is up to my discretion." Zuko stops right in front of Katara. "You can see why I need your help."

Katara chuckles. "You want me to help you write a letter to the Avatar. The same Avatar that promised he would love me forever, married me and had a child with me?"

"The one in the same." Zuko nods importantly.

"And the one that after our child was born, and we were living a nice little life together, realized that what Roku told him about 'giving up all familial attachments' was actually and requirement and not a choice and he couldn't have all of his twelve year old dreams come true, and went about his Avatar business without me."

"Yes..."

"And to the same Avatar that knows nothing about that fact that you and I have been fucking like squirrel rabbits for the last two years, nor the fact that I happen to love you more than I ever loved him- you want me to help you write an account of your daily life to him?" Katara asks.

"Well, that was the plan, but maybe you're just a little too emotionally committed to all of this so I should just-"

"Great!" Katara grabs Zuko's arm and pushes him into his chair and then perches lightly on his lap. She picks up a brush and holds it poised over the blank sheet of paper on the desk. "You dictate, I'll write."

Zuko smiles. Perfect.

The sun has set and Zuko's lit the lamps in the darkening office over an hour ago and he and Katara have failed to make much progress.

"I don't agree with how you phrased that last sentence." Katara says as she reads over their half written letter. She exes out the last line and begins to write her own version.

"Would you mind sharing what you're writing in my letter?" Zuko snaps half-heartedly even as his hands slip around her waist. He feels Katara shiver, but otherwise ignore his advances.

"I'm changing 'I have been well satisfied with life at the palace, all attendants are respectful and responsive,' to 'I have been well satisfied with life in the bedroom, my lover, who shall not be named, has been dominating and feisty.' Approve?"

After about two minutes into their attempt at Katara letting Zuko write his own goddamned letter, she had become predictably bored and began embellishing. It had progressed down hill from there, and Zuko knew that another letter would have to be drafted. Eventually.

"You might want to add that my lover, who shall not be named, really likes her toes sucked, which I find pleasing."

"Yes. 'She likes her toes sucked, and really enjoys having me on my knees in front of her.'"

"That's not what I said, Katara."

"It's what you meant though." Katara smiles at him over her shoulder and returns to scribbling furiously. Zuko trails his hand up her stomach to the underside of her breast and strokes lazily. He gets an annoyed slap against his thigh for his efforts, but he refuses to stop. Instead, he smoothes his hand higher and pinches her nipple. "Zuko," Katara warns.

"Fine, how about you just let me actually dictate, Katara. Otherwise all this time will have been completely wasted."

"Not completely wasted," Katara says playfully as she wiggles her bottom in his lap and he seizes her hips to hold her still.

"Katara," he moans, "I appreciate the gesture, but if I want to thoroughly enjoy you later, I actually have to finish this. Just be a good little advisor and write what I say while I sexually harass you."

"Fine. Why must you always be so convincing?"

"Job description."

Zuko shifts so that she's more fully on his lap and begins to rub her back thoughtfully. "Right. Let's start from the top. No, don't bother with new paper, I'll just copy it out again later so it's actually in my handwriting and I can edit out all your additions."

Katara nods and waits, seemingly willing to actually cooperate. It's because he's found the sweet spot in her back: the set of muscles between her shoulder blades. They're always sore after she's been practicing her bending. Zuko rubs just a bit harder to hear the happy sigh.

"Ok. 'Dear Aang.'"

"Ooh, starting out with a creative flair." Katara teases him.

"Hey, you will write and not comment, bitch." Katara kicks his shin under the desk and Zuko swears. "Ow, Fuck. So, 'Dear Aang, (new paragraph, please) I hope all is well at the Southern Air temple.' Wait did you just write 'Dear Aang' twice? Katara this is not part of the letter. Katara, stop writing. Katara! Fine." Zuko sighs helplessly and gives up protesting until Katara has completely finished and turns to look at him with an eyebrow raised tauntingly.

"What?" she asks innocently. "You said to write what you said."

Zuko just glares at her and continues.

"'All is well here in the Fire Nation. So far, the people have responded positively to the new reforms including a small raise of the tax on food in order to pay for war damages.'"

Zuko watches as Katara writes what he's said, only adding one adjective of her own. Zuko pinches her for her efforts.

"As for life at the Fire Palace, it has been a literal sea of domestic bliss."

"I'm sorry, it's been what?" Katara turns to stare at him and Zuko takes the opportunity to nuzzle her neck.

"A sea of domestic bliss, Katara. Just write, please." Katara stares at him as if he's gone just slightly mad but turns with a sigh and writes what he's said.

"Thank you. No don't add this- damn it, Katara." Zuko takes a breath.

"'And on this Sea of Domestic bliss, I have found my life greatly improved.'"

Zuko begins to tap a rhythm up and down Katara back, gently kneading the muscles of Katara's neck as he reaches them.

" You may have realized that after the unfortunate circumstances that lead to the end of your relationship with Katara, she found her way here to become my advisor.'" Katara pauses as if she's going to say something, then thinks better of it and finishes writing his sentence. Zuko kisses her neck as a reward.

"'Of course, within the last few years in each other's company, our relationship evolved from that of very good friends, to one of deep lust,' deep lust Katara, do not change my words, fuck stop writing this part, I can't believe you, 'to one in which I cannot imagine being anywhere but by her side.'"

Katara writes it all down as he's said, but turns to give him an odd look. He sticks his tongue out at her, refusing to answer the question in her eyes. He gently takes her hand and arranges it once more over the paper, a silent command to write.

"'She is the most gorgeous, clever, ingenious, brave and talented person I know, and my life without her would be utterly, fantastically and completely without value.'"

Zuko traces his fingers up her arm, tickling at her elbow and then digging in to the muscles of her shoulders. Katara sighs lightly in pleasure, but he can tell she's distracted by what she's writing.

"'I am sincerely sorry that you had to give her up, but undoubtedly grateful to you for allowing her to come into my life and making it everything that I ever dreamt it could be and more.'"

"Zuko," Katara starts, turning around, but Zuko captures her in a kiss and effectively cuts off any comment or complaint she might have. She stills against him, giving a happy little sigh. He pulls back and smiles at the slightly dazed expression on her face.

"Just write, please, Katara." He turns her back around and waits for her to be ready. As she dips the brush in ink, Zuko reaches as carefully as he can into his robes and pulls out the very thing he's been agonizing over for the past three weeks.

"'So what I'm trying to say is that I hope your ex- girlfriend will accept my proposal of marriage so you can come celebrate our wedding. Yours truly, Fire Lord Zuko.'"

"... This isn't actually a letter to Aang, is it?"

Zuko shifts her weight and reaches around to show her the necklace he had carved himself. "Nope."

Katara is absolutely still on his lap and then she's laughing, tipping over to thump her fist on the desk and bury her face in her arms, sides shaking so much Zuko's worried she's having a seizure.

"I'm sorry, was it not clear that I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me, bound by mutual respect and a lot of really hot sex?"

Katara gasps, trying to speak, but is overcome again by her laughter and covers her face with her hands. Hiccupping, she attempts to wipe the tears from her eyes, but one look at Zuko's annoyed face sends her back into hysterical giggles.

"Katara. I hope this isn't your way of letting me down gently, 'cause it really sucks." She shakes her head no, and then all at once she's kissing him, still chuckling to be sure, but actually kissing him; winding her hands through his hair and holding his head still as she slips her tongue into his mouth, she finally calms her laughter in exchange for sucking his breath from him.

All too happy to oblige, Zuko drops the necklace on his desk and leans back in his chair, replacing his arms back around her waist and tugging her closer. He ghosts his fingers up and down her back and then traces across her bare stomach. Katara shifts into the touch, and returns his affections with her own long stroke down the side of his neck and his arm.

Zuko breaks for air and has to pull his head back to avoid Katara's attempt to follow him. Clearly his self-preservation instincts were lacking if he was asking a woman who tried to suffocate him via kissing to marry him. Whatever, she was really ridiculously good looking. "Is that a 'yes' then?" He asks her, fingers still tracing across the muscles of her belly.

"No, Zuko," Katara huffs, "this is my clear rejection of your affection and my final statement that I want the sexual harassment to stop."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Zuko says as sincerely as possible as he slides his right hand up to cup her breast. "This sexual harassment?" He squeezes gently and watches as Katara's eyes flicker. "My apologies. I won't let it happen again." He pulls his hand back and smirks as Katara blinks in confusion. "How can I ever make it up to you?"

"Hmm." Katara leans back away from him, resting her elbows on his desk as she appraises him. "I'm willing to take fulfilling my sexual needs for the rest of my life as a proper apology." She giggles and picks the necklace up off the desk and offers it to Zuko. "Does that sound like a fair request?"

Zuko takes the necklace and reaches around her to fasten it. "I think we can call it even. But I'll expect a formal contract of this deal, with witnesses. Wouldn't want me cheating you of what's rightfully yours, after all."

"Oh absolutely," Katara says, leaning back toward him and tucking her head under his chin. She draws her feet up so she is completely curled up in his lap. Zuko wraps his arms around her and bites his lips to keep from smiling so huge that he brakes his face.

"I suppose our friends and families will have to witness the contract. And we'll have to buy formal clothes and flowers," Katara says thoughtfully.

"Yes, and we'll have to make a public announcement to the world." Zuko tries to sound discouraged but knows he's completely failed.

"Goodness, what will the public think of the Fire Lord being a sworn sex-slave to his advisor?" Katara teased him.

"They'll think I'm the luckiest guy in the world," Zuko says and then busies himself with his soon to contracted apology.