Disclaimer: Tony Stark is not mine (yet). Neither is Iron Man, although they're basically the same. Pepper Potts and James Rhodes don't belong to me either, and neither do Tony's and Rhodey's daddies.

A/N: For the record, it's unexpectedly hard to portray a talk show. It just is. Hopefully all y'all don't get too sick of the cheers and clapping. And in case you can't tell, I just randomly made up this talk show and its host, another convenient prop person in my Big Book of Prop People. But enough of my rambling!

Tony grinned adoringly into the camera, soaking up the audience's applause like a sponge soaks up dirty dishwater. Impeccably dressed in a white shirt with vertical black stripes, slacks, a dress coat, and a matching black metal watch, he sat in the empty armchair reserved for guests—but not before opening his arms and bowing with an overdramatized roll of the chocolate-brown eyes. The cheers and clapping died away as Marilyn Madison, the host of this new talk show, welcomed him.

"It's great to see you, Tony."

"Marilyn, it's great to see you too."

"I understand you've been very busy lately."

Tony shrugged. "Oh, well, I'm always busy. Running a company, inventing the latest technology, saving the whales…." The audience laughed. "And of course, who could forget…" he opened his arms again, "…rescuing the world from ultimate doom and destruction?"

More applause. He smiled smugly. Ahh, good to be me.

"Well, we're glad you could be here today. Tell us—are you ever worried anything…dangerous will happen while we're keeping you preoccupied?" Marilyn asked. "Or while you're otherwise engaged?"

Tony chuckled. "The time it takes someone to come up with an 'evil plan' is much longer than my twenty-minute segment. And the time it takes someone to come up with a good evil plan is much longer than every episode in your first season combined."

Wow. Easy crowd, Tony thought as he was met with more laughter. A bunch of fangirls, obviously.

Marilyn smiled. "That's good. Don't want the Golden Gate Bridge collapsing while we're interviewing!"

"Oh, don't worry. I saved the Golden Gate Bridge last Thursday. It should hold for another week or two," Tony said, nonchalant.

"Obviously Iron Man plays a big part in your life," Marilyn remarked.

"It is my life. It takes precedence over…everything."

"So devoted," Marilyn simpered.

Tony put on a sad-puppy smile. "I can only try."

Marilyn smiled back, and then moved briskly on to the next question. "So Tony, we've been hearing a lot of rumors about you lately. What do you say to that, how do you deal with it?"

Say something deep and they're completely sold. Tony leaned forward, stroking his chin. "Well…people just have this inherent dislike of those bigger and more successful than themselves. The natural response is to tear those giants down to their level." He shrugged. "I just go through life with the knowledge that I know the truth and that's all that matters."

Some of the loudest applause yet filled the room. Tony smirked.

"That's an excellent philosophy. Does it hold with every smear to your name?"

"Oh yes, of course."

"How about the rumor that the Iron Man suit is really worn by your assistant, Pepper Potts?"

Tony's smirk disappeared. "Excuse me?"

Marilyn smelled intrigue. She eagerly continued. "There have been eyewitness accounts, people seeing you at parties or other functions while Iron Man is out saving the city."

"That's impossible." Tony couldn't believe this. "Pepper has insane organizational abilities, but she's no rocket scientist. It takes either a genius or someone with years of flight training to even operate the Iron Man suit."

"Ahh, but there are also those that say Pepper has been training to become a military pilot."

Tony snorted. "Pepper? Flying a fighter plane? That's ridiculous."

"Is it? Or is it you using your connections to replace Colonel James Rhodes with Ms. Potts?" Marilyn shot back.

"Okay, now that's ridiculous," Tony said. "James Rhodes and I have been friends for years—"

"Despite the fact that you declined speaking at his father's funeral so you could take your fifth cruise to the Caribbean?"

He stared at her in disbelief. "Rhodey's father died when he was fifteen."

"So you claim."

Tony flung his arms in the air. "Why would I lie about when his dad died? Go look on his tombstone, for Pete's sake!"

"Speaking of which, is it true you hid plans for the next generation of atom bomb in your father's coffin?" Marilyn pressed.

"What the heck are you talking about? Where are you getting all of this crap?"

Marilyn continued as though she hadn't heard him. "What about your physical appearance? We can all see that you're very attractive…how natural is all of that?"

"I want a commercial break," Tony growled.

"It's been said your facial hair is fake."

"By who?"

"Dodging the question?"

"No! My facial hair is very real, thank you very much!"

"Do you wear makeup?"

"No, but it's very obvious you do."

Marilyn narrowed her eyes and a smirk appeared on her face. "How about your butt?"

"My what?"

"Is it true you've had plastic surgery on your butt?"

"No, it most certainly is not, and may I say that—"

"What about the kangaroo and—"

"May I say—"

"It's been said that—"

Tony slammed his fists on the arms of his chair and stood up. "MAY I SAY!"

The studio fell silent.

He cleared his throat. "May I say that this entire interview has been an annoying and offensive waste of my time. I understand this is only the third episode of your first season, yes?"

Marilyn nodded.

"Well. I see it fit to personally make sure your show doesn't reach its second season. In fact, I'm suing both you and the network for gross disrespect to me, Pepper Potts, Colonel James Rhodes, his father, and my father. What's more, you're wearing too much eyeshadow and your last nose job was horrible." Tony adjusted his cuffs. "And finally, I demand to know where you got all of these absurd accusations."

Marilyn said nothing, simply glaring at him. He lowered his eyebrows and through clenched teeth, hissed, "Who was your source?"

The host smiled. "Someone on the inside. Very inside."

Tony thought for about two seconds and groaned. He knew exactly who it was.

The moment Tony Stark walked through his door, he was roaring.

"JARVIS!"

For the record, I have no idea when Rhodey's dad died. And for all I know, Tony did have plastic surgery on his butt, but somehow he doesn't strike me as that vain. Anyway, Jarvis doesn't belong to me either. I just couldn't list him up top in the interest of spoilers. With that, have a good life and I hope you enjoyed the show! Provided you review. If you don't review I wish you a bad, bad life indeed.

Just kidding. ;)