ZUTARA WEEK 2010: Day 1: FAMILY

A Mother's Conviction

Disclaimer: Avatar: the Last Airbender belongs to Bryke, but Zutara week belongs to all Zutarians.

NOTE: It's that time of year again, Zutara Week.

This was supposed to be part of the first entry but it evolved into something of its own. So here is my second entry for Day 1. I don't think I'll have multiple entries for the other prompts though.

Still set on Ember Island when the Gaang goes there.

Enjoy.

A voice was scolding her for invading someone else's privacy. But Katara shushed this immediately and reasoned that since Zuko had very openly allowed a bunch of strangers to crash in his family's old rest house, there was nothing wrong with what she was doing. After all, she was a welcome guest.

So she continued to indulge her curiosity in the Fire Nation Royal Family under the pretext of searching for pots, pans, or other useful items. She was aware that she would never get another opportunity like this to learn about the private lives of the Fire Lord and his relatives.

Even when she was still angry at Zuko, she had wondered what it was like in his family, considering the three generations of Fire Lords sustaining a war, the banishment of the crown prince, and the ruthlessness of Azula. And most importantly, Katara wanted to know about Zuko's mother, and how she had been taken away from him by his own country.

Of course the easiest way to do so would be to simply ask Zuko about his family, but Katara did not want to pry. He never initiated any conversation on the matter of his family, and mostly avoided discussing them unless it was necessary. This in itself was enough to indicate that Fire Nation royalty was severely messed up.

And yet, this only made Katara all the more curious about them, even if she could never find the nerve to ask Zuko. She felt certain that his memories were painful beyond anything she could imagine, and she had no intention of hurting him so.

After the cold and harsh treatment she had given him in the past days, she now felt obliged to make amends to him. She now knew that he deserved better than the way she had treated him.

Ever since the incident with the leader of the Southern Raiders, she had really begun to see how he had changed. And once she allowed herself to like him, something even Sokka had done before her, she was almost shocked at the outcome.

He proved to be mature and responsible, overly serious but always dependable. And having traveled for so long in the carefree company of Sokka, Aang, and Toph, Katara found Zuko very refreshing.

Sometimes she really wished that he had joined them sooner.

There were other ideas and feelings attached to that sole act of her forgiving him but she did not want to consider them now, because they threatened to cause inconvenience and confusion. For the moment, she focused on her task of uncovering some truths about the Fire Nation family.

She amused herself by looking at an assortment of portraits and pictures which were either hanging on the walls or laid out on small tables. She raised her lantern to get a better view of each of the formally dressed, austere faces.

"It's a wonder they didn't kill each other," she thought as she looked at each of the pictures, trying to find some resemblance to Zuko.

Every picture seemed to be rich with secrets, as if the family was trying to conceal their internal brokenness by some semblance of normalcy.

"This is a rest house, though," Katara remembered, "so surely the memories here are happier ones."

Then, she found pictures of the royalty as babies or young children and Katara could not restrain herself from chuckling at how cute they all looked when they weren't trying to control the world.

Looking around more, she found more baby pictures of boys, and then, eventually, a picture of a pouting young girl beside a taller, serious-looking boy.

Katara's eyes widened at the sight of Zuko without his scar yet. The scar had become such a defining feature that she could not have imagined him without it.

As she rummaged further, she found a small rock with a handprint engraved upon it. Although her hand was no way the same size as the print, Katara still found herself placing her palm on top of it. A distant memory seemed to call out to her from the rock, but she did not know what it was.

It was then that she noticed a scroll that had been lying near the small hand print rock. It was wedged between two floorboards and was easily missed. Carefully, she pulled it out and unrolled it, blowing off the layer of dust that had settled on it.

The scroll revealed a portrait of a lady and a young boy. What set it apart from the others that she had seen was the fact that both figures were smiling.

And for some unknown reason, perhaps intuition, Katara knew that this was Zuko and his mother. And this was before she read the caption below the picture which read:

"Princess Ursa and her only son, Zuko"

As she continued to unroll the scroll, Katara noticed that there was more written below. But before she was able to read all this, a gust of wind blew her lantern out.

"Monkeyfeathers!" she exclaimed.

She had spent so much time exploring that she had failed to notice that her lantern had very little fuel left. And now, there she was, stuck in the dark all by herself. It was late and the others had surely gone to bed.

And it didn't help that it was a cloudy night, and the moon's glow was significantly obscured.

Scolding herself for being so careless and clutching the scroll gently, Katara groped across the walls, making her way slowly to the door.

Once she had reached the hall, she was at a loss, since it was pitch black, and there didn't seem to be anyone around. She didn't dare walk any further for fear of stumbling on something or hurting herself somehow. It was silly, really.

"Just great, Katara," she berated herself further, "look at what you've gotten yourself into."

Deciding there was no point in wasting time there, she called out, hoping that someone would hear her.

"Hello! Hello! Guys, I need a light here, please!" she called into the darkness, "Aang! Sokka! Toph! Suki! Zuko! Momo?"

She continued to call out as she tried to remember whose room was closest to where she was. But in a few minutes, the answer became clear.

There was a spark of light at the end of the hall, and Katara sighed with relief.

"I'm over here!" she called out and the light grew as the figure moved towards her.

"Katara?"

All the joy and relief she had felt now turned to great embarrassment. For there was Zuko, a fire glowing from one of his hands, walking towards her, wondering what she was doing there at such an hour.

"Sorry," she said quickly, "my lantern blew out, and I got stuck here."

He looked at her curiously and to her relief, he did not seem angry or annoyed. He even seemed slightly amused.

"Isn't your room on the other side of the house?" he asked her.

"Yes, it is," she answered sheepishly, "but I was just, I was just…"

With a sigh, she decided it was not the time to make any excuses.

"I'm so sorry to wake you," she blurted out, "I was just looking around and I lost track of time, and…"

"Don't worry about it," he reassured her, surprised at her outburst, "I was still awake anyway. But if you were looking for something, why didn't you just ask me instead of going through all this trouble?"

"Well," Katara answered hesitantly, "I wasn't looking for anything in particular; really, I just wanted to see…pictures of your family."

"Whatever for?" Zuko asked, more in surprise and curiosity than in anger.

"I'm so sorry," Katara apologized immediately, "I guess I was just curious. I know it's silly, and I shouldn't have pried into your private life or anything like that. I won't do it again, I promise."

"Don't worry about it, Katara," Zuko told her gently, "I chose to let you stay in this house. You are welcome to do whatever you wish with the things here. I really don't mind."

"Thank you," she muttered.

How can he be so maddeningly understanding? she thought. His calm reaction was making her feel sillier and more embarrassed.

"But maybe you can postpone your explorations till tomorrow," Zuko suggested, "it is getting late."

"Yes, I should go," Katara conceded.

Zuko turned to walk her to her room when she stopped him.

"Zuko?" Katara whispered.

"What is it?" he asked, turning to face her.

"I found this," she said timidly, holding the scroll out to him.

He raised an eyebrow, not recognizing the item, and took it from her. Slowly, he unrolled the scroll with one hand while holding a light to it with the other.

Then, Katara watched his eyes widen when he saw the picture. She saw the soft and sad expression on his face when he recognized the figures in it.

"Mother," he whispered more to himself, than to her.

They stood there in silence as Zuko's eyes scanned the scroll.

"She's beautiful," Katara said, not knowing what else to say.

Zuko merely nodded at this, as his gaze never left the scroll.

"I didn't read all of it," she explained, "just the caption. My light went out before I could go any further."

"Don't worry," he told her, "there's nothing interesting anyway. Just a bunch of names and dates, descriptions of our lineage and stuff like that."

He handed the scroll to her so that she could see for herself. She appreciated the trust he gave her and held it carefully as she read. But as he said, nothing revelatory was written there.

"It's strange though," Zuko commented, "I've never seen that scroll before."

"Really?" Katara asked.

Zuko nodded.

"That picture was made at around the time Mom disappeared," he explained sadly, "that was probably one of the last few times we were together."

Katara bowed her head sadly, and then glanced at Zuko. He said nothing but she could tell that the memory that he was seeing was a painful one. She laid a hand on his shoulder sympathetically. He looked at her with gratitude.

"I guess I never told you what happened to my mother," he began, "probably because I never really found out until recently. And after learning about your mother, I guess it's only fair."

"You really don't have to," Katara said quickly, "you don't owe me anything."

"But I want to," he answered with conviction, "I've never talked about it with anyone before, and I think it's time that I did."

"Are you sure?" Katara asked in concern, even though her curiosity was already gnawing at her.

He nodded before he began to explain. They decided not to linger there so they walked together down the hall as Zuko recounted all he knew about his mother, including her mysterious disappearance and all the thing his father had told him and Azula about this.

"She had left without any explanations," he recounted, "and the last thing I remember is seeing her put on a hood in the darkness and disappear into the night. I had thought it was a dream at first but the next morning I found out that she was really gone."

Katara listened carefully as he told her about the other circumstances surrounding his mother's departure. The more she heard, the more she was appalled with the harshness of the Fire Nation family. What she learned made her wonder all the more what bond was keeping that family together, when they had no qualms about spilling their own blood.

"Grandfather said that father should feel the pain of losing a son like uncle did," Zuko told her.

"How horrible," Katara exclaimed, unable to conceal her repulsion. But Zuko remained calm about the whole matter.

"When I think about it," Zuko replied gravely, "I doubt that losing me would have been of much concern to my father. He was so eager to kill me the last time we spoke."

"What?" Katara cried out in shock, still unable to wrap her mind around the idea of such a crime. She could certainly never imagine her father having any such intentions towards her or Sokka.

"How can you talk about it so calmly?" she could not stop herself from asking.

"I'm used to it, I guess," Zuko answered, "and it's been a while since I've realized that my father can never love anyone else but himself. I'm only sorry that I didn't see it sooner, otherwise I would not have deluded myself into thinking I could gain his love."

Again, Katara placed a hand on his shoulder in sympathy. He gave her a small smile.

"It was during the eclipse that I faced my father," he continued, determined to tell all he could while he still had the nerve, "I told him that I was going to help the Avatar defeat him, and that I was going to free uncle. Uncle got out first though, but I'm glad I still managed to do the other thing on my list."

Once more, Katara marveled at how Zuko could treat such heavy topics with composure and even a bit of humor. He was strong but she knew that deep inside he too felt scared and confused. She listened more as he told her about Ozai's reaction to his son's declaration.

"And then, as I was about to leave," Zuko recounted, "he tried to stop me by mentioning my mother. He said that there was still a chance that she might be alive, that she was banished years ago for performing treacherous deeds."

"Your mother might still be alive?" Katara asked in excitement, "that's wonderful news. I suppose he didn't mention where she is though, right?"

Zuko shook his head.

"No, no, he just said something about banishment not being a steep enough punishment for traitors," the firebender replied, "and then he tried to kill me."

Katara gasped in horror at this, although she was not too surprised, after all she had already heard about the Fire Lord.

"I'm sorry," Zuko said immediately, "I'm distressing you. I'm afraid I'm burdening you with my problems."

"Don't worry about me," Katara replied, looking at him in concern.

"Well, I'm here in one piece, am I not?" Zuko said with a small smile, "and it was a chance for me to successfully redirect lightning."

"How did it feel?" she asked him carefully.

"Both exhilarating," he answered gravely, "and terrifying."

There was a short pause after this revelation wherein Katara tried to gather her thoughts. Zuko, on the other hand, was surprised at how much he had actually disclosed to her. He was sure that she thought differently about him now, but he felt that he had somehow taken advantage of her kindness by telling so many depressing details about his life.

But he felt secure with her somehow, and it did not seem strange to be divulging all these secrets about his past to her. He trusted her like he never trusted anyone before, and he was grateful for her trust in him. They walked together in silence for a few minutes.

"But what about your mother?" Katara asked suddenly, "if there's a chance that she's still alive, why aren't you searching for her?"

"I have every intention of doing so," Zuko replied with conviction, "but I realized that I needed to help Aang first, to fulfill a responsibility to the world that I should have done long ago. The world needs the Avatar and he needed to learn firebending."

"You were willing to postpone your search to join us?" Katara asked incredulously, still trying to process the great sacrifices Zuko had made to be able to make amends for his past.

"I'm sure my mother will understand," he answered seriously, "I believe that my mission has always been to help and support the Avatar, and I can't let my personal problems and issues stand in the way of that."

Katara gazed at him in immense admiration. He was certainly so different from how he had been, and she felt moved by the selflessness he was capable of now that he had found the right path. The waterbender felt that anything she had done for Aang now paled in comparison, and yet she did not begrudge Zuko his convictions.

"I'm sure you know what I mean," he said, noticing her silence, "after all, you had to leave your old life behind when you followed Aang, right?"

"That's true," Katara replied, "although Sokka and I did not have to endure so much. And we've been enjoying ourselves along the way while you have had to suffer."

"I regret nothing because I've learned a lot from all these experiences," Zuko said, "and now that I've joined you, I've gained love and friendship which I never really had from my own family. So I'm grateful that Aang accepted me, that you accepted me."

"Oh, Zuko, I was so mean to you before," Katara cried out, suddenly guilty and remorseful about her past behavior, and meaning to show him her sincerity, "I treated you so unfairly."

"Katara, it's okay," Zuko comforted her, "we've worked things out, haven't we? I don't blame you for anything. You were perfectly justified to be angry."

"But," she protested but he raised a hand to put an end to the matter.

"It's okay, really," he repeated, and she was finally convinced. She nodded at him and he sighed with relief.

They had been talking for so long that they noticed that they were on the wrong side of the house, very far from either of their rooms. But somehow, they didn't really mind. They enjoyed the time they spent together more than they were willing to admit.

Katara glanced once more at the picture of Zuko and his mother, and read some of the words written on the scroll. Zuko helped her by shining a brighter flame nearer the scroll.

As she read, Katara noticed something strange happening to the letters. The originals were fading and new letters were beginning to appear.

"Take a look at this," she told Zuko, "something else seems to be written here."

Zuko glanced at the scroll and saw the changes. Remembering a similar incident with a scroll sent to him about his great-grandfather, he positioned the flame on his hand directly beneath the scroll, waiting for the hidden message to fully appear.

Katara watched in wonder as new words began to emerge after the exposure to fire. She looked at Zuko excitedly and saw that he too was eager to read whatever it was that would appear.

In a few moments, it was finished, and their eyes quickly devoured what had just surfaced on the scroll. It was a short message, but a very significant one.

"My dearest Zuko,

I hope this note finds you well. You know that all I have ever wanted is for you and your sister to grow up free from harm. But also I know that there are some things that are not in my power to prevent.

Forgive me for leaving so suddenly and for being absent while you were growing up. I cannot fully explain the reasons for my leaving in this manner but I just want you to remember that all I've done has been to protect you. Someday, you will know the whole truth.

I am sure that my precious little boy has now become the brave, honorable man whom I always hoped you would be. Even if I could not be by your side, I know that you will find the right path, that you will carve out your own destiny.

Please do not concern yourself with me for I am well where I am. And I am certain that when all this madness is over, our paths shall cross again.

Know that I will always be proud of you, no matter what happens, and that I will always love you, my dear son.

Much love,

Ursa."

For the first few moments, there was only silence and shock. Zuko read and re-read the letter several times before the words began making sense to him. A letter from his mother, a letter from his mother! He did not know how to react but he was vaguely aware of an ache in his heart.

Katara stood nearby, giving him enough space and watched as he took in all that had been written. She herself could not help but be moved by the mother's words. Of all the members of Zuko's family (except Iroh), only Zuko's mother seemed to have any genuine concern for him.

And Katara felt certain that if Ursa had not needed to leave, Zuko would have been a lot happier. But such were the sacrifices that a mother had to make for her child. The waterbender felt happy for Zuko, glad that there was some sign from his mother, after so many years of uncertainty. She was glad that there was still a chance that the two might be reunited after the war is resolved.

Zuko did not attempt to hide his emotions at that moment, and tears were now flowing from his golden eyes. Katara gazed at him compassionately.

"Zuko," she said gently, again putting a hand on his shoulder. She did not know what else to say.

"It's just like her," he said between tears, "she always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better."

He clutched the letter in his trembling hands and read it again, half smiling and half crying. Seeing him thus, Katara could not suppress her own tears, though she felt that she was somehow intruding on a very private, personal moment. But he made no attempt to send her away or to ask to be left alone.

They said nothing for a few minutes as both of them mulled over the contents of the letter. The joy and love that Zuko felt was undeniable, but Katara too felt moved by the letter, as if those words were addressed to her as well. She did not know how she came to such an extraordinary conclusion. Her own mother seemed to be speaking to her from beyond the grave, reminding her of what she must do, and of how she was loved.

After a few moments, Zuko recalled to whom he was so indebted for this unexpected discovery. He turned to the waterbender, and held one of her hands.

"Thank you, Katara," he said with the deepest gratitude, "if it wasn't for you, I never would have found this letter. Thank you, thank you."

Katara was moved by both his sincere words and his warm gesture. She smiled at him, reassuring him that he owed her nothing and that she was only too glad to have been of any help to him.

And then, feeling a little more daring, she moved closer and threw her arms around him in another heartfelt embrace. She was careful to avoid the hand that was holding out their only source of light.

He was surprised by this, as he had been the first time she had hugged him, but once again, he felt a great comfort in her arms. He decided that there was no harm in standing in the darkness for a few minutes so he extinguished the fire in his hand so that he could return the embrace.

Katara felt the need to say something so as not to be overwhelmed with emotion. For though she was more at ease hugging him now, there was something about this gesture that unsettled her in another way. It seemed to be deeper, more important than the hugs she had given the others.

For some reason, so much of herself seemed to be going into this. And knowing that Zuko was probably not frequently hugged by anyone, she appreciated the fact that he returned the gesture earnestly.

"When all this is over," she told him, "you'll see your mother again, I'm sure of it."

"Thank you," was all he could say in reply.

After a few moments, they broke away from the embrace and faced each other with smiles.

Seized by an idea and mustering the nerve to express it, Katara said somewhat timidly, "And if you ever need any help in your search, I would be happy to come with you."

He looked at her in slight surprise, and she blushed at her audacity.

"I mean," she said awkwardly, "it's the least I could do after you helped me with my mother."

"Katara," he said gravely.

"Yes?" she asked apprehensively.

"Of course, you can come along," he told her with an encouraging smile, "and I would really like Mom to meet you."

"Really?" the waterbender asked excitedly.

Zuko nodded.

"I think she'd like you," he told her with a smile.

"It would be a great honor," Katara answered modestly.

For it was at that moment that the waterbender felt that, though she did not fully understand it, no matter how messed up Zuko's family was, she really wanted to be a part of it.