A/N: I-*sigh* Feel free to smack me senseless for my lack of updates. I have no excuse. I've decided that this story is so ridiculous I'm just classifying it as crack.

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, it would be a heck of a lot different.

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Harry looked into the mirror and scowled at his reflection. Why could his hair never lie straight? Did it enjoy his eternal pain? He could almost picture the little follicles snickering at him. He gave one final attempt to flatten the hot mess that lay atop his head.

Neville walked into the bathroom and stood at the sink beside Harry's. "Are you ready?" Neville asked with a small smile.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Harry replied. He tried to make the butterflies in his stomach stop fluttering around.

Neville chuckled. "Well, you'll be great."

Harry slowly turned to Neville. "You really think that?"

Neville nodded slowly and awkwardly. "Totally."

Harry smiled. "Thanks!"

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Draco looked in the mirror and smirked. He looked fabulous.

Fabulous? Really? The nasty-ass little voice in Draco's head sneered.

Shut up, whore. You don't even have a body. Draco retorted. But if it makes you happier, I look…supermegafoxyawesomehot.

Oh dear God, you are a wreck.

…Yep.

Crabbe and Goyle shuffled into the room.

"Are you ready, Draco?" asked Goyle.

"Of course I am, you bumbling twit. This will be the funniest thing ever!"

"I don't understand why we have to do this, though. What if he dies?" Crabbe inquired worriedly.

"Because we're horrible people. Obviously. Sometimes, Crabbe, I worry about you." Draco rolled his eyes to enforce his point.

"Oh. Sorry, Draco," Crabbe said quietly, looking at the floor and blushing.

Draco felt a pang of remorse. "Whatever. Don't worry about it. Let's go."

And as Draco walked away, Crabbe couldn't help but to smile a little smile.

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"Bye," Harry said to Ron and Hermione, trying to act disappointed.

Ron eyed Harry. "Don't worry. We'll be back soon. You won't even notice we're gone."

Hermione not-so-subtly stepped on Ron's foot. "Well, we'll be going now. We'll see you later, Harry." And with that, she dragged Ron away.

After about thirty seconds of standing in confusion, Harry shook his head and walked back inside the castle.

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Harry walked into the common room and smiled at Ginny, who was sitting in an armchair with her Charms textbook. "Hey, Ginny!" he said. Oh God, he sounded like a four-year-old.

Ginny looked up from the book. "Oh, hi, Harry! I didn't see you there!" she replied cheerily.

"So, uh, would you like to have a walk around the castle?" Harry asked nervously. He forced himself to breathe normally.

"Yeah, I'd like that. Hold on, let me go put my book away," Ginny said with a smile. She rushed upstairs.

Harry sat there for a moment, feeling immensely awkward. The only other person in the room was a first-year boy he didn't know. The boy was staring, unblinking, at Harry.

Harry sighed in exasperation. "What?" he asked the small boy. The boy continued to stare, and Harry averted his eyes.

Thankfully, just at that moment, Ginny ran down the stairs. "All right, let's go!"

Harry turned to Ginny and smiled. "Come on, then!"

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"We know the plan, correct?" Draco whispered to his cronies.

"Yeah. This'll be so funny! Famous Harry Potter landing on his butt! Haha!" laughed Crabbe. Goyle nodded his agreement with a smirk on his face.

"We just have to make sure he's not really hurt. We're only doing this because we have nothing better to do. Understood?"

Both boys nodded.

"Let's go, then!" Draco exclaimed. This was gonna be good.

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"So I jumped up on the roof," Harry finished.

"Wow, really? I bet those boys were scary!" Ginny giggled.

"Well, yeah. But I could handle them," Harry said with a cocky grin. But as confident as he was on the outside, he was insanely nervous on the inside.

Ginny just laughed.

"Hey, uh, Ginny, there's been something I've been meaning to talk to you about…" Harry said as they began to turn down a staircase.

Ginny's face fell. "What is it?" she asked quietly. "Is something wrong?"

Harry shook his head quickly. "No, no way. I'm great, everything's great." Harry was so jittery he felt like he was about to hurl.

As the pair began to go down the staircase, a fat leg flew in front of Harry, and he began his painful, bumpy descent down the huge staircase.

The body to which the leg belonged stepped out of the shadows. "Oh, hell. Draco! Draco, he feel down the bloody stairs!" Goyle yelled. Draco emerged as well, and his eyes went straight to Harry, who lay crumpled on the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL?" screeched an infuriated Ginny. She practically flew down the staircase in her hurry to help Harry. She reached the bottom of the stairs and checked Harry's pulse. His heart was beating alarmingly slowly.

"G-ginny?" mumbled Harry.

"Oh, thank God!" Ginny exclaimed. "Harry, are you okay?"

"No…" Harry said almost incoherently. "It hurts…"

"I'm sorry, Harry! Hold on just a minute, we'll get some help," Ginny said to Harry. Then, getting much louder, she screamed up to the three idiots who were still at the top of the staircase. "GET MADAM POMFREY!" When none of the boys moved, she yelled, "NOW!"

All three scrambled off to find the kind Healer.

"Hold on, Harry, she'll be here soon…hang on…" Ginny said quietly, brushing Harry's hair out of his face.

"Okay. Thanks, Ginny," Harry said, slurring his speech.

"Any time," Ginny said with a small smile.

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Long time, no write, eh? Haha. I'm sorry. I really am. I'll get right on the next chapter.

Question of the chapter: Do any of you watch Glee? What are your favorite pairings?

Until next time, goodbye!