Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction written by a fan. For more information on my disclaimers, please click on the link to my profile.

Summary: One Shot. First Person. Amy felt betrayed. How could they have done this to her? How did she let it happen? How could she had believed him? How could she not care? She loved Ben, but no longer trusted him. She loved Ricky, but he was no longer hers. Was he really ever hers?

Dearest Diary, How Could They

Dearest Diary,

I'd tell you that life isn't fair, but you already know, because really you know all there is about my life. I thought I had finally done something special on my own with getting into that prestigious music program at the beginning of the summer, but come to find out it was actually a program for musicallly inclined teenaged mothers. Not to say that John isn't special to me or that I'm not proud of him, because I'm very proud of my son and he is so so special to me, but I'm not entirely responsible for him even though it felt like it when he was conceived. I was a virgin at the time, but even I knew that his performance wasn't that impressive. Really, what's so special about Ricky Underwood anyway? I'd never say it to anyone, but you my dearest diary, but I think that it was my fault that it wasn't impressive.

Why do you ask I think this? Well, all the other girls before (so I heard) and since band camp were completely satisfied with his performances to the point that I heard details that I really didn't want to hear from complete strangers about the father of my baby boy. Aw, my dearest diary, I appreciate it, that you'd suggest that it was because I was a virgin that it wasn't impressive, but seriously Ashley had been a virgin (or I think she was) and she sure as hell enjoyed his performance.

Yes, my dearest diary, you read it right, my SISTER, Ashley had sex with the father of my baby boy. Their relationship, ew, my breakfast is threatening to make a reappearance, officially started while I was in New York, but I saw it happening before either of them did. I confronted him after he took Ashley furniture shopping and he promised that he would not go there with Ashley as he didn't see her like that. Obviously he either lied or he was in denial, but in my opinion I think he lied.

If someone had told me that they had happened, I would have laughed it off saying that it was a stupid false rumor created by someone that either hated me or Ashley or a girl that Ricky had turned down (I know, it shocked me too when I heard that he was turning girls down frequently), but that wasn't how it happened. I heard them. I saw them. It made me sick to the point that I actually threw up. Whatever happened to sisterly loyalty? Whatever happened to her vow of celibacy until she was eighteen or out of high school. Whatever happened to the rule that you don't date your ex's (or baby mama for that matter) relatives. Whatever happened to those said relatives not pursuing a relationship with the ex of one of their relatives? Apparently, they did not get the memo.

I partially blame my dad for them happening. He gave her the garage when we both know that I should have gotten it. This is what he gets. His precious innocent Ashley deflowered. If it wasn't Ricky that had done it, I'd wish a pregnancy on her, but that would make things so much more sickening, complicated, and awkward. Dearest Diary, could you not imagine the looks and bullying that my baby would be put through in school. His half sibling being his cousin? Ricky an d Ashley are just gross, sickening, and just plain incestuous. Don't you agree?

Our parents don't know about them yet. Regardless of how I personally feel about Ricky and Ashley, I"m torn on whether or not I should tell the parents. I know that I totally should, but Ashley kept my pregnancy a secret from everyone. Shouldn't I give her the same courtesy even though she's stolen my reason for life. Okay, I"m being overly dramatic as Ricky isn't my reason for life, my son John is, but Ricky is a close second or third. He's tied with Ben actually.

Oh, dearest diary, Ben has even forsaken me. Remember when I told you that he lost his virginity not to me, but Adrienne? Yes, I know that I forgave him, but I don't know if I can forgive him for this. What is this you ask? Well, their, Ben and Adrienne, are pregnant. Everyone knew about it before I did and when I say everyone I mean everyone. My parents knew and did not tell me. Ashley knew. Ricky knew. Madison and Lauren knew. THEY ALL KNEW AND NO ONE TOLD ME! Ben finally did on the last night I was in New York. He was being extra sweet to me and pleaded for me to forgive him again, but I told him I couldn't. I don't trust him at all. You can not develop love without trust. Suffice to say, I broke up with him with every intention on trying to get back with Ricky only to find out that he no longer wanted me. I'm starting to think that he never really wanted me except for that time at band camp that he has said several times that he did not plan. The only thing that we share together is a son and a love that could possibly be of epic proportions, but it will never ever be. Even when this fling of his with Ashley ends, because we all know that it will end,

I don't think I can forgive him for this. I can't forgive Ashley. I can't forgive Ben. I can't forgive Adrienne, Madison, Lauren, or Grace and Jack who knew about it and did not tell me. You'd think that they would have been against it and told me, but no. Not even they told me. I think I'll be able to forgive my parents, but it will be a long time before that happens. They were just doing what they thought was best for me. Being a mother as given me some understanding and perspective of how my parents treat me and Ashley, it's just that I don't always agree with them.

I just don't understand how they all could have done this to me? Was I not a good sister to Ashley? Was I not a good girlfriend to Ben? Was I not a good mother to Ricky and my son? Was I not a good friend? Please tell me, my dearest diary, how could they?

A/N: I am a strong Ricky/Ashley supporter, but I can see why so many people do not like them. This story is the first that I've ever written in first person so please let me know what you thought of it.