Chapter Twelve

At first there was darkness, and then a sliver of light as his eyelids slowly opened. In his semi-lucid state, few things registered; like the fact that his room was flooded with the amber rays of the setting sun, or the hiss woosh of the nasal cannula that was dutifully pumping oxygen into his lungs or even the fact that he was soaked in sweat because his fever had just broken. All he saw were the tears running down Blair Waldorf's anguished face. Chuck wondered if he would get to talk to her for once before the dream ended.

When he was recuperating from his gunshot wound in Prague, he often dreamt that Blair was at his side, waiting for him to wake up. But like all romantic fantasies, it dissipated when reality intruded. When he woke up, she was never there. Instead, all he saw was the simple, paint-chipped window that overlooked the small alcove garden next to his room in the hospital, or the middle-aged ICU ward nurse Anezka, who was assigned to him because she spoke good English.

The last thing he always saw in the dream were her eyes, dewy with tears. And she would ask him sadly: "Why, Chuck? Why did you do it?"

He never got to answer her.

So, when he finally awoke four days, three hours and 25 minutes after nearly dying in his bed, Chuck Bass thought that this was another one of those dreams because Blair was at his bedside, looking at him with teary eyes.

She reached out and touched him on the forehead … and he marveled at how real this dream seemed because he could actually feel her fingers brushing his hair. He wanted to reach out and take her hand but they seemed pinned at his sides.

And then she did something she never did in any of the dreams.

She smiled, lifted his hand in hers and kissed it. He hesitated … then wrapped his fingers weakly around hers, savouring the too-real warmth of her hands.

But laughed when he did so, but her tears did not stop flowing. She kissed his hand again, and caressed his face, fixing her teary eyes to his.

It took all the strength he had, but he had to know.

"Why are you crying?" he asked worriedly. His voice was unrecognisable to his ears – a breathy whisper that he could barely hear himself. But it seemed to be enough.

"Because you're here," she said simply.

He didn't understand her answer, but her smile and her presence set him at ease. For once, the dream didn't end with a haunting reminder of his sin, and he was glad for that small mercy.

He closed his eyes and allowed sleep to take him away again.

GG – GG – GG

She watched his eyelids close, and his breathing even out. He was still horribly pale, but – she was sure she wasn't imagining it – it seemed as if he had more colour today.

Nate stirred behind her and she turned to see him blink sleepy eyes at her. Seeing her tears, he shot up in his chair, a look of alarm on his bedraggled features.

"Chuck, is he –" he rasped.

"He woke up," she said, smiling. "Even said something."

His look of alarm melted quickly into relief. Stiffly, he got up and walked to Chuck's bedside.

"He's sweating." he said with a frown.

"His fever broke a few minutes ago. See?" she reached out and touched Chuck's forehead. "It's cool."

Nate did the same, and sighed in relief. "I'll call the nurse. Don't want him to catch a cold on top of … everything he has now."

She nodded. When Nate was finally out of the room, Blair lay her head wearily beside his and placed a hand on his cheek.

"You stayed," she whispered.

GG – GG – GG

The pain was what startled him at first. And memory stirred ... of that piercing pain in his back, of losing control of his limbs and helplessly watching his blood flow out from him to the cobbled streets … Of waking up in a strange hospital with nurses and doctors babbling at him in a strange language, until a few days later when he was strong enough to say something in English.

He remembered his bed in Prague far too well. It was narrow and simple, the bedsheets coarse and unrefined … but the pain … yes it was very much like the pain now, though he did remember it being far, far worse then. He recalled how he sometimes bit his lip when it got too bad because he didn't want to make a pathetic sound. Because Chuck Bass wasn't weak, despite what his father insisted over and over again.

He opened his eyes, or at least tried to, and it took longer than he'd like.

The room swam into view.

Next to return was the sense of touch … he felt the cold bedsheets beneath him, the prick of several needles from an IV drip on the back of right hand. And the all-consuming, overwhelming weakness that weighed his sore limbs down.

And then he realised that someone was holding his hand. Puzzled, he glanced down to see the graceful fingers of a woman's hand encircle his. A mop of dark hair … he missed running his hand through it …

Blair had fallen asleep on her vigil; her head pillowed on one arm, the other hand clenched around his.

It was then that he realised that there were others in the room too. He squinted with some great difficulty and saw that Nate was curled uncomfortably in the armchair next to his bed. Next to him, leaning heavily against the wall, was Eric, looking decidedly awkward in a plastic chair.

He heard voices outside, and he refocused again … two blonde women, talking to a doctor. Both fashionably dressed, one older … Serena … Lily.

They were all here.

He closed his eyes, and swallowed, overwhelmed by the sudden surge of emotion and disorientation he felt.

It took his mind some time to sort through the jumbled memories in his head. At first he thought that he was still in Prague, and that they had somehow found their way to him. Then memory reasserted itself, and he remembered Paris … Serena finding out … boarding the plane at de Gaulle, Blair's anguished and furious face when she saw him in the first class cabin. New York, he was in New York … he was supposed to attend the gala. He fell asleep….

He opened his eyes once more, and Lily happened to look at him just then. Her eyes lit up when she saw that he was awake and she smiled like he had never seen her smile before. She quickly came into the room and then to his side.

"Charles," she said breathlessly, then laughed gladly. She reached out and lay a hand on his forehead.

He felt Blair stir, then lift bleary eyes to him. She smiled immediately, and then gripped his hand. A few moments later, Nate, Eric, and Serena, almost as one, appeared behind Lily and Blair – all of them with looks of relief on their faces.

He didn't know how to respond to their collective happiness. He could only stare mutely at them, confused and overwhelmed.

Almost as if he sensed this, Dr Harding said, "Perhaps we should give Mr Bass some room. I have to examine him," he said.

Just then, Blair's eyes widened just slightly, and she gave him an unreadable look. Then, she leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. He didn't want her to go, and tried to stop her, but he could barely lift his hand. So he watched her walk out with the rest, with her giving him that same unreadable look at him again, and finally, Chuck knew what that meant.

Her walls were coming back up again.

Before he could deal with that, a swift spike of pain from his torso made him gasp. Chuck, for the first time, became aware of the hot centre of pain there and fliched as Dr Harding gently examined the area.

"Are you in pain?" he asked.

He nodded.

Lily, whom the doctor had allowed to stay, gave Dr Harding a worried look.

"On the scale of 1 to 10 …?"

He thought about it for a moment. "Eight," he rasped.

"I'll have the nurse give you some painkillers soon. But, good news: Your surgical incision is healing nicely, and the infection appears to be beaten," he said.

Infection? He wondered, confused.

Dr Harding finished his examination a few minutes later, told him he'll be back, and then it was just Lily by his side. She sat next to him in the chair Blair was in, and brushed his tangled hair away from his face. The gesture was so alien to him that he froze, but he didn't move to stop her – not that he could, anyway, weak as he was.

"You gave us quite a scare, Charles," Lily said softly.

"What happened?" Because from the feel of it, it looked as if he had acquired a new scar. And aside from vague and confusing memories of Nate in an ambulance, he had no idea how he got in this room or became the resident of yet another hospital.

"You were very sick. They had to operate on you ... The doctor said that it had something to do with you being shot...?" she gave him a questioning look.

He fell silent, guilty at the realisation that Lily had found out about his secret in the most dramatic and alarming way possible.

"I didn't want you to worry," he finally said. Not that his plan worked in the end.

She smiled in response. "I don't blame you, Charles. Of all people, I understand why one keeps secrets. I just hope that you know that you can come to your family when you need help, and that you can count on me to care," she said.

"I'm sorry." Because he wasn't the sort to seek help. Especially from family.

She squeezed his hand gently. "I'm just glad that you're awake, and that you're recovering. Now, put aside the things that went on before. You need to rest, Charles," she murmured, then kissed him on the forehead.

Without much of a struggle, he obeyed.

GG – GG – GG

He looked much, much better now, Nate thought as he studied Chuck's pale, slumbering face. It has been two days since Chuck woke up in the ICU. They had removed the nasal cannula and moved him to a more private room, and that's a few steps up in Nate's books, an indication that Chuck was going to be fine, and that soon, he'll be his old self again. He hadn't been that Chuck for months now.

He frowned. But maybe he won't be that Chuck anymore. Getting shot could change you, he supposed. And he had only thought about the physical effects of the gunshot … what about the psychological trauma? Was that why Chuck holed himself away for weeks? Because he couldn't deal with the trauma of being shot?

He sighed and shook his head. There was just no point worrying about all that. One step at a time, he chided himself.

Chuck spent most of his time asleep, but his family – Serena, Eric and Lily – were never far away. They took turns watching over him, which Chuck said – in a brief moment when he woke up yesterday – was unnecessary, and which they ignored.

Just then, Chuck stirred, shifting weakly in his bed. Nate leaned forward eagerly, watching his best friend intently as his eyes flickered open, wandered around dazedly and finally settled on him.

"Hey," Chuck whispered. His voice was stronger now, not papery-thin and frail like when he woke up.

"Hey, yourself," he said. "You need anything? Water … food … girls?"

Chuck's pale lips stretched into a smile at his lame attempt at humour. "I think girls will be off my wish list for a while," he said wryly.

Besides, thought Nate, he only wanted one girl. Who, typical of the fairer sex with their mysterious and unpredictable ways, is now staying away – and this after spending days grafted to Chuck's side.

Nate just smiled and poured him a cup of water. Chuck stubbornly insisted on holding the cup himself, and Nate watched worriedly as the cup shook dangerously in his unsteady hands. Nate quickly took the cup away when Chuck was done with it, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Lily said that you found me," Chuck said after a brief silence.

"Yeah … and you scared a few years off me. Don't do that again," he said sternly.

"I'll try," Chuck responded, smiling thinly.

Then, Chuck's eyes fell on the empty seat beside his, and Nate saw his dark eyes go blank. It didn't take a mind reader to know what he was thinking about. Nate sighed, then tentatively said: "She was here all the time. She never left your side."

Chuck averted his eyes, as if embarrassed that he was caught doing something that he shouldn't.

"She still cares for you, Chuck," Nate added awkwardly.

Chuck was unresponsive for a while, then he whispered, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here," he said.

"Hey. I'll always be here for you, pal."

Chuck gave him another weak smile.

Usually, Chuck was an expert at masking what he truly felt. But now, with all his defenses lowered, Nate could see the emotions plainly in his best friend's eyes, and he realised that Chuck didn't believe what he said. But before he could say anything further, Chuck forced a smile and asked, "So, what's new on Gossip Girl?"

"Are you kidding me? The first thing you ask about the outside world after waking up from a four-day coma is Gossip Girl?" he remarked incredulously.

"What can I say? I'm in the mood for something irreverent," he said, smiling.

Nate chuckled, whipped out his phone and decided that Chuck needed this more than reassurances that he'd always be there for him. Chuck would probably gag at the smarminess of it all.

"Take a pick: Scandals or unexpected hook ups?"

Chuck lifted his eyebrows. "Surprise me."

Nate grinned. "Okay, you have Nelly Yuki. You won't believe what she got into at Yale. And it involves You Tube, and Victoria Secrets."

He loaded the video for Chuck, whose eyes widened, then sparkled with mirth as he watched Nelly Yuki, inebriated, reciting lines from A Midsummer's Night's Eve … in barely-there lingerie.

"Is this some kind of … long-distance Waldorf smack down?"

"No. Believe it or not, Nelly uploaded it herself. She's now into 'experimental art'."

Chuck's eyes widened, and then he chuckled, shaking his head as Nelly theatrically took out an assortment of vegetables – a turnip, a carrot … and a banana – from a box.

"Will I have to wash my eyes after this, Nathaniel?"

"Just you wait. You've not seen anything yet."

Nate grinned as he watched his best friend chuckle at the action on the screen, feeling relieved that his sadness was pushed back just for the moment. Now, if only Serena could get through Blair somehow.

GG – GG – GG

Notes: Ah, I so wanted to finish the story before the premiere of Gossip Girl, but I wanted to do the last few chapters justice as they're so very important. Speaking of which, did you enjoy the first episode of season four? I so did! I feel like we're going to be in for an enjoyable and exciting season.

Have received your reviews, and I thank you for them. Though I'm not sure what to think about the troll reviews, however. Guys, all I can say is that constructive criticisms are welcomed, remarks about the story not going the way you hope is something I can't really do anything about. For that, I hope you can write a fanfic of your own that I hope to read in the near future.

Anyway, about the reviewer who said that the story is more about Chuck than Chuck & Blair (apologies, FF is down and I can't get your name!), let me elaborate that I wrote this story with the full intention that Chuck and Blair are the main driving forces. I have to admit, however, that my story isn't your typical CB fanfic, nor is it – dare I say – a typical Gossip Girl fanfic because I include most of the characters in my story because I feel they're all integral. I like seeing how they interact, and in After Paris, they are reacting and being forced to confront some of their issues because of what's happening to Chuck and between him and Blair. And another reason why I think this is a CB story – I wrote this for the sole purpose of reuniting them ;) Now, I won't spoil you anymore.

Four more chapters, and it's a wrap, folks!