Chapter Twenty Five

Pancakes

I woke up at around nine-thirty the next morning. There was a familiar smell of pancakes and honey, and though I had goldfish crackers mere seven hours prior, my stomach growled. I got up, took a shower, and changed into a sweat suit and slippers. Then I went into the kitchen, where my mother was cooking the pancakes while my father and uncle watched the news in the living room. There wasn't as much tension between them after the truth came out and I knew everything. I debated on telling them about my dream the night before, and had decided that I would. No more secrets now, right? It had to have been Mark's memory I dreamed about. 'Uncle Leonard wouldn't be anyone else's new husband,' I thought. I got the feeling that he was the one who watched me the night before on my way to New Gorham Park. I had guessed at first that it was the Huntress, but I knew otherwise, as Helena tended to think heavily, and I would have easily picked up on it. The only thoughts I heard last night were my own and Dinah's. Uncle Leonard and the rest of my family had learned to shield their thoughts from me, and at the time, Mark WAS family so...

"Someone looks ready to hibernate this winter," my mother said, giving me a small smile to test the waters.

"If school never opens up, I just might," I joked back, but even if I could physically do that, I don't think I would want to. Who knew how many memories I would pick up in that time.

"How did you sleep?" my mother asked as she poured more batter onto the skillet.

"I had a dream of someone's memory. It was about Avery," I said the last sentence in a whisper.

My father, who had been listening from the kitchen since I entered, asked, "Was it a good memory?" I nodded, not sure if my father could see it.

"Do you want to tell us about it?" My mother ventured.

"Sounds like group therapy," I commented absently, "but yeah."

"Lenny, Jason, breakfast is almost ready," my mother called, and like a whip being cracked, both my father and uncle got up, my uncle turning off the TV and my father getting juice and glasses from the cupboard. He poured apple juice into my cup and his own, then filled two mugs of coffee for my mother and uncle. I noticed, as I watched this, that my father and I are so alike, and it lead to thoughts of 'If I were in his shoes, would I, too, have taken my daughter to the Institute or would I have found another way? Would I have tried to hypnotize her again?' I looked down at the table then up again to see eyes on me.

"This feels stupid, me telling you about my dream like this. It's something that under different circumstances I'd talk to Kelly, Gina or Dinah about," I said.

"Who's Gina?" my father asked, and I had forgotten that I never mentioned Gina before, since we weren't really friends before New Gorham got attacked.

"A new friend at school," I told him. "She's funny. I think she is more obsessed with Charmed than I ever will be with Xena." I paused and smiled, thinking about Gina's wings sprouting from her shoulder blades. I still thought they were very beautiful, and I felt sort of envious that someday Gina could just spread them out and fly away to anywhere she wanted to go to get away from this crazy place.

"Anyway, this memory had Avery in it, and... it was very good. I wish I could have remembered it for myself. Uncle Leonard, you would remember this; you were there at the toy store with us. He was afraid of letting go of my hand because he didn't want me to get lost again. He told me that he was to protect me no matter what because he loved me. I kept comparing his love for me to other things in his life that he loved-"

"Like cheese crackers and army men," Uncle Leonard cut in, and I nodded.

" 'Even better than that,' " I added. I took a bite of the small stack of pancakes that was set in front of me. They were perfect. My parents were out of the loop, and I felt bad, but I didn't know what more to say to get them more involved in this. "Then I told him that I loved him better than those things, too." Both of my parents gave weak smiles, and my mother looked as if she might cry. "The thing is... it wasn't in Uncle Leonard's point of view. It was in Mark's."

"But that's-"

"I've learned lately that nothing is ever as it seems," I said, looking at my uncle, who had spoken. My family all looked hurt, sad, and angry, which was what they felt towards Mark. I didn't know what all he was involved in, so I didn't feel much of anything towards him. I'm sure I was supposed to be angry for authorizing a test that almost killed me, but I wasn't. All I knew was that he truly did love my uncle better than anything else at one point in his life, and for that alone I'd have been willing to hear his side of the story. "When I went walking last night, I felt watched, but I knew they weren't going to hurt me, and they didn't. Whoever it was obviously was blocking their thoughts from me, and apparently you all are the only ones who know to do that around me, so I am assuming it was him. I just didn't hear any footsteps or leaves... and I didn't see any other footsteps other than my own and Dinah's. It was all very weird."

"He had to have been near you though for you to have gotten his memory, so I believe that," My dad said. I heard him think, 'If he comes near her, I'll kill him.'

"That is what I think too," I said, ignoring my father's thought. I was silent for a moment, and then looked up. "I guess Mark was a big part of my life back then, wasn't he?"

"Yes, he was there for many things."

"Though you always told the story of how you met Mark, it never triggered any memories... I guess that was because when I was eleven you called him Brian." My father looked up and glared at Leonard, and I interpreted his look. 'You weren't supposed to say ANYTHING!'

"Do you know," my mother cut in after clearing her throat, "what you want to do now that you have all of this information?" I nodded, and we all knew that I wanted to go to the Institute, wherever it may be, and get my memories back, and I didn't even have to voice this.

My father reached over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Maybe now that you know what had happened before hand, it won't be a big shock to you if you were to see it all play out this time around." I nodded, hoping he was right. Maybe this time around the images won't shock me as much. Not like when I was ten. Maybe the shock of what I'd already seen and learned the last few days mostly, may have prepared my mind for the shock of seeing my brother's death. But if I loved Avery like they said, and the emotions of that all came back along with the image of it all, then maybe I wouldn't be able to handle it. Then again... Well, I've already felt the emotional anguish of other people after Harley Quinn turned the city upside down, and Helena, Ms. Gordon, and Dinah's grief from that night was so strong that it already felt like my own. Maybe that was what it would feel like when I remember that Avery died... but then I remember that their pain wasn't my own. What if my own grief is so much worse?