I'm thinking about re-evaluating my friendship priorities. Sure, Holly J is currently my only friend but I do not entirely appreciate having to wait for her SAT Prep classes to end. The classes I paid for I might add.
I head toward the Zen garden to kill time and slowly start to mellow out. Ok, maybe I'm being a tad harsh but I'm not entirely sure how this friendship thing is supposed to work. With Declan and I, he was just there constantly. We did most everything together, the concept of "alone" wasn't really something I could comprehend. Sure he had various conquests but he'd always come home to me. His best friend. That's hwy I flipped my lid when he started spending all of his free time with HJ. That's the biggest reason anyway.
SO I'm waiting for Holly J because she's basically all I have here currently. Declan's still at Vanderbelt and I have a condo all to myself. If I thought I was lonely before… But I'm doing better.
I round the corner and pull out my iPod to settle myself in the Zen Garden when I notice the place is already occupado. Weird, it's after school. Why is anyone here?
My stomach lurches when I realize it's a boy. I crinkle my nose in distaste. Ugh, testosterone. I don't feel like dealing with that right now. Probably not again for another few years. I start to turn and walk away when the boy lifts his head ever so slightly and I recognize him. It's one of the new transfers this semester, a sophomore named Adam. Normally I wouldn't know any grade 10s (except that silly Clare girl who wrote fan fiction about my brother and kissed his neck last year) but Adam is a different story. The bullies at Degrassi, and there are many, have decided to make Adam their prime target this year. Everyone has seen him shoved into lockers, tripped and generally messed with since school started.
So he doesn't really pose any sort of threat.
I enter the Zen Garden and carefully take a seat on the opposite side of the bench. Adam tenses slightly but doesn't look up from where he's writing in a spiral notebook. Good policy. I won't bother him and he won't bother me.
I turn on my iPod and ignore him for the next five minutes. But after a while I find myself sneaking glances in his direction. There's something about him that I can't quite pinpoint, something that makes him decidedly different from your average fifteen-year-old boy.
Adam finally looks up after I've spent two minutes just scrutinizing him and he frowns. "Yes?"
"Oh uh…" I stammer, surprisingly unable to say something for an instant. "…Adam right?"
"Uh huh," he says rather impatiently, as if I had some sort of idea he might be someone other than himself. Now that he's looking at me I can see there's a cut on his cheek that's just begun to heal.
"Hey, you OK?" I ask. I touch my fingers to my own cheek to indicate where I'm looking at his face.
Adam's cheeks flare bright red and he rubs at his scratch as if he's trying to wipe it off. "Yeah, I'm fine."
I'm quite for a second. I absolutely hate that I recognize his expression as one I had put on myself just a month ago. He looks so unhappy. I want to say something, maybe try and form some sort of connection by our misfortunes but all I can manage is, "I- right. Ok then."
He gives me a look that unnerves me. It seems to say, "I know all there is to know about you Fiona Coyne, but you know nothing about me." The look is quickly replaced by a hesitant smile. It's the first time I've ever seen this kid smile. Oddly it fills me with a sort of happiness.
This kid deserves to smile more than he does. Even though he's obviously not going to tell me shit, maybe me just asking, showing some sort of caring, was enough for now.
"I'm Fiona by the way."
Adam nods. "I know. We run in parallel circles, except you and I are sort of the ones that… well are on the outskirts of our circles."
I flinch slightly. "What do you mean?"
Adam swings his legs up onto the bench so he's facing me. "Your friends and my friends interact more than you'd expect them to. Or… my friends' friends and your friend's friends do. I don't actually have many "friends". Neither do you. We're sort of on the fringes."
I should probably be more offended but I'm not. I only have one friend at Degrassi. I guess people sort of notice when a girl acts like a cold bitch for half a semester. It doesn't work out in your favor when you come back the next without your twin shield.
"You're not really how people describe you," Adam states matter-of-factly.
My throat tightens and I look away. Why did I have to ruin all my chances at this school?
Adam bites his lip. "Sorry… it's just that people say you came back different. I've only heard about last year's Fiona Coyne."
"You mean the one who treated everyone like dirt and went crazy and kissed her twin over the summer?" I ask as I turn back o glare at him. "I thought you of all people would ignore rumors."
Adam purses his lips and stands to leave. For an instant I want him to but then I feel bad and say, "Wait. Stop. Sorry. It's just… I'm a different person. Sort of. I came back to Degrassi because I couldn't stay where I was, but it's hard living down the last way everybody saw you."
"Tell me about it," Adam mutters to himself. I have no idea what he means by that but he sits back down. I smile in relief.
Adam gives me a critical look. "So why couldn't you stay where you were? Your brother did."
The smile drops off my face. "Uh…" No way am I going do discuss Bobby with some Grade 10 I just met. "Bad breakup."
Adam's eyebrows raise and he looks like he's about to laugh. "What? You came back to Degrassi from a prep school in New York City because you couldn't face some boy?"
The question stings and I retort, "It's not like that."
Adam rolls his eyes. "Sounds like it to me. What, did he ignore your texts? Buy you the wrong shade of lip gloss? Did he refuse to listen to Lady-"
"Try he pushed me down a flight of stairs," I snap.
The smirk falls off Adam's face and his eyes widen in shock. "Oh… wow jeez, I'm sorry I-"
"Just forget it," I say softly.
I would leave but my limbs refuse to work. It's like all of my energy went into that declaration. How could I be so stupid? I was trying to forget Bobby ever happened. This wasn't going to help. And with my luck it would be all over the school by tomorrow morning. I wonder how much Adam would give to call attention off him for a while.
Adam is quite for so long I think he might have gone until he says, "So… are you OK?"
I look at him and he's staring at me with these horrible concerned eyes. I don't need his pity. "About as "OK" as you are," I reply maliciously.
Adam doesn't bite at my attempt at making him defensive. He smiles at me sadly and replies, "That bad huh?"
We stare at each other some more and my walls of defense start to fall a little for him. As males go he's not half bad. I'd been all prepared to renounce the opposite gender all together. But Adam was different. Maybe because he'd been through a lot too.
Suddenly a throat clears from the doorway and we turn to see Holly J watching us in confusion. "Er… Adam is it?"
Adam nods.
"What are you still doing here?"
"My brother Drew has football practice. Mom picks us up afterward."
Holly J smiles at him as I gather my stuff. "Well thanks for keeping Fi company while I was busy."
Adam grins in my direction. "Sure. It was nice meeting you Fiona."
I smile back. "Same here Adam."