We Can If We Want

By: Amon Kashino

Chapter I * Beginning of something big

"What's going on?" Ricky asked after George had left.

"I don't know" Ashley said glancing around her room.

"Yeah you do" he replied back quickly.

She fought back a sigh "yeah I do, um, but I don't want to talk about it."

"All right" he said shrugging "I guess I'll just say goodnight" he watched Ashley's green eyes dart to the ground and she looked as though she wanted to say something, Ricky blinked "should I say goodnight?"

Ashley didn't want to say anything so she just shook her head no; Ricky didn't even hesitate walking over to her, pulling his hands from his pockets he pulled her into a hug which she returned eagerly.

"Tell me what's wrong" he said softly.

She tried to reign in her emotions "does it ever go right? Does the right girl ever find the right guy?"

"Sure" he replied with a half smirk as he pulled back.

"Sure?"

"Yeah" he nodded "sure, it can happen."

Ashley's eyes flicked between Ricky's deep brown eyes and his lips.

She leaned forward to kiss him but he turned his head "I can't… we can't Ashley."

"We can if we want" she replied moving forward again.

"No we can't" he responded but he didn't move back as Ashley tried to kiss him again, he didn't move into it at first but as her soft lips pressed against his he pushed into her deepening the kiss.

He had so many thoughts and emotions running through his head, he went to pull back only to find she had wrapped her arms around his neck. He could have fought maybe even should have, but he didn't instead his hands found themselves at her waist pulling her hips into his.

They paused in kissing when Ashley's alarm clock went off, which was set to 'radio' they almost laughed when a song began to play setting a new mood but not killing it.

She started kissing him again.

Everybody's looking for love. Oh. Oh.
Ain't that the reason you're at this club. Oh. Oh.
You ain't gonna find a dance with him. No. Oh.
Got a better solution for you girl. Oh. Oh.

Ricky smirked as he felt Ashley's tongue press cautiously into his mouth; he reciprocated deepening their make out session.

Just stay with me now. Say the word and well go.
I'll be your teacher. I'll show you the ropes.
You'll see a side of love you've never known.
I can see it going down, going down.

They pulled back breathing heavily as the chorus started but they paid no attention to it, Ashley glanced at the radio thinking on the lyrics "will you teach me?" she looked back up into his deep brown eyes. The rest of the song was drowned out by the sound of his heart beat in his ears, he didn't hate what was happening but Amy and her family were just warming up to him.

He couldn't ruin that, he had to think, sighing he pulled back and Ashley didn't hold him letting her hands slide to his chest as he pulled back almost out of her reach "I… damn it" he didn't know what to say so he turned and walked out quickly.

Ashley forgot about the song playing and just felt her heart beating erratically in her chest, bringing her hand to her mouth she touched her lips gently "I think I love you…" she whispered to herself.

xxxXxxx

A few days later

xxxXxxx

They hadn't talked about it. Ashley had tried bringing it up but Ricky either ignored it or her, she wasn't angry at him though, she knew it was a lot to take in and she hadn't even told him she might be in love with him all he knew was she was physically attracted to him.

Her parents hadn't told her to stay away from him but almost every time she was alone with him one of them would show up. Right now they were having movie night, Anne and George sat on the couch watching the movie. Ashley sat in their peripheral vision on the love seat Ricky was on the other side of the room in the recliner and John was on the floor watching the movie.

Ashley wasn't paying attention to the movie, some family film since John was watching it too, but she snapped to attention to the vibrating in her lap.

She glanced at her parents and noticed they weren't paying attention, looking back at her phone she flipped it open.

Ricky: I'm sorry.

She looked across the room and saw him watching the television but his cell phone was in his hand. A minute later his phone vibrated with a new message.

Ashley: For?

He didn't look over to her but just began texting quietly.

Ricky: The kiss…

Ashley: Why? I'm not.

Ricky: Let's just not go there, it happened no changing that but it can't again.

Ashley didn't reply right away but Ricky showed no sign that he even cared, but then his phone vibrated again.

Ashley: What if I want it to?

She waited for a few minutes but realized Ricky wouldn't reply when she saw him stuff his phone in his pocket from the corner of her eye. After that they watched the movie and Ricky was gone with John as soon as it ended and Ashley told her parents goodnight before walking to her room quietly.

xxxXxxx

Next day ~ Grant High School

xxxXxxx

It had been almost a week since their kiss and Ricky had been doing a great job of avoiding Ashley or being alone with her.

Until today.

He walked into the councilor's office to ask a question, nothing important, but he noticed she wasn't there and as he turned to leave Ashley stepped in closing the door. He sighed and was about to just step around her until he found her hands on his chest.

"Ricky" she said her voice full of emotions she normally wouldn't show "please wait."

He didn't say anything but didn't leave, taking that as a good sign Ashley stepped closer keeping her hands on him "why won't you give me a chance?"

He looked away from her "we can't."

"Why can't we?" she pleaded "I know you feel it, every time we are close to each other, every time we look at each other… I know you can feel it, I can see it in your eyes. Everyone can."

He sighed softly "that's not enough…"

"I didn't sleep with Grant because of you" she said "everyone can see there is something between us, and there is nothing wrong with us trying… we're both single, my parents wouldn't like it but there is nothing wrong with it."

"I have a kid" he said looking back into her eyes "with your sister."

She hugged him "but that has nothing to do with us. You're not with Amy, and just because you have John doesn't mean we can't be together."

"Look Ashley" he said as the girl was still hugging him "you're parents wouldn't allow it, Amy wouldn't be too happy about it and you're like family… a little sister."

She pulled back enough to look up at him "that's bullshit; I know you feel the chemistry between us."

Before he could create a comeback her lips were on his passionately and needy. He gave in easily, even while his head was telling him nothing good could come from this. Minutes later their tongues were battling, Ashley was sitting on the desk legs wrapped around Ricky's waist her arms locked around his neck. One of his hands was on her thigh another just under her breast.

"Uh what are you doing on my desk!"

They broke apart to see the councilor staring at them in amusement "interesting" Dr. Wilameena Bink said "you get a warning, since I know how kids are, but don't let me catch doing this again, now get out."

They had stayed quiet throughout the whole ordeal, blushing they scurried out and then Wilameena sat down "wasn't that Amy's sister and the father of her child? What is wrong with this school?"

xxxXxxx

A Few Weeks Later

xxxXxxx

Ricky hadn't agreed to dating her, still he never stopped her from kissing him, but he never initiated physical contact. They hadn't had sex yet although she had been willing on more than one occasion now that she was on birth control. There had been heavy petting and really heavy make out sessions and on one occasion Ashley was able to convince Ricky to being partially undressed when they made out. But the making out was rare occurrences when she was alone with him at home or able to sneak to his apartment with him when he went there to pick up his mail.

Her parents had gotten suspicious of the two but couldn't prove anything and they didn't want to tell them to stay apart in case that pushed them together. Ashley had almost blown it when she had got mad at him for sleeping with another girl. He had told her they weren't dating, only making her angrier but also making her wonder if he was trying to push her away before they ended up having sex. Anne had come into the kitchen and saw her glaring at him but she just left and Ricky pretended nothing was out of the ordinary.

The morning after, Ricky got into another argument with Ashley, which George and Anne over heard from their room.

Ashley stepped out of the nursery only to see Ricky rounding the corner sleepily, rubbing his hands together "good morning."

"Yeah good morning" she said testily.

"Is John awake? I haven't heard him up" he said quietly.

"He's been awake, but he's back asleep now."

He looked down "I guess I overslept, sorry, thanks for getting him. I got in kinda late last night…"

"Who's asking?" she asked trying to hide her anger.

"I hadn't seen my mother in awhile and I wanted John to spend some time with her."

"You don't have to tell lies, we're not seeing each other" she said trying not to let the hurt show in her eyes.

"Yeah we're not, and I'm not lying" he said standing slightly closer to her.

"Really?" she asked unbelieving.

"Really" he responded easily.

She couldn't take any more of their game at the moment and moved around him to leave, Ricky turned "Ashley, I'm not lying."

She turned around the anger evident in her eyes as she walked right back up to him "listen up, I've never given you a reason to lie to me so don't lie to me… it's insulting that you would even think that I would care what you were doing. 'Cause I don't care what you were doing or who you were doing it with. Ok? I don't."

"But you were definitely not spending time with John at your mother's, I'm not stupid" she said turning away to leave again.

"I thought you didn't care" Ricky said as she walked away although he knew she did, and somewhere hidden in him he cared too.

She turned around again and came back "this is why you and I will never really be involved… ever."

"Because I took my son to visit my mother?" he asked still playing the game that Ashley had tried to walk away from.

George and Anne stood at their bedroom door listening in on what was happening as Ricky spoke "you and I could never be really involved because I could never marry you, and that's the only way I would really be involved with you."

"Oh no, you can't use that! That's my line, that's what I told you!" she said angrily although she knew they were already involved… physically at least but she wanted more.

"All right then" he said shaking his head "we're never going to be really involved because you're practically my sister-in-law."

"Huh sister-in-law! Is that right?" Ashley said letting her anger slip out slightly "then I guess you won't have any trouble telling your 'wife' the guy she really loves, Ben, is having a baby with the girl she really hates, Adrian. 'Cause there's only so long I can keep avoiding her, before I tell her myself!"

"You can't tell her, Ben has to be the one to tell her."

"Yeah he should be but he's not going to be," she stared at him "So the next time she calls I'm going to tell her you have something you want to tell her."

"I'm not going to tell her" he responded shaking his head.

"Why not she's your wife!" Ashley practically spit.

"I didn't say that" he responded smirking "you know what I'm talking about."

"Yeah I do know what you're talking about…"

"No, no, no, no, no do not blame me for what's been going on here" he said shaking his head.

George and Anne were leaning on their bedroom door "what's been going on here?" George asked Anne.

"Shh!" Anne responded with a finger to her mouth.

"You know what's been going on here" Ashley said her anger ebbing away slowly.

"Yeah I do and we should be ashamed of ourselves."

"Ashamed! You're not ashamed that you tricked Amy into having sex! But you're ashamed that you're feeling something for me?" her anger was turning into sadness and she fought the urge to cry.

"I didn't trick Amy; I did not trick her… I just didn't know that she didn't know what we were getting into and…" he stopped looking back into her eyes "and I don't have to explain that to you because you already know that."

His smirk made its way back to his face "and by the way, you started flirting with me long before I started flirting back."

"Oh I hate that word! No one's flirting with anyone, we have feelings for each other, real feelings" she said "it's not just a sexual attraction!"

George cringed "sexual! God!"

Anne waved and mouthed for him to be quiet.

"And you know what else, neither Amy or Adrian care if we have real feelings for each other!"

Ricky was trying to keep his feelings in check when being told the truth to his face "actually they might, especially Amy. As well as your mom and dad who can probably hear every word we're saying at this point."

"So why do you care! I don't care."

Ricky sighed and Ashley didn't even know where the argument was going any more "so what you've decided you want Amy now that you can't have Adrian?"

"No. And who says I can't have Adrian" his emotions hid back in place and his smirk back full force "if I want Adrian, or anyone else I want for that matter."

"Oh get over yourself" she said finally giving up and walking away.

"Wow what was that?" George asked Anne.

"That's the sound of Ashley falling in love with the wrong guy."

Ricky turned in the hallway hearing the two adults speaking "you can't be serious falling in love with Ricky! Maybe attracted to him… especially if it bugs her sister, but in love? No way."

"Either way" Anne said "it's just so… wrong."

"Not just wrong" George said "it's totally taboo."

Anne shrugged "eh well not totally taboo I guess, I mean he and Amy were only together that one time and… oh god am I actually trying to justify this?"

"This isn't happening, I'm gonna tell him to take John and go home."

"No" Anne pleaded "just tell him to leave John and go home for a few days, get away from all of us…"

"Good Idea" Ricky's voice said from behind their door.

The two adults looked at the door surprised then back at each other.

The next morning Ricky arrived at school with Ben but walked away from him when they entered, Ashley stood quietly at her locker as he came up.

"Hey" he said leaning next to her locker.

"My dad told me to stay away from you" she said not looking at him.

Ricky didn't even know why he came to talk to her so he shrugged "ok."

Before he could walk away Ashley sighed "Wait."

He looked over his shoulder to see her looking down "please…"

He didn't know what she was trying to say so he turned fully to her "please?"

Ashley shut her locker and grabbed his hand pulling him down a sparsely filled hallway, apparently Adrian was causing a scene elsewhere so no one they knew saw them. She led him to the secluded walk outside between the auto-shop class and the building for special-ed classes.

She turned dropping her school bag and pulling Ricky into a kiss, which he yet again gave into eagerly, when they broke apart he smirked "thought you were supposed to stay away from me? Aren't you still mad at me anyway?"

She shook her head "you know I can't stay mad at you… you didn't call last night."

He sighed "my mother stopped by… uh my birth mother."

"Are you ok?" she asked.

He sighed and was quiet for a minute "it's nothing really; she just stayed the night, catching up and all that."

Ashley knew he would tell her when he was ready so she nodded and kissed him again "can we please not fight anymore? When we're alone… you never have a problem with me…"

He shook his head "I don't have a problem with you when we're not either, I just have a problem with you getting angry at me. We're not together Ashley, and you get mad at me every time I sleep with someone else…"

"But we could be together" she pleaded.

"I… not now, we talked about this yesterday… if you can't handle that maybe we shouldn't even have whatever" he motioned between them "this is, right now."

Ashley didn't know how to respond to that, she wanted to be with him, she was so sure of it.

Ricky had nothing left to say and when the first bell rang he looked at Ashley again before walking away quietly.

Ashley watched him leave and didn't notice the lone tear that escaped her eye.