CaffinatedCaffy- All your base are belong to us!

Axcent- That being said, you are now at our mercy. Review, for you are our minions.

And, er... the important stuff. This is a joint fic between the above people. Neither of us own Death Note, which accounts for it's lack of yaoi.

More importantly... Jessebell is a whore. End of story.

Wedding

Matt appraised himself in the mirror, wondering if he really should go through with this whole wedding business. After all, he could just not get married, they could live together - 'Ugh, living together... Imagine how neat she'll want to be.' Matt adjusted his black bow tie, suffocating from the strain it was putting on his neck. He could already hear the fucking bells ringing, the violin, and all that other God damned shit that they play in churches...

'When was the last time I was in a church?' Matt thought to himself. Regardless of the last time he had been in a church, Matt was in one now, and very soon he would be out there, in front of countless people (mostly the bride's family, though there was a good portion of Matt's there, as well) all intent on him and Jessebell marrying today.

Really, Jessebell was a gorgeous woman. Matt could only imagine what she would look like in her wedding dress. But there was something about their relationship that was lackluster. They were missing something, but both needed to get married, and probably start a family. Matt groaned out loud, getting somewhat frantic about the wedding.

"What seems to be the problem? Is Matt having cold feet?" Near, Matt's best man, snickered slightly as he noticed Matt's anxiety.

Near was wearing a completely white suit, and Matt was also wearing a completely suit of crisp alabaster, with a deep red bow tie and handkerchief sticking out of his left breast pocket. Matt groaned for the umpteenth time that day. 'That woman has an obsession with white...' Matt thought angrily. "I'm just a little apprehensive, is all," Matt assured the white haired man.

"In that case, Matt should head out to the chapel. It's time for Matt's wedding to begin. I'll be following behind." Near motioned for Matt to lean down so he could whisper in his ear. "Good luck."

Matt walked out to the chapel, and saw everyone getting seated in the many pews. The pastor was at the front, getting ready for the ceremony. Matt stood at the altar now, with Near flanked at his side.

Suddenly, everyone grew quiet. It was time. A very cute four year old came twirling down the aisle, throwing rose petals on the ground. Then the bridesmaids (who are, in Matt's opinion, foul creatures who claim to be the bride's 'best friends') walked in, wearing deep red, full length gowns with corsages on their wrists. Matt's currently resided on the collar of his tuxedo jacket.

Afterwards, the wedding march started, and the bride walked in, guided by her graying father. She was in an elegant white dress, with an empire waist and what could only be described as a poof for the whole bottom half of the gown. She had a long train, that was held by two of her nephews. Her long, sandy blonde hair was done up in an elaborate mess of curls atop her head, and a veil was placed atop it. She had simple makeup on, accentuating her pale green eyes. In her hands was a large bouquet full of deep red poinsettias and some baby's breath.

Jessebell's father was giving her up to Matt now. 'It would be smart to keep her safe, Matt. Just give up and resign. Have some kids...' Matt sucked in a deep breath as he saw Jessebell approach him, and stop arm's length away. He pulled her veil up over her face, just like they had practiced, and waited for the pastor to speak. The pastor opened up with a paragraph written by Shakespeare that Jessebell had picked out, about love. Then, the real ceremony began.

"Hello and welcome! We gathered together here in the family to celebrate the love which Jessebell McMahon and Mail Matthew Jeevas have for each other, to give social recognition to their decision to commit their lives and accept each other completely, to learn how to help and understand each other, to build a family, and together, to travel through life.

"If any of you has anything to say that might change their minds… they… don't want to hear it." Everyone laughed slightly at the pastor's small joke. "However, they do want to hear from you that you are their village, that you will always be their family, and will always support and encourage them as they discover the commitment and dedication needed to make marriage work. And that is why you are here today."

Matt was sweating bullets, he was so nervous. But he continued to listen to the pastor, answering with a small "Yes," or "I do," when necessary.

"So Bride and Groom, please focus your attention on one another and also answer my questions:

"Jesseblell, 'Do you take Mail to be your wedded husband, to share your life openly, standing with him, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to cherish and to love, so long as you both shall live?'

"Mail, 'Do you take Jessebll to be your wedded wife, to share your life openly, standing with her, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to cherish and to love, so long as you both shall live?'"

"Best Man, may we have the rings please?" Near walked over with two gold rings, and gave them to the pastor.

"Mail, as you place this ring on Jessebell's hand, please say your vows."

Matt swallowed the lump in his throat, and began to speak. He had rehearsed this! He knew what he was doing. " I take you, Jessebell, to be the Zelda to my Link, to fight monsters and to rescue you, my princess, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in low and high HP, to love and to cherish, 'till all our lives are gone do us part." Matt slipped the ring on Jessebell's finger. It was shaking. She seemed terribly mad about Matt's personalized vows. Her jaw was clenched shut.

"Jessebell as you place this ring on Mail's hand, please say your vows." The pastor said.

"I take you, Mail, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and, in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Jessebell took the ring and placed it on Matt's finger.

The pastor cleared his throat, ready to make the final announcement. "Mr. Jeevas, you may kiss your bride." Matt pulled Jessebell close, capturing her lips in a prolonged peck.

"I am honored to present to you, Jessebell and Mail Jeevas!" The pastor cried.

Soon enough, Jessebell and Matt's arms were linked, running down the aisle. People were waiting outside, and little children were blowing bubbles, adults were throwing rice, and they were desperately trying to get into the limousine to get to the reception.

"We're married!" Jessebell cried happily, throwing her arms around Matt.

"Yes, yes we are," Matt smiled, somewhat surprised that he wasn't getting yelled at for his vows. Perhaps she's on an after-wedding high?

Matt and Jessebell did all the things at a reception that normal newly wed couples did. They drank tons of champagne, did toasts, ate cake, and danced the night away! Soon enough the reception was over, and the couple was back in a limousine, kissing and on their way to the airport.

Matt and Jessebell boarded the airplane, still in their wedding attire. They took turns changing into comfortable clothes, and Matt helped Jessebell gather the bobby pins out of her hair. Soon enough a stewardess came by, asking if they would like anything to eat or drink.

'Damn, either it's the champagne I was drinking or just me, but this woman is hot! Way hotter than Jessebell...'

Matt looked down the stewardess' cleavage and then cleared his throat, ordering two ginger ales for him and Jessebell. They slept the rest of the flight, eager to reach their destination...

The hotel was classy. The floor was marble, twisting white and beige and black shining under fancy chandeliers. The desk was mahogany, and the man behind it looked like he was fresh out of a cookie cutter in his black suit - a perfect copy of every other hotel front desk worker. Jessebell gushed over the "beauty", clutching Matt's hand and grinning ear to ear. Matt sighed. She wasn't the one who had to pay.

"Welcome to-" The man started, his chin lifted a fraction of an inch higher than was normal.

"Yeah, cool." Matt cut through his sentence, ignoring Jessebell's scoff as well as the apologetic look she shot at the man. "We just need our key."

The man seemed taken aback. He looked at the exasperated Matt, then he looked at the over excited Jessebell. He asked for their names. His chin returned to a place of normal carriage. His voice turned cold as he thanked them for choosing the Delaroux, and he dropped the fake accent. His moustache quivered.

Matt twirled the key card between his fingers, dropping it several times along the way and receiving numerous dirty looks from the woman who was now his wife as well as the people passing them, who all seemed to be heading out to the beach area.

"Matt!" Jessebell hissed to him as they walked, her fingers still clinging to his. "Take off those goggles! This is not the time!"

Matt couldn't quite remember when she had become his mother. He left the eyeware dangling around his neck, a compromise, and kept walking, ignoring the other guests as they scurried around, most clinging to each other. Jessebell was watching them, the glint in her eye jealous, her steps bringing her closer and closer to her husband and her arm wrapping around his. Matt wondered vaguely if what they had was different from the other couples. He liked Jessebell, sure, when she wasn't making him wake up before noon. She was pretty, lively, nice when she wasn't snubbing his cigarettes, and very much in love with him.

"We're this way, Matt." Jessebell cooed, pulling him towards a silver elevator. "Aren't you excited to see our suite?" She poked the "up" button repeatedly, as though that would make the lift arrive faster.

"I hope there's a TV." The redhead bounced on the balls of his feet, trying to see up to a secret looking level that opened into the main hall like a balcony. There seemed to be people up there. He wondered how to reach it.

Jessebell pulled him through the elevator doors when they opened, and the view was blocked. "Don't be silly!" She purred, tipping her lips to his ear. "You won't need a TV tonight." Her long sandy hair brushed across Matt's cheek before she pulled away, tucking her shoulders under his arm.

"No, I guess not." Matt agreed, looking around the elevator. He was gripped by a sudden need to push all the buttons. So he did, laughing lightly at the way they lit up like a many windowed house.

Jessebell was not amused. She crossed her arms. She pouted. She glared at the playful look Matt was giving her under his bangs. She snatched his goggles away from around his neck. "There's no way I'm having sex with you if you're going to be so immature." She told him sternly, straightening her dress. Matt could've sworn she pulled the neck line lower.

"Sex?" He repeated, confusion swirling in the exposed green of his eyes, his voice an octave higher than usual.

"Yes, Matt." Jessebell smiled at him. "What else?"

Matt tucked his hands into his pockets, mourning the loss of his goggles - he had to get those back sometime soon. "Well, I was going to go exploring."

The elevator doors slid open just in time for Matt to escape the death glare of his new wife, just in time for him to leave the small space without becoming a victim of the anger welling up inside her. He hurried down the hallway, feeling the emotion from his wife without a need for words. He knew he must have said something terribly wrong, he just couldn't really understand what.

When both people stopped in front of the door, Matt dug inside his pockets for the room key, finally locating it and sliding it through the handle. Jessebell went from being furious to being bubbly again, jumping ahead of Matt into the room and pulling him in after her by the neck. The soft beige of the carpet was Matt's first view of the room as his head was yanked down and he stumbled across it, trying to recover composure and uncurling himself from Jessebell's grip.

His second view of the room was the one king sized bed, it's covers a deep scarlet. It was covered in heart shaped pillows and rose petals. Matt suppressed a giggle as his eyes traveled over the rest of the room. Everything was heart themed and the colour scheme was predictably red and pink. As Jessebell slid into the bathroom, throwing Matt a wink and shimmying her narrow shoulders, the redhead noted with pure glee that there was a large flat screen television sitting in a corner, a single pure white couch placed in front of it.

Smiling broadly, he approached the electronic and ran his pale fingers over it's top. Then a sudden realization hit him. He had no cords to connect his game consoles with! Straightening, Matt bit his lip. Maybe the front desk had some? It wouldn't hurt to check the secret balcony-floor too... He nodded. This was important. Jessebell wouldn't mind him searching for video game cables. She understood his love for games, didn't she?

Matt turned on the heel of his dress shoes and hurried out the door, slipping through before he could see his wife coming out of the bathroom in a short silk dress. Then he wandered up the hallway, wondering which of the doors he passed lead the way to the secret balcony-floor. He felt like Ash, searching the endless corridors of a gym to find the gym leader and battle him... in return for electronic cords. He suppressed an excited giggle as he continued on his journey.

The redhead passed an unimaginable amount of time opening doors and walking numerous hallways, finding pool rooms, game rooms (he spent a bit of time in these of course), a nice looking hotel restaurant, and, finally, the secret balcony-floor.

Matt was disappointed. It was just a ballroom, filled with people in suits and long, swishing dresses, all dancing stiffly to classical music. There was, however, a small buffet, where Matt grabbed some cake before sneaking back out. His caper finished and his true intent almost forgotten, he returned to the room where he and Jessebell were staying.

The door swung open to reveal his wife, laying on the bed, a far out look on her face. She seemed to have been crying. Matt moved towards the bed, suddenly struck with concern.

"Where the hell have you been?" The woman screeched when Matt approached, holding the half eaten cake out as a peace offering. "...It's 11:00pm, Matt. You've been out for 4 hours!" She tucked her legs under the blanket and rolled away from Matt, who stood, all the euphoria he had felt while exploring draining out of him.

"Sorry." He whispered, placing the cake on the bedside table. "I was looking for video game cords." His voice was soft, apologetic.

"Video games! Of course! I'm starting to think you love your games more than you love me." Jessebell's voice was sad, low and tear filled.

Matt stopped. Was that true? Even he didn't know the answer.

"I'm sorry, Jesse," Matt started, using his nickname for her (inspired by Jesse from Pokémon), "I seem to have forgotten that tonight is supposed to be about us," He stressed the word. He had to lay on the sugar thick if he was going to make it out of this one! "Can I make it up to you?"

Matt only hoped he wouldn't regret this. Jessebell's eyes lit up happily as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to lay down on the bed with her. "Do you really mean it?"

"I mean every word of it," Matt said with a soft (forced, his mind mocked) smile. He placed a small kiss on her lips. "You have been practically begging for it all day," He laughed. Jessebell blushed deeply, suddenly retracting as Matt lunged in closer to her. "C'mon, Jesse, don't be like that,"

"Sorry... You know though, that.." She began to whisper, "I'm a virgin!"

"You're such a dunce. It doesn't matter if you're a virgin. We're married for a reason - I'll even tell you what to do if sex ed class wasn't enough for you. Okay? Now, do whatever your body wants you to do, you're married now - we're married now, so you're not sinning or whatever the fuck it is you're always worried about," Matt grinned.

"Fine," She muttered, and suddenly Matt was full-on making out with her, wriggling his tongue into her mouth. If Matt was going to fuck her, he had to work hard to get himself excited about this, especially with the way she was acting... But eh, it's her first time, he's got to make this 'magical' and shit, like all the girls expect it to be. Now some bondage, that he'd really be into...

Jessebell suddenly moaned, and then she clamped her hand over her mouth, pushing Matt away. "Jesus, what's wrong now?" Matt groaned.

"W-wasn't that embarrassing?" She choked out.

"When you love someone, you're not worried about how embarrassing something you do is, or how ugly you think your body is - because the person that loves you thinks that you are wholly one hundred percent gorgeous. Understand?" Matt asked. She nodded. "So when you orgasm and you're all going insane with pleasure, don't bottle it all up, you ninny."

Jessebell nodded slowly again, giving in to what Matt had said.

At the end of the night, Matt realized it was a piece of fucking work trying to get this whole sex thing to work. Hopefully there wouldn't be as many distractions as this time... And hopefully he could think of something other than Jessebell's fucking pathetic naked body laying there like a little angel in order to get himself hard. All these would have to wait for another time though, because Jessebell was already asleep, curling up in his arms, and he was well on his way, too...