The Name is Gasman

AN: I was swimming around in my pool when this idea came to me. It's rather pointless, and really short, but whatever.

I woke up this morning and realized something: my name is the Gasman. What girl is going to want to date a guy whose name is something that comes out your ass? I never really cared before…in fact, I loved my name. But now that I'm twelve, I really have to start thinking about the future. I mean, Angel's got this whole innocent name going on. And Fang has this edgy name. But the Gasman? Really?

It was very clear to me—unless I wanted to give up love right now and become a priest, or a monk, or…I don't know, a rabbi?—that I had to somehow get my name changed.

It would be hard, I knew. The Flock would forget and keep calling me Gazzy. Or Gasman. But what should I change my name to?

Hmm. Mister Fear? No, I needed to stick to one word. Rush? No, sounds like a drug. Umm…Dave? No, too average. Clearly, I needed help.

"Nudge," I bellowed, opening my door and scurrying into the hall. "Nudge I need help!"

"I'm not going to help you test out your latest bomb again," she responded flatly, rounding the corner, eating an apple. "You should really ask Max. Or, can't Iggy help you? He helps you make them, so—"

"No, Nudge, I need different help. Okay, so, what's a hot guy name, in your opinion?" She just stared at me, like maybe I was high. Then she brightened.

"Oh, there are so many! Ahh….Aaron? Mike? Wes? Let's see… Anthony? Ian?"

"No, I need something more original."

"Gaz, why are you asking me this? Are you doing that Fan Fiction thing again?"

"I told you not to talk about that! And no. I'll tell you later. Just give me a slightly more original hot guy name."

"I have no idea, and you're scaring me. Go on Baby !" And like that, she was gone, leaving her half eaten apple on the counter. Okay…?

I went to Fang's computer and went on the website. Maybe I should have a name that starts with a Q…yeah, that would be cool. Quincy? Nah. Quinn? No. Oh, Quest sounded kind of cool. It would make me sound so adventurous…

I tried X next, because X is also a cool letter. Xander?...No, I'd spell it wrong all the time. Oh! I got one that sounded full proof: Xavier. It was so awesome! I glanced in the mirror. I was so an Xavier.

"Max," I called, trotting out of Fang's room. I almost collided with her as I ran into the kitchen.

"What?" She asked, out of breath.

"I'm changing my name," I declared.

"What? Why?"

"Well, because Gasman doesn't make me sound very attractive, you know? So I'm changing it to Xavier. The girls will be drooling." She looked exhausted, and slightly amused.

"You can't just change your name," she told me. "You're Gazzy to us, and you always will be."

"No, now I'm Xavier."

"Gazzy…"

"Nope, sorry, I don't respond to that name anymore."

"What are these girls you're talking about, anyway?" I shrugged, noting Fang walking into his room. Had I closed out of that website?

"I don't know. Just the general female specimen." Max opened her mouth to respond, but Iggy cut her off.

"GAZZY!" He called from the back yard. "IT'S DONE!"

"I'M NOT GAZZY ANYMORE!" I shouted back. "CALL ME XAVIER KAY?"

"You can't just declare your name changed," she stated.

"Sure I can," I insisted. "Xavier sounds pretty sexy, you know?"

"No." I glared.

"What do you think I should change it to, then?"

"You're not changing your name!" I shook my head as Iggy sauntered in, looking confused.

"Xavier?"

"Thank you. See, Iggy understands! So, it's done?" He grinned, despite his confusion.

"Totally perfected. You ready to set it off?"

"Sure, can you just tell Max that my name's Xavier first?" His brow furrowed, but he just shrugged.

"Um, all right. Max, his name's Xavier? Okay, let's go!"

"Wait, what are you setting off? Gazzy, come back here!"

"That's not my name!" I shot back as we sprinted out of the room. I noticed Fang stumbling out of his room as I zipped off, like he'd seen a ghost. I wondered why…?

Then, from behind me, I heard him say something to Max: "Max…I'm not ready to be a dad yet." I laughed as he went on about protection or something. In my excitement, I'd completely forgotten to close out of the baby names website on Fang's laptop…oops.