Author's Note: there is mentions to my In New York fic here. Which will remain cannon to me until Hilary McKay says otherwise. Please R&R

She hated them with a passion. They were so high and impractical and such a pain to actually put on. She hated the dress they went with. All poufy and lace stuck on a little piece of white cloth that was too tight round her chest. She could barely breathe in it let alone move. And her hair, oh god her hair looked monstrous. It was all pulled up on top of her head like some sort of brown pineapple with tiara and more white lace to decorate it.

"I hate it" she mumbled. "I hate it all"

Saffy gave her a complete unsympathetic look. A very dark look that would cause poor David to run out squealing in fear if he was here. Rose, however grew up with that look aimed at her many times, was unfazed.

"You could have had something that you actually liked if you picked it yourself" Sarah scolded. "So stop complaining, you knew you were getting married today and still didn't get a dress. What did you expect, for it to suddenly be cancelled?"

Yes.

"I didn't want this big fuss" she said out loud. "I don't like it. Reminds me too much of Caddy's first wedding"

"This whole situation reminds me of Caddy's first wedding" Saffy muttered darkly. "Quit sulking Rose, in a couple hours you're going to be Mrs-"

"I'm keeping my surname" Rose interrupted. "I'm never going to be anything but Permanent Rose Casson"

"You're getting married. So smile" Saffy said before dragging Sarah out of the room and slamming the door.

The door opened again. Only this time it was Caddy coming into the room looking tired and a little pale. Caddy had always been tired since Buttercup (Carlos, must really stop calling him that since he gets bullied enough and he's a teenager and hates it) was born. Being a mother to five, the youngest only two, is really taking its toll on her.

"Don't do it Rosie Pose" she whispered.

Rose rolled her eyes and glared at Caddy through the mirror. They have had this argument before. Many times in the past five months each time the wedding got brought up. Caddy thought Rose was making a mistake. The same mistake that she had made when she was going to marry Alex.

Rose stopped her making that one and Caddy was determined to make sure Rose won't make it either.

"You shouldn't do it just for the honeymoon"

"There isn't going to be any pandas, Caddy" Rose said sighing. "This has nothing to do with honeymoons, which by the way I don't get how can a holiday be honey and moons? If they wanted to call it something then they might as well just call it a sex vacation since that's what everyone does on one of those honeymoons"

"Rose!" Caddy squeaked scandalised.

"I'm twenty five Caddy, not eight" Rose said sharply knowing exactly what was going through her eldest sister's mind. "I haven't been a virgin since I was fifteen and trust me I plan to do many things before I give up sex altogether"

"It's difficult for me to see you as anything but eight" Caddy said, "since you act as childish as always and never seem to change apart from in looks"

"You mean I just grew breasts"

"For god sake Rose! Can we get back to the point? Don't marry the man you don't love!"

Rose turned round to face Caddy properly. "He is not Alex and there is no Michael out there waiting for me to grow up. I'm not you Caddy"

"Tom"

It was like a magic word. Some sort of spell that made Rose freeze up and feel all hot at the same time. Something that made her heart sped up a little faster.

"There never has been and never will be anything between me and Tom. We're friends" Rose said calmly.

"Because both of you are too bloody stubborn with your prides! Neither of you will admit it unless the other will. You keep making excuses like 'his Indigo's best friend' and he makes the same ones over and over again. The two of you need to grow up; you're not eight and twelve anymore. It's perfectly acceptable for a five year age gap"

Rose was slightly taken back with Caddy's sudden rant. Caddy was as calm as Eve, nothing usually fazed her but then again Caddy is mother to an extra child than Eve and travelled more of the world than Eve could dream of. Also Caddy had a bit of Bill in her, enough to have a temper during times like this.

"Tom isn't here" Rose heard herself quietly. "I think it says it all"

Caddy reached out and grabbed hold of Rose's wrist roughly. Her fingernails were digging in deep and she hauled her closer to herself. Spit splattered on her shoulder when Caddy hissed in her ear in a rather scary voice.

"He's gone off sulking and you know it"

She left before Rose tested her temper even more. Leaving Rose to deal with the purplish red marks on her wrist.

PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR

Outside of the church Sarah and Saffy were chatting cheerfully to some of the guests. Caddy and marched in with Michael and the children while Eve was sobbing to Sarah's Mum with Bill trying to calm her down.

Indigo stood silently beside her. He had a strange look on his face, it's so rare for Indigo to be angry that whenever he was he looked so strange, his eyes were so stormy and dark, his skin was even paler than normal and his lips were so thin and tight.

"You're angry" she whispered. The at me was added on silently as she waited for his denial.

"It's very hard for me. You put me in the most difficult position the pair of you" Indigo said in an neutral voice. Sometimes Rose thinks he should have been a politician discussing world peace with the enemy. He was so negotiable. "He is my best friend, always has been since the day he told outrageous stories and played with that stupid bouncy ball. You've been my baby sister, the girl I swore to protect no matter what. I'm angry that you're marrying a sleazy bastard and Tom isn't doing anything to stop it"

"Have you ever thought that neither of us love each other like that?" Rose demanded hotly.

"Never"

"Never? Come of it"

"From the day you heard him play the guitar I never thought there would be anyone but Tom for you"

Rose stood there silently as Indigo walked off towards Sarah. She watched with a bit of jealousy as he kissed her and spoke to her, arm still wrapped round her. They had their differences and at one point dated other people during their Uni years but they ended up together anyway. Childhood sweethearts.

Her feet were killing her. She only been wearing these shoes for more than an hour and they were already killing her.

"Ready to go Rosie Pose?" her Dad asked with a big fake smile that he wore when he was displeased but won't show it. Like when Caddy's first set of results came out or Mum brought her that mobile or Caddy marrying Michael after the birth of Buttercup and not before.

"Yes" she said through gritted teeth. She slipped her arm through his and allowed him to herd her into the church. The organ music began to play and she felt her stomach turn in revulsion. Her taste in music is usually guitar only. She took two extremely slow steps and staggered as she almost slipped on the heel. "I hate these shoes" she hissed.

Her Dad looked at her with a mix of sadness and pride. "You look beautiful though" he whispered soothingly. "I can't believe this day has arrived"

"Difficult for you to give me away" Rose teased quietly, a smirk dancing on her face.

"No...Just I always thought I'd be giving you away to Tom. Prepared myself for it since that first trip to New York after Samantha broke up with me"

Rose froze. They were halfway down the aisle and her future husband was looking at her with desire and a slight frown because she had stopped walking. Everyone was turning to look at her now as she began to feel her heart beat faster and fear taking hold of her.

"Rose?" Bill murmured.

Her Dad who was all proper and logical despite being an artist. Who claimed things to not really be art and yet encouraged all of her wall scribbling even though he painted over them in bland white colours...

Even he thought that she was going to end up with Tom.

She loved Tom with something more than she loved anyone. She could never really put her finger on it but without him everything was less than before. There was a colour missing in the world without Tom Levin. Incomplete Caddy once called it. But Tom never seemed to return anything. Sometimes he would look at her oddly before laughing and sometimes he would hold her a little tighter than normal after a very long time since the last time they'd seen each other. He was the only one to call her Permanent Rose and get away with it, David tried it once and she almost killed him. Her future husband called her that once and she didn't speak to him for two whole weeks.

He kissed her once. A chaste meaningless thing that sent tingles down her spine and caused her to dream about it repeatedly for years afterwards. He sent her valentine's cards even though she had to ask and remind him through her older brother. Everything he sent her was cherished and right now she was still wearing that silver guitar necklace he gave her fourteen years ago.

He cherished everything she gave him too. He uses the black guitar and rose patterned strap for all of his concerts.

She loved him. Was probably in love with him and only just realised right this second. She can't say that he loves her back but she's so willing to take the risk.

Because it's Tom and she would fight heaven and hell just to visit him. Which she practically did when she was eight with Samantha being heaven and Bill hell.

"I can't do this" she whispered.

And then she ran.

PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR

There were three places that Tom could probably be.

The church tower, the library roof or the secondary school roof. The first one was where her wedding was so that was immediately crossed out. The third one is a reminder of sheer hell for all of them so she doubted that he'll be there. The library roof was an adventure for Tom and Indigo and therefore was where she was heading to.

There was also the possibility that Tom has left town or taken a plane out to America but that's all right. She'll hunt him down until the day she dies. She just needed an answer.

Her shoes hurt so much and she had kept tripping and stumbling that she ended up throwing them away in the nearest bin. Her dress was ripped and muddy because of her constant falling and at one point she had yanked off the tiara and veil so hard that her hair was falling out of its hair style despite the nasty hair spray.

She looked a mess as she ran through the streets towards the library. She had many people shouting after her but she ignored them as she flung herself up the many stairs and pushed past the janitor before throwing the roof door open.

Tom was laying there as he strummed random notes on his guitar a strange mix of fast and upbeat to slow and sad. He was wearing jeans and a hoodie looking completely normal and casual.

She slowly walked closer before lying down beside him. She looked up at the sky above them, it was grey and dull as always.

"Shouldn't you be getting married?" Tom asked in an equally dull voice.

"Shouldn't you be there watching me get married?" she shot back.

"I told you Rose. I don't believe in marriage, it's all a farce for someone to spend money and go look at me, look at me, I found someone and you haven't before going through all the crap they could have gone through without the wedding" Tom said in a rather bitter voice. "Marriage doesn't mean shit, Rose. It doesn't do anything. People can still leave like my Mum and they can still have sex with other people like your Dad. So why bother?"

"I don't know...probably to prove something to everyone"

Tom pushed himself up, his guitar slipping down onto his lap as he twisted to face her. One arm was caging her in as the over became a prop for his head. "You look a mess" he told her with a hint of a wicked grin. "You should go and clean yourself up before the wedding. Cold feet is not a good look for you"

"My shoes were killing me. Never again am I letting Sarah and Saffy pick anything out for me. And I'm not going back there, not with Caddy doing a 'I told you so' dance. She's wanted to do one ever since I did one over Michael and Buttercup"

"You should really stop calling that. It's very embarrassing in front of his friends and the girl he fancies" Tom pointed out half amused. "So what did he do to make you change your mind?"

"Nothing he did. He was perfect"

"Of course" Tom said dryly.

"My feet are cold"

2We already established that"

"No my feet are cold. Really cold. I just ran several streets bare footed"

Tom whooped in laughter. Hysterical insane happy laughter. "Trust you Rose" he said grinning. He then sat up properly and took his shoes off before taking his socks off and slipping them on Rose's feet gently. She watched him as he did this, it was a bit like Cinderella only it was two feet and she just ran away from the prince for an errand knight. God she was Guinevere with guts. "Better?" he asked.

"Much better"

"Why are you here Rose?" Tom asked after a moment of silence.

A moment of looking at each other where he saw what a wreck she was and she only kept seeing how damn good looking he was. The bastard.

"People kept saying things and I wanted the answer to why" she said edging closer to him.

"What things and what why?" he asked.

She kissed him. A vicious attack for every single year he made her wait. For every single girlfriend she had to hear about and for every time there was an almost, maybe and it just doesn't happen.

He was attacking her back. Lips smacking against hers, teeth biting, and tongue fighting back for it's worth while his hands were holding onto her so tightly she'll have bruises to match the ones Caddy left. He was making her pay for every single hurt she put him through too.

They pulled away gasping, breathless and half mad with adrenalin. His lips were swollen and red from the kiss and she was pretty sure hers were too. "Dinner and a movie?" she suggested between pants.

Tom had his most famous incorrigible smirk on. "Oh no, that's unoriginal for our date" he said pulling her onto his lap. "I was thinking about this special art gallery in New York, there's a Van Gogh exhibition in there and then I thought Broadway for a show followed up or maybe before, a meal in one of the best restaurants"

"I love Van Gogh" she said. "One of my most important firsts happened right in front of his Starry Night painting"

"Me too. Though the girl is a better painter in my opinion" Tom pushed back her hair out of her face. "We could go now"

"Hmmm...Best wait and tell everyone where I'm going first. I'm not going to completely follow Caddy's footsteps"

"I should hope not. With Buttercup taken would that mean my son would be called Daffodil or Daisy?"

Rose whacked Tom's shoulder. "Shut up, I thought she was naming a new guinea pig"

This caused Tom just to laugh even more. After a while with Rose pouting he stopped and forced her to stand up.

"No weddings" he said sternly as he took her hand. "You're to stay Permanent Rose Casson. I can't really see you as anything else"

"I wouldn't have changed my name even if I did get married" Rose said darkly. "Why does everyone th-"

"Come on," Tom interrupted his eyes sparkling with such happiness that it almost took Rose's breath away, "Permanent Rose"

He said her name like he used to. All proud and extremely pleased with what she's just done and now his hand was in hers and he was preparing to take her to New York for a date. She wondered if she could convince him to detour into a bedroom.

She probably could and it would probably be a very long but wonderful detour.