Hey peeps! This is a well, I don't really know what it is so yeah.

Disclaimer: I own glee…NOT!

Intro

"It's over Puckerman"

Why do we even date girls?

Seriously.

I mean, they are so fucking confusing! One moment they're all over you and then the next they're bitching about your grades and stuff. They keep you guessing, you know? I mean, yeah, sometimes it's hot, the whole mysterious woman thing but it gets old after a while. Sometimes you just wanna yell 'WOULD YOU STOP BEING FUCKING COY? DO YOU WANNA GO TO DINER OR NOT?'

Wouldn't it be easier if we just dated someone similar to us? Someone who's kind of a guy but not a total butch. Thin. Has to be talented ( I have standards, okay?) Preferably a brunette. HOT.

Maybe I should date that lesbian chic in English.

As soon as I think this, Hummel walks by wearing jeans I thought only girls wear.

See! Why not date a dude? No PMS. No 'Time of the month' . No 'oh-not-here-this-isn't-romantic-enough-shit'. Like someone wants to do it on top of a bunch of rose petals. Seriously. Like those things actually add to your speed or something.

Hey, why not?

I'm Noah 'Puckzilla' Puckerman

I can do anything.

Fuck yeah.

Watch out, Hummel (What's his first name again?) the sex shark is coming to get you.

"S'up Hummel?" Puck greeted the soprano while wildly looking around. He didn't know there was a library here. It's awesome!

"What do you want, Puck?" Kurt asked not even looking up from the book he was reading. Puck squinted at the title; Culture of Asian countries: Philippines.

"You. Me. Janitor's closet" he said in the most suave voice he can muster and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Kurt finally looked up from the book he was reading with an exasperated look on his face "What?"

"C'mon Hummel, time to taste the chocolate"

"You're not black" Kurt said, collecting his books and speed walking away from Puck.

"Yeah, But, you know" Puck said, a little out of breath; it was hard keeping up with Hummel. He was fast for such a tiny person. "I'm tanned. So I'm like caramel but who wants to taste caramel?"

Kurt shot Puck a 'WTF?' look and continued trying to escape the football player.

Puck didn't understand Kurt. He was hot and Kurt didn't seem like the guy who got a lot of action. He was practically offering him a ticket to the Puckerman express. WHY THE HELL WON'T HE TAKE IT?

"C'mon, dude" Puck said "Why won't you make out with me?"

Yeah, he was so offended he turned desperate. Puck's mind works in a scary-almost psychotic- way.

"One" Kurt said, surprising the jock with his strength by pushing him to the rows of empty lockers ( it was free period for both of them. Well, for Kurt at least. Puck had chemistry) "Call me dude and I will kick you where the sun don't shine." He promptly let go of Puck and returned to speed walking "I don't give out for anybody. I'm not like you"

"Why not? Being me is awesome!" he said kissing his 'guns'

"Um-hm. How many girls did you get pregnant again?" he asked sarcastically

"Just one" Puck answered, missing the sarcasm "Anyway, Quinn's happy with Finn. All because of Puck the match Maker."

"Locking them in the choir room overnight doesn't mean you're cupid"

"It work didn't it?" he said smugly. "Or was it some other Quinn and Finn I walked in, in the choir room yesterday. Practically dry humping each other"

"Whatever" Kurt said. "So you have one achievement. Should I bow down now?"

"Well I'd rather you be on top. But I'm very flexible" he said giving Kurt a little wink.

"I have standards Puck" Kurt said, finally facing his pursuer. " And I'm not going to lower them for you"

"Fine!" get ready to be swept off your fee Hummel! You will fall for me! MARK MY WORDS!" he said and ran off. He knew the first rule of skipping. Take more than 10 minutes in the bath room people will get suspicions. Or think you're pooping.

Kurt walked away with one thought in his mind. Does he even know my first name?

Day One

Kurt woke with start.

Ah, Saturday morning he thought No Puck today

He didn't really think Puck would follow through his plan. It was probably just a prank or something. At least today he wouldn't have to deal with him.

He goes up his stairs, Kurt could smell the bacon and pancakes being cooked in the kitchen. "Smalls good, dad" he calls

"Thanks!" Answered a male voice he didn't recognize. Kurt was sure Finn stayed with Quinn last night. He couldn't be back so early right?

He ran to the kitchen thing, maybe it's a really polite murderer who cooks breakfast for his victims before he kills them.

"Hey" Greeted a certain Noah Puckerman. Who was by the stove cooking bacon

"W-Who let you in?" Kurt stuttered in shock. WTF?

"Snuck in. Saw your dad. Cool guy"

"Y-Y-you met him?"

"No. But I saw him when he left. He left a note saying he was off to work while Carole was at the spa with Finn"

"Finn's at the spa?" Kurt asked, forgetting his current situation.

"Yeah. He arrived just as his mom was leaving. Kinda dragged him with her." He smirked

"You cook?" Kurt asked

"There's a lot you don't know about me, babe. Falling me yet?"

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him and just grabbed some pancakes.

As they were talking about 'Doctor Who', Kurt suddenly realized the situation.

"Get out of my house" He said to Puck

"What? Why? I made muffins!" He said, grabbing the plate of muffins and crossing the room to Kurt.

"Get out!" Kurt screamed

"Fine. Fine" Puck said placing down the plate of muffins and going into the receiving room.

'Go!Go!" Kurt said, practically pushing him out the door.

"Kiss good bye?" Puck said puckering up his lips.

Kurt raised his eyebrows at him and slammed the door at puckered-up Puck.

"Enjoy your breakfast!" Puck called at him.

Kurt slid down to the floor, the tiniest smile playing on his lips, Pucks voice playing on his head.

Kurt found out, in the latter days, that Puck was a very persistent person, almost crossing to psycho-ism. He back for Kurt on Sunday.