9

Thank you to everyone for your lovely reviews and following my story to this point. I have completed and will be posting the sequel, "Crossing Over" as soon as it is beta read and ready for posting. I hope to get those out on schedule. I also hope you will continue to follow Teagan and Neria's story. I've had a lot of fun writing this! Teagan really should have been a romanceable option! More to come!

Chapter Ten

Isolde traveled with them, and for the most part, simply ignored Neria except to answer direct queries. Since Neria had little affection for the older woman, those were few and far between. Teagan also seemed withdrawn and there was no comfortable small talk to pass the hours spent on the road.

Upon their arrival in Denerim days later, Teagan ensured Neria was comfortably ensconced in his brother's estate. "I have to go speak with Eamon," he told her. "We have to formulate our plans for the Landsmeet. You'll be all right here?"

"Of course. Maybe I'll head over to the Wonders of Thedas—see if they have any new books in stock."

He hugged her and kissed the top of her head, stroking her hair, then stepped out to go find his brother.

Teagan found Eamon in his room with Isolde. He knocked on the doorframe and entered.

"I'll leave you two to talk in private," said Isolde as she stepped out.

"Hello, Brother," Teagan began. He fished Connor's letter out of his pocket and handed it to Eamon.

"Thank you, Teagan. Isolde tells me you've been to visit Connor several times since he arrived at the tower. Thank you for watching over my boy."

"He's family, Eamon."

"Yes," the older man responded cryptically. "I also wanted to discuss the Landsmeet. Have you obtained any proof of Loren's involvement?"

Teagan shook his head. "No, and it troubles me. I overheard he was gathering mercenaries last fall, but it was quiet after I dealt with the bandits he sent against us."

"I have my own contact, then, that may come through with some information for us soon. We have a few days before the Landsmeet convenes. Perhaps she'll be able to shed some light on this. If she can't, then we cannot tip our hand. We must leave him no doubts we will not tolerate this continued harassment, but we cannot openly state our grievances without proof."

"What of the mercenaries he hired? Surely that's some evidence?" Teagan pointed out.

"Some, but he could always just claim it was for his own protection in light of the attacks on Rainesfere and the darkspawn's further incursions on the lands.

"In the meantime, Teagan, I want you to close up Rainesfere and move the household to Redcliffe. It's more defensible and I would feel better knowing you're in the castle. With spring upon us, he'll doubtless make his move, either on your estate or on Redcliffe itself."

"It's already done, Brother, when I departed to come to Denerim. You really think he would be that stupid? The king would never stand for that," Teagan said.

"No, I don't think Alistair would stand for that, but look what happened to the Couslands. Now only Fergus remains."

"Alistair isn't Loghain. He won't reward our killers with the title."

"No, but even he would require an army to bring Loren to justice. And if Loren kills you and I, there end the Guerrins." Eamon paused. Then, "Isolde tells me that you and Neria have become good friends, Teagan."

"I've always considered her a friend. She saved Redcliffe, as you're well aware. We would have all perished were it not for her," Teagan realized he was rambling, but for some perverse reason he couldn't stop himself.

"I know, Teagan, she's brave, lovely, a redhead and has a good heart, and I know you've always had a weakness for those traits in a woman. Isolde seems to think that there's more to it than that, though."

Teagan snorted and waved his hand, dismissing the topic. "We like each other, Eamon, that's all. It's a dalliance, nothing serious yet."

"Good, then it won't bother either of you much to end this."

Teagan regarded his brother with a raised brow of incredulity. "I don't think you should concern yourself with this, Brother. I can handle my own affairs."

"All evidence to the contrary, Teagan. You're forty years old, man! When are you going to settle down with a nice woman and make some heirs? With Connor in the tower now, and Isolde and I getting on in years, there may not be any other children for us. The Guerrin line will end unless you…"

Teagan shook his head. "Eamon, you're making this sound direr than it needs to be. I can handle this myself."

Eamon's eyes narrowed as he studied his brother closely. Teagan frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "It will only be harder on you both if you wait. You have responsibilities, Teagan—to your family, to Redcliffe. These will demand attention from you sooner or later."

Teagan's voice was tight and clipped with tension. "Eamon, you are my brother and you know I will always be there for you, but you cannot tell me who I can and cannot be with. Did you use this same argument on Alistair? I'm not king or even in line to the throne. It will pass to Fergus and his children before it passes to us."

"Alistair knows his duty and did what he had to. This isn't about the royal line—this is about the Guerrins. I trust you will do your duty as well, Teagan. Break it off with this mage and send her on her way and focus on your family. From what Alistair tells me, he's received a letter from Weisshaupt for her, reassigning her to Amaranthine. She'll be gone soon anyway. She has responsibilities she must fulfill, too, Teagan. It's best you let her go to them."

Eamon paused at the door and looked back at his brother. "I'm sorry, Teagan, but we all have responsibilities. I trust you to see to yours."

Teagan knew with his head this all made sense, but his heart warred with this decision far more than he had suspected it would.

Neria returned later that afternoon with a book in hand and curled up in the window seat of the room she was using. The last time she had been here, she had been desperately unhappy, but her mood was much different this time. She was worried, but confident that she could handle things. After all, she had already gone through this and if she had to face it again, she would.

There was a knock on her door and she rose to answer it, finding Isolde in the hallway to her surprise. She didn't wait to be invited in—she just brushed in past Neria.

"Grey Warden, we must speak," she said.

Neria looked into the hallway, half expecting to see Eamon or Teagan as well, then shrugged and shut the door.

"Yes, Arlessa, what can I do for you?"

"I am worried about Teagan," she said. "I will be frank with you, Warden. Teagan he…he has these flings every season. I…owe you so much. You saved my family again and again. I don't want you to get hurt—I don't want Teagan to get hurt."

"Just say what you mean, Lady Isolde," Neria said.

"Teagan is getting on in years now and it's past time for him to be married and having children."

Neria wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. She decided to play dumb instead.

"So, I should be having children for him?"

Isolde looked aghast. "Maker's mercy, no! What I mean to say is he will be forced to find a woman among the Bannorn and end his roving ways. You cannot be more to him than a mistress."

Don't act so horrified, woman, Neria thought. "That's kind of sad. You mean he doesn't get to marry someone he loves?"

"There is more to marriage than lust, Warden. Teagan will do his duty, he always does. He may be stubborn, but he knows where his loyalties lie."

"How does that pertain to me?"

"If you care for Teagan then you will make this easier for him. Leave him and go away. Do not lead him on."

"I'm not leading him on. Teagan is a grown man—he can make his own choices. I don't need you to tell me how to live my life!" Neria snapped.

She was reminded of Wynne sticking her nose in with unasked for advice about Alistair. She had recognized the concern behind the woman's words and wasn't as upset then, though she hardly felt that it was her business. Isolde, while couching it in concern, had a completely different feel of snobbery to her words.

"And what of you? When Teagan does what he must, you will be hurt, Warden. Do you really want to go through that pain? If you love him, let him go."

Neria frowned. Isolde's logic was convoluted, but she could see the reasoning behind it. She walked to the door and opened it.

"Please, Lady Isolde, I'd like to be alone for a while."

"Please consider what I have said, Warden…Neria. I wouldn't want to see either of you hurt."

Neria crossed over to her book and picked it up before throwing it back down and burying her face in her hands with a sigh. Maker's breath, why did this have to be so hard? She had been so careful. She didn't love Teagan. She couldn't have made that mistake again. Could she?

Yet now her mind couldn't conceive of the thought of him not in her life.

Another knock at her door brought her to her feet. This time it was Alistair. She smiled at him and stepped aside for him to enter.

"Hello, Neria," he said. For an awkward moment they kind of fumbled with how to greet each other, then he gave her a quick hug. "How have you been? I remember our last winter was a little hard on you."

"I wasn't used to being out in the cold, I remember. We found ways to warm up though," she found herself smiling at memories that four months ago had caused tears.

Alistair blushed and grinned and she could tell he was remembering too.

"You look really good, Alistair," she said. "Being king suits you. This winter wasn't so bad was it?"

"No, it's getting easier, I think, though I may give Eamon a heart attack. I don't think he's used to being told 'no.'"

She giggled. "That must be something to see!"

"You could always come around to visit and see it yourself, you know. I miss you."

"I miss you, too," she said and surprised herself that it didn't come with a lot of pain on top of the statement. She did miss his humor and his warmth, but the horrible aching hole his absence had caused wasn't there anymore.

He sat on her window seat and looked up at her. "So, what have you been up to since I saw you last? Where did you spend your winter, not in the tower tutoring Connor?"

"No, I wasn't in the tower. I like Connor, but I wouldn't go live there anymore. I'm a Grey Warden now, and I have responsibilities." A shadow passed over his eyes and she wondered what caused it. "I spent the winter in Rainesfere actually. Teagan's had some troubles with one of the local banns raiding his lands."

"I heard from Eamon those had stopped, at least for the winter. What more do you know?"

"Not much. I overheard Teagan talking to the man who runs the estate when he isn't there. Bann Loren has hired mercenaries and they suspect he will probably raid Redcliffe next. Beyond that I don't know. Who knows how far ambition will carry a man? Look what happened to Loghain."

Alistair frowned, not liking the association of that man's name to Loren's no doubt, but the words were out before she could think about it. And really, ambition had driven Loghain so close to the throne, though he had claimed not to want it for that reason. And Howe—who knew how far he had intended to go? Was Loren, a man of shifty loyalties, any better than Loghain, the Hero of River Dane?

"Well, we'll see what we can do about it," Alistair said.

"I suppose now that we know it wasn't darkspawn I should be moving on, though I don't want to."

Alistair laughed. "So, country living has spoiled you? I thought you might have been putting on a little weight!"

"What? You take that back! I am not getting all fat and lazy!" she exclaimed.

She smacked him on his arms and chest and he protested, but it was all in fun.

"No! No! I jest! Don't hit me! I bruise easily!" he laughed.

She giggled too and it felt good, like some of the old camaraderie of the road had returned to their exchanges. It was true what they said—time heals all wounds.

"So, what brings you to Arl Eamon's estate?" she asked.

"What, I can't have just wanted to come see my favorite-ist mage ever?" At her frown of disbelief he shrugged and added, "Actually, I have a letter for you from Weisshaupt."

He reached into his pocket and produced a crumpled letter bearing the griffon seal of the Grey Wardens. It looked very official and had been opened already, she assumed by him.

She frowned and took it from him. She hadn't expected orders. Or perhaps this was the letter demanding to know how she and Alistair both had survived the slaying of the Archdemon. Those were answers she wasn't ready to give either.

She read the letter, her neutral expression turning to a frown.

"Intelligent darkspawn…is that possible?" she asked Alistair, who shrugged. "It seems there are some strange things to attend to in Amaranthine and the First Warden has appointed me Warden-Commander."

"That's what we've been hearing. The beasts usually go back to the Deep Roads after the archdemon is slain, at least that's the lore we have," said Alistair. "This doesn't bode well, Neria. I know the First Warden has issued the order, but I would very much appreciate you looking into it. While I trust the Orlesians to deal with the darkspawn as they must, I would feel better if you were there overseeing things. You're so good with that sort of thing, leading."

"Of course, Alistair," she smiled at him, reassuringly, but this news puzzled and troubled her.

"I even have a young knight in my service who wants to be recruited. She's aware of the dangers inherent in the Joining and still would like to join. She's very brave and a good fighter. If you would have her, I would appreciate her traveling with you to Vigil's Keep."

"Of course, Alistair, the Wardens need all the help we can get. What's her name?"

"Mhairi."

"Well, send Mhairi here and we'll set out tomorrow. I should have been there already, but it can't be helped now. I'll leave as soon as day breaks."

"Well, with winter on us and all the work you put in toward stopping the Blight, I figured you needed a short break. It was a judgment call. It…um, wasn't a bad one, was it?"

She shook her head and smacked his arm again. "Still deferring to me, eh? No, I did need a short respite, but duty calls and I'm a Grey Warden. I can't escape that."

"Unless you become king," Alistair grumbled.

"You've done a fine job as king. I've seen that Denerim is much improved in just the few short months they've had to rebuild. The land will recover, Alistair, and the people will have their king to thank for that when it's all done. My contribution was just to end the Blight, yours is the tougher job."

"I'd much rather be fighting darkspawn with you," he said.

Something in the way he said it, or maybe his expression, shifted the tone of what he said to something else, something more provocative and it called to that part of her that would always respond to him. He was her first real love, just as she had been his. What they had was a bond that not even time would shatter.

Then Teagan entered the room. Neria frowned, feeling as if a delicate veil had been torn. Alistair grinned and greeted the older man with a warm hug. As he turned back to Neria, his grin faltered a bit as he saw her smile at Teagan. He looked back and forth between his two friends, recognition suddenly dawning in his eyes. For just a moment a cloud of sadness crossed his features, and then it was gone, his smile returning.

"Bann Teagan, it's good to see you!"

"Alistair, what brings you here?" Teagan asked.

"Well, I had a letter for Neria and I just wanted to see how you both fared after the troubles you had. She looks quite well. You've been taking good care of her after that nasty encounter with the bandits. Nothing happened to you though? Eamon's reports were sketchy at best."

"No, I dealt with the problem but a worse concern has risen. Loren is gathering mercenaries. We don't know if his eyes are on Redcliffe alone or higher."

"A teyrnir? Or the Crown?" Alistair filled in the gap.

"Yes. But so far all we have is speculations, no solid proof."

"I have to talk with Eamon then. It was good to see you, Bann Teagan." Alistair bent and kissed Neria's cheek. "Thanks for looking into that problem for me, Neria. I'll have to prepare a special welcome for you once you get back to Denerim. I'm glad we can be friends again."

Neria watched him leave, blushing profusely at how her body still responded to him. Then she looked to Teagan, and his expression was so troubled, thoughts of Alistair flitted out of her head.

He sat beside her and put an arm around her. She sighed contently and laid her head on his chest, listening to the thrum of his heartbeat. Worries seemed to fade from her mind, she always felt so safe here with him. Some part of her knew that in her darkest dreams, he had comforted her in just such a way.

"I've been ordered to Amaranthine," she said. "I have to leave tomorrow. I should've left sooner, but Alistair bought me some time."

"I have the Landsmeet and Loren to deal with," he said. "And my brother."

"Your brother?"

He sighed. "Eamon feels my days of bachelorhood should end. I told him to mind his own business, but…"

"You have second thoughts?"

"Not that. Neria, I know I promised you I wouldn't pressure you for more than you were willing to give me, but I can't control how I feel. I want… I want…" he frowned. "Maker's breath! I feel as awkward as a youth!"

"You care for me?"

He sounded so relieved when he answered her she felt guilty for not asking sooner. "Yes, more than I expected I would. And I need to know, am I fighting for something that doesn't exist? You've never told me how you feel."

"I care for you, too, Teagan. You're a warm and generous man. I can't imagine what the next few months are going to be like without you." She smiled, but there was a touch of poignancy to it. "It was a lovely winter. They can't take that from us."

He nodded and she felt his arms tighten around her as if he didn't want to let go. She snuggled closer, burying her face in his tunic, fighting tears.

"Then don't give up on us," he said. "We'll find a way to make this work."

"We've been given time. Let's think on it. We both have things we must do this spring. We can discuss this again when the Grey Warden business is done in Amaranthine," she suggested.

She didn't want to tie up his mind and heart when she might not even return from Amaranthine in one piece, but she didn't want to give him up yet. This way, she gave him license to keep his options open.

"Is there anything you need for tomorrow? Is there anything I can do for you to make it easier?" he asked.

"Just hold me tonight? Give me something to remember to tide me over until I can return for more than memories."

He smiled and bent his head to hers to oblige his lady.