Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Craig swept his eyes across the front row of the classroom, where three of his blond friends were sitting. Starting from left to right were Butters, Kenny, and Tweek. Although all three were blond, their hair colors were not exactly the same. Butters had the lightest hair color out of all three, Tweek was medium blond, while Kenny has the darkest shades of blond intertwining with some of his golden strands.

Butters's head was slightly turned towards the direction of Kenny, staring dreamily at the dark blond with his meadow green eyes. Kenny on the other hand, was totally indifferent to Butters attention and was leisurely taking a nap with his hands on the back of his head. Finally, Tweek, Craig's favorite blond out of all three, was looking around nervously for aliens and underpants gnomes and FBIs and whatnot. Craig took off his backpack and decided to sit down behind Tweek.

"Ugh!" Tweek screamed as Craig sat down behind him, causing the desk to squeak.

"Tweek, it's just me."

"Jesus, Craig, you scared me."

Craig stood up again and sat behind Kenny.

"What about now?"

"You didn't have to move."

"You said I scared you."

"Yeah, but-"

"Hey Craig!" another blonde named Bebe said sultrily. Craig couldn't help but took a glance up and down that fit body, pausing in the middle to examine that certain part of her body that could make any guy get aroused just by staring.

"Hey Beb."

"Do you mean 'Beb' or 'babe'?" Bebe flirted back, tossing her long curly hair behind her neck and resting her palms on the edge of Craig's desk, her round breasts squeezed in between her arms, only inches from Craig's face.

"Could be both." Craig smirked up at her and said coolly with his deep masculine voice.

"You have dreamy eyes Craig." Bebe flirted again, staring at Craig with half-lidded charming blue eyes.

"You know I have dreamy eyes too Bebe, they are blue!" Kenny suddenly resurrected from his nap and grinned like a hyena. Craig turned his gaze to Butters and saw that the buttery blond had his mouth dropped open in an O-shape and eyebrows furrowed in shock.

While Bebe was explaining to Kenny as to why she would not go out with a poor kid like him, Tweek had accidentally spilled his coffee over his shirt and dropped his thermos on the floor in his panic.

"Oh Jesus! It's so hot!" Tweek exclaimed as he felt the hot liquid on his skin.

Craig suddenly jumped up from his seat and grabbed the tissue box on the teacher's desk, helping Tweek to clean up the mess.

"We should go to the restroom to clean you up." It came out more like an order than a statement and Tweek was dragged out of the room by Craig before he had a chance to even nod.

Everyone must think I am stupid and clumsy if they didn't before... Tweek thought. Craig must think so too, he's just being nice.

Craig slowly unbuttoned Tweek's shirt and peeled it off of the twitching blond. He then kneeled down in front of him and used a piece of soaked paper towel to gently press onto the skin that was glowing in red. Tweek gasped as the cool paper towel touched his bare skin.

"Does it hurt?" Craig asked, looking up at Tweek's hazel brown eyes. Tweek shook his head in response.

"It's good that you didn't burn yourself."

Say something Tweek! Thank him, you ungrateful bastard!

"Than-thank you."

"Ngh."

Oh God, he must think I am annoying...

"Yuh-You don't have to help me, I-I can do it, you can go back to class if you want to talk with Bebe."

"Hell no, I don't want to go back to class."

"I thought you luh-like Bebe."

"She's a slut."

There was a pause. Craig thought about how Butters was jealous when he saw Kenny flirting with Bebe, so he asked,

"Is it why you dropped you coffee? Were you jealous?"

"Ya- I mean, no! No! I wasn't." Tweek denied nervously as his face grew bright red.

Craig smirked.

"Here, you shouldn't wear this shirt anymore, not until you washed it." Craig said as he wrapped his jacket around Tweek. He took a look at his twitchy blonde and added,

"You look cute like this."

"Wah-What-"

Tweek's sentence was cut off by Craig as he took his mouth hostage. It was a gentle kiss at first, but it soon turned into something more passionate. Craig took Tweek's lower lips in his mouth and messaged it with his own tongue. Tweek tasted like chocolate and coffee and Craig loved it. He had to tilt the blonde's head back and turn his own head sideway to allow himself to plunge deeper into the hotness.

Tweek had never kissed before and he was dumbfounded by what Craig was doing. He didn't know kissing involve getting your tongue into each other's mouth. He didn't know what to do, but instinct told him to place his hands on Craig's waist and so he did, sending that electric feeling through Craig's spine and down his groin. Tweek soon felt what he did to Craig, he could feel Craig's growing hardness pressing onto his own, causing him to moan. Wait, what? What's going on? Why am I even kissing Craig, aren't we both guys?

Tweek pushed Craig away, even though Craig still tried to pull him back with his firm grip on Tweek's shoulders.

"No Craig," Tweek said.

"Why not? I thought you like it."

Tweek looked away, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. What have I done? Now we can't even be friends anymore!

"I'm sorry." Craig said and turned around to leave.

"No! Don't leave!" Tweek called out, still holding on to Craig's hand. Ugh! I hate myself... he doesn't even...

Craig turned back and looked at Tweek, who didn't even dare to look back. Craig reached out to him and wrapped his arms around Tweek, hugging him tightly.

"I just can't help myself, you look too cute."

Tweek started crying. Craig patted his head to try to calm him down.

"Aw, I am sorry, I didn't mean to." he whispered.

"If you are force to choose between coffee and me, which one would you choose?"Craig asked.

"You." Tweek mumbled into Craig's shoulder.

"You would give up coffee for me?" Craig asked incredulously.

Tweek nodded.

"I love you Tweek."

Later that day when the bell rang and school was dismissed, Kenny rushed out of the room, frantically looking for a certain blonde. He saw one, but that was only Tweek, holding hands with Craig. Then Kenny turned around and saw that head of buttery blond hair, bobbing up and down as he walked through the crowd.

"Butters!" Kenny called out.

Butters turned around and saw the darker blonde chasing after him, but he only sped up his pace and tried to escape his sight.

"Butters! Don't run!"

I don't want to talk to you! Butters thought bitterly, his heart aching, badly.

"Butters!" Kenny finally caught up.

"Where are you going?" he asked, panting.

"Why don't you go talk with Bebe or something? Leave me alone." Butters said, his eyes showed no other emotions but hurt.

"Look Butters, I don't like Bebe, I was just flirting with her! I only like blondes"

"Bebe's blond."

"Oh yeah!" Kenny exclaimed as he had his epiphany. "But I only like your blond, and no one else has your blond."

"No! You don- what?"

"I said I only like you."

Butters blushed, looking away. Kenny took advantage of this and tugged Butters closer by his waist and kissed his buttery blond hair.

"C'mon Butters, say you like me back."

"I don't like you, I love you." Butters muttered shyly.

"I love you too!" Kenny grinned and kissed Butters on his cheek.