A man becomes a man when a girl says, "Put your pants back on."
And he doesn't shed a single tear.

Oh hot damn. Ever gotten stuck in one of those situations you've been anticipating your whole life – or almost as long – but you don't know what to do? I was seriously having that kinda episode. The whole journey here is kind of a mystery, but hell, I don't care if this is the destination.

I mean come on. The entire bathroom's friggin' purple. The shampoo is fruity-smelling and the bathtub is totally made for more than one body. Unless I'm in some serious gay bar, (which I would never go in, by the way.), this is totally a love hotel. A bang shack. A place with hourly fees. Wink wink, nudge nudge, you know? The place where I'm totally gonna lose my –

Embrace your desire . . .

Oh dude, you don't even know the half of it. Though I mean. . . crap, what do I do? I don't know how to do this shit! I mean, every guy watches a little stuff in their life – and really, I only went on that site once; no, seriously – but that doesn't mean when the real deal is laid out before you that you're an expert in getting it on. (Now getting it up is another story, heh – I-I mean—)

Wait a minute, who is this? I'm in the frickin' shower, who the hell are you?

I am the voice of your inner self . . .
Enjoy the moment . . .
That which cannot be felt is merely a dream . . . The present is all we have.

Ain't that the truth.

Man, I've learned nothing from my childhood. I mean, until I joined S.E.E.S. – wait, S.E.E.S. . . . weren't we doing . . . something? And Yuka-tan got all antsy about it.

Let your desire free you from your shackles . . . such is my wish.

Shackles?

Now I'm a little lost.

You cannot deny your instincts . . . Embrace your desire . . .

Desire, huh. . .

Well, I'm gonna get prune-y if I stand in the shower any longer.

I can do this. I'm a man. And this is just one of the many steps into that manhood. I can totally do this. I'm gonna march in there, say something hopefully romantic, woo her enough and then get down to grinding. She's outside waiting for me after all. Oh man, am I keeping her waiting? What if she's already started to strip down? Shit! Wait for me—!

Oh.

She's still fully clothed.

Whatever. She's waiting for me to help her get comfortable, I bet. Time for some romantic line to get to the wooing to get to the grinding. Something smooth, something—

"U-um, I. . ."

Real smooth. Oh yeah.

. . . Huh. Isn't there something, er . . . wrong with this picture? (besides the fact that she's not naked yet.)

And she's giving me that look. The one chicks have when you make the wrong kind of compliment and they end up taking it as a stab at their weight or something. (Chicks are so sensitive. Yeesh.) I haven't done anything yet, c'mon! I mean, I even put a towel on 'cause even for a place like this, it'd be pretty indecent to just waltz in a la birthday suit. (Take that Mitsuru-senpai, you're not the only one who can speak zee French around he—oh hell who am I kidding.)

". . . ?"

Oh yeah. There's a reason she's clothed and not staring at me provocatively.

The same reason I should be clothed too.

. . . Oh, I get it now. I'm what's wrong with this picture. Shit.

I'm the idiot character, right? I'm supposed to be ignoramous giganticus! She looks as confused as she is offended, so I-I'm allowed to be weirded out too. (Not that I'm, er, not weirded out.)

"W-wait a minute, what's going on? Why am I half-naked?" I screech in a most manly manner.

I have no idea, right? No frickin' clue. None whatsoever. Really. Disclaimer: None of those dirty thoughts were mine. W-we're on an important mission—or whatever.

"I think it's a trap," she sighs – I think she's been hangin' with Yuka-tan too much; they both sigh like I'm the most irritating thing on the planet sometimes, but she's way nicer about it than Yuka-tan – and shakes her head. C'mon, Junpei, you're good at playing an idiot. Do it!

"A trap?" I gape, "Man, they really caught us off guard! This coulda been bad . . ."

Though it could've also been very very good . . .

"Then again, this is pretty sweet. . . u-uh."

I guess thinking before speaking is different from speaking what you're thinking. She just raises a brow – a really deadly eyebrow.

"Hah-hahaha! Sh-shouldn't push my luck, huh?" Laugh it off, Junpei. Good boy. The bathroom door is right there, so just ease in casually and put your pants back on . . .

I ran back into that sucker like hell was on my heels.

She hates me now, I just know it. On the bright side, at least it wasn't Yuka-tan. . I would never hear the end of that. Miss perfect awesome leader now's got it out for me 'cause she almost saw my package.

"Oh, I can finally reach you!"

I nearly fell into the bathtub, jumping back into my pants when Fuuka gets through. Who needs a bathtub that big? Jesus, the impracticality burns my eyes.

"Can you two hear me?"

Oh loud and clear, girl. As long as the blood rushing to my face doesn't burn my ears off. I am never going to be able to get past this one.

Fuuka's kinda just talking to her now. Good thing, 'cause I gotta get my shirt back on. May I say, thanks to all this shadow-bashing though, I'm turning into a good chunk of manscaping, if I do say so myself. Oh yeah, look at those guns in the mirror—!

"-ei-kun, can you hear me?"

Ohhh shit!

"Y-yeah, I hear ya!"

What am I doing, covering myself up like a girl who got walked in on . . . There's nothing to hide on my chest anyways! – Oh, hey, I'm finally starting to get more chest hair though. Only took seventeen years.

Okay okay, enough of that. Gotta go back out there and keep cool like usual.

"U-um, ha ha. . ."

Real cool.

"Well, maybe we could try this again some other time. . ." Hey, it was worth a shot. Only. . . she's just doing the eyebrow thing. And has her arms crossed. And she's armed. "Ha ha ha . . . just joking."

God, what a buzz kill. I can't believe I thought I was gonna score at a time like this. Even I'm ashamed of myself.

"Let's go . . ." I grumble.

Yuka-tan and Mitsuru are up on the next floor like Fuuka said. Both of them seem to refuse to look the other in the eye – Yukari more than usual.

"How are you guys?" Our fearless leader asks, any hint of embarrassment from before gone. Man, if she was a dude, she'd have brass balls, for sure.

Our fearless – or supposedly fearless – Kirijo princess insists, "W-we're fine! Nothing happened!"

Ohh dude, dude. Does that mean they almost got to some lady-on-lady action? Ho'snap!

But of course, before my stunning wit can shine, All three girls give me that look like they just know what I'm going to say. How do girls do that? Or is it my devilish grin that gives it away?

God, you'd think it'd be envious to be with three chicks on the Shirakawa strip.

Someone kill me now.

Owari.

AN:

Junpei.
JUNPEI.
JUNPEI.

I love him in such a bromance way, I thought I would handle not being able to date him due to the most awesome goth loli in the history of gaming. Turns out I can't because they have to make his social link THE DAMN NEAR SWEETEST TEN SCENES OF THE GAME.

This man. THIS MAN. [/cries a river]

And while he is no silver-haired boxer glistening in sweat (Not you, Ryohei) nor foul-mouthed loner nor evil incarnated nor shota in boy-shorts, Junpei will always keep a special place in my heart. He's so sweet. He's like . . . like a girl's gay best friend while being one of the most heterosexual game characters Japan has pumped out. (IMO. Please don't hurt me. OTL)

I find Junpei to be a lot like Yosuke in some senses. One of the senses being I can't write either of them worth crap yet I love them so. [/dies] So, please don't mind his 'playing the idiot'. Despite my need to make the obvious dirty jokes and innuendos, this was actually harder to write than Akihiko's. I guess it's just easier to be romantically dense as a brick shithouse. (ILYSFM AKI NO REALLY.)

I hope you enjoyed! Any grammar problems, please point them out~