I probably shouldn't say this

But at times I get so scared

When I think about the previous

Relationship we shared

Chad and Sonny broke up.

Those words rang through my head like fireworks on New Year's Eve. Yes, I thought them in 3rd person. But, still. I was heartbroken. It was awkward at the studio now. Things weren't the same anymore. It was... weird. Tawni's mad because I'm 'hung up' on Chad. C'mon. He was my first love. I would most likely never be over him.

It scares me thinking about our 'previous relationship.' But.. it's alright, I guess. It was a mutual descision... sorta.

It was awesome

But we lost it

It's not possible for me

Not to care

Early Thursday morning, I was walking into the studio cafeteria to get some coffee. As if on cue, by the time I reached the coffee machine Chad and his co-star, Portlyn walked in.

"Great," I mumbled to myself. You know that feeling when you KNOW someone's staring at you? Yeah? Well, I KNEW Chad was staring at me, making my coffee.

"Portlyn... you look good, today," I could just imagine the smirk upon his face.

Really Chad? Really? I thought, to myself. I knew what he was attempting at. He was TRYING to make me jealous. It wasn't going to work.

Okay, I lied. It was working. Come on! It was IMPOSSIBLE for me NOT to care.

"Th- Thanks, Cha- Chad," she stuttered, confused.

Portlyn was pretty smart, weirdly. You had to get to know her before you could decide that. But she was acting pretty stupid, thinking Chad meant it? Did she NOT see me standing here?

My thoughts were interrupted by Chad walking by me. And "accidently" bumping into me.

"Oops, my ba-" he turned and looked at me. I could imagine he was pissed because I didn't even lift my head to see who "bumped" into me, "Nevermind," he finished.

I laughed to myself. He was mad because I wasn't talking to him or giving him what he wanted. My anger. He wanted me to get mad at him, so I'd create a big scene and he'd look innocent. Too bad for him.

I then decided to have fun with this. I'd purposely walk right next to Chad and ignore him. He would be SO pissed.

"Hey, Brenda," I smiled politely to the lunch lady.

"Miss Monroe," she returned the smile.

Ever since Chad and I had dated she'd been nice to me. So when we'd broken up she was still nice to me, which pissed Chad off, even more. Which made me happy.

"How about eggs, sunny side up?" I grinned.

"Sure thing!" she exclaimed running into the back kitchen to make my eggs. Sonny side up. Hah, get it? Oh, man. That's hysterical.

As soon as she was out of earshot I got another idea, Chad was still standing in front of me, waiting for whatever he ordered. I was going to sing the song he hated. A Zac Efron Song.

"We're soaring, we're flying. There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach. If we're trying. Oh, we're breaking free." I smirked to myself.

"Really, Sonny? Really?" he grinned, thinking I'd answer him.

His mouth gaped when I continued singing.

Brenda came out and handed me a plate of eggs, "Thanks, Bren!" I smiled, "See you at lunch!"

Like I said; Impossible for me NOT to care. I cared enough to make him jealous...

And now we're standing in the rain

And nothing's ever gonna change

Until you hear

My dear

I was waiting for a taxi outside the studio. Considering, I was 17 now, yes, you'd expect I'd have a license. Nope! California raised the age to receive a license to 18. My mom and I decided I wouldn't get a permit. Seeing it was pointless. So, I just practice drived around the block.

The terrible thing is, it was raining. The worst of all though, Chad's car was in the shop. He'd be waiting for a cab too. (None of his Falls costars could drive. They had rides.)

The blonde hair, blue eyed, jerkthrob walked out of the studio without an umbrella. (Not that I had one, either.) But seriously, what a nub... (I guess I'm a nub too for dating a nub.) (And I'm also a nub for NOT bringing an umbrella.) (Great, I'm a nub who talks to herself!)

"Hey, Son," he said, casually. As if everything had changed in an hour and we were friends again.

I ignored him which caused him to get angry, "Sonny, for God's sake! Just talk to me!"

"CHAD. DEAR GOD!" I yelled back at him, causing him to jump back, "You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what, Sonny?" he furrowed his blonde eyebrows furiously.

"Nothing's going to change!" I shouted at him, when did rain get so hot.. Or maybe that was just the tension.

"But-"

"No but's!" I sounded like my mother... Ew.

"Sonny... I'm sorry it's ju-" he was cut off by ME. Yeah, that's right. I cut off tween TV sensation.

"You know, when I think of it... there's 7 things I absolutely hate about you, Cooper," I stated in a non chalant manner.

"That is?" as soon as the words escaped his lips a cab pulled up.

I smirked, "Guess you'll never know!"

"Sonny!" he called after me, I ignored him and slammed the cab door shut.

The 7 things I hate about you

Oh, you

Your vain,

Your games,

Your insecure

You love me,

You like her.

You made me laugh,

You made me cry

I don't know which side to buy.

Your friends their jerks when you act like them just know it hurts

I wanna be with the one I know.

As I reached my apartment, I paid the driver and stepped out of the car. I smiled, at the thought that Chad cared. Cared enough to find out why I hated him. I greeted the doorman and took the elevator onto my floor. I saw my apartment door; 3B. I unlocked the door and immediately saw a piece of looseleaf paper on the table near the door.

Sonny,

Aunt Ethel is in the hospital. Last minute, had to go see her. She was in a car accident and she is bruised up pretty bad. I called in for a last minute flight to Wisconsin. Flight leaves at 3:OOPM. I should be there at about 10:OOPM. (Guessing.) I would've brought you, too, but you have So Random! And I'll be gone.. for at least one or two months. Dinner is in the oven. Call me if you need anything.

Mom

Cool, I thought. House to myself, for a month or two. I'm going to get lonely...

I went into my room and laid down, for a while. I thought about the 7 reasons to tell Chad if he asked. I thought about all the memories..

Your Vain;;

"Sonny!" he yelled for me, on an early Tuesday morning.

"Chad!" I mocked, jogging towards my boyfriend of 9 months now.

"Where's my mirror!" he yelled in worry and pain.

"Wait. What?" I snickered into my palm.

"My mirror! I can't look at myself! It's missing!" his voice cracking, almost like he was going... to cry?

"Chad, chill. We'll buy a new one, okay?" I said hugging him in a comforting way.

"Fine. But it's not the saaame!" he whined.

"Oh, shut up," I released the hug.

"Fine," he smirked, putting his arm around me.

"Fine," I sighed.

I grinned with the memory. Every mirror we looked at didn't fit his 'specifications.' He had a specific store he bought mirrors at. Mirror-R-Us.. Yes, seriously.. He's insane.

Reason numero dos?

Your Games;;

"Sometimes, I heard, you get that special dance with that one special person," he smirked, pulling out white headphones, "You're just going to have to settle for me."

I smiled and grabbed his headphone. He pulled me in by the waist and we danced.

"This is sweet, Chad."

"I have my moments..." he said, smiling.

"You gonna press play?" I asked. I regret asking it. I should've shut up.

"Oh, right," he said, nervously. He hit play, and just my luck. A fast song came on. We still danced... fastly. And eventually our casts showed up and danced, fastly, with us.

Later that night, Chad and I were talking.

"Chad.. do you like me?"

"Wha- What?"

"Do you, Chad Dylan Cooper, like me, Sonny Monroe?" I asked, regretting it.

"Ummm.. Maybe."

"It's a yes or no question."

"Well.. I said maybe."

"I'm aware of that. I was there. Do you?"

"Uh."

"Fine, don't answer me."

"Fine, I won't."

"Good."

"Good."

"Are we good?" I asked, just like always.

He pulled me in and kissed me. It was the best kiss of my life. No contest.

"Oh, we are so good." he smirked, walking away, leaving me speechless.

I expected things to be great between us. But I was wrong. It was awkward. He didn't talk to me for days. I was mad. I didn't know what kind of game he was playing... I didn't like it. At all.

Like I said, he's insane. He doesn't think things through. After we were dating, I asked him why he didn't talk to me after our kiss. And he said, "It was a test. A test to see if I liked you. You asked a question, and I felt stupid that I couldn't answer it. So, I didn't talk to you to see how I felt without hearing your voice. Turns out, I nearly went insane..."

He's an idiot...

Your Insecure;;

"Hey, Blake," I greeted the TriDark star.

"Hey, Sonny. Good to see you again," he smiled.

We were in the hallway we were in when he asked me out the first and last time.

"Cool," I smiled, wishing I hadn't told him hey.

"I was wondering.. Maybe you want to go on a date, again? With me..." he said, slowly.

No, I thought, I thought he was talking about with Nico. What the heck?

"Uh, I have a boyfriend, Blake."

"Oh, right. Chad Dylan Cooper... That's great.. Soo.. could I get a goodbye hug?" he asked, his eyes filled with hope.

"Uh. Blake. I'm not dying?"

"I know.. but you know. TriDark series is ending soon.. So I'll probably leave Condor..."

"Whatever," I hugged him, quickly.

Well.. I tried. He wouldn't let go of me, "Blake.. let go."

"I can't lose you again, Sonny!" he cried.

"What the hell, Blake?" I shouted.

"Unhand her!" I heard a male voice from behind me.

I knew that voice.. It was Chad.. Dude, really? "Unhand her?" He has been WAY too sucked up in his show.

"No! She's mine!"

I knew what I had to do. I lifted my leg, and kicked Blake where he shouldn't've been kicked.

He fell quickly to the ground and I turned around and saw Chad laughing. I ran towards him and hugged him.

"Were you, by any chance, jealous, Cooper?" I smirked.

"N- No, no." he stuttered.

"Yes, you were. Chad Dylan Cooper has insecurities, I see?" I smiled, widely.

"You tell no one!"

"Fine, I won't tell anyone."

"Fine."

"Good!"

"Good!"

I laughed hysterically thinking of his jealous rage towards Blake.

But really, 'unhand her'? Who says that?

You Love Me, You Like Her;;

"Sonny, I love you."

"I love you too, Chad." I smiled and crashed my lips onto his.

"Good."

"Good," I giggled.

"Fine," he chuckled hugging me.

"Fine.." I said, releasing the hug and pulling him to the ground. I laid down next to him, and rested my head on his chest.

"Soo.. this is gonna be SUPER awkward, but... I heard a rumor..." I stammered, listening to his steady heartbeat get faster.

"Whi- Which one?" he stuttered.

"You like.. Chloe`..."

"No, I used to.."

"When?" I smiled.

"7 months ago..."

"Oh. Wait. We've been dating 10 months... CHAD!"

"WHAT!"

"You liked Chloe`?"

"SEVEN MONTHS AGO. SONNY I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU. I LIKED HER!"

"Okaaay..."

"I'm sorry for yelling," he apologized, "It's just.. you don't get how much I love you, Sonny.. I liked Chloe. For, like, 3 days."

"Alright. I forgive you, chill," I smiled, kissing him again.

"Another question," I grinned as he rolled his eyes, "You've always loved me?"

He opened his mouth to speak and pulled me towards him again and kissed me passionately.

I 'hahah-ed' at that memory. The fight was one of those that could've went two different ways. An extremely bad way. Or an extremely good way.

Ours was starting to go bad. But then we fixed it.

You Made Me Laugh, You Made Me Cry. I Don't Know Which Side To Buy;;

"Chad," I grinned, entering his Mack Falls set.

"Milady," he smirked, giving me a peck on the cheek, "See ya later everyone!" he called to his castmates.

"Bye, Chad," they said in unison.

"So, milady. What are we doing today, milady?" he smirked.

"Chad. Chill on the milady stuff. Please?" I frowned.

"Okay, as long as you chill on saying chill, milady."

"Well, as long as you chill on saying milady."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Good."

"Good."

"So we're good?"

"Oh we are SO good," I giggled. He always knew how to make me laugh.

We walked out of the studio doors and entered his car.

"Sooo.." he said, breaking the comfortable silence.

"I dunno..."

"Me either," he leaned in and kissed me, passionately.

As we broke away from the kiss he took out his keyring and flipped through 2 keys, "Dammit!" he shouted.

"What!" I jumped back.

"Nothing... It's nothing.."

"Chad, just-"

"God dammit, Sonny! I said it was nothing!"

"What the fuck, Chad!" I shouted back, letting the tears fall from my eyes.

"I- I'm... Ohmygosh.. Sonny.. I'm so sorry... I didn't mean it... I love you.."

I turned towards the window ignoring him... After about 2 minutes of silence and staring, I turned towards him, "Start the fuckin' car," I said, out of pure anger. I never talked to Chad like that. EVER. I was never THIS mad at him.

"... No."

"Chad, start the fuckin' car!" I screamed.

"No, Sonny! I refuse to start the fuckin' car!"

"Chad, I swear to god, if you don't start this fu-" I started crying again, and Chad moved his body into the middle seat.

He put his arm around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder.

"If you'd listen to me.. I don't have my house key. My mom has the copy and she's out of town.. So, you, seeing as you're staying with me, are locked out, as well.."

I nodded, "Well.. let's sleep here."

"In a car?"

"No, outside."

"But- Ooooh. Sarcasm. So, really? In here?"

"Yeah.."

"Well, okay," He shifted into the position of laying down and I laid down, too. ...Yes. On top of him... Calm down. We didn't do it..

It was weird. I was confused. Chad just made me laugh and cry in about 5 minutes? I didn't know which was the real Chad.. The one who yelled and cursed at me. Or the one who made me laugh...

I was nearly crying at that memory. That was the most mad I ever got at Chad. It was bad.

Your friends their jerks when you act like them just know it hurts;;

"Who was in the space when you got back!" my cast yelled at me.

"Well..."

"WHO!"

They raced towards the window and saw the Falls cast in their golf cart, eating our yogurt, and laughing at my naiveness... Yeah. That did hurt.. He was a jerk, at that point..

I giggled at that. Yes, I know. Weird, huh?

I was glad to be with Chad. But.. I wanted to be with the Chad I knew..