Summary: Pam writes Sookie a list of things she wants to with her, before she dies. 2/2
Rating: T for language and suggestion
Author: wicked18writer
Spoilers: There are some references made to books but if you just watch the show you'll get it. (own nothing)
A/N: Also I'm adding punctuation at the end of the list items for this fic to see if anyone notices or cares.
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Begin each number with the sentence "With you, I want to":
36 Go to a lesbian bar, where you will help me pick up some 'chicks' as my 'wing-woman'.
37 Go around and spray paint 'To Me!" on all the Yield signs in Bon Temp & Shreveport.
38 Join an archery club, learn how to use a bow and arrow, then declare war on those annoying birds who shit all over my car every morning and then hunt them down, cook them, and hand out free shit-bird-cabob's at Fangtasia.
39 Sell random items that we have 'aged' according to the Martha Stewart book on antiquing on Ebay as items previously owned by old dead famous people such as, Jim Henson, Mr. Rogers, or Hugh Hefner. (We will have to lie and say that Hugh is a vampire, god knows he's been around long enough for people to believe us.)
40 Advertise new rainbow candy sold at Fangtasia buy giving away free samples at the door and by telling people to 'Taste the Veinbow".
41 Catch local deer during hunting season and paint 'Bambi's Mom' on the side of them in white paint…
42…catch geese and paint 'Kill ME I Shit On EVERYTHING' on them…
43…catch/or breed bunnies and paint numbers on them as homage to the show 'Lost'.
44 Go to Compton's house when he is out and paint everything he owns, every wall, every ceiling, and every floor, pastel pink.
45 Find 'Dear Abby' and force others to worship her for her wisdom.
46 Buy and use the 'Snuggie' to kill a claustrophobic Werewolf by sewing them up inside it and depriving them of food, water, light, and air.
47 Kidnap and imprison Mr. and Mrs. Lohan, and force them to sit through parenting classes in the hopes they will be better stage parents like Demi Moore, Bruce Willis, and Ashton Kutcher….
48 …If their behavior doesn't improve, kidnap them again, but this time force them to listen to Bill Compton read the phonebook over and over for 5 days straight and then release them into the woods of Canada and let them find their own way home.
49 Buy Flavor Flav a digital watch and take all his clocks away, also steal his Viking hat as he brings shame to Eric's people whenever he don's it.
50 Go to Bill Compton and dance with him seductively at Fangtasia, as I poor itching powder all over him without him noticing.
51 Buy the 'Build-A-Bear' company and repackage it into 'Build-A-Vamp', so we can start teaching those disgusting creatures known as children how to not hate, but love vampires.
52 Dress up as a crime fighting superhero group, where I am known as the charismatic rogue, Vamperella…
53 …You (Sookie) are my perky sidekick, Lady Brainy…
54 …Eric is our fearless leader, Fearless Leader…
55 …Amelia is the witch-y 'Charlie' to our 'Angel's', known as Witchtower…
56 …Bubba is our mascot, Bubba-doo…
57 …And Bill is the evil villain who's plots we foil, known as GENTLEman!
58 Host a 'air band' convention and when all the contestants show up, beat them with violins, cello's, flutes, recorders, harmonicas, harps, and all the musical instruments we can get our hands on.
59 Start a dog walking business, slip your boss a sedative/tranquilizer, glue all of the dogs collar to their furry necks, then super glue the leashes handles to Sam Merlotte's hand, then place him in the middle of a park and wait for him to wake up, OR….
60 … Whip the dogs so they will 'mush' and run away and see how long they can drag the Shifter behind them before he wakes up.
61 Did I mention the threesome with Eric?
Dear Pam,
We can meet up and do #36 tomorrow night.
Sincerely, Sookie Stackhouse
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A/N: REVIEW ME PLEASE!
Also AUTHOR'S NOTE For explanation of some of my more specific pop culture references just so we're all on the same page just ask when you REVIEW me and I'll enlighten you.