characters are not mine, but enjoy none the less!

five lessons.

friendship; because that's what they had
love; because that's what she wanted
grief; because that's what she got
guilt; because someone needed to be logical
letting go; because sometimes what you want, isn't what you need

-::-

She learned from a very early age that not everyone was going to like you, but in her world, there didn't seem to be a lot of those people. It was like the whole world was waiting on her doorstep, ready to jump at the chance to be her friend. For a while, she loved it, and the attention made her glow and sing and jump in unbridled delight. But as she grew older, the novelty faded, and the truth was laid out before her.

She learned that there were three types of friends in the world. The first one was the worst, because those people wanted her for her name. She felt like some collector's item put on display and she could do nothing to stave off the stares and whispers that followed her like she was honey and they were the bees. It bothered her, to think that people would forgo the chance to get to know her, because all they cared about was how far she could take them, and who she could talk to and how her last name just happened to be Potter. Those were the people who tended to forget that her name was Lily, too.

Then, the second group, which, as the years drew by, Lily had divided into two distinctive sub groups. First were the girls her age, the ones that painted the image of her black, the ones that spoke of her like she wasn't standing right there; they were the ones who made her cry herself to sleep, before she was strong enough to keep her head high and fight off the hate and jealousy that emanated from them. Now, she was the one who felt sorry for them, because anyone who wanted to be her probably hated being in their own skin and Lily could not imagine how that would feel. The second sub group was far more interesting, and infinitely more annoying; they were the boys her age (and younger and much, much too old) who raked her with their eyes and made lewd comments and made it very hard for her not to lose her temper. She just wanted them to stop, because really, what was so special about her? There were a hundred other girls at Hogwarts for them to bother. But she supposed they would forget about her eventually (after all, she just wasn't emotionally available).

The last group was her favourite, and it consisted of her family and her few close friends who she felt were just perfect for her. She trusted them, and they trusted her, and despite arguments and disagreements and scraped knees, love was always flowing. And she guess that her favourite member of this group was the one man she couldn't really have, but damn it, he was her best friend, and if that's how it had to be, then so be it (but she would rather have him as more).

"You're my best friend, Lily."

He tells her this all the time, and the words are so very bittersweet, because on one hand she has him and on the other hand she doesn't. She just wished she could have it all when it came to him, and maybe they would understand why she was so selfish if they just knew how she felt.

But he didn't feel that way back; so, she learned her first lesson; the lesson of friendship.

Because friends is all they would ever be.

They say that everything is more beautiful when you were in love, but she begged to differ. Everything was just complicated and raw and, who was she kidding, it was absolutely gorgeous. Then again, unrequited love was always the hardest to deal with.

And she supposed love meant the fact that he was always the one to hold her when she cried. He was always there for her when she needed him. And the fact that he knew her favourite flowers were really daisies and not her namesake. Love meant that he took her flaws and found them pretty and maybe she could see that too. He knew that she disliked who she was sometimes but he never failed to remind her that even if she didn't like herself, he did. Love was Teddy and Lily and everything they would never, ever be.

Because love also meant that he went home to Victoire at night, that she was his shining star. He spoke of her and his eyes turned to pale gold and everyone knew it was because he was happy. Love was everywhere when he proposed to her and she said yes (because that was love too). He thought she was perfect and she knew she was, and that was their love. And it seemed at times that he just needed Victoire in ways that he would not need Lily.

And so she learned her second lesson; the lesson of love.

Because love was never easy.

-::-

For a long while, she felt a little lost. And in the pit of her stomach she could feel something turning, but damn it, she just didn't know what it was. So, on their wedding day she put on a smile and she put on a dress and she put on her pretty mask to shield herself from the world.

"Isn't this just wonderful, Lily?" Victoire asked her that awfully sunny day, and what could Lily do but nod and bear it?

"It is, Vic. It's beautiful and so are you. Teddy is a lucky man."

And it killed her to say those words, but she just couldn't stop herself, because maybe if she said it out loud it would hurt less inside. She was wrong.

"I think I'm the lucky one! Look at this, surrounded by everyone I love so they can watch me walk down the aisle towards the love of my life. I could not ask for anything better," Victoire said, crystalline tears forming in her glowing eyes. A lone one slide down her perfect cheek, and Lily watched as a delicate blush rose over Victoire's face.

Lily smiled tightly and squeezed her cousin's hand and pushed her towards the door to the chapel, because she just couldn't stand it anymore. She walked dutifully inside after the bride, and took her place amongst the seats and that day she was reminded of every reason why Teddy loved Victoire and not her.

So that night, when it was all over, Lily let silent tears fall where they may and she learned the third lesson; the lesson of grief.

Because she finally knew what it felt like.

-::-

She didn't expect things to happen the way they did, but she couldn't bring herself to stop the events that transpired that faithful day.

She watched him speak to her father in hushed tones, as his hair turned black with what she knew was despair and anger, and she couldn't help but wonder why he wasn't with his precious wife. But when he asked her to go for a walk she just couldn't say no, because she liked to feel needed.

"How have you been, Lily?"

She didn't think he had a right to ask her that, because, really, he didn't know a thing about her anymore, so why did he care what she had been up to?

"Nothing, really. My life is pretty boring," she replied with a shrug.

She was startled to see that his eyes bore into hers furiously, and some sort of emotion danced behind the now dark orbs. Yet, she was too afraid to ask, afraid of the answer, that is.

"So you're not, seeing anyone, per say?"

And Lily stopped in her tracks, because how could she be so stupid, she knew exactly what this was about.

"Don't, Teddy."

"All I'm saying is that I want you to be careful. Scorpius is a good guy, but he's still a Malfoy through and through."

"You have no right to tell me what to do, Teddy Lupin! I can take care of myself."

Which was a complete lie, because inside she was breaking apart.

"Just promise me you'll be careful, I don't trust him."

"You don't trust him? Or his father? Because I swear if you judge him by the sins of his parents I will never speak to you again. Need I remind you, your father had a furry little problem that society couldn't wait to get rid of, and how would you feel if I judged you by that?"

She had always been one for drama, and how could you argue with logic like that?

"Listen, I didn't come here to argue-"

"Good, because there's nothing to argue about. You have no right to tell me what to do."

"I'm your friend, Lily, I care about you."

She laughed and laughed and laughed at the sheer absurdity of the moment, and with each passing second she felt more and more cynical.

"Friend? You haven't been my friend in over a year, not since you got married. You never visit anymore, you never wrote me..."

And sadness crept up into her voice and she hated it, because it gave away so much of her.

"I never stopped caring, Lily."

And with those words she broke, because she knew that he was lying and all he was doing now was ripping open her wounds until they would be too deep to fix. So she ran from him, but before she could get very far, she felt a tug on her arm and she was spinning back into him.

"I never stopped," he repeated before kissing her soundly on the lips.

And a million things ran through her mind, but the only action she could seem to complete was that of kissing him back. He was all over her and in her and around her and God, she loved it, because no matter how wrong this was, it felt so right to her. She felt loved and cared for even if it was only for that superficial period in time that seemed to be carved out into the present just for them.

After he had gone, and took away a piece of her with him, she was left alone to learn her fourth lesson; the lesson of guilt.

Because she felt guilty for liking it so bloody much.

-::-

Closure came in the form of a letter with three simple words sketched onto the page.

I never stopped.

And over those words she sobbed, because if he never stopped caring, she would never stop loving him. She supposed it was all over now, and soon the idea of not having him all to her became strangely bearable. He was happy, and that's all she could ask for, even if inside she was shattered beyond repair.

They say that Time healed all wounds, but she suspected that Time could do nothing for her, considering Time had stopped the moment that letter had arrived.

If closure was the letter, healing was the lone daisy attached to it, and as the petals tickled her face she knew that she would, maybe, possibly, eventually, (never) be okay.

Suffice to say, she learned her last and hardest lesson that day; the lesson of letting go.

Because letting go of him would be like losing a piece of herself.

(The very best piece, too.)

hope you liked that, and i really hope you take the time to review, dont favorite without reviewing please :)
this, i think, is one of my favorite teddy/lily one shots i have ever written, despite the fact that they didnt end up together.
thanks so much, and check out my other stories! also, thank you to those of you who have reviewed and favorited and alerted my stories, you guys make it all worth it! much love.