Disclaimer: I wish I owned Naruto, and all the characters including Gaara. But of course I don't.
It was a clear, sunny day. Gaara stood in the middle of the street. It was silent now, that he'd come. The children stared up at him with terrified faces, their bodies tense, hoping desperately he'd turn away, and they could run. "Demon," they whispered to each other.
Gaara's voice started as a squeak. "W-will you play with me?" He managed out, glancing hopefully from face to face of each village child. Each was terrified as he looked at them, each turned their faces away. Then, one boy began to run away. As if on cue, the other children started running too, their feet pounding the gritty sand-covered pavement.
Gaara simply stood, tears running down his face. "Why?" he murmured.
"Why? WHY?"
And Shukaku burst out at that moment, letting out all the rage. How many times had Gaara asked them to play now? And how many times had they said yes?
Six times. They had never said yes.
The sand swirled around the children's feet. It grabbed the foot of one of the girls, swinging her high into the air. Shukaku wanted to slam her down, wanted everyone to die. Gaara, at the last moment, stopped her fall. He stared hopefully at her, hoping maybe she'd forgive him. But the expression on her face said enough. Silently, she stood up and fled, spitting "Demon!" at him as she ran.
A minute ago, it had been full of happy children playing in the street. Now, only one boy was left, with spiky, brick red hair and sea foam eyes surrounded by black. Now those sea foam eyes let out tears.
An hour later
"Yashamaru," he sobbed, "why won't they ever accept me?"
His uncle looked sad. "Gaara, I'm sorry," he said. "They shouldn't have run away, but you still have to apologize to the little girl. How about we make a present for her and take it to her house?"
"Okay," Gaara sniffled, wiping at his tears. Maybe he could have a friend!
Gaara spent the rest of the night making her present carefully. He wanted her to be his friend. She'd forgive him!
The next day, he and Yashamaru knocked on the door of the little girls' house. A pinched-looking woman looked out, and her eyes contorted in fury as she saw Gaara.
"I'm sorry about yesterday," Gaara said softly. "Will your daughter take this present as a gift?" Yashamaru had coached him on what to say.
With a look of fury on her face, she took the little wrapped present—and smashed it on the sidewalk.
"I never want to see you again!" She screamed, slamming the door.
Tears trickled down Gaara's face as he stared at the remnants of his carefully made pearl. And he fled home, Yashamaru at his heels.
"Gaara," Yashamaru said carefully to Gaara, when he had stopped crying that night. "Maybe next time you can go to the playground to find a friend. Maybe they're nicer there."
Gaara stared at him without hope. But he loved his uncle too much to disobey.
The next afternoon, Yashamaru came home with some news. "We just found a little orphan outside the gates," he said brightly. "How she was able to survive her village's attack not far from here is beyond me, but your father will give her some care and then give her to a foster mother."
"Okay," Gaara said without interest.
Yashamaru hesitated. "What I mean to say," he said quietly, "is that there are still other children out there, Gaara."
"Okay," Gaara mumbled. Yashamaru gave him a pat on the head, and went to make dinner.
Gaara fled upstairs, slumped onto his bed, and simply cried. "Don't be so weak, Gaara," the voice of Shukaku snarled scathingly inside his head. "What the commoners do is not any of our business. Don't waste your time thinking about them."
"Yes, Mother," Gaara said softly.
The next afternoon, Gaara dragged himself over to the playground. He had no doubt what'd happen now—they'd look at him with those cold eyes, the children and the adults. Still, he had to try, didn't he? Yashamaru had told him to go.
As usual, there were many children chasing each other and laughing. Gaara longed, desperately, just to be one of them.
But he knew in his heart he'd never belong. This was all futile. But still, he asked quietly when all movement had ceased and all were staring at him, "Can I play with you?"
This time, however, they did not freeze. Rather, their stares were aggressive, sneering—but still, Gaara saw fear.
This biggest boy of the lot swaggered forward. "And why would we want to play with the devil?" He said cockily.
Gaara stepped back, stunned. They'd never said anything to him before. "I-I…"
"See, the devil can't speak!" The boy laughed.
Rage from Shukaku swirled inside Gaara, but he shoved it down. He couldn't almost hurt someone again.
Scornfully, the boy turned back. "C'mon, let's keep playing," he said, ignoring Gaara.
Gaara prepared to go, sadness already overwhelming him. Suddenly—"Wait!" He slowly turned back around. There'd be no way someone would call "Wait" after him, would there?
But there was. A dark eyed girl was now charging up to the front—and now she had punched the other boy across the jaw!
Stunned, the boy fell back. "W-why….?" He said, anger forming on his face.
"What is wrong with you?" She demanded, standing on her tiptoes to look him in the eyes. "Why are you treating him like this?"
"We let you in today!" He said rather sulkily. "Why do you care?"
"Because…"
Apparently she wouldn't say any more. "That's it!" She said disgustedly. "I don't know whether you're not letting him in because he has a gourd on his back, but still!" Throwing her short black hair back, she marched forward without a glance back.
"Come on," she told Gaara, "let's go."
He couldn't believe his good fortune. Someone had stood up for him? He hurriedly followed her, hoping she wouldn't be mad at him.
"Can't believe them!" She was muttering to herself, as she strode quite quickly for a little girl Gaara's size.
"Can't believe what?" He asked, rather timidly, after a while.
"Can't believe why they'd treat you like that!" The girl said angrily. "I thought they were better to reject someone different from them! I mean—"
She took a quick glance at the darkness around Gaara's eyes, then continued. "They were nicer when I came!"
Gaara opened his mouth in surprise. "But don't you know why they don't like me?"
"What?"
Gaara stopped to a halt. Who didn't know about his….problem? Could she be new? "Ano…," he murmured, "when did you get here?"
She glanced at him, her eyes full of sorrow. "You don't know? Yesterday." She said. "My village was destroyed, and ani-chan told me how to get here. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
Gaara could not say anything. She was the orphan they'd brought in? He felt pangs of pity and empathy for her. "Oh." He said. Then, "I'm really really sorry. I know how you feel."
"How would you know?"
"Because—" I have Shukaku inside of me and everyone hates me—"no one is alive to care about me either."
"Oh." She said. Then—"I'm sorry too, too. I guess you know what it's like to be lonely too…do you want to be friends?"
Friend. No one had ever, ever used that word to describe Gaara before. "Friend…" he repeated, tasting the word. Shukaku roared inside him angrily, telling him not to. But he'd have to disobey.
She turned her head away, stammering "You don't have to," mistaking his silence for reluctance.
"No!" Gaara shouted, immediately realizing. "Be my friend, please?"
Her face lit up. "Yatta!" She shouted. Then, she reached over, and hugged him. It took him every will not to have the sand come out and move her away—never, ever, had anyone hugged him except Yashamaru. He felt himself reveling in the hug, wanting it to never stop. He had a friend!
"Let's play!" She shouted, suddenly taking his hand and dragging him to a quieter street. "I want to show you some games I learned…"
Later that day, the two sat down near an outdoor café, Gaara and Mai breathing hard from a game called "Tag".
"Wow, you're almost as good as the kids I used to try to play with…and you're carrying a gourd on your back!" Then, she suddenly shrieked. "Oh, they sell bubble tea over there! You should try some, Gaara. I didn't know they sold it anywhere else besides my village…" She trailed off nostalgically.
Gaara didn't want to buy anything—everyone would always stare at him with those cold eyes. But he would do it for Mai. He'd buy bubble tea, whatever that was, for his only friend. He made his way over, earning many distrustful looks. One woman drew her child closer to her as he passed. He stopped at the stand, and the girl standing behind the counter visibly flinched as she saw him. "What would you like?" She asked in a clipped voice.
Embarrassment rose within him. No one wanted to sell anything to him. But still…
"Two bubble teas, please!" He said in a clear, childish voice.
She sniffed, and slammed them down on the counter. "Is that all?"
"Hai," he said, feeling very small.
"Then go!" She hissed at him. "You're making all of my customers go away!"
Ashamed, he hurried back to Mai, bubble teas in hands.
She smiled when she saw him. "Oh, thanks! You didn't need to buy me one, you know!"
"You're my friend," Gaara reminded her. Suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes. Gaara was alarmed—had he done something wrong?
"Gaara…no one ever treated me like this back at my village." She said, smiling at him through tears.
"Oh…" Gaara said dumbly.
Luckily, the awkward moment for Gaara was passed when she took a sip of bubble tea. "Good!" She proclaimed loudly.
He smiled—a real smile—and took a sip himself—and gagged. Something was stuck in his throat! Mai was up in an instant, and pounded his back. Coughing, Gaara got the offending item out—to find out it was a squishy, black, ball covered in bubble tea.
Mai started chortling. "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention…the so called bubbles are actually balls that you have to be careful not to inhale and choke on!" Gaara was embarrassed, but he laughed as well.
When twilight came and there were shadowy streaks across the sky, Gaara became much quieter, looking very depressed. Mai looked confused. "What is it?"
"I-I don't want to lose my only friend," he confided, looking down in shame as Shukaku scorned him inside his head.
She smiled very gently. "Then, can I spend the night at your place?"
His head shot up.
"My foster mother hates me anyways. She'll be glad to have an excuse to kick me out. I mean, Kazekage-sama forced me on her anyways."
Gaara knew he shouldn't be feeling so happy, but he was. "I-I guess you can, then," he mumbled, looking down.
Luckily, she didn't seem to take it the wrong way, only smiling at him in that curious way.
Yashamaru looked extremely confused as they walked in. "Gaara? Who's this?"
"This," Gaara announced proudly, "is my best friend, Mai!"
Yashamaru, instead of showing happiness, just looked more perplexed. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish a few times, then said, "I-I, well, this is great, Gaara, but, wow…"
After stammering a few more times, he finally congratulated Gaara and went off to make dinner. A little confused at his reaction, Gaara wondered what he had done wrong.
Later that night, after Yashamaru had set up a cot in Gaara's room, the two friends talked animatedly like two girls at a sleepover. Soon, though, they started talking about more serious things, and Gaara soon learned that though Mai was born under two powerful shinobis from the other village, she had no ninjutsu or taijutsu abilities on her own. Rejected by her own family and her so-called "friends" who were incredibly mean for seven-year-olds, Mai was desperate for friendship just like Gaara was.
After she admitted all this in her soft seven-year-old voice, Gaara felt that he absolutely, had to tell her about Shukaku. Did he feel right playing with her, knowing Shukaku could take over him and kill her? But…he didn't want to possibly lose the only friend he ever had.
Bracing himself for the worst, he said, "If you want to leave after hearing about me, it's okay."
She surveyed him through narrow eyes. "What is it?"
He hesitated. "Have you ever heard of Shukaku?"
Her eyes widened. "Of course I have! He's one of the legendary demons!"
"Well…he's sealed inside me."
She stared at him for a few seconds. Then, softly—"I see. That's why they were all so afraid of you. Father suspected the jinchuriki was somewhere near us."
Gaara stood up, suddenly angry. "Aren't you afraid? I could kill you! Why don't you run?" He screamed. Then he realized he was crying.
She drew her knees to her chest, staring down. "Gaara…I want you to know, I'm not scared of you because I know you're a good person. Just because Shukaku is inside of you doesn't mean he is you."
"How do you know that?"
"Because you're a hero, that's what! Even though Father may not have liked Kazekage-sama, he said jinchuriki's are all heroes because you're keeping the demon from getting out!"
Gaara paused, stunned. All his life people had been telling him that he was a demon—now, he was a hero? Groaning, he pulled at his spiky red hair. It was too much to think about.
"Goodnight, Mai."
"Goodnight."
But he did not go to sleep. Instead, he watched her sleeping form for a long time, then sighed and climbed onto the roof to watch the moon.
~8 hours later~
"Don't you just like sunrises?" Gaara jumped as his friend, fully dressed and awake came and sat down next to him. Somehow, Mai had sneaked up on him and was now sitting on the roof with him.
And so it would go. Mai never went back to her foster home, and everyday she'd tell him he was a hero. Gaara didn't realize, but his usually stoic face would show smiles more often. And even though Gaara didn't even like his older siblings, Kankuro and Temari, she got along with Temari fantastically and even Kankuro.
Whether it was jumping from swings without using sand, or her teaching him how to cook, Gaara always felt some kind of warmth in him. Is this happiness? He wondered, fascinated.
As time passed, he also got a feeling somewhere in his rib cage when he looked at her—he thought he now knew her better than anyone, even Yashamaru. He memorized her every detail—the slant of her dark eyes as she was about to laugh at him, her short black hair fanning out behind her as she dragged Gaara somewhere. The simple energy she had was amazing.
One day, when she had gone to sleep, he asked Yashamaru, "What is love?"
Yashamaru looked very surprised. "Well…it's the feeling you get when you're very happy with someone and you're content with them. This can be your family, or your crush, if you have one." He smiled knowingly.
Gaara felt two spots appear on his cheeks. Crush? Do I have a crush on Mai? Not wanting Yashamaru to know anymore, he quickly ran upstairs onto the roof.
~One day later~
"Gaara, where are we going?"
"You'll see!"
Currently the two were racing up a hill at midnight, stars twinkling at night. They'd managed to get past Yashamaru with Gaara's sand.
Finally, panting, the two collapsed at the top. "This is my secret place," Gaara announced proudly. "This is where I come to think…" I used to come here to get away from everyone.
Mai stared around in wonder. "Wow, Gaara…this is just…wonderful!"
And indeed it was. The desert was a beautiful place at night, and the lights of the village below were like fireflies. And up above, the stars seemed closer than ever. The wind brought a sweet aroma along.
Mai closed her eyes, smelling the air. And Gaara watched her. His heart was beating unusually fast. Should I tell her? Should I tell her? Inside him, Shukaku rumbled unhappily, but somehow, when Mai was here, Gaara managed to suppress him more.
And then, suddenly, the silence was broken. Mai screamed. A rain of kunai knives and small shruiken slammed down with great force onto the hill. The sand immediately protected Gaara, and Gaara forced it to protect Mai too.
A masked person came flying down. Gaara felt fear rising in his heart, as well as a bloodlust he didn't know—here was a threat!
"Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!" The person shrieked, and a great flaming fireball landed with force on the sand shield surrounding Mai and Gaara. Then, another huge array of weapons flew at Gaara from all directions. The sand quickly withdrew from Mai the moment Gaara panicked, and protected him.
The next moment seemed to happen in slow motion. While the sand blocked the fire and the weapons with all of its might, the face under the mask showed a curve of a smile, and threw a shruiken straight into Mai. She slumped down, blood trickling from her mouth.
Finally the dust cleared, and Gaara saw Mai. "NO!" He screamed, running to her, the sand trailing after him. The masked figure attempted to put exploding tags on him as Gaara was still alive, but for the sand, it was no big trouble to protect him. Instead, the figure was blasted back, right to where Mai's body lay.
Gaara sprinted as fast as his body and gourd allowed him, making it to Mai and the figure. He crouched down besides Mai, putting his hands over where her heart should be. There was nothing.
Panicking, he took her arm and put two fingers on her wrist. Still nothing.
He put his hand on her neck, trying to feel something. He was like that for at least a minute, and he could feel nothing. Suddenly, she spasmed.
A wave of relief rushed over him. Her eyes snapped open, unfocused until she saw Gaara. "…Gaara…" she rasped. Then, her body jerked again, and she was still.
"NO!" Gaara screamed yet again, tears streaming down his cheeks and onto her body. Seeing the last moments of her life was too much to bear. "Don't die, please!"
Her body turned colder. With shaking fingers, he touched her face, and closed her eyes.
Let this be a dream…let this be a dream. In a stupor, he walked over the person who had tried to kill him, and had killed Mai. Slowly, he bent down, and ripped off the mask. In horror, he stumbled back as he saw who it was. Yashamaru. It was undoubtedly him, except that he too, was about to die.
"No…why? Nande?" Gaara said in horror.
"I...was ordered to kill you," Yashamaru coughed out.
New tears sprang to Gaara's eyes. "So you were forced…!"
Yashamaru shook his head. "No. I was not forced. I wanted to do this mission. I haven't forgiven you…you were the one who killed my sister!"
Shocked, Gaara stepped back from his hate. "Why Mai, though?"
Yashamaru's lips curled up in a smile. "I had to do something to hurt you…and also, if I didn't succeed in killing you, Kazekage-sama told me to kill her because she was making you suppress Shukaku and not letting you become the Sand's greatest weapon. That was the only reason I was ordered to kill you, anyways. And that mother wanted you dead because you hurt her daughter." He coughed out more blood. Then, with another grimace, he whispered a name that made Gaara's heart ache.
"Karura…"
My mother.
And Yashamaru died. Gaara, his sea-foam eyes glazed, stumbled away to be next to Mai. He dropped into a kneel besides her, his little heart hurting too much even for tears. I have no one to love anymore, he thought over and over. No one in this world loves me now.
This must be pain, he thought dully. Pain in my heart. Then, he felt a rage that was Shukaku come up—and this time, he didn't suppress it.
We'll kill them, Shukaku murmured inside his head, We'll kill those who did this to you. Gaara felt the bloodlust, the rage, and he gave in. There was no one anymore for him. He could die for all he cared. And he lapsed into unconsciousness as Shukaku took over his body.
The two ANBU members who watched him were quickly killed as Shukaku sensed their presence and gave a mighty slash with his claws. But alas, even Shukaku/Gaara could be subdued by the Kazekage, and soon, the unconscious form of Gaara was brought to the hospital with ANBU members on guard.
Gaara woke up, his head hurting. His gourd was missing. But most importantly, he didn't feel happy. He always felt happy nowadays, because of Mai. Then, he saw the sterile lights and suddenly everything came crashing back. The hill…his almost-confession…being attacked…Mai dead…Yashamaru dead…. He buried his head in his hands, not wanting to see anyone, not caring. He never wanted to see this world again.
But, too soon, two strong hands grabbed him and he was dragged by the ANBU to the Kazekage. His father.
There was a pause. "Well, Gaara…it seems that you and Shukaku can get along very well." His voice was a bitter, arrogant voice. Gaara hated this voice.
"I think we can make use of you in the future…don't you want the best for the Sand?"
Gaara did not reply. He heard his father sigh.
"Very well then, Gaara. Be this way. But you will start shinobi training at the academy, and you will become the most powerful weapon we will have."
If Gaara had the strength to kill his father, he would've. But now, he felt very weak…the demon seemed to be nowhere in him.
A weapon? Mai had thought of him at least of a human being, a best friend…and Yashamaru had turned out to be a traitor, but at least Yashamaru didn't think of him as a weapon.
"You are dismissed." With that, the ANBU dragged Gaara to his feet. As they left, Gaara felt a feral, insane, grin on his face. His eyes stretched out, and he began laughing maniacally. No one was left in the world to care about him. No one was left in the world for him to care about. From now on…if anyone threatened him, they would die.