Author's Notes: This is for the Phoenix Wright kink meme and the prompt (which was cracktastic) said that they wanted Shelly as a circus person. ... So yeah. Anyway, I own nothing. I used to own the first game but I do own JFA and T&T. But I don't own the actual copyright. Anyway, enjoy this crack.

Screw Ball
By LilyChan

Shelly de Killer, the baseball stitched assassin with equally black hair that is stitched with white, closed the door to his hideout - also known as his makeshift trailer. Another day, another penny he didn't need. Even though he would get paid handsomely for his duties as a professional assassin, he didn't want to have his day a complete bore. He figured he would add the extra money towards charity - usually, under the name of "Anonymous". Most tabloids speculated it was the work of a big named celebrity. Shelly would let them have their fun at the never-ending guessing game.

He only posed as a sideshow freak, one named John "Screw Ball" Doe. He would play the part of an upstanding butler who was unaware of his stitching and would often make terrible baseball puns. Meanwhile, he would often recite the batting averages of well-known baseball players. He would never make quite clear which team was his favorite. He was a Screw Ball. He didn't know the names of the teams. Just the players.

It was generally Moe's, the new ringleader and quite a terrible clown, idea. Everyone else, for the most part, agreed. Shelly - I mean, John Doe was never the star but that was okay with him. Ever since the Big Berry trial, he kept himself hidden away from the police, reporters, and a particular lawyer and some yappy girl. However, the trial attracted crowds of legendary size. Amongst the crowds, often would real celebrities hide amongst the crowds incognito.

Another new idea implemented by Moe the Terrible Clown was to display e-mail addresses of the performers, sideshow performers, the main performers, everyone. Even that creepy dummy, Trilo, had an e-mail address where fans can send fanmail too.

"So fans can e-mail us, sharing their stories!" Moe would repeat himself over and over. "Plus we can see who really is the most loved of all!" To nobody's surprise, even though he once sat at the defendant's chair in the court room (a scene Shelly is all too familiar with), Maximillion Galactica got the most fan mail. He could be found wandering around the circus grounds, bragging about the amount of fanmail - especially to the blonde, oblivious girl.

It didn't matter to Shelly. He would often get questions about what happened to him? Was it a cosmetic choice? Was it an accident? What's the story? The same story he would use over and over: When he was young, he wanted to become the hero of his country during the World Series. He considered himself a "diamond in the rough" but he couldn't catch, pitch, run, or bat. Instead, he was reduced to working as the snack men who would trudge up and down the stadium with fattening snacks. After watching a particular rousing game of baseball, he fell down the stairs and split his head open. He was fired as soon as he cracked his eye open. Needless to say, he never landed a homerun after the surgery. He reduced himself to a sideshow freak to make ends meet. To maybe get a rebound. To be able to make home base, one day.

However, this particular e-mail caught his eye. It was from another anonymous.

"I know you're really a killer," said the e-mail. "Shelly de Killer, in fact. I see through your facade. The conch shell gave you away. Funny how a little research on the internet goes a long way... You hate the life you live. You crave for excitement again. Meet me outside in the dumping grounds. I won't even bother giving you directions. I'm sure you know where it is."

"Signed, Anonymous."

The e-mail did not lie. How long has it been since he was able to take another person's life? How long has it been since he felt the familiar adrenaline rush?

Too long.

Shelly, now shedding the name Joe "Screw Ball" Doe, moved the mouse to click the reply function. As he typed out his response, he couldn't lie - he felt like he hit a homerun with this particular assignment.