This is my first fanfic so I hope its okay, please let me know what u think. I do not own any of the characters, I hope its okay!

CHAPTER 1

Alexis Davis Journal

I was watching Kristina and Molly this morning down by the lake and found myself once again amazed with my daughters' strength. Over the last six months our family has been turned upside down once again, Kristina has been hospitalized twice at the hands of her boyfriend Kiefer. To make matters worse while I was rushing my daughter to the hospital, I ran him down; his death had been extremely hard on Kristina even though he hurt her time and time again. Finally she is beginning to act more herself, not jumping every time she hears a noise, not flinching whenever someone touches her.

I've often heard that people close to death say that their lives flashed before their eyes, but I think its not just death but any traumatic event in your life or the lives of the people you love the most. I close my eyes and I see my girls as babies and how much we have lived through. I see their births as though it were yesterday, none of them were easy but they were all worth the pain.

Kristina was born early and remained in the hospital for months; I was so scared I was going to lose her. I see her a few years later fighting for her life yet again, this time having been diagnosed with leukemia, but once again she came though with the help of my granddaughter who was not as lucky, who was lost to us before we got a chance to meet. Later when she was kidnapped, I felt so hopeless and in some ways the leukemia was easier to deal with, at least we knew what we were fighting, we had no idea who had done this or what their intentions were. The thoughts that went through my mind almost drove me to insanity.

My sweet Molly, she was such an amazing baby, she hardly ever cried. She was born during a train wreck, oh I was so scared, I thought that we would both die and I would have gladly given my life if it would've ensured her survival. Ric was so remarkable during it all; I thought we would watch her grow up together, boy was I wrong about that. He took my baby from me while I had cancer not to mention all the other horrible things he did to me and my family. As always though my girls and I came through it together, stronger somehow.

Strong, independent, stubborn, a survivor, those are the words that come to mind when I think of my first born, Sam. Her birth was the easiest but also the hardest of the three angels I have the honor of calling my children. Her delivery was easy, she was so full of life and so ready to join the world, the same world that has been so cruel to her. I found out I was pregnant with her when I was sixteen, I was overcome with fear but I fell in love the moment I felt her kick. Once my father found out he shipped me off to deliver, the moment I held my sweet girl in my arms I knew that I would love her forever, and then they came for her. My baby was taken from me, ripped out of my arms, I can still hear her crying, she was put up for adoption and that was the last I saw of her for 19 years but I never forgot that face. It saddens me that that is the only memory I have of her childhood, the pain is still so fresh after all these years. When she came back to me, I almost lost her the very day I found out who she was, now ten years later I feel as though I'm losing her again, she is pulling away from me and I can't let that happen, I can't bear going though that loss all over. I've finally managed to get her to meet me for drinks and I plan on finding out what exactly is wrong with my daughter.

CHAPTER 2

"Oh hey guys." Alexis said when she saw Jax and Carly sitting in the bar of the Metro Court.

"Hey Alexis, what's up?" Jax asked hugging his ex-wife and current best friend.

"I'm meeting Sam for a drink. How's Micheal doing Carly?"

"He's adjusting, he's changed, I can't put my finger on it but he's happy to be out."

"Prison changes people, it'll take him some time but he'll figure it out. He's been though a lot, all of our kids have but they always manage to fight their way through. Speaking of which, have you spoken to Sam lately?"

"I called her today to see if she wanted to get together but she declined, said she was busy."

"Yeah it took me two weeks to talk her into meeting me for drinks. I gotta be honest with you; I'm really worried about her."

"Well the love of her life is still in prison, that can't be easy."

"I'm sure you're right Carly but there's something else, call it mother's intuition but she's distant, I'm scared that she's pulling away from me. I thought we had worked out all the stuff in our past and were beginning to connect."

"Alexis far be it for you to listen to me but I'm not sure you've worked through anything…," holding up her hand she stopped Alexis' protest, " just listen to me this is something I know a little about, I have been in Sam's shoes. There's a lot of pain when it comes to you two, a lot has been done, a lot more said, things that are hard to just take back with a simple I'm sorry. Have you two ever actually talked about anything? I know you've talked but about any of your issues, cause until you deal with them they're always gonna be there holding you back. Don't you see Alexis, Sam is still insecure in your relationship and as her defense mechanism she's pulling away from you before you can leave her again."

Tears had welled in Alexis eyes, "I'm not going anywhere Carly, my girls are my life."

"I'm not the one you need to convince, oh and Alexis, Sam knows how you feel about Kristina and Molly, she's just not sure where she fits into it all."

"Sam knows I love her." As she says this a memory hits her like a ton of bricks, Sam says, "You are sorry that I am your daughter." Her eyes fill with tears, "no!" She turns to find Sam standing in the door way, she meets her daughters eyes and all she sees is pain.

"Sam hey come on over," Carly said when she realized that Alexis was frozen.

"Hey guys, thanks but Alexis I need to talk to you. Hey you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm sorry I was thinking about something Carly was saying. Come on let's go sit down."

"Listen I can't stay, something has come up."

"Can't you just stay for a little while Sam, I really wanted to talk to you about the girls? They miss you; they would love to see you."

"I'll stop by tomorrow and see them, is that it I really need to be going."

"No I wanted to talk to you about Kristina."

"Of course you did!" Sam said with sarcasim.

"Sam are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine, what did you want to say about Krissy, she has been through hell, is there anything I can do to help?"

"Actually she seems to be doing better, I think all we can do is to reassure her that we love her and that we'll….."

Sam's mind had wandered to a different time….

"I don't want you poisoning your sisters' mind with your pathetic, degraded attitude."

"I don't care where you go. You want to go with Jason, go with Jason. You go wherever you want, but you get the hell out of my house!"

"Sam, Sam, hey are you okay?"

"Huh, what"

"Where were you just now?"

"Nowhere, look I really have to go, tell the girls I'll see them tomorrow."

"Sam wait, would you please talk to me?"

"Yeah because that always works out really well for us. I'll call you later. Gotta go bye."

She ran out the door leaving her mother staring after her.

CHAPTER 3

Alexis Davis Journal

Is it possible that Carly is right? Is Sam scared that I'm going to leave her, that I don't love her as much as I love her sisters?

Sam and I have never had an easy relationship, I thought we were making progress but truthfully how could we? There are still so many walls between us, so much that's left unsaid, so much that I still don't know about my eldest daughter. There is so much pain, so much hurt, so many accusations and so many questions left unanswered on both our parts, yet we would rather walk through fire than have an open and honest conversation. I guess we are more alike than either of us would admit but as scared as she is of me leaving her, I am just as scared that I'm going to lose her again and I cannot bear to go through that again.

By not saying anything I am being unfair to my daughter and denying us the opportunity to build a relationship that we can both be comfortable with. I am giving my daughter permission to walk out of my life and that is not an option that I want to think about much less encourage. I have two choices, I can either do nothing and lose my daughter or I can make her talk to me and risk losing my daughter, hell you gotta love life choices. If option number two is the only possible way to help Sam then it's a chance I'll have to take but not here where the other girls are, they don't need anything else to worry about.

CHAPTER 4

"Hello my babies." Alexis said as she came though the door of the lake house.

"Hey mom, what are you doing home so early?" Kristina asked as Molly came into the living room.

"Oh hey mom."

"Look girls come here a minute I need to talk to you both before Sam gets here."

"What did she do this time?" Molly asked.

"She didn't do anything, why do you automatically think she did something wrong?"

"Because with you she usually has." Kristina answered since Molly looked uncomfortable with the question.

"I'm worried about your sister and there's something I want to do for her but I'm going to need your help."

"Okay what can we do?"

"Well you know Sam and I only found each other a few years ago and there's still a lot that we need to talk about, a lot we need to figure out about our relationship but we never seem to make the time for it."

"So you want us to cut out of here before she gets here?" Molly asked.

"No I want to take Sam somewhere, away from outside interferences where it's just the two of us."

"You mean somewhere she can't run away from."

"Okay Molly, yes you're right."

"How are you going to talk her into that?"

"Well, I have a plan, I'm going to guilt her into it but I need you guys to promise not to say anything to her about this."

"Sure mom, but why now, no offense but it's been four years."

"Because she's in bad shape and I think maybe part of the problem is me, I think that we still have so many unresolved issues between us. I will not lose my daughter, not again and if I have to basically hold her hostage to make her talk to me then so be it. Now I'm not comfortable leaving you guys alone with all that's happened but I have to do this for your sister, I hope you both understand."

"Yeah mom, don't worry about us, we'll be fine."

"I know you will because you'll be staying with Jax and Carly."

"We are old enough to stay by ourselves."

"I'm perfectly aware of how old you both are, I'm also aware of everything that's happened and I can't leave you here alone. I'll feel better if I know you're okay, it'll make it easier for me to concentrate on your sister if I don't have to worry about you guys."

"Talk about guilt! Fine we'll stay, we'll stay. How long will you be gone?"

"I'm not sure, I took a week off from work, but I'll stay as long as it takes. I want Sam to know that I'm as committed to her as I am to you two."

"Wow mom I'm impressed."

"Why Kristina?"

"Well its just you're, well you're so tough on her, you act like nothing she does is good enough for you. She has to work twice as hard as Molly or I do for your approval."

"Now I know I need to work on my relationship with my oldest daughter."

Knock knock. "Hey guys, am I interrupting?" Sam said from the door.

"Never, come on in." Alexis said as fear gripped her heart.

"You're home early, is something wrong?"

"No honey, I just wanted to spend some time with my girls."

"Oh okay, well I can't stay long anyway."

"Sam sweetie, you're one of my girls, I was hoping to spend some time with all my girls, please stay for a little while."

"Yeah Sam, please stay," Molly said, "Maybe we can make some cookies.

"Okay for a little while."

"Good, we don't see you often enough."

"I'm here now mom."

"Molly and I are going to get everything ready to make cookies, we'll call you when we get ready."

"Sam, come over here I want to talk to you about something."

"Alexis, I'm not really in the mood for a mother/daughter powwow if that's alright with you."

"Good because that's not what I had in mind."

"Oh okay what is it then?"

"I need your help with something."

"What can I do for you?"

"Something has come up with one of the Cassadine properties and I have to drive out to check it out and I was hoping you could…"

"Keep an eye on the girls, of course I will, I love spending time with them."

"No Sam that's not it, I was hoping you would go with me."

"I've got a lot going on here, I don't think I can get away for even a few hours, sorry."

"Before you say no, just hear me out, it's a long trip and I hate to drive that far by myself and occasionally I still get a little tired so I was hoping you would help me drive. Surely you wouldn't send your mother off by herself would you? Please?"

"Fine, I'll go."

"Thanks Sam, I'll pick you up in the morning or you know you could spend the rest of the day with us and stay the night."

"That's probably not a good idea."

"Come on Sam, I promise to play nice, I won't ask any personal questions, unless of course you want me to." Sam lowered her head and stared at the floor.

"No, I'm sorry Sam I just haven't had all my girls together lately and Kristina could probably use a distraction."

"Of course she could, why is it always….."

"What Sam, why is it always what?"

"Nothing, I'll stay, anything to help Krissy."

"Okay, let's go make some cookies."

"Go ahead; I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay but hurry, the natives will grow restless."

"Yeah."

CHAPTER 5

"Good morning my loves." Alexis beamed as she saw her three girls huddled together at the table.

"Morning mom." The girls said in unison, as Alexis went around the room kissing them all on the forehead.

"Kristina, Molly can I see you two for a minute?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Are you both packed?"

"Good, Jax will be here to pick you up after we leave. I'll call when I get a chance but unless it's an emergency please wait for me to call you. I love both of you so much, now get over here and give me a hug."

"We love you too mom, now go take care of Sam."

"Sam, are you ready?" Alexis asked as she walked through the door, but Sam was sitting on the couch staring at an invisible spot on the floor and she looked completely lost. Alexis wanted nothing more than to take her daughter in her arms, and make her feel safe and loved. She thought back to the day that she first found out Sam was her daughter and the memory came flooding back. "I want to say the magic words to you right now that's going to make this all better for you, but I don't know what they are. All I can tell you is that I am here, and I'm not going anywhere this time." Shaking herself back to reality Alexis sat quietly on the couch beside Sam who never looked up.

"Hey Sam, are you ready to go?"

"Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts, yeah let's get on the road. See you later girls."

"Love you both," Alexis said and then whispered, "Wish me luck."

"Good luck mom, you're gonna need it." Kristina replied.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate you coming with me means to me."

"Don't mention it, it's not a big deal, you're my mother and you needed help."

"I hope you know that that goes both ways Sam, I'm really glad we have some time to ourselves though…."

"Look Alexis, I'm here, I promised you I would go with you but can we not do this right now?"

"Point taken, I'm just going to say one more thing and then I'll shut up, you look tired, we have several hours ahead of us before we get there so why don't you use this down time to close your eyes and get some rest. I promise I'll wake you up if I get tired and want you to take over."

"I'm not sleepy, and I'm not a two year old that you can tell to take a nap, you missed that chance."

"Ouch! Look Sam I wasn't trying to tell you what to do I was making an observation, a suggestion but you do as you please. As you pointed out you are not two years old, and yes I did miss my chance, thank you for the reminder, not that I needed it but I am still your mother and I will always worry when I see that something is bothering my daughter."

"You're right, I'm sorry let's just forget it, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. And you know what I think maybe I do need some rest, so I'm just gonna close my eyes and you let me know when you want me to take over."

"Whatever you want my dear, sweet dreams."

CHAPTER 6

Dream sequence thanks to ABC and General Hospital

"I'm done Sam. I'm done fighting for you. I am done trying to save you, and the interesting thing is, is that you never asked me to, and it's evident that you don't want me to, so you win. I'm done. You want to spend the rest of your life with Jason, being his plaything, being his appendage, taking orders from him and getting shot at, that is entirely up to you. I'm not going to do anything to stop you because it is clear to me that you have absolutely no self-respect. You have no identity of your own, so being with Jason is really your only option, isn't it? If I were you, I wouldn't go to school, I wouldn't go to college. I wouldn't go to law school. Why don't you just let Jason take care of you for the rest of your life because that way you won't have to think? Wouldn't that be great? Get out! Get out of my house- I don't want you poisoning your sisters' minds with your pathetic, degraded attitude!"

Alexis wasn't sure what her daughter was dreaming about but she was sure it was a nightmare and thought about it waking her up more than once but quickly changed her mind when Sam started mumbling in her sleep. "I'm sorry baby; I really need to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, even if I have to eavesdrop on your nightmares."

"You promised mommy, you promised! You said we'd work through our problems, you said you'd never leave me again! Please don't make me leave, you said this was my home and I was always welcome. I'll try harder, I won't poison my sisters, I promise."

Tears were streaming down Alexis face as she listened to her daughter beg her not make her leave the home that she had bought just so Sam would have a place to call home. Alexis knew exactly what Sam was dreaming of and it was not one of her prouder moments but as she pulled into the driveway she reached over and wiped the tears that had started falling down Sam's face.

"I promise I'm going to make this right, I know I've been making empty promises but that changes right now. Sam, baby, wake up, we're here, come on Sam."

"Why didn't you wake me up so I could take over for you, I'm sure you must be tired."

"No, I'm fine and I'm sorry but you needed the rest, so I choose to let you sleep."

"Thanks, so where are we?"

"Hang on just a minute, I think that's the people I'm suppose to be meeting, here's the key, why don't you go on inside and I'll be in in just a minute, this shouldn't take long."

"Okay, I could really use a minute to freshen up anyways. I didn't know the Cassadines' had this cabin out here in the middle of no where."

"Yeah Nikolas bought it so we could have somewhere to go when we needed a break from life, I haven't been here in ages though. Go on sweetie, I'll be there as soon as I finish up here and I'll give you a tour."

"I'd like that."

Alexis found Sam looking out the picture window in the small dining room, "gorgeous isn't it?"

"Alexis I didn't see you there, the view is breathtaking. Are you finished?"

"Yes, they're gone, listen Sam before we take that tour I promised I've got to confess, I lied."

"Lied, about what?"

"The reason for this trip, I had to have a reason to make you come and I knew if I told you the truth, then well I knew you wouldn't come."

"Alexis what are you talking about?"

"Come over here a minute and sit by mom," she said as she sat on the couch as nervous as she'd ever been in her whole life, "I want to ask you to please listen before you judge, and please try not to get mad."

"Quit rambling and just spit it out."

"I've noticed lately that you've been quite upset and avoiding me, and I have come to realize that I have failed you as a mother in so many ways and so many times, and for that I am truly sorry. The very first day that you came back into my life I promised you that I would never leave you again, I broke that promise time and time again. On the same day I told you we had a lot to talk about and that we would, that never happened either, that one promise I made so many times and each time I or we pushed it aside and the talking never happened. Well today we are going to make time, we are going to have the talk that we should have had four years ago, if we had of then maybe none of the stuff that followed would have happened."

"So let me get this straight, we just drove what five hours just so you could get me alone to tell me that we needed to talk, couldn't you have done that at home?"

"I couldn't get you to sit for five minutes at home, hell I couldn't get you to sit down for a drink."

"I suppose you think we'll fix everything in the five hours it'll take for us to get home."

"No Sam, that's not what I think, we have to much between us, there are so many questions I'm sure you have, I have plenty of my own, there are so many lies and the hurt that we've been pushing aside is going to destroy our relationship completely one day, the pain in your eyes is almost unbearable. I want us to talk through our issues, hell scream if we feel like it, we're in the middle of nowhere, who's going to hear us? I think it's going to take a lot longer than five hours and I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere until I make you believe me when I tell you I love you and nothing you can do will make me leave you! Baby, I'm never leaving you, not ever again!"

"Wait a minute, back up a minute, what did you mean when you said you're not going anywhere until I believe you?"

"Well my love, it's quite simple, this is going to be our home for a while."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"We're going to spend some quality time together, until we figure out how to fix us, think of it as your first vacation with your mother."

"No Alexis no, you cannot control everything, you can't make me talk to you about anything."

"You're right about that Sam, but I can promise you that whenever you get ready to talk, I'll be right here waiting because I'M… NOT.. GOING ..ANYWHERE!"

"Fine I'll go then, can I please have the car keys? No that's okay I know how to hotwire."

Alexis sat back on the couch and crossed her arms waiting for the next explosion, and she didn't have to wait long as Sam slammed through the door.

"Where is the car?"

"Those men I was talking to, they picked the car up and will only return it when I call them, and sorry Sam looks like you're stuck with mom."

"That's okay, I'll call someone to come and get me."

"Good luck with that since I've already talked to everyone you might contact and explained that I was taking you on a mother/daughter outing and they shouldn't expect to hear from you for at least a week, maybe longer. Oh yeah and while you were sleeping I confiscated your cell phone as well as had all the house phones removed."

"And just what am I suppose to wear?"

"I had our clothes sent down this morning, along with having the kitchen stocked just in case you were worried we'd starve next."

"What about the girls, who's watching them?"

"The girls are fine, they are with Jax and Carly but this is not about the girls, this is about you and me. I want you know know that I love you and you have my undivided attention for as long as you may need or want it."

"Well good we can go now because I don't need it and I sure as hell don't want it, so can we go?"

"Nope not happening."

"Where is my room, I'm going to bed."

"Upstairs right beside mine, you can't miss it, there's only two of them. Goodnight Sam, I love you."

CHAPTER 7

Alexis Davis Journal

Well this day has been interesting, she took it better than I thought, maybe deep down she wants this as much as I do. I half expected her to try and walk back to Port Charles, thank God I was wrong.

At least today wasn't a complete waste, even though Sam shut down and stormed to bed, I now know that my daughter has unresolved issues with me, but if I'm being honest I must admit that I have some as well. Until we work through these there's really no hope for us, and losing my daughter is not an option, I can't bear the thought of losing her again. I am her mother and I have loved her her whole life but with us love isn't enough, there are too many things standing in our way for us to have a real mother/daughter relationship and it's my job to fix it. I promised myself that if I ever got a second chance with her then I would be the best mother possible, instead I was so scared of losing her that all I've done is made empty promises and pushed her further away. This is unacceptable and I intend on doing everything in my power to make it right, no matter how long it takes.

I better get a good nights sleep tonight, tomorrow will be our first full day here and I'm sure it's bound to be a doozy.

"What? Who's there?" Something woke Alexis with a start; she looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:35 in the morning. Lying quietly she listened to see if maybe she had been having a dream or hear what had woken her up. There it was again, it sounded like someone crying, and then it hit her it had to be Sam. Jumping out of bed she ran through her daughter's door, but she was not in her bed.

"No please don't, I promise I'll be good, I don't like it in there, it's dark. I didn't mean it, I won't do it again."

Alexis followed the meek voice and saw her daughter curled into a ball in the corner of the room, asleep and trapped in a nightmare. Crossing the room, she dropped to her knees beside the terrified girl.

"Sam, wake up, Samantha listen to me love, let mom help you. You have to wake up baby, I'm right here and I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again I promise you. Come on baby wake up."

Sam's eyes flew opened, darting around the room and then back to Alexis.

"Come on now, let momma help you up."

"Alexis what are you doing, why am I on the floor?"

"You were having a bad dream baby, come on let me help you."

She was visibly shaken and unsteady on her feet so she allowed Alexis to help her back to her bed, even lying down with no protest while her mother pulled the blanket back over her still shaking body.

"Its okay baby, you want to talk about it?"

"No, I don't remember what it was about."

"Okay, it's okay, I want you to close your eyes and go back to sleep. I'm right here and I'm going to sit right here until you're okay." She pushed a strand of hair behind Sam's ear.

"Momma why? Why did you give me away? Why didn't you love me enough to fight for me?"

Tears were streaming down Alexis face as she prepared to answer the single hardest question she'd ever been asked in her life.

"Oh baby….," looking down at her daughter she realized that Sam had already fallen asleep and had asked that while unconscious. "If only we could talk that open while we are awake, maybe my daughter wouldn't be hurting so bad, maybe she would know that I love her."

She couldn't leave her, couldn't tear herself away from her first born, the one she had hurt so badly, so she slid in beside her, put her arms around her daughter and held her as if she were a little girl. There were no other incidents and Alexis asked herself if maybe, just maybe it was because for the first time in her life Sam had had her mother's arms around her as she slept.

"Tomorrow baby, tomorrow I promise I will answer you."

CHAPTER 8

"Mom?" Sam asked as she opened her eyes.