Author's Note: Hello everyone! Thank you for taking the time to click on my story. I hope you'll give it a chance. This is the first time I've written a fan fiction story for Alice in Wonderland, and I'm very excited. This story is evolving as I sit and write to you now, and I hope that once you read it, you'll be as happy to continue as I am. Please take the time to review, even if it's only a few words. I greatly appreciate it, and the more encouragement, the faster the chapters will come!

Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland or any characters within it's books or film. I reserve the right to claim my original characters, which will be revealed throughout the course of the story. Thank you.

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

-Carl Jung

Chapter 1: A Tilted Tea Party

Every time Alice had a dream that she could recall, it was always the same. Her dreams had always occurred in this way, for as long as she could remember, but until recently, instead of a dream of a white rabbit and a smiling cat, it had changed. It had been the same for about six months now, and though she could not remember it every night, she knew it was unchanged. It always began the same, but by the time the dream had started, she felt as exhausted as if she had been there all night, running in the same place.

Upon opening her eyes in the dream, Alice found herself writing a letter, though she could never read what it said. It was in a language she could not understand- a puzzling predicament, and frustrating. She had no idea who the letter was being written to, but she had a sense of panic as she wrote furiously, her normally delicate cursive script became chicken scratch in her impatience. She was seated at a desk in a room with no walls, but beyond the floating windows a lightning storm brewed. Sometimes she would catch a glimpse of a shadow from beyond the window flying across her page, but she could never spy the object in the dark. The lightning, the harsh electricity that turned the black sky a terrible violet, hurt her eyes so horribly, and Alice felt so utterly tired after only seconds into writing her strange letter, the panic building inside her chest painfully like a bubble trying to break her ribs. Whatever the letter said was urgent. Her heart pounded so hard and fast she would fear it would beat right out of her chest-

"Alice dear, we've arrived."

A dull ache reverberated in Alice's tired muscles, and her head throbbed as she opened her eyes and looked around the dark carriage. They had indeed stopped; the sunlight streamed in and it felt as though it would sear the skin right off Alice's hands. She sat up a bit, rubbing the back of her head and looked up at Lord Ascot, who was smiling empathetically. "It's a bit hard to get used to all of these long travels. I confess, I myself still yearn for home, even after all the wonderful places I've been to and seen."

Alice's hands folded in her lap and she felt the edges of her heart wilt. Home. She didn't feel like she was home, nor did she feel like she'd ever been home in any one place yet. Her thoughts of home felt like she was throwing darts at a map on a wall. No matter where the dart seemed to land, she would never be right where she should be. It was just as useless. Alice felt like she would enjoy her home- if she could ever determine where exactly it was located. She could remember what home felt like, when her father was alive. That was a home, with a happy family, her mother and sister. But now, Charles Kingsleigh was gone and Margaret was no longer a Kingsleigh in name. Alice felt no regret for leaving their mother, recalling the conversation they had shared after her disastrous to-be engagement.

Alice sat silently beside her mother in the carriage on the road home. It was tense for Alice, waiting to have to battle against her mother's reprimands, but Helen Kingsleigh could not look more at ease. It was maddening to Alice, waiting for the axe to fall. She would rather have her mother glaring at her in disapproval than this awful silence.

"You can go ahead and let me have it," Alice muttered finally, unable to keep silent a moment longer.

Helen smiled wryly, and Alice felt a small jolt of surprise at the gesture. Her mother looked over at her with cool, amused eyes and said softly, "Well I suppose I've let you suffer long enough. I can't say that I'm surprised at your actions, though I am disappointed."

"I'm not sorry," Alice murmured, keeping her gaze level but respectful.

"I am," Helen said with a slight frown. "That's my favorite dress for you to wear. Look at it! Ruined."

There was a pregnant pause, and Alice and Helen stared at one another, both women looking at the other with a glint of amusement. Helen smirked and a bubble of a laugh finally escaped Alice's lips. Though she was a bit disappointed her dress had become so gnarled in her little cross country walk. It was Alice's favorite dress, too.

"In all regard, there are good things that have come from this," Helen nodded to herself with a pleasantly satisfied smile. "I don't know how long I could much stand Lady Ascot as a relative, though Lord Ascot is better company."

Alice smiled gently. It was good to hear this particular bit of information because she had asked Lord Ascot to check on her mother should Alice be away for too long. Alice knew they could get along well, and often saw the innocent joke pass between them now and again. Even though he had agreed, something plagued Alice still…

"You won't be lonely… will you?" the blonde haired daughter asked, her voice tentative and afraid of the answer. Guilt was weighing on her heart, and she knew that just the wrong- or just the right- answer from her mother would cripple her attempts to go to China.

However, Helen Kingsleigh laughed. Laughed! Alice sat across from her mother, disbelief and shock flittering across her face. She couldn't remember the last time her mother laughed, even just a slight chuckle. Alice remembered that her father often used to tell her that it was her mother's laugh he liked best, because he could forever make her laugh with his sly little jokes and colorful stories.

"You act as though I might turn into a Miss Havirshim, Alice. I may be older and on my own, but I daresay I won't spiral off into a deep depression because my daughters have left home. 'Tis the natural order of things, after all, even if it is quite unnatural in the departure of one of my daughters."

And Alice then really looked at her mother for the first time in several months, and she remembered a very important fact: this was the woman who married Charles Kingsleigh. Strong, brave, independent- a woman who could stand her ground and not give in to any living creature.

No, she would not feel guilty.

The footman opened the carriage door and Lord Ascot helped Alice out. After their six month long business trip to China, Alice's apprenticeship had blossomed into a foothold not only in Shanghai but a foothold into what she truly wanted out of life. She was certain that she could not be bothered with trivial things that didn't make sense to her, such as corsets and stockings, but she was also uncertain about other things, questions still left unanswered. Though after such confounding dreams, her head always felt too terribly crowded to pinpoint exactly what questions she needed to answer.

Lord Ascot and Alice ascended the steps of his grand, grey bricked home at a leisurely pace. Alice grinned to herself, wondering if Lord Ascot was deliberately trying to stall his time before seeing his wife. Alice certainly didn't blame him, and she was only staying for tea! Poor Lord Ascot had to actually live with the dragon…

"Lord Ascot, welcome home," came a cool, elegant voice the moment the door swung open. Alice stayed behind Lord Ascot, and looked away as he greeted his wife after she'd descended the grand staircase. Their home was the same, bland estate that she remembered. Colors of grey, cream, beige, and no life at all seemed to be the staple. Their home smelled of stale tea and dead flowers. Alice imaged that there must be dust and spider webs in certain corners, but none that you would ever be able to find, probably perfectly hidden away-certainly in the part of Lady Ascot's brain where imagination and kindness was supposed to keep.

Lady Ascot continued to feed her husband buttery words of sweetness that made Alice roll her eyes, though she was curious to see if Lady Ascot would even give her a second glance. After all, the last time they had been together was when Alice had embarrassed her son Hamish and Lady Ascot herself in front of half of London's most esteemed socialites.

Alice considered it one of her finest accomplishments.

"There is tea for us all out in the garden," said Lady Ascot, smiling genially at her husband, still coolly averting her eyes from Alice. As far as she was concerned, Alice Kingsleigh was an urchin who wasn't even deserving of the Ascots' table scraps.

Lord Ascot sent Alice an apologetic glance as he followed his wife out into the garden. Alice took a deep breath, then, and followed her business associate. She found a good friend and confidant in Lord Ascot. He held a high respect for her, something that she didn't find in many people (men especially) and he regarded her father with the same reverence as she did: a man of no mere creativity, but of mad, brilliant ingenuity. So, for the Lord and not at all the Lady, Alice followed them into the garden. After all, Alice was only staying for tea, and then she would go to her mother's house in the country for some well deserved rest. Which can't come soon enough, she mused.

The tea table was set up just under one of the wide oak trees. The china was beautifully set, painted with red roses. There were carrot cakes, cucumber sandwiches, and a small salad with turnips. Lord Ascot held out his wife's chair, and their butler did the same for Alice. Once all three were settled, Lady Ascot began pouring tea. There was a pregnant silence; Lord Ascot looked content enough to sit and pretend he was by himself, neither with guest nor wife.

"How is Hamish?" Alice asked, more out of politeness than any interest whatsoever.

Lord Ascot smirked at her bravery.

Lady Ascot's steely blue eyes finally settled on Alice as she served her husband tea with a floating slice of lemon. Her look alone was enough to freeze the warm tea right there on the table. It seemed that she had to force the wrinkles around her mouth to pull into an amiable smile as she replied, "He is doing marvelous. Today, he is calling on Miss Eleanor Randal, who he has been to visit with more than three times in the past two weeks."

Alice was already feeling her eyelids flutter under the temptation of sleep.

"Randal, of the lumber Randals? That is quite a feat, my dear," said Lord Ascot, humoring his wife. "However did you manage the match?"

That was all she needed before she started fluttering away at the "match" made in Heaven, Hamish and Eleanor. Alice couldn't be more happy for them. In all likelihood, they probably deserved each other. As Lord Ascot listened to his wife, nodding his head in agreement, Alice's eyes drifted across the lush green grounds. She could still see the dancing couples from her Venus fly trap of an engagement party, all the cream, beige, and pastel she could possibly stomach at one time. It looked so desolately empty now. But even though it was so empty, it felt as if something more was missing. Something she remembered vaguely, but couldn't exactly put her finger on. That day seemed so foggy to her now, as she tried to think on it. She could remember being so tired, yet so filled with life after she said no to Hamish. And there was that nasty scratch on her arm-

A sudden gust of spring air washed over the entire tea party, and completely turned over the tea table. Lord Ascot jumped to his feet, his wife crying out in dismay as all of her fine china cracked against the earth. Alice sat there for one heart beat, dazed, before suddenly her hat flew off with the wind. She gasped as it was torn from her blonde head, and as the butler, two more servants, and Lord and Lady Ascot hurried to salvage their tea, Alice sprang out of her seat and after her hat. Her powder blue traveling coat whirled in the wind behind her as her hat danced along in front.

How peculiar, Alice thought. Two breezes, working against one another. She found it was puzzling enough that she would have such a silly thought at all, but her dainty bonnet was dancing just out of her reach. It was her favorite hat, for it kept the sun and her hair out of her face, but it made her feel as though she were not one in the same as all the other hatted women she saw. It helped her feel simply Alice. With that encouragement, she pursed her lips and ran faster, the wind bothering the maze bushes and roses that were suspiciously red, though Alice could have sworn they had been white upon her last visit to the estate. The wind slapped her bonnet into the maze wall and Alice grinned triumphantly as she slowed her pace and reached out for it-

WOOSH! Again it flew off, now out of the maze and up along the grassy knoll past the trees.

"Bugger," Alice muttered, fisting her petite hands at her sides before taking off again, now up the hill, through the trees that let the hat dance past them harmlessly before- yes! -the wind carried it up and Alice's favorite hat found itself stuck on a tree limb by the salmon colored ribbon that tied it together. Alice frowned, glancing over her shoulder and back at the grey bricked home of the Ascot's. She must have run a mile, or so it felt like. With a quick deep breath, Alice climbed up on top of one of the gnarled roots of the tree, holding onto one of the lower limbs so she could reach her hat, which floated innocently just out of her way.

"Come on," Alice huffed, swinging her arm back and up again, trying her hardest to stretch herself across the tree to reach it. How absurd I must look, she thought with a little smile. Her other hand gripped the lower tree limb harder, leaning all of her weight on it, raising up onto her toes. With a little nudge of her toes, Alice's hand closed over her hat and a rush of success filled her to the ends of her blonde hair. She grinned, pulling the hat down. "Got you-"

A sickening crack drained all of the little color from Alice's face, and she looked down just in time to see a gaping hole at the base of the tree, which she was perilously leaning over, and the weakling of a tree limb that was barely holding her up. Alice dared not breathe, staring frighteningly at the black hole beneath her. Innocently, a little blue butterfly landed on her shoulder. Alice's eyes looked at the blue butterfly, still not breathing and suddenly the last of the strength of the limb failed and broke. Without any balance or foothold left, Alice found herself tumbling head first into that hole in the earth at the base of the tree, screaming into the darkness.

Had anyone seen where Alice had run off to, had anyone had as much luck to trail her trek up the grassy knoll, the only evidence of Alice Kingsleigh would have been her dainty bonnet hanging just on the edge of that dark hollow, and an allegedly innocent blue butterfly resting on its ribbon.

Chapter 2 coming soon!