So, all the interviews are over and I have posted all the interviews in the main espada meeting room. I also put a camera, courtesy of Orihime, and now I get to sit back, relax and watch as the chaos unfolds. Well, until the Espada's decide to blame all their problems on me and try to kill me, in which case I will run into the hollow infested desert. I would rather take my chances out there than in here...
Results:
Aizen: My Espada's, the interviews have now been posted, but I have decided to make things a bit more organized. We will read one interview at a time so that everyone gets the information they need.
Gin: 'Kay Taisho, which one's first?
Aizen: Grimmjow's.
Twenty minute later...
Nnoitra: Grimmjow, you're straight! You lied to me!
Grimmjow: Well... uhh... I... You were pressuring me!
Aizen: Grimmjow, what did you mean when you said you hope that I will 'drop dead any second now'?
Grimmjow: What do you think it means? I want you dead!
Nnoitra: Aizen, stop interrupting, and Grimmjow you said that you couldn't poop for a week? I don't see how that's true because my ***** barely fit so I made pooping easier for you, not harder!
Grimmjow: It was emotional trauma! Emo-tio-nal!
Aizen: Nnoitra, you stop interrupting me, and Grimmjow how dare you say you would betray me?
Grimmjow: I meant what I said, you betrayed Soul Society without a care so why can't I betray you?
Aizen: You have to be smart to plot a betrayal and clearly you are not!
Nnoitra: Aizen! Shut up I was talking first! If condoms are not transparent little hats for midgets then what are they!
Aizen: You don't know that? Then you really are the stupidest! And Grimmjow, you run an animal shelter and you never told any one? How selfish of you, what if I wanted a pet?
Grimmjow: Then I wouldn't give you one! You would probably just kill it or make it suffer!
Gin: Hey everyone! Calm down, calm down! Let's read Ulquiorra's interview and see what little emo is truly like!
~Silence~
Aizen: Hurry up and read!
Twenty minutes later...
Orihime: Ulquiorra... you love me? But wait, what did you mean when you have none of 'those' organs?
Ulquiorra: I don't love you. And it means that I don't have a *****.
Aizen: Creepy, but Ulquiorra, you want me to give you a hug?
Ulquiorra: It was a slip of the tongue, nothing more!
Aizen: Oh and here I was actually going to give you a hug.
Ulquiorra: Alright! Fine, I do want a hug! I feel so unloved!
Aizen: I lied, I will never hug anyone.
Gin: Aww Taisho you're so mean. Oh and you know satan too? We should all get together sometime.
Ulquiorra: Yes, we should. But Nnoitra, if you step any closer to me I will feel violated.
Nnoitra: Damn right you should feel violated, what did you mean when you said you would run if I was naked in your bed?
Ulquiorra: Don't ask stupid questions, I heard Grimmjow complaining for weeks after his encounter and I didn't want that to happen to me.
Orihime: Ulquiorra! You pervert! I can't believe you have pictures of me in the shower!
Ulquiorra: Well I do and I had no idea you had the word 'Aizen' scarred on your back.
Aizen: That is none of your business Ulquiorra and when you walked in on me and Gin we weren't having sex! We were just whispering very closely together.
Grimmjow: Yeah, with your hands on each other's chests.
Gin: I wanted to see if Aizen had a nipple.
Grimmjow: Well, does he?
Gin: Yeah, a very small one.
Yammy: Ulquiorra! I. Am Not. Stupid!
Aizen: Yammy, you are stupid now stop yelling and Ulquiorra, you compared me to Tobi? The insane bipolar retard!
Ulquiorra: Yes, he seemed just like you because I think your age is almost the same.
Aizen: Aww, Ulquiorra how sweet, but I'm not that young. Oh and I almost forgot, you would have what in your dream house?
Ulquiorra: Naked statues of you.
Aizen: I see, Ulquiorra, I now forbid you from being anywhere within 50 feet of me.
Ulquiorra: What? No, Aizen-sama, why!
Aizen: I already have Gin to deal with, I don't need more trouble.
Gin: Ooo the next one is Nnoitra's interview!
Twenty minutes later...
Gin: Nnoitra... you know I don't feel that way about you right?
Nnoitra: But Gin why! We are perfect for each other, we're both tall, smile creepily, and we're awesome!
Grimmjow: Your obsession with Gin is creepy but tell me... WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT KITTEN!
Nnoitra: People like kittens; I was going to use it to attract people that I could then rape.
Gin: That's just disgusting, but you were lying on my bed naked? And Aizen came in? Why did no one tell me!
Aizen: I didn't tell you because I knew you would be jealous and Nnoitra, you would dare betray me if you could have Gin?
Nnoitra: Yes! I would do anything for Gin!
Yammy: Even call me stupid!
Nnoitra: I... don't see what that has to do with anything, but yes.
Szayel: Yammy, stop yelling and Nnoitra, I told you that the thermometer thing was for an experiment, I was not being gay!
Nnoitra: It doesn't matter, it looked gay! Wait, I wasn't able to finish reading the interview.
Five minutes later...
Nnoitra: Aizen and Gin are getting married! *Faints*
Gin: Aizen, you finally want to marry me, this is a dream come true!
Aizen: No Gin, we are not getting married and I can't believe that you guys watch Family Guy on my TV! Oh, and someone should make sure Nnoitra isn't dead.
Szayel: No he's fine. He'll be conscious again in a few minutes.
Gin: We might as well begin reading Szayel's interview.
Twenty minutes later...
Aizen: Szayel, you want to experiment on my brain?
Szayel: Yes, what scientist wouldn't?
Tosen: Wait... Szayel, if you were gay you would be with me?
Szayel: IF, IF, but I'm not gay so you can forget it.
Tosen: I'm not ga-
Nnoitra: -You would experiment on me while I'm naked?
Szayel: Yes, why bother clothe you if I'm doing a full body examination?
Nnoitra: Are you sure you're not gay?
Szayel: Yes! Why does everyone keep calling me gay!
Gin: It's because your favourite colour is pink and Nnoitra... you have a plushie of me... that you rape?
Nnoitra: Yes, you want to see it?
Gin: No... I would rather read Aaroniero's Interview...
Twenty minutes later...
Aizen: Aaroniero, I understand your logic, but I don't want Ichigo because I. Am. Not. Gay! Honestly, why does everyone keep thinking that me and Gin are having sex in the throne room?
Aaroniero: The noises don't lie Aizen... they don't lie...
Grimmjow: Hey! I'm not the stupidest espada! Yammy is!
Yammy: Clearly you are now shut up, I think Mr. Smokey-pants wants to say something.
Ulquiorra: Why do you all notice that I smoke? It's not that big of a deal...
Aaroniero: No other espada smokes, that's why and it is a big deal, you're going to need new lungs!
Grimmjow: Everyone shut the hell up, I want to read Stark's interview!
Twenty minutes later...
Orihime: Do you see how I was treated? Everyone is so mean to me!
Aizen: Shut up you stupid bitch, people have more important things to do but whine. By saying that Ulquiorra was not quiet in the bedroom I didn't mean what you all thought... perverts. Oh and Stark... why did you mouth 'no' when I said that I was going to protect you?
Stark: It... was a joke?
Aizen: A joke? I suppose the fact that my name means 'pacifier' is also a joke!
Stark: No, that was all real Sosuke.
Grimmjow: Yammy is dumber than me!
Yammy: No I'm not!
Gin: Will you two idiots cut it out? Other people want to say things too, Stark, you have a split personality?
Stark: Yes, that is why some of the answers were strange.
Aizen: So one of your 'sides' wants to 'leave in a heartbeat'?
Stark: Yes... but I want to stay!
Aizen: I'm going to keep my eyes on you... but now let's read my perfectly perfect interview.
Twenty shocking not perfectly perfect minutes later...
Szayel: Aizen! We Espada's are not idiots!
Aizen: I know, I was talking about Grimmjow not all of you.
Ulquiorra: Yes, Grimmjow is very stupid... he tried to pee on Aizen's bed?
Grimmjow: Yes! It seemed appropriate and I just love Aizen's nickname... the Gay Barney of Soul Society! Hahaha.
Aizen: Grimmjow, shut up I am not gay!
Tosen: I believe you Aizen... but you... you don't *sniffle* like me?
Aizen: Tosen, don't overreact, but you should have known.
Nnoitra: Poor Tosen... but Aizen... you read romance novels?
Aizen: Yes, now will people just get over that?
Grimmjow: Gay Barney! You would kill a kitten! And it was your fault that I lost me ball!
Aizen: If you can't deal with killing kittens then you are too weak and how was I supposed to know that Szayel would be 'examining' you when I came in?
Yammy: Aizen is right and I am not the stupidest! So in your face!
Grimmjow: Shut up Yammy, and Gay Barney I can't believe that you look in a mirror and mutter 'I'm so sexy' because you're not!
Aizen: Stop calling me that and I am sexy, just not in such an open way...
Ulquiorra: Aizen-sama... I thought you said that you didn't like Tobi...
Aizen: I don't, I hate Tobi... but I love Madara, and don't think this is gay!
Tosen: Tobi and Madara are the same person... and Gin, you want me dead?
Gin: Yes, I don't like coffee. (As if that explains something)
Aizen: Tobi and Madara are the same person? I don't believe it!
Nnoitra: Really? Because everyone found out soooo long ago and I had no idea you had commitment issues just like me.
Aizen: I don't! All of you be quiet so we can read Gin's interview.
Twenty minutes later...
Aizen: Nnoitra, you and Orihime had a cat fight?
Nnoitra: Yes, she can scratch a lot!
Grimmjow: Aizen, I had no idea you secretly liked cute things, are you sure you're not actually Mr. Gay in disguise?
Aizen: No! I am not gay and you like cute things too!
Nnoitra: Gin you kissed that little boy but you won't even accept me, a grown very sexually frustrated man!
Gin: Yes... but me and Toshiro had a bet... that's why.
Tosen: Now I will bring justice! Gin I am off to get some eye eating leeches!
~Silence~
Aizen: Me and Gin do not grope each other!
~More silence~
Aizen: And this is not a gay brothel!
~Even more silence~
Aizen: Well since it is so silent I can officially announce that from now on every Espada will pray to me, read from the Aizen bible, and bow and kiss my feet when they see me.
Everyone: Too busy to say anything because they are groaning.
Ulquiorra: Gin, I just realized that my dream house seems a lot like your dream house.
Gin: That's because we both want Aizen! You are my competition!
Aizen: Neither of you are competing because I am not gay and Gin... you dream about... ass raping me?
Gin: Well... I em... ugh... Yes.
~Silence~
Ulquiorra: Wait a second; these will all be published in Soul Society?
Aizen: Uh-oh.
Ulquiorra: We might as well read Tosen's interview now...
Twenty boring minutes later...
Aizen: Szayel, Soul Society is not a 'just' place!
Nnoitra: Why does everyone assume that I will rape them?
Aizen: Because you will and on that question why does everyone think that I, a very respectable straight man, will rape them or do something dirty?
Nnoitra: Because you will and why don't you like me?
Aizen: Don't copy my words and I don't like you because you are gay!
Nnoitra: *Gasp*
Grimmjow: Damn it! I am not the stupidest!
Gin: Oh, so it was Tosen's idea to make everything white?
Tosen: I'm back with those leeches!
~Silence~
Aizen: I do not have a thing for little boys!
And so ends the Espada Interviews... It was very fun to write, but I can't wait to begin writing my next story! Thank you all for reading. Any thoughts?