Author: Cha-Cha

Disclaimer: I do not own this show, so please do not sure.

A/N: Just a little Buck focus, starting angsty but getting better by the end! I always believed there was more to Buck than the fun loving man shown in the series, so this is my tribute to that idea.

'How are they?' Buck sounded defeated. He didn't even look up from where he was intently studying the ground, his hat in his lap as he sat a fair distance from the campfire where Nathan, Vin, Ezra, Josiah and JD sat, nursing injuries they had sustained earlier in the day. He knew even without looking up who had left the camp fire.

'Doin' okay. Few cuts and bruises.' Chris shrugged and sat down next to a man he had known longer than anyone else. Pulling out a cheroot he lit it and began to smoke, not saying another word.

'I never wanted them to know.' Buck still did not look up, but instead just closed his eyes, as though trying to keep out the world.

'I know pard. They knew though.' Chris agreed, his voice kept low as he did not waste his words. The last sentence though caused Buck to finally look up.

'They couldn't,' He shook his head as though that would drive the words away. 'I've never shown that side.'

'We can all kill, we've all seen each other kill, even JD' Chris began but was interrupted.

'Like the way I did today? I slaughtered them. They took my friends, my family, and I tracked them down. I lured them out and killed them, one looked to be about JDs age, his real age not the one he keeps telling us. I never showed them a fair fight, I just took them out like they were animals to be killed. I shot them in the back. I ain't never regretted taking a life, and I still don't...but,' Buck paused, not sure how to finish his sentence.

'You never wanted them to see the more ruthless side of you. You keep them all seeing the fun lovin' Buck, 'cos you never want them to know how similar we are.'

'You got it pard.' Buck snorted, shaking his head again. It was no secret between them that Chris was ruthless when needed. He had a heart and could show compassion, even after what had happened to Sarah and Adam. However, being able to kill without ever seeming to have a conscience or regret when it wasn't a fair fight was a side of him almost everyone knew. These qualities in Buck though was something new.

'They've always known, even JD. They know you ride with me, they know we were both soldiers, we can't be angels.'

'We've only ever shown them our sides in defending the town, I ain't never lost control like that for a long time Chris, not since...'

'I know, the war. I remember.'

'I almost...when you were taken. I lost my temper then. I hoped they thought I was actin'.' Buck referred back to the time Chris had been kidnapped and put in prison for crimes he had not committed in the hopes of extorting money from his family.

'Hell Buck, how stupid do ya think we are?' JD's voice interrupted the conversation, startling both men as they had been so engrossed in their conversation.' Course we knew there was more to ya than all that animal maggot-ism,' he purposely mangled the word, eliciting the first smile out of the other man.

'Think I wouldda been more surprised if you hadn't lost your temper.' Vin added, coming up behind the youngest of the seven. Chris and Buck looked up to see they had been joined by all of the other men.

'I saw what men had to do in the war, hell, some of the things I had to do weren't right. No one can go through that and be the same.' Nathan put in his thoughts, remembering all too clearly that time of pain and suffering that tore the country apart.

'Not least to forget Mr Whilmington, for a person to survive with a man of Mr Larabees reputation, I would be surprised if they did not possess a ruthlessness for survival.' Ezra finished.

'But we are family son. All different just as God planned us to be, and we take care of each other, no matter what.' Josiah put to words what they were all thinking.

'I never wanted you to know; it's one thing to have an idea I can do that, but another to see it.' Buck added, still not happy at the situation.

'I think we've figured that Buck, but it was going to happen at some time. You can't say it was never going to happen, and it's not as though you did it for some stupid reason. You saved all our lives today. They would have killed us if you hadn't come.' JD rambled, the wisdom of the man they six knew was developing under the youthfulness of his personality.

'JD, there's protecting your family and then there's slaughtering men.' Buck started his protest.

'Not for men like us,' Chris disagreed. Buck sighed but nodded in agreement, accepting the simple statement for the truth.

'Doesn't mean you ain't a good man,' Nathan added.

'And it does not change how we see you.' Ezra sniffed as though the point should have been obvious.

'Thanks, it means a lot.' Buck gradually began to smile. Being morose and downhearted for long was not in his style, nor dwelling on the bad side of things.

'You ain't gonna start crying are you?' Chris frowned, and to someone who had known him a long time, Buck recognised it as a joke.

'Well now pard,I'll think I'll skip that and just go for a,' Buck paused and gave a sudden fall forward in an attempt to grab Chris, 'A Buck Hug.' Chris had realised what was about to happen and tried to move, stumbling slightly as he got to his feet, his cheroot dropping to the ground.

Buck missed him by a millimetre, but doggedly followed, also stumbling up and giving chase, much to the surprise of the other men, who had never seen Larabee anything other than composed. Completely unlike the laughing man who was trying to evade his friend, a man who had stuck by him through everything.

No one could be sure if he let it happen, or if Buck was just nimbler, but Chris was caught as the two men fell to the ground, laughter coming from both of them as Buck hugged the stuffing out of the normally sombre man.

'Breathing, need air, bones breaking!' Larabee choked out in-between laughs.

After a few minutes, Buck let go, and pushed himself off the ground and helping his friend up. Both of them had lost their hats somewhere around, but neither were looking for them.

'So, who's next?' Buck asked, his grin seemed to get bigger, while Chris seemed to have problems stopping his laughter.

'A true gentleman does not-' Ezra's words were cut off as he hit the dirt with Bucks arms around him. After much coughing, spluttering and protests, even he began to laugh. The race was then on as Buck began the chase to try and hug all the men there. The laughter rang out over the hills as the earlier fears and scares of the kidnapping, and dark mood seemed to be lifted and forgotten for the moment.

Buck knew he had a ruthless side, they all knew it, but it was this side, the fun loving man with a thirst for life, that was the side of himself Buck preferred to show and feel. He just hoped it would be those qualities they needed the most, and not the darker side of him, but whatever happened, he had his family standing by him.

The End