Summary: Eric writes Sookie a list of things he wants to with her. 2/2
Rating: T for language and suggestion
Author: wicked18writer
Spoilers: There are some references made to books but if you just watch the show you'll get it.
A/N: Every Time I Think I'm OUT the plot bunnies, pull me back in.
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Begin each number with the sentence "With you, I want to":
36 Do a nude photo shoot together and use the pictures as wallpaper for our bedroom in my most frequently used home…
37 Dress up as a matching couple, where you are a Swedish ale maiden and I am your Swedish Alehouse boss complete with lederhosen, shorts, and suspenders, THEN we will host a surprise costume party at Fangtasia and force employees & patrons to don the costumes we assign them as they arrive….
38 …we will force Pam & Chow/Clancy to dress as Fred & Willma Flintstone complete with dirty bare feet…
39 …we will force the rest of the vampire staff to dress as vampires in regular clothes with different type of animal ears on their heads and 'Hello my name is' stickers on their chest telling others what type of animal they are supposed to be…
40 …we will force Compton to attend and dress as 'The Count' from 'Sesame Street' and I will order him to do the voice (all night) AND stay in character, by which I mean he will be in the back, away from the costumers sight, in costume (complete with oversized fabric headpiece), alone, doing inventory…
41…we will force Ginger & the other waitresses to dress as sexy mental patients, complete with embarrassingly open backside hospital gowns, slippers, and IV drip's of (fake) vampire blood…
42…we will force the Fangbangers to dress as food products such as, giant fruit, cherrie pie, gingerbread, tubes of condiments, M&M's, & liquor bottles…
43…we will force the tourists to dress as foolish nursery rhyme characters such as Red Riding Hood, Hansel & Gretel, Little Bo Peep, Humpty Dumpty, Goldilocks, and excreta….
44 Buy a big trampoline for your backyard for you to enjoy bouncing on in the sun and for us to enjoy having sex on in the moonlight
45 Track down every cast member of the MTV reality show 'Jersey Shore' and turn them into vampires and then have them blacklisted in the tanning community and buy all companies that sell self-tanning lotions and not allow them to be bought by said cast and force them to wait on you hand and foot after you've spent the day sunbathing
46 Take classes at a community college on glass blowing & pottery, where we will intentionally create hideous misshapen useless products that you will give to Pam, whom I will have ordered to act like she likes and appreciates any gifts she receives from you and then I will force her to put them on display proudly at her favorite home, for fear of hurting your feelings
47 Buy and use the 'ShamWow!' to see if it is as amazing as its info-commercial claims it to be, and if it is not we shall exact our revenge from its huckster salesman Vince Shlomi
48 Kidnap Joss Wheadon and force him to write a full season's worth of scripts for his brilliantly canceled show, 'Firefly', then kidnap all the actors and force them to act it out for us
49 Engage in a water gun fight with your brother, boss, neighbor, and all townsfolk who have insulted or degraded you in the past, I would provide them with their neon colored weapons of H20, but we would secretly be armed with neon colored weapons of horse urine
50 Host the most awesome Easter Egg Hunt of all time at your house, inviting your friends and brother to come and search for the ostrich eggs I will have hidden and you will have decorated
51 When Pam starts quoting Dear Abby, refer to her as Tobais Fünke and tell her to stop being such a analrapist, pronounced ah-NAL-rah-pist
52 When Sam shows up after having shifted, refer to him as the Bizzaro Tobais Fünke and accuse him of being a 'never-not-nude'
53 Steal the famous 11feet tall, bronze Charging Bull (a.k.a. Wall Street Bull) sculpture from Bowling Green park in NYC and place it on the roof of your boss's home (a.k.a. trailer, a.k.a. tin can, a.k.a. metal coffin)
54 Try to build a real working version of the robot Wall*E as seen in my new favorite film Wall*E, after we finish with him then we can start on making M-O the cutest obsessive compulsive maintenance robot ever
55 Go to Compton's house when he is out and fill his resting place up with fluffy, puffy, plushy, unicorn stuffed animals, of all different colors and sizes, and in crayon write on his front door, "Everybody Knows Unicorns Throw Up Rainbows"
56 Go to the circus, collect some elephant poop, squish the poop into ice cube trays, freeze the poop, take out the poop cubes and dip them in chocolate, then freeze the poop chocolate cubes, take out the cubes and dip them in caramel, then role them in nuts, let them dry, then dip them in chocolate again, then put the poop chocolate caramel nut cubes in the freezer again, take out when not fully hard and stamp the letter P! on them, then freeze them, then when hard put them in heart shaped candy box in those little paper holders, then when we are sitting at Fangtasia and the fangbangers are thinking mean things at you I will have a waitress bring said 'banger the box of choco-caramel-nut P! cubes and say they are from me, I will wink or wave when the fangbanger looks to me for confirmation of chocolate-y gift, then the evil fangbanger will be eat the elephant poop
57 Go up to 'the Rock' Dwyane Johnson and ask him "Can you smell what the Viking is cooking?"
58 Go see the Broadway musical, 'Wicked', which I hear is spectacular
59 Track down that Swedish guy in the Lady Gaga 'Paparazzi' music video and sue him for copy write infringement for using my likeness in an unauthorized property, then perhaps offer him the chance to have a threesome with us, as he was after all very good looking, even when he was dead
60 Have sex, every which way, every night, everywhere we can
Dear Eric,
After having read your list in two parts I have come to the conclusion that you are high and as I do not associate with people who abuse illegal substances or narcotics I must request you refrain from contacting me again until you sober up or detox or dry out or whatever it is you need to do to regain your sanity.
Sincerely, Sookie Stackhouse
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A/N: REVIEW ME PLEASE! Also I'm almost done with 61 Things I Wanna Do With You which is from PAM to SOOKIE! I love me some Pam.
Also AUTHOR'S NOTE, I really let my pop culture reference freak flag fly in this fic so I thought I'd explain some of my more specific pop culture references just so we're all on the same page: (explanation compliments of wikipedia) If you still don't get a reference just ask when you REVIEW me and I'll enlighten you.
# 51 Is a reference to the best canceled show on Fox, "Arrested Development", one character was licensed as both an analyst and a therapist, supposedly making him the first licensed "analrapist"
#52 also refernces "Arrested Development" where Tobias suffers from "never-nude" syndrome (which, as the narrator states, is "exactly what it sounds like")
#56 I apologize for this one, I have no idea where it came from and NO I did not ever do this to any one, nor do I recommend anyone trying this because I'm pretty sure that poo is toxic or something.
(For links eliminate spaces) (I hope they work)
#41 link to see Bill's costume : costumecraze. com/SSME32. html or .
#55 link to shirt of inspiration /i_puke_rainbows_tshirt-235527447611034355 or .com/unicorn+puke+gifts