Note: At long last I got struck by the desire to write something FUNNY! It's not as funny as the previous chapter, but I hope somebody has a bit of a giggle at it!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
A Good Impression 2
It seemed to Nymphadora Tonks that her life revolved around making poor impressions because she was seemingly incapable of good ones, and she wondered that if she had realized this earlier she might have given better thought to her choice of party dress and hairstyle, which were both uncharacteristically and indeed optimistically elegant.
If she had been aware of this fact perhaps, the week previously when she had first received the elaborately written invitation to her parents' wedding anniversary party, with enclosed note from her mother suggesting non too delicately that she make an effort for Merlin's sake and bring someone nice who won't burp during the speeches or pass out on the sofa, she might not have bothered taking an unreasonably long time making a mental list of her past achievements with which to dazzle distant friends and relatives with. Because really, what was the point?
And perhaps, if she really had been aware of the pointlessness of attempting to make good impressions, she might not have gotten so terribly defensive and determined to prove to her parents that she was in actual fact capable of behaving like the unnaturally perfect and shining example of the human race that her mother seemingly longed for her to be. Because really she shouldn't have cared what people thought if she was entirely happy within herself.
She might not have spent the past two weeks feeling unnaturally awkward around a certain man to whom she had inadvertently flashed her underwear, either, because something of the sort had probably been destined to happen and if she was to make it through life with a smile or two she was just going to have to take such mortifying incidents in her stride.
The most important thing that she may have realized, had she been aware of the futile nature of good impressions, was that it was probably wholly unnecessary and pointless for her to be putting herself through the mental torture and awkwardness that was about to occur...
Indeed, as she stood at the bottom of the dim, narrow staircase, staring at the closed door before her, Tonks was beginning to wonder how on earth she had come to be standing there in the first place.
Of course, it had started with the letter from her mother. The morning it had arrived, she had spent a good half an hour perched upon the edge of Kingsley Shacklebolt's desk in the Auror Department, ranting and raving to her long-suffering colleague about the letter's numerous inaccuracies.
"What does she mean make an effort?" she'd exclaimed at least three times as Kingsley reaching to rub a weary hand across his eyes, quill pen tapping somewhat irritably against the papers in front of him. "Of course I'd make a bloody effort! It's like...like she thinks I'm going to turn up in...in jeans and some t shirt I found at the bottom of the laundry basket that hasn't been washed in a month!"
"Well...there was that time the other year...when it was your father's birthday..."
"THAT WAS DIFFERENT! I'd been running around doing Mad-Eye's insane training exercise ALL DAY! I only popped in to give Dad his present! Anyway, Mum's being utterly ridiculous! Bring someone nice? Thanks, Mum! I really needed that reminder because I was thinking of bringing somebody awful..."
"Well I can't go with you, I'm working."
At this announcement, Tonks had felt utterly panicked at the utter ruin of her Master Plan.
Oh Merlin, she'd thought, glad that Kingsley was busy examining his papers to spot the pathetically horrified look upon her face. If Kingsley can't come...! I'm screwed!
But of course she had absolutely no intention of admitting her horror. Instead, she had plastered an affronted look upon her face and exclaimed:
"Whoever said I was going to ask you?"
Kingsley had given an infuriatingly confident shrug, leading her to snap:
"You're not the only decent bloke that I could ask, you know! In fact I know plenty others...you weren't even going to be my first choice!"
"No? What number was I, then? You're not going to ask Dawlish, are you? Christina over in MLE reckons he's been wearing the same set of robes for over a week, there's a grass stain on his elbow that hasn't disappeared..."
"Oh shut up! Obviously you weren't any number at all because you're such a SMUG GIT! I'd not invite you for all the gold in Gringott's! I've got somebody far less irritating in mind!"
"Poor man." Kingsley had murmured, one eyebrow twitching upwards as he calmly reached for his coffee mug, and Tonks had been forced to grit her teeth against retorting before promptly making a stomping retreat to her own desk.
It had taken Tonks just a few short minutes to admit to herself that in reality she had absolutely no idea who she could possibly ask to attend the party with her. It had then taken her several days of relentless thought to conclude that, out of all the people that she was acquainted with, there was in actual fact only one man who repeatedly sprung to mind as a sensible choice.
It was definitely sensible.
On paper.
As she stared in dismay at the door handle before her, Tonks had to admit that in reality, off paper, sensible definitely wasn't the right word...
But then again she didn't have a choice. She couldn't possibly turn up on her own, that would be...that would be...well...pathetic.
It was going to be alright, she assured herself as she drew in a deep, calming breath. All she had to do was march straight into the kitchen, lean in a suitably casual manner against one of the counter tops and, once he had offered her a greeting, hated name and all, say: Wotcher, Remus, my parents are throwing a party for their anniversary, d'you fancy coming with me? There's going to be cake!
Simple.
She reached to push the door open. Upon shuffling in a disappointingly awkward and nervous fashion across the threshold, Tonks discovered that things were not going to be simple in the slightest.
"I was wondering if you were going to show up today!" Sirius announced cheerily from his position sat leaning back upon a kitchen chair, hie feet propped up upon the table before him as he positively grinned at the newcomer.
Tonks offered him a slightly startled smile in return. She hadn't been expecting to see him, though she supposed there really wasn't any chance of evading him at all in this house, it being his home after all. Desperation was an impressive thing, for she had been so desperate to find Remus alone in the kitchen that she had entirely forgotten about her cousin.
"Well...I thought I'd pop in for a bit." she said, daring a glance down to the other end of the table to spot Remus engrossed in composing a letter of some sort, a small frown of concentration creasing his brow as he wrote. "Wotcher, Remus." she mumbled, because it was easier to talk to the top of his head, as he bent low and squinted at the parchment in the kitchen's dim light, than waiting for him to look up at her, brown eyes so reassuringly friendly and unassuming that she would instantly struggle to find her voice. It was the quiet ones you had to watch out for, the ones who were difficult to read.
Because they were the ones who left highly embarrassing and entirely unexpected notes upon your door, the contents of which make you blush at the mere memory...
Indeed, she could feel her cheeks warming on the spot.
Remus' gaze darted up from his letter and he paused mid-sentence to offer her a small twitch of a smile before returning to staring at the parchment.
"Evening, Nymphadora." he murmured as he began to scratch words upon a new line.
He had never looked at her for more than a moment since the note had appeared upon her door some two weeks previously, and though he had yet to apologize for his cheek, Tonks wondered if he had awoken the morning after and regretted his amusement at her suspense and consequently struggled to speak to her...
But then again she often caught him staring at her when he thought she wasn't looking and as soon as she turned to stare back at him he would look away again, pursing his lips firmly together and shifting his feet. This led her to also suspect that he may not regret his little joke in the slightest, indeed he was still finding it funny a fortnight later...
Git, Tonks thought furiously as she reached to pull out and chair and dropped down to sit at Sirius' side.
And this was the man she planned on asking to her parents' party! It was laughable, really...and yet...
He was perfect.
The young Auror cleared her throat determinedly and asked:
"So...what are you two up to this evening?"
Sirius puffed his cheeks, leaning back so far in his seat that Tonks was pretty sure he was about to topple backwards and crack his head upon the flagstone floor.
"I was about to ask Moony the same thing!" he announced, suddenly leaning forwards abruptly, front chair legs banging against the floor as he clapped his hands together rather loudly, as if summoning a waiter at a restaurant. "Oi!" he called across the room to his quiet companion. "Moony! What d'you reckon we should do this evening? I was thinking we should pillage the old record collection from Regulus' old room and after that...drunken chess! What d'you say?"
To Tonks' surprise, or perhaps more worryingly not entirely, Remus finally looked up and offered Sirius a raised eyebrow.
"If you like." he consented as he reached to screw the lid back upon a bottle of ink, and as he set about folding his completed letter neatly in half, Tonks heard him mumble: "Merlin help me."
"Actually..." the witch began rather hurriedly, before she could think better of it, because she would do given half a second more to think. "I was hoping...I was hoping that...maybe...well..."
"Spit it out, Tonks!" Sirius demanded, voice loud enough that she couldn't help but think he was halfway to being drunk already. "It's alright, if you want to join us you only have to say, we don't bite for Merlin's sake! Well...I don't, anyway..."
"Shut up Sirius." Remus instructed automatically as he rose to his feet, and Tonks found herself leaping to her feet too, narrowly avoiding upturning her chair.
Sod it...what had she done that for? It probably looked like somebody had shoved a wet-start firework up her...
"No, I don't want to join you!" she announced hurriedly, causing a deep frown to crease Sirius' brow.
Well that wasn't bloody rude at all, was it?
"I...I mean...that would be lovely and everything, but it's my parents' wedding anniversary! They're having a party."
"Really?" Sirius' face lit up in far more genuine manner than alcohol could ever simulate. "How many years, now?"
"Um...lots." Tonks muttered, mentally scolding herself for being such a sad excuse for a daughter that she wasn't even vaguely sure. "Anyway I um...I was just wondering if..." she paused to swallow the nerves and embarrassment that was threatening to overcome her, turning to face Remus who was busy slotting the letter carefully into an envelope.
Looking at him really didn't help.
Deep breath, Tonks. Come on, out with it...
I was just wondering if Remus would come with me to the party...
I was just wondering if Remus would come with me to the party...
Say it, then!
She sucked in another deep breath and announced:
"I-was-just-wondering-if-Remus-would-come-with-me-to-the-party!"
Bollocks.
As Sirius failed to stifle a snigger at her crazed babbling, Remus looked up from the letter to offer her an unnervingly polite, questioning look.
He was looking at her. Right at her...oh bloody hell, what must he be thinking?
"Pardon?" he said after a sizable pause when she failed to repeat herself, and Tonks managed to gawp at him blankly, feeling increasingly agitated.
"Um...I...I said..."
I was just wondering if you would come to my parents' party with me because I'm a sad dateless wonder and I'm desperate enough to resort to asking you to accompany me, even though you're a mere acquaintance who it just so happens I can barely speak to because you've seen my knickers...
"Come with me?" she managed to squeak, flinching at how high her voice sounded.
"Sorry...?" Remus said, frowning deeply, and Tonks couldn't help but feel that it was cruel to make her repeat herself...
It was then that she was abruptly reminded that Sirius was still in the room.
"Are you asking MOONY to be your DATE FOR THE EVENING?"
Oh bloody hell...
Tonks hurriedly turned away from Remus' increasingly confused expression to offer Sirius a deathly glare.
"NO!" she shrieked, hands balling into panicked fists as she felt her cheeks flush the most undignified of pinks. "I mean...yes! But..."
"YOU and REMUS? As in...?" the Azkaban escapee waggled his eyebrows suggestively with the most infuriating of smirks, and Tonks waited for Remus to utter the immortal words: Shut Up, Padfoot...
But the Order of the Phoenix's resident werewolf remained silent.
Git, the Auror thought miserably as she struggled to compose herself.
"Well obviously I didn't mean it like that!" she snapped, pausing to bite her lip a little as she wondered whether or not that sounded offensive. She hurriedly turned to offer Remus what she hoped was an enthusiastic, yet what was obviously just an alarming smile. "I meant as friends!" she explained, a note of triumph in her voice that she had finally manage to spit it out. "I was wondering, Remus, if you would come to my parents' party with me as a friend."
To her fury, Sirius doubled over in laughter, reaching to slap a hand down upon the scrubbed wooden table.
"That's bloody priceless!" he cackled, eyes crinkled in hysterics.
Remus cleared his throat rather loudly, reaching to scratch the back of his neck as he contemplated his worn leather shoes thoughtfully.
"I'm...rather busy..." he mumbled apologetically, and Tonks instantly wished that the floor would open up and swallow her.
"Busy getting pissed and playing chess?" she said, failing not to sound as pathetically dismayed as she felt, and he shifted his feet a little as he finally looked up, casting one revolted glance over her shoulder at his sniggering best friend before offering her a slightly shifty smile.
"That's right." he agreed as Sirius resorted to burying his face in his arms to smother his laughter. Nodding in the black haired wizard's direction, the werewolf added in an undertone: "Somebody's got to humour him, after all."
Sirius' head immediately snapped back upwards and he snapped:
"Don't be such a patronizing bastard!"
"I'm sorry." Remus said, to Tonks rather than Sirius, and the latter's face contorted in irritation as Tonks struggled to think of some form of reasonable argument to change Remus' mind.
Think, think, think...
Something...anything...like...
…
…
...
"I'll wear the pretty blue knickers!"
What?
Oh Merlin, had she actually just said that aloud? Had she actually just attempted to persuade Remus Lupin to attend a party with her by promising to wear a specific pair of knickers?
Surely not!
Sirius leaned forward in his chair in an attempt to fix her with dark eyes as wide as a couple of snitches.
"What did you just say?" he cried, and Tonks felt a mortifying sinking feeling in her chest because clearly, that was exactly what she had just done...
Remus' expression remained it's infuriating and worryingly neutral self as his lips curved into a mildly polite smile.
"As exceedingly a tempting offer as that is, Nymphadora," he said, voice the model of politeness, as Sirius fidgeting impatiently in his seat, gaze darting frantically between the two in an attempt to work out exactly what was going on, "I'm afraid I shall have to decline..."
"Offer not to wear any knickers at all, that might do the trick!"
"Shut up, Padfoot. Besides, I'm sure there are plenty of other people who would love to go instead. You could ask...Kingsley, perhaps?"
Tonks wanted to tell him that she'd rather bludgeon herself to death with a splinter infested beater's bat, but instead forced herself to smile as best she could.
"Mm..." she managed, and Remus offered her one last smile before asking Sirius:
"Are you going to fetch the poison then?"
Sirius blinked.
"Eh?"
"The Fire Whiskey...or whatever else it is you have stashed away in that cupboard that you haven't already guzzled."
"Oh...right..."
Tonks watched somewhat numbly as her cousin got to his feet and swaggered along down the table, glancing over his shoulder curiously at them before disappearing inside the walk-in cupboard at the end of the room. The Auror inwardly flinched at the thought of how quickly he might put two and two together and make five...
He might not do. He might not think...
Don't be thick, this is Sirius bloody Black for Merlin's sake...
Quite frankly he was capable of thinking pretty much anything...
Movement to the side of her caught her attention and she turned to watch Remus reach to pull open the kitchen door. He glanced back to offer her a smile.
She'd seen that smile before, she was sure, in a certain cramped alleyway when she had asked him a certain crucial question...
She was bloody blushing again...
"Have a wonderful evening, then." he said as she reminded herself to smile back at him.
He appeared to be behaving himself, though in truth this made Tonks at least ten times more wary. Despite herself, however, she began to feel relieved as he turned back to the door, heading up the stairs.
She was about to drop all suspicions entirely and call: You too, when she could have sworn she heard him add as an afterthought:
"Perhaps you ought wear them to the party anyway. That way I might still catch sight of them later when you come back."
Tonks simply stared after him.
"Oh bugger..." she muttered again.
To Be Continued...