Chapter 1 – The Green Eyed Monster

"Oh boy and then we…." Carter muttered to himself as he scribbled excitedly on a piece of paper.

"Carter, what the ruddy 'ell are you natterin' on about? Would ya mind keepin' it quiet?"

Carter glanced over at Newkirk, who sat next to him at the barracks' common table. "Hey Peter, lay off! I'm writing a letter to my mom!"

Newkirk huffed and took a long drag off his ciggie. He threw an angry glare Carter's way and snarled, "Just keep it to yourself mate! I don't want to bleedin' 'ear it!" He abruptly got up and left, violently slamming the barracks door on his way out.

Carter stared at the door and then looked over at LeBeau. "What's eating him? What'd I do?" LeBeau shrugged in response.

"Nothing that I could see André."

"Jeez, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!" He went back to his letter writing.

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Newkirk wandered aimlessly about the compound, trying to keep his mind a blank. He wasn't very successful. He was angry. Unbelievably angry at the significance of that day's date. Angry at Carter for, well, for just being Carter, damn him. Angry at himself for going off on Carter the way he had. Angry at the feelings of utter helplessness and despair that overwhelmed him. It's not Andrew's ruddy fault it's the bleedin' 12th of April! Fifteen years! Maybe that milestone was the reason he felt it more this year than others.

He realized that he needed to get a grip on himself – there was a mission scheduled for that night. He headed over to the delousing hut and sat on the ground against the far side of the building, facing the fence. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He sat there, staring morosely at the woods outside the wire. He actually felt like crying, but he had no tears left. He had cried himself out years ago.

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"What the hell was that?" Colonel Hogan came out of his quarters. "The whole building just shook!"

Carter looked up. "Well, sir, uh…."

Hogan looked around the barracks. "Where's Newkirk? We need to review tonight's mission."

LeBeau jumped in, "He went outside mon Colonel."

Hogan raised an eyebrow. "Carter, go get him. Tell him I need to speak to him now."

"Colonel I don't think…"

"I didn't ask your opinion Carter. Go!"

"Yes sir!" Carter dropped his pencil and took off.

Hogan turned to LeBeau. "What's going on here?"

LeBeau sighed. "Colonel, Pierre had angry words with André and left the barracks. The noise you heard was him slamming the door."

Hogan rolled his eyes. "That's all I need! He'd better get over it quick, whatever it is. He and Carter have a crucial mission tonight."

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Carter knew exactly where Newkirk would be. He rounded the corner of the delousing hut and stopped short when he saw the despondent Brit huddled against the side of the building. He quietly approached and sat down next to Newkirk. He knew the Colonel would be angry, but he was going to sit there for as long as it took to find out what was bothering his friend.

They sat in silence for several minutes before Newkirk mumbled, "Sorry I went off on ya like that Andrew."

"It's okay Peter. Don't worry about it."

"It's not okay mate. I was takin' out me anger on you just because you were there."

"Anger? What are you angry about Peter?"

Newkirk sighed. "I'd really rather not go into it Andrew."

"Well I just thought it'd help to get whatever it is off your chest before you talk to the Colonel. He sent me to get you. And he didn't sound happy."

Newkirk sighed again. It just kept getting better and better didn't it? "I guess I just…felt…oh bloody 'ell, I don't know." He lied; he did know what he felt. And he was ashamed of it. He felt envious, even jealous of Carter. Carter had a mum and dad who loved him back home. He had a mum to write to. A mum who wrote back cheerful, wise letters and sent all manner of little presents to help him cope with his imprisonment. Carter was always telling him about his mum. It didn't usually bother him but sometimes it just got to be a little too much. Especially today.

Carter waited silently. He knew Newkirk would eventually tell him. He put a supportive hand on his friend's shoulder.

Newkirk shook Carter's hand off and got up. "We'd better leg it back to the barracks before the Colonel gets even more brassed off." He dusted himself off as he headed slowly back to the hut. Carter sighed and followed.