Forever

A Grey's Anatomy fic by Gigi

Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own anything. Stop breaking my heart by making me repeat it.

Chapter 15: Distraction

A/N: I'm a horrible person. I'm such a horrible person. I am an incredibly horrible person. Forgive me? Please? Pretty please?

Addison wanted to postpone the wedding.

The ambulance rattled and bounced, the shriek of the sirens drilling a hole into the side of Alex's head. Meredith's forehead was wrinkled, and he was sure she was worried about him, but he couldn't focus enough on her to brush off her concern. He could only focus on one thing.

Addison wanted to postpone the wedding.

George was looking at him, too, now. A growl built up in his throat. Alex didn't give a damn about what George was thinking about him, but he needed to stop looking all concerned. They were about to go into a virtual sea of carnage. Bambi should be concerned about that. Not about the state of Alex's face.

Why did she want to postpone the wedding?

Was she having second thoughts about everything?

Was she ashamed of him?

The ambulance jerked to a stop, and within seconds, the doors opened to complete and utter chaos. At least for the time being, any and all thoughts concerning Addison had to stop. Everything was red, and everyone was screaming or crying. There were too many body bags, and sirens blaring every twenty feet. No. This was absolutely not the place to be upset over the state of his relationship.

xoxoxo

Addison hated the silence that had descended on the hospital. She erased a non-emergent procedure off the OR board, her hand shaking just a little. She needed to be doing things. She needed to be moving. A huge sigh fell past her lips as she stepped back and ran her hands through her hair for the hundredth time.

She needed to talk to Alex was what she needed to do.

I want to postpone the wedding. What had she even been thinking? What had possessed her to just drop that on him right before he was whisked away? God, she just wanted to hit her head on the wall over and over again for being such an idiot.

Richard came to stand beside her, his newly dyed hair no longer reflecting the harsh hospital light like it used to. He was stoic, tense. He knew, just like she did, that in ten minutes or so, the first wave of ambulances would reach the hospital, and this was their only time to breathe before the marathon started. Just his presence was enough to bring Addison out of her head enough to shove the Alex situation to the back of her mind because there were much bigger problems that required her attention.

It calmed her nerves a little, having Richard there with her. But when she glanced at him, he looked so…tired.

They still had a bit of time before the ambulances came, Addison thought. Maybe he'd feel better if she told him about when she dyed her hair.

xoxoxo

How this woman and her baby managed to survive severe hypothermia and being crushed under a pylon was beyond Alex. As horrible as it sounded, though, he was almost happy she was there, crushed and all, because keeping her alive in the ambulance was taking up all his concentration. He didn't have the time to think about Addison, because Jane Doe's blood pressure just bottomed out. He didn't have time to feel upset because he was too busy trying to see if the baby was getting enough blood.

That day, in that exact moment, that Jane Doe saved his sanity.

xoxoxo

Of course, Alex would be the one intern to find the massively injured pregnant woman. Addison almost sighed in relief when Richard sent him off to deal with the families. She also tried to ignore the way he looked at her for help. He did pull this patient out of the water and all, but he also pushed her up against her car and kissed her silly in front of the entire hospital not all that long ago. There was no way Addison would be able to keep Richard from punishing Alex for that just a little bit.

Besides, that meant they could hold off on having the undoubtedly awkward and painful talk, and Addison was all for delaying that as long as possible.

God, how she wished her biggest problem was still being pushed against her car and kissed silly by Alex. As recently as that had occurred, she felt as if that had been ages ago. Life got so much more complicated so quickly after that. And now, Addison mused as she monitored Jane Doe and treated some of the burns on her arm, everything in her brain was so busy and jumbled that she couldn't even tell which way was up anymore.

She didn't want to lose Alex. That much she knew. In such a short time, he'd become too important for her to dismiss.

She was so wrapped up in her mind that she didn't even realize he hadn't left yet until he looked at her and asked, "How's she doing?" Apparently, he was too afraid to talk about real things, too.

Grateful for his hesitation, Addison looked down at her patient. "Well, we won't know until we get her up to the OR," she said. "She still a Jane Doe?"

Alex turned back to face her for a second to answer, "Yeah."

Leaning back against the window, Addison suddenly couldn't tear her eyes away from the woman in the hospital bed. "To be in that condition and have no one who knows you even know," she murmured.

"What?"

"She's all alone," she explained, her tirade in the elevator fresh in her mind. It made her voice shake slightly more than she would have liked. "It makes you think…If I went missing, would anyone notice I was gone?"

It was only when she looked into Alex's stunned face that she registered the last thirty seconds of conversation. Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT. That could have led to dangerous territory, discussions she couldn't have yet, not while there were hundreds of families looking for their loved ones. She hoped he didn't see the panic in her eyes before she left the room. She made sure he didn't see her go into a supply closet and just stare at the ring on her finger for a few minutes.

She'd managed to make a huge mess out of this, hadn't she?

xoxoxo

If I went missing, would anyone notice I was gone?

Alex stewed over her words as he took pictures of the faces in the morgue. It killed him that she didn't know how much he would notice her absence. After all they'd been through in the last few months—hell, the last three weeks—she had to know he'd care. He'd look for her.

Another flash went off, sending another wave of floaters to join the seemingly unending party blurring his vision. They really needed more lights in the morgue.

And George needed to calm down. His freaking out was not helping Alex figure out what the hell was going on with his fiancée. He had yet to adjust to the fact that Addison was actually his fiancée, that they were engaged for real.

Alex paused halfway through opening a zipper to yet another body bag. Was that what was bothering Addison? Was she just…well, being Addison and freaking out about how fast everything was going?

…And why hadn't he freaked out? Shouldn't he have by now? Was she waiting for him to? Was she trying to beat him to the punch so that she wouldn't get hurt?

Addison, seriously, you need to stop doing this, he thought to himself. He wasn't going to let her get the wrong idea about him again, not after they'd made so much progress. He just had to do…something to show her he wasn't freaking out. That he wasn't going to freak out later.

George called him over to look at the pregnant woman he just found, and Alex saw the face that the man in the lobby described. God, this is going to crush him.

A second after he snapped the picture, he momentarily saw Addison's face in the deceased's. This would crush me.

xoxoxo

Addison must have spent at least an hour just tending to this one patient after surgery, because before she knew it, Alex was back, leaning against the doorway. She had no idea how long he'd been standing there, but when she looked up to see him, she saw that soft look in his eyes. That look hurt her right then, when she didn't know how much she'd wrecked things between them. "How's she doing?"

"She's holding steady for now. Anybody claim her yet?"

Alex pushed himself off from the doorframe and properly entered the room, crossing to the foot of the bed. "No. She's still a Jane Doe." He sounded just as disappointed as she felt at the news. She was too busy updating the chart that she didn't see Alex look back at her from the bed. "I'd notice."

Still willfully preoccupied with updating Jane Doe's chart, Addison barely heard him. "What?"

Footsteps sounded through the room, and Addison looked up to see Alex approaching her. "If you went missing," he said softly, "I'd notice."

They locked eyes, and Addison could clearly see what was shining in them. He hadn't actually said he loved her any other time than when he proposed to her for real, but there it was. In his terrified half-smile that he shot her before he started to leave. He loved her. He would notice if she went missing. He wasn't terrified of them. He wasn't running. He was fighting for her. He was telling her she mattered.

"Alex," she whispered, grabbing his wrist before he could fully exit the room. His skin was so warm on her palm as she turned her head to find his eyes again. "Maybe…maybe we don't have to postpone the wedding."

She could see his entire being relax at her words, but before he had a chance to respond, he got a page. Addison watched his face fall from happiness and relief into confusion and no small amount of worry. "What is it?"

Alex looked back up to her, shaking his head. "It's Meredith's pager number, but I don't know why she'd be paging me. The last time I saw her was at the scene."

A sinking feeling settled in the bottom of Addison's stomach. She ushered Alex out of the room. "Go answer the page. I'll make sure Jane Doe's stable and catch up with you."

Ten minutes later, Addison came out of the patient room to see Alex leaning against the wall next to the phone, his face ashen. "Alex, what's happened?"

He slowly shifted his gaze to her. "Meredith fell into the water," he croaked. "She's…shit, she's…she could—"

"Hey, look at me," Addison interrupted him, taking his hands. "You don't know anything for sure yet. She could just be hypothermic and will wake up when they warm her up. She could be fine."

"But what if she's not?" Alex looked so young right then it broke Addison's heart. This was a man who never knew people who were major permanent fixtures in his life, and he finally thought he found some. She knew he liked Meredith. They related in a weird, screwed up way, and she knew he couldn't handle losing her. He looked so lost at the mere possibility.

"We're not going to think about that just yet, okay, Alex?" Addison pulled him from the wall and started walking him down the hallway with her. "We're going to go find out what's happening, and I'll do what I can to help her, okay?"

"Okay." Alex squeezed her hand. "Thank you."

Addison merely squeezed her hand back. "This is what I'm here for. I'm not going anywhere." And she wasn't. She wasn't.

A/N: I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY. This took an unconscionable amount of time to write, mostly because I wrote myself into an emotional hole I was not prepared to get myself out of. But also because I suck. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please love me again? Review? Please?