Spock's Secrets For A Successful Story

By Serena

A/N: Consider this a sequel to "Spock's Rules for Reviews." You don't have to have read that to get this, but it helps. :)

Summary: Do's and Don't's of how to write a good story. Or don't's.

Disclaimer: Don't own any of it.

"Heeelllloooo Spockster!" I said, bursting into the room with a Jerry Seinfeld greeting.

Spock didn't even bother to look at me, but I thought I heard him sigh.

"Nice to see you too, Ears," I said dryly.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "You are not supposed to be here."

"And yet, here I am!"

"I thought we already discussed my dislike for your nicknames for me. I was already named by my parents, S'chn T-"

"Mufflescruffledoberman," I interrupted, plopping down in the seat next to him. "I can't understand your name, so don't bother."

"Then simply address me as Spock, or Commander Spock."

"No can do, Alfredo. I need your help... again."

"Alfredo?" he echoed, frowning.

"Yeah. It had to rhyme with "do", and it's the Spanish-ish version of Alfred, Batman's butler. He's stiff and dry like you. And toast." I blinked, remembering I'd forgotten to eat. "Anywhoodles, I need your help to write a story."

He sighed. "Must I?"

"You must. I must. We must. She must. Mustard. YES, Spockster, my man - er, Vulcan - I need you to help me write a story. Or, rather, just give me some tips. I need to write the most amazing, the most incredible story known to man or Vulcan. I need to get a lot of reviews, which you already helped me with. Now I just need to know how to write a good story."

"But I believe we already went through this-"

"JUST HELP ME!" I gripped his shirt and shook it. "This story marks my 90th fanfiction, and I NEED to write it with a BANG!" When he glared at me, I hastily pulled back, and he meticulously started trying to smooth out every tiny wrinkle I'd created in his formerly nice, crisp, clean uniform.

"Fine," he said shortly. "But you will promise never to enter another one of your stories again."

"Fine." He didn't see I had my fingers crossed. Ha ha. Stupid Vulcans.

"Let me see both your hands," he ordered.

Dang it!

Well, it took longer than expected, but eventually, this is what we... well, mostly me, came up with.

1. Want to Write a Story.

Example: This pretty much speaks for itself. If you want to write a story, you... want to write a story. It's the wanting that does the trick, or, at least gets you started.

Spock's suggestion: This point is not worth putting in this tutorial. This in no way helps the writer write the story. I did not suggest this.

Serena's suggestion: Well, you have to have willpower. Or something like that.

2. Get Something to Write With.

Example: While some people prefer to use PADDs, or PUDDs, or PUDEs, or NAPSACKs, or SOAPs, most of you will not know what these acronyms mean. So, you simple people will have to resort to using a PEN and PAPER, or a COMPUTER. You ignorant little humans.

Spock's suggestion: I did not suggest this. You are rewriting my suggestion. And every single instrument you wrote excepting the first one do not exist. I merely stated that your technology will not be as advanced as it is here. But a computer or a pen and paper will work as writing instruments.

Serena's suggestion: Same difference.

3. Get Ideas By Observing Others.

Example: Stalking is not a legal profession, but if you want to make your characters like real people, then you have to closely observe real people. Follow them everywhere they go, see their habits, record everything they say. They may not appreciate it, but you're the one writing the story. You must make your characters believable.

Spock's suggestion: ... No. No. I did not suggest this.

Serena's suggestion: But you said to study the world around you to get a feel for your surroundings, get a feel for real people. That's all I'm saying. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Stop it!... Cut it out! CREEPER!

4. Make a Simple Outline.

Example: Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets girl. Girl shoots boy. Boy dies of heartbreak and a nine-millimeter bullet wound. Girl goes out for cocktails. Boy is turned into a Vampire by Girl's Second Cousin Twice Removed. Girl sees a squirrel in a tree at two PM. Boy declares vengeance. Girl becomes a superhero. Boy is eaten by dinosaurs. Girl takes over universe.

Spock's suggestion: When I said a simple outline, I did not mean this.

Serena's suggestion: Fine then, Mr. Wrinkly Shirt. See how YOU feel when my outline is made into a blockbuster movie.

5. Write an In-Depth Character List.

Example: Spock Muffle-Scrumble-Diggery-Doo. Age: Anciently Annoying. Profession: Supreme Commander of Annoying Others. Likes: Annoying Others. Dislikes: Serena, Wrinkled Shirts, and Smiling. Character History: He learned how to annoy people from his father, the Grand Supreme of Annoyances, Sarek Poofle-Paffle-Wiffle-WaffleScrumblyMunch. He annoyed the Vulcan High Council and went off to Starfleet to annoy the people there. Then, he was transferred to the Enterprise and continued his reign of annoying others. He somehow got Lieutenant Uhura to be his girlfriend, which probably means he blackmailed her. He now continues to annoy others.

Spock's suggestion: I did not blackmail Nyota. You are blackmailing me.

Serena's suggestion: Blackmailing leads to laughs.

Spock's suggestion: Blackmailing a Vulcan leads to severe pain and eventual death.

Serena: Uh... what?

6. Create the Setting.

Example: The story takes place on a hot, dry, planet in a galaxy far, far away...

Spock's suggestion: Be original.

Serena's suggestion: Be lazy.

Spock: You are hopeless.

7. Write the Plot.

Example: Write the plot.

Spock's suggestion: ?...

Serena's suggestion: The example would take too long to put in the tutorial.

Spock's suggestion: First, you need a beginning, middle, and ending. You must build up suspense and eventually come to a point in the story where everything is looking dismal for the main character. However, you may choose to make your story a happy ending, where the main character succeeds, or a sad ending, where the character dies. Note, however, that the latter option will not work as well unless there is an underlying message that redeems the story.

Serena's suggestion: DIES!

8. Write Dialogue.

Example: "So then you said that she said that he said that we said that they said that we all said that I said that I need to shave."

Spock's suggestion: Run-on sentences lead to humiliation and eventual death.

Serena's suggestion: You're a sick Vulcan, you know that? Eesh.

9. Revise Your Story.

Example: It's too late at this point if you've already written it. You can skim it, but that would take too long. You could give it to a friend to read it, but if they catch things in there that you didn't catch, it'll just make you look like a total idiot, so why don't you save yourself the humiliation and potential loss of friendship and just leave it as it is? Some agent or another will pick up the manuscript eventually. Have you SEEN what people can get published these days?

Spock's suggestion: Lack of revision leads to flaming.

Serena's suggestion: I'm guilty of not revising. But seriously, I'm too brilliant a writer to have to go back and revise. I don't need to revise because I knowewe egaxactly whaakt I-'-m typpeing a0nd IoiI don"tt need YYOU: to CRIECITICIZSE MEWEE!/

Spock: ... I rest my case.

10. Publish Your Story.

Example: Go onto a writer's website and post your story there. If you get flamed, post to another website. If you're brave enough, try a magazine. If you're stupid enough, try an agent. If you have no other option, try Fanfiction (dot) net.

Spock's suggestion: I prefer Fanfiction, actually. I enjoy the website. I have found some very interesting stories on there. For example, did you know that Draco Malfoy went back in time with Hermione Granger and discovered that he was her brother, but their mother actually turned out to be Professor McGonagall due to an alternate reality, and that Tom Riddle is Harry's third Uncle on his mother's side?

Serena's suggestion: I rest my case.

So, there you have it. I think it went pretty well, considering Spock left me to think up most of the steps. What does he know about writing stories, anyway? Well, I'd make him help me again, but I think blackmailing him twice in a row isn't going to work. He's already threatened me with death, at the least a Vulcan nerve pinch. Hmm... maybe I should talk to Uhura. She might have some ideas to help me.

But wait! She can't help me - Spock is blackmailing her!

:D

- Serena