Euphoria

Why the fuck is this even a big deal?

Okay, don't answer that. I know that women find this kind of thing important and shit, but all of this ain't necessary in my opinion. Sure, o'course she's happy― hell, I'm ecstatic. I'm happier than I've ever been. I don't recall ever feeling like this; it's almost euphoric. That's how she makes me feel, and she has no fuckin' idea. Even if I tell her―which I won't―she still wouldn't understand. Words don't have enough meaning, they'll never have enough meaning. How can I fucking tell her that she saved me? Without even realizing it, I had been drowning. I had been drowning into an abyss of nothingness―self-hate and deprivation; drowning in what I've lost. With claws like mine, I could take the life of anyone I so desire, and so many times, I raised them to my own neck. Living had been hell, true hell for me.

Who the fuck would want to live a life like the one I had been granted?

Gods? Pfft, who the fuck were they, and what in the hell have they done for me? That's how I thought, and thoughts like those fucked up even the strongest beings. I wanted to die―I wanted to fall into that numbness, that addictive nothingness, to be free of myself, of this fucking world. Did I ever show it?

Hell no.

Wanting to die was considered weak; it was taking the easy way out. But even so, I thought about my death every night, constructed different ways in my thoughts of how I could go about this process.

The Sacred Jewel wasn't just a way for me to become stronger, it was a way for me to want to live. I wouldn't be ostracized, I wanted humans and demons alike to fear me. And then...

She came along.

The woman who wasn't from this world, the woman that had been so foreign to me. We were polar opposites―she was so damned cheerful and always tried to find the good in people; I saw people as what they truly were―fuckers. All people were little shits. She enjoyed bright, sunny weather, I found solace in the night. She smiled through almost anything, and I never did. But as time progressed, we rubbed off on each other. I opened her eyes to the way people really worked, how they were all designed to be selfish, spiteful. But that's fucking nothing compared to what that beautiful woman has done for me...

She slowly but surely made me realize my life wasn't worthless, that I wasn't worthless. I wanted to live, to thrive. My dream of becoming a full-fledged demon was fading without me even realizing it. She gradually became a constant thought in my mind, no matter how close or far she was from me. And even now, since Naraku had been defeated no more than a few days ago, and Kikyou laid to rest, it's even worse. I no longer have the thoughts of defeating the bastard plaguing me, and I don't have betrayal hovering over me either. My thoughts, my soul belonged to Kagome alone.

Kagome...

Fuck, just saying her name makes me want to―

"We're so happy you finally came to your senses, InuYasha," Miroku says to me, his lips tightening around the cup of sake that had his words slurring slightly. This was what I was talking about. They've been on my back about Kagome since they found out the news. I roll my eyes and "Keh," making his smile grow even wider. Sango hiccups and giggles, also under the influence of the sake. We were celebrating our victory, or I guess they were more so than us.

"Kagome deserves to be happy, so don't you screw it up," Shippo chided from her shoulder, making me raise my eyebrow in annoyance. We were all in the cabin the villagers had given to me for defeating Naraku―Miroku and Sango got one two, since they lived together―and had just gotten done eating some of Kagome's cooking.

"Whatcha' sayin', runt? Keh, I ain't screwin' up nothin'. I know that she deserves to be happy...and I'll make sure she is."

Kagome looks up at me with big, hopeful eyes and I feel my face getting red all over again, the effects of earlier flooding back to me...

I had asked Kagome to be my mate hours earlier.

I ain't gonna give you the details of how pathetic I was in doing so, so get over it.

But she said yes.

She fucking said yes.

This was why I was so happy.

I was so happy, I did the first thing that I could think of―I kissed her.

Damn, if that kiss wasn't fucking great.

Fuck.

"C'mon, Shippo. Let's take you to Kaede's. We should all get some rest," Miroku said, yawning and standing up, an equally tired and drunk Sango clutching his arm.

We said our goodbyes, and I looked over my soon-to-be mate, as she was also about to take her leave.

She usually slept at Kaede's hut.

Not tonight.

Oo-o-o-o-o-oO

As I hug Shippo goodbye and wave off Miroku and Sango, I feel InuYasha's eyes on me. My stomach churns and my heart beats faster. What's wrong with me? I've been around him for over three years, and now he's making me feel like this? My hand flies to my warm cheeks. I'm blushing. Kami, I'm such a dork. The scene from earlier keeps replaying itself in my mind―I had agreed to become his mate. Happiness isn't even the proper word to describe what I'm feeling. It's like..I'm so happy that I'm almost numb. So many dreams of this day, of being InuYasha's...

I had just came back from my world; I hadn't even climbed out of the well yet before I feel his hands yank me out.

From there, he embraced me tighter than he ever had...

Oh gosh, I should really stop thinking about this. Anyway, since then, things have been slightly awkward. How am I supposed to act toward him now? I've been his friend for so long―am I even capable of being anything more? On the outside, nothing's changed. We aren't doing anything extra than we were before the kiss we shared. In a way, I'm a bit disappointed, but I quickly correct myself.

It would be foolish for me to expect him to change just because of something like that!

But deep down, I really wanted him to..

As I take my first step toward the exit, I feel a clawed hand yank me back.

"Oi, you're not going anywhere, woman."

I look back at him and my brow rises in confusion.

"But Kaede's―"

He pulls be against him; he's sitting against the wall, so my back is laying against his front. I feel him rest his nose in the crook of my neck and inhale, as his arms tighten around my waist.

"You're staying," he says, his voice softer than before. I practically hear my heartbeat echo in my ears―he never does this. I don't even know what this is. Kami, I can barely breathe. He rests his chin atop of my head and sighs.

"InuYasha, I..."

Should I tell him? Should I tell him what's been burning in my brain since the very first moment that I met him? Sure, he knows how I feel―I was going to be his mate, after all. But saying what I want to say―need to say, would be something entirely different. I've been brooding about it these last few days, and I realize it's something I have to get off my chest. It's weighing me down, and until I say this, I'll always have doubts..

"I love you," I blurt out.

Silence.

I feel him stiffen; it's as if he stops breathing altogether.

The instant pain I feel that accompanies the silence is palpable―it has to be. I feel tears well up in my eyes, and I curse myself for being so stupid. I knew I was getting my hopes up. I feel like such an idiot, and my thoughts go to Kikyou without me even realizing it. Did Kikyou still hold his love, even after death? Would he only say it to her, and her alone? Was that some type of sick promise he had shared with her―to never utter those words to anyone else? I feel myself visibly shaking now. I'm so weak, knowing that he'll never―

"Say it again."

I freeze, the tears sliding silently down my cheeks now. I feel him tighten his hold on me, as if I'm his lifeline, his last chance to survive.

The desperation in his voice makes my heart clench, makes it bleed with anguish and love simultaneously. I don't think I can speak. I try anyway.

"I-I love you.."

His face digs deeper into my hair, it feels as if he's falling into me.

"Again."

"I love you, so so much, InuYasha."

I can speak, Kami, I can feel again.

Oo-o-o-o-o-oO

Fuck, Kagome loves me.

Me.

A half-demon.

It's almost too much, too fucking much.

I can't...Kami, I can't fucking breathe. I can't see. Her words echo in my head, they're so strong, I feel them.

My mother was the only...Kami, it's been so fucking long since I've heard those words. I bury myself deeper into her―I have this sudden desire to meld myself into her, to taste, see, touch, hear, smell only Kagome. I'm drowning. Not into nothingness, but into this euphoric feeling, this tactile feeling that is her. Is this what it feels like to be loved? Kami, I feel like I can do anything. Not because I have demonic blood coursing through me, fuck no, but because I'm loved. Damn it all, she fucking loves me.

I realize that this entire time, I've been broken. So utterly broken. But she...this magnificent woman..Kami. The Gods do exist; this very girl is proof of that. This woman is a God to me.

"Kagome.."

My voice sounds so foreign to my ears, so raspy rough.

She turns in my arms so that she is facing me, and cradles my cheeks in her soft hands. Her eyes, red and puffy, stare into mine, and I love her even more for the way she's looking at me right now.

"I love you," she whispers again, kissing my cheeks, giving me the attention that I had been deprived of, the attention that appeased the hole in my gut, the quenched my starvation.

I can take it no longer, so I grab her hands and yank her toward me, and I take possession of her mouth.

All of what I can't put into words is distributed in this kiss. This kiss that takes control of my heart, that squeezes me lifeless. I can't fucking help it; I'm so lost, so gone, so blind in this haze of pure elysium, that I don't feel what my appendages are doing. I don't even remember my claws going to Kagome's tummy, underneath her top, and grazing the skin of her sides with my claws. She shudders against me as our mouths still explored, and suddenly I felt empowered. My hands rise higher slowly―fuck, I'm so close to―

"InuYasha," she moans, waking me from my stupor.

I quickly yank away from her, my cheeks red. I was about to..to defile Kagome. My pure Kagome.

I feel nauseous.

Oo-o-o-o-o-oO

"I'm so sorry...fuck, I'm so...fuck."

I'm losing him.

"InuYasha."

"Kagome, I almost..damnit, I'm such a―"

"Stop being stupid!" I snap, sick and tired of his dumb apology. What an idiot!

His eyes practically bulge from his head; I would have laughed any other time at the sight.

"InuYasha, I want this. I want this more than you could ever realize, you big dummy. So please.."

I begin to remove my top, his smoldering gaze fueling my every action. The way that he watches me makes me feel so powerful, makes me feel wanted. He only sees me right now. I'm burning. I'm on fire.

I feel wanton, lascivious, and I love it, because as long as I'm with InuYasha, nothing else matters.

Nothing.

I want to lose myself to him.

Somehow, I feel my world twist from beneath me. I'm on the floor, and he's lying over me, looking into me, into the very depths of me in a way that is foreign. So, deliciously new, I almost want to cry in excitement. His hands are still shaking slightly, but that's okay. He explores my skin silently, meeting my eyes every few seconds for reassurance. I smile. He becomes bolder.

"Kagome.."

The way he groans my name does crazy things to me, makes me want to burst. Time passes, and I feel this euphoria encompass me. His lips are back on mine, and before I realize it, only my under clothes remain. His hands dance over me, tease me, and I arch unconsciously. I guess that gives him a huge confidence boost, because now his mouth is paying homage to the side of my neck; his tongue is sweeping over it languidly.

I begin to shiver and murmur things that I can't understand.

Apparently, he can, because he's now sucking on my neck, teasing it with his fangs.

My hands immediately dive into his hair, tangling with it until the silk fans over us, shielding the outside world from our private moment.

"InuYasha.."

His hands grip my waist as he nibbles on my earlobe, causing my eyes to roll.

I'm now moaning his name, naturally.

The night is filled with passionate first times, exploration and discoveries.

"I love you," he whispers as he fills me, after breaking the barrier that stood in his way.

"I love you so fuckin' much Kagome...I can't―you can't ever go anywhere..never, never away from me."

He's taking me higher than I ever known possible, and I nod; I'm too useless to do anything else at this point. We ride the very apex of bliss together, the love in his eyes tangible. I realize, after all of this time, I've got him. He's mine, and mine alone. It's my turn to have him, and I know that I'll do whatever I possibly can to make him happy, to grant him the utmost euphoria.

Because, Kami, he deserves to be happy. He deserves it more than anyone I know.

I'm really considering making this a collection of one-shots revolving around their new relationship. I'm not sure as to what I'll do yet, so as of now, this is complete. If you guys have any ideas, please feel free to share them in a heart-felt review.

Thanks, guys.